Читать книгу Voice of Rebellion - Roberta Staley - Страница 7

CHAPTER 1

Betrayal

THE KNOCK ON the door was hard and authoritative, startling Bashir Jamalzadah and causing him to draw a sharp intake of breath. The students looked up curiously. Bashir, who was at the board writing the outline for the day’s lecture, put the chalk down, brushed his hands against his carefully pressed dress pants, and smiled, despite a feeling of foreboding, at his students. He walked to the door and opened it only slightly so that his students couldn’t see who stood outside.

Outside, dressed in regulation pillbox cap and sand-colored uniform, stood a soldier. “Professor Jamalzadah,” the man said brusquely in Farsi, Afghanistan’s official language alongside Pashto.

It was a statement, not a question. Bashir took in the soldier’s clear green eyes, his sun-baked face, and how the uniform hung in folds on the gaunt frame. These days, with intellectuals and opponents to Afghanistan’s Soviet-backed president Mohammad Najibullah Ahmadzai’s government disappearing without a trace, a soldier at your workplace meant only one thing: arrest. Yet there was something vaguely familiar and nonthreatening about this thin young man with leathery brown skin.

Bashir forced himself to remain calm, professional. “I am Professor Jamalzadah. May I help you?”

The soldier introduced himself as Hadi. “Do you remember me,” he asked, lowering his voice, “from your psychology and English classes three years ago?”

Of course—those green eyes. Hadi was one of the young student teachers who had come through Bashir’s classes at Kabul Pedagogical Institute. It seemed Hadi had been recruited into the Afghan National Army to fight the mujahideen opposing President Najibullah Ahmadzai’s government. The battle between the national government and mujahideen—Islamic guerrilla fighters who battled the Soviet Union following its 1979 invasion—had turned Kabul into a heap of rubble from shelling and rocket bombardments. Yet students still came to Bashir’s pedagogy classes, clinging to any semblance of normalcy and the desperate hope that the violence would someday end.

“I remember you,” Bashir said. He looked at the young man. What could he possibly want? Bashir opened the door just wide enough to slip through. He ensured it clicked shut behind him to prevent them from being overheard. “Why are you here?” Bashir asked.

“The Afghan army is coming to arrest you. They are on their way. You must leave—immediately.” Hadi looked fearful.

Bashir stuttered in alarm. “Why? When? Now?”

“I don’t know the reason, but why does it matter? They are coming. I am risking my life to tell you this. You must go!”

Bashir looked at Hadi. “Yes, I will go now. But I have to speak briefly with my students first. Tell me, Hadi, why are you warning me? You’re a soldier of the Afghan army.”

Hadi’s face softened slightly. “Because you are a good man and a good teacher. You taught me a lot. Maybe one day, insha’Allah—God willing—I will be a teacher once again—if the mujahideen and Soviets do not bomb this country into oblivion. Now go! Quickly!”

“Thank you,” Bashir said. “You must go now too! Khuda hafiz—God protect you.”

Bashir watched his former student walk swiftly down the hallway, straight and proud. He leaned against the door, trying to slow his breathing and his heart’s thudding, wiping a trickle of sweat from his forehead with his shirtsleeve. He could plead an upset stomach to the students. He listened for approaching footsteps from the nearby stairwell or hallways but heard only the soft buzzing of busy classrooms and the droning of instructors.

Bashir opened the door and walked towards his desk. “I am so sorry,” he said. “My lunch isn’t agreeing with me. I am going to have to leave. Please stay here until the bell rings so you don’t disturb the students in the rest of the school. Read chapters five and six at your desk, and we’ll discuss at tomorrow’s lecture.”

Bashir gathered up his papers and textbook and placed them in his faded, worn leather satchel. He walked to the door and turned. “See you tomorrow. I am sure I will feel better by then.” As he left, he could hear an outbreak of murmuring. The students sensed that something was amiss—something more than indigestion.

What if soldiers had already arrived at the university? They would have to go to the main office first, to find out his classroom number. Bashir lengthened his stride, trying not to break into a jog, the satchel bumping hard against his leg. He headed for the stairs leading to a door at the back of the building. Once outside, he could cross the university grounds and hail a taxi. His leather-soled shoes slapping the stairs, Bashir came to a back door at the university, opened it slowly and walked outside, shielding his eyes from the bright sun, peering for military vehicles or soldiers. His fear turned to anger. The director of Kabul Pedagogical Institute, Ghafoor Alipour, had obviously followed up on his threat. A member of Afghanistan’s ruling Communist party, called the People’s Democratic Party of Afghanistan, or PDPA, Ghafoor acted as a spy, monitoring the students and teachers for anti-government dissent. He despised Bashir for his refusal to support the PDPA, as well as Bashir’s criticism of the brutal repression of President Najibullah Ahmadzai’s KHAD security force. Similar to the Soviet Union’s KGB, KHAD had rounded up, then tortured and killed thousands of scholars, judges, teachers, government and diplomatic officials, and members of Islamic organizations. Their arrests had filled Pul-e-Charkhi prison beyond bursting.

Ghafoor had boasted to Bashir that he could have him forcibly conscripted into the Afghan army. Bashir had thought Ghafoor’s threats simple intimidation. Not only was Bashir one year shy of forty, the cutoff date for recruitment, but also his profession as a teacher made him exempt from army duty. But the army was desperate for manpower and had taken to kidnapping teenage boys off the streets of Kabul. They likely wouldn’t balk at enlisting Bashir.

Out on the roadway, Bashir blended in with the few pedestrians scurrying about their business. He walked quickly and when he spotted a yellow-and-white taxi, flagged it down, yanked the door open, and slid gratefully into the dim interior. What was he to do? He didn’t dare go home to his wife, Nasrin, and three children: Mozhdah, five; two-year-old Masee; and the new baby, Safee. Surely that would be the first place the Afghan army would look for him. The only place he could think to hide was at the home of his friend Haider.

“Where do you want to go?” the cabby demanded, staring in his rearview mirror at Bashir, who was lost in thought.

“Sorry,” Bashir mumbled, and blurted out an address.

The driver steered his car into traffic. Bashir let his body sink low in the back seat and kept his head down. When the taxi pulled up to the destination, Bashir handed him several dirty Afghani notes for payment. It was late afternoon. His friend might not be home yet. He slipped out of the cab and, looking nervously left and right, headed into the apartment building.

NASRIN CONTINUED ROCKING Safee in her arms, even though the infant had fallen asleep twenty minutes ago. She paced the living room, watched out the window as the twilight faded into darkness. The window, opaque with dirt, was splintered into a spider web of cracks from the shock waves of bombs that mujahideen guerrillas launched into Kabul daily. Masee played quietly on the living room carpet with toy trucks and cars. Mozhdah, her long-haired five-year-old daughter, played with dolls in her bedroom. Nasrin smiled sadly: the dolls were arguing about who was going to drive to the Gardens of Babur for a picnic. Mozhdah had grown up on stories of the beauty of the gardens, created five hundred years ago by the Mughal emperor Babur. It was a place where families would go for picnics and sit on the grass to eat freshly made bolani—flatbread stuffed with spinach, leeks, or potatoes—mint-flavored yogurt, naan, rice, and almond cookies, called kulche badami, amid the scent of red, pink, and yellow roses and fruit trees. Along with the rest of Kabul, this oasis had been laid to waste.

Mozhdah’s childhood, Nasrin thought bitterly, had been corrupted by nightly bombing raids and the constant threat of death and hunger. For the sake of normalcy, Bashir and Nasrin had started Mozhdah in preschool a few months ago. It was just a few blocks away, and Nasrin; her mother, Tafsira, who lived with them; or another relative would walk Mozhdah to school. Then, one day, Mozhdah’s cousin Najib, who was tall for his age, was kidnapped by Afghan army soldiers after he dropped Mozhdah off. His parents went to the army base to beg for his release, showing proof that he was only fourteen—seven years younger than conscription age. But the final straw was when someone poured poison into the school’s water tank. Mozhdah wasn’t harmed, but Nasrin and Bashir never let her return.

This wasn’t a childhood, Nasrin thought. Mozhdah should be growing up with memories of play and travel, family and feasting, school and learning. Instead, her world consisted of blasted brown earth and rubble, tremors from dropped bombs, screams of terror and agony in the night, flaming buildings, smoke, and machine-gun fire.

Nasrin’s own good memories were fading, and now it was as if they had been only dreams. Before they were married and had children, Bashir and Nasrin would spend their free time exploring the city. They bought fresh naan, cooked to soft perfection in a clay tandoor oven. Packing homemade chutney, yogurt, and fried eggplant, the couple would take a bus to the Gardens of Babur to eat a picnic lunch. They made adventurous plans: Bashir would pursue a PhD at the University of the Philippines, where he had already attained a master’s degree in English, and Nasrin would go with him, leaving Afghanistan for the first time in her life.

The only thing that seemed real anymore was the omnipresent scent of kerosene that fueled the tiny stove Nasrin used to heat water to cook, bathe, and wash dishes and clothes. Life was stripped down to the essentials: find enough food to feed the family, boil water for cleaning and drinking and making tea. Boil water to sanitize Safee’s diapers. Try to keep the children, who spent much of their time indoors, stimulated—and try to comfort them when they were terrorized by the bombardment of missiles, which one nightmarish day reached three hundred hits on the city. Nasrin was grateful for the support and help of one of her brothers, Hafiz, who sometimes brought them extra food. She also relied heavily upon Tafsira’s calm presence and her ability to amuse the children. But the civil war was taking its toll. Bashir had developed asthma from stress, as well as from breathing the air turned gray-brown by smoke from the building fires sparked by missile hits. As the couple lay under the blankets, Nasrin would remain awake, listening to the sharp wheeze of Bashir’s breathing, wondering if this night would be their last.

Surfacing from the depths of her dark musings, Nasrin realized how late Bashir was. What had happened to him? He should have arrived home long ago, perhaps with fresh naan. The children would soon be clamoring for food. Nasrin clutched Safee closer to her chest. Should she go look for Bashir at the university—let them know he was missing? But it was closed by now. And there was the impending curfew.

She went to the kitchen; luckily, there were potatoes in the cupboard.

Mozhdah wandered in. “Where is Daddy?” she demanded.

“He had to stay late at work, Mozhdah jan,” Nasrin said, referring to her with a term of endearment meaning “beloved.” “He has meetings tonight. He won’t be home until later.”

“What about the curfew?” Mozhdah asked.

Although Nasrin and Bashir did their best to hide the worst of the war from the children, the curfew was a part of daily conversation. In addition to carrying identity cards, everyone had to be inside between 10:00 PM and 4:00 AM. Movement in and out of Kabul was severely restricted, and even diplomats were only allowed a six-mile range of movement from the city center. Mozhdah didn’t really know what a curfew was, and Nasrin suspected that she thought of it as something alive—a monster that came out at night that made people disappear.

Nasrin wondered if Bashir’s ongoing conflict with his boss, Ghafoor Alipour, had anything to do with his lateness. Bashir was an easy target because of his educational background. The University of the Philippines had been founded by the Americans in the early twentieth century, and Ghafoor believed Bashir was sympathetic towards the United States. In Ghafoor’s mind, Bashir’s anti-government sentiments and connection to America extended back to childhood. Bashir had grown up in the northwestern Afghanistan city of Herat, a place famed for its arts and architecture. His open-minded parents had allowed him to attend secular school in addition to a religious madrassa. Bashir excelled at his studies, eventually entering Kabul University to study English pedagogy.

Following his graduate degree in the Philippines, Bashir had returned to Kabul. His arrival was unfortunately timed. Three days later, there was a coup d’etat by the Communist PDPA. During the Saur (April) Revolution, PDPA revolutionaries massacred the self-proclaimed president Mohammed Daoud Khan and his family on either April 27 or 28, 1978. Five years before that, Khan had overthrown his cousin King Zahir, the country’s last twentieth-century leader who had championed democracy and liberal ideals. But despite its Communist rhetoric, the PDPA showed little inclination and even less ability to bring about a socialist revolution, becoming embroiled in fighting between two murderous wings: the Parcham and Khalq. Ghafoor was as thirsty for power as the party he belonged to. When Bashir refused to join, Ghafoor took it upon himself to punish him. Although teachers were exempt from conscription, Ghafoor insisted to his PDPA connections that Bashir was a poor role model to students.

The next morning, with Bashir still missing, Nasrin fed the children scraps from last night’s dinner. The night had been quiet, and Tafsira took Mozhdah and Masee to play in the sunlight in the front yard. Nasrin glanced out the window at them and saw a man in a jacket, his upturned collar partly hiding his face, striding up the walkway. He stopped to say hello to Tafsira and the kids. As the man turned towards the house, Nasrin realized it was Nazir Khalji, Bashir’s best friend. There was only one reason for him to be here: he must know something. Nasrin flung open the door before Nazir could even knock.

“Where is Bashir?” she demanded.

Nazir raised an eyebrow and said, “Salaam.” He took off his shoes and walked into the living room, settling himself onto a floor cushion.

Nasrin flushed at her rudeness. “I’ve been so worried. Bashir always comes home straight after work. Have you seen him? Do you know where he is?”

“You must not,” Nazir responded, “tell anyone what I am about to tell you.”

“I won’t say anything,” Nasrin said impatiently. “Where is he?”

Nazir explained that Bashir was in hiding, after being tipped off that his arrest was imminent.

“Where?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Can I see him?”

“No.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, he is fine. Worried about you, the children, and Tafsira.”

“Is he close?”

Nazir told her it was too dangerous for her to know such information. The Afghan army could come and question her. He was surprised that soldiers hadn’t come pounding on the door already. They would have no qualms about torturing her to elicit information, Nazir told her darkly.

Nasrin’s breath caught in her throat. “What can we do?”

Nazir looked at Nasrin for several seconds without speaking. “I see no other option,” he finally said, “but fleeing the country to Pakistan or Iran.”

Nasrin glared at Nazir. “We have three small children. Safee is just a few months old. How will we get the money to get to Pakistan or Iran? It’s dangerous. The routes out of Kabul are overrun by mujahideen. We will all be killed!”

“Certain death awaits you here,” Nazir countered. “At least there is some hope in escape.”

Nasrin felt a surge of panic. “Where will we get the money?”

Nazir responded calmly. “Bashir mentioned you have savings, enough, possibly, to escape Kabul.” He got up, walked towards the door, and opened it. “Don’t worry,” he said gently, looking at Nasrin. “We’ll figure everything out.”

The kindly tone caused Nasrin’s eyes to smart with tears. How could she not worry? “Tell Bashir I love him. Tell him that the children and I are okay,” she said.

Later, awake in the night, Nasrin considered Nazir’s words. He was right—there was no future here. Their life was a ghoulish game of waiting for a missile to drop on their house, to be hit by a stray bullet, or to be thrown into prison and tortured. She got up in the dark, feeling her way in bare feet, tiptoeing along the cold tile floor, a blanket wrapped around her thin, shivering frame. She could hear the thud of bombs in the distance. Please, she prayed, stay away from my children tonight.

Nasrin walked down the short hallway to her mother’s room and knocked on the door. “Gul,” Nasrin whispered, using an affectionate nickname meaning “flower.” “Are you awake?”

“Of course,” Tafsira replied. “Come in. I never sleep anymore. Here in Kabul, to sleep is to be dead,” she said, laughing softly at the bitter joke. “Nasrin jan, what did Nazir say to you today? It is causing you distress. I see it in your eyes.”

“You can’t tell anyone what I am about to tell you,” Nasrin said.

“What is it?”

Nasrin reached out in the dark for her mother’s hand. “Bashir wants us to flee to Iran or Pakistan. I think that this is the right thing to do. There is no future here—for me, or your grandchildren. You will come with us, of course.”

The silence was as heavy as the darkness.

“No,” Tafsira said. “I am too old to run away. I would not survive such a journey. I was born in Afghanistan, and I will die in Afghanistan.” She paused. “I don’t want you to go, Nasrin jan. The war will be over soon and we can rebuild our lives.”

Nasrin said nothing, tears in her eyes. “But, Gul, how can you say that? It will not be over. Your Afghanistan—my Afghanistan—is gone. I can’t stay here and doom Mozhdah, Masee, and Safee to a life of war. Bashir is in danger. We are all in terrible danger, every second of our lives. I can’t live like this anymore. I just can’t.”

She began to weep. Tafsira took Nasrin into her arms, and both of them cried deep into the night.

THE NEXT DAY, Nasrin busied herself with sweeping the rugs and rubbing heavy dust off the surfaces with a cloth, hoping Nazir would show up again. As night began to settle, she heard a soft knock on the door.

It was Nazir. “Any news?” Nasrin asked, almost before she opened the door.

“Salaam, Nasrin,” Nazir said. “I would love some tea.”

“Salaam,” Nasrin responded. “Tafsira!” she called out to her mother, who was in the kitchen. “Can you bring tea for Nazir and me?”

“Bashir sends his love,” Nazir said. “I hope you have told no one of plans to leave for Iran or Pakistan.”

“I told Tafsira,” Nasrin confessed. “I want her to come too. But she is stubborn and refuses to leave. She thinks peace will come.”

Nazir sighed. “This country,” he said, “will never know peace again. Bashir agrees that the only solution is to escape to Pakistan. Financing is a problem, but he has a solution. Nasrin, do you think you can organize a group of people who want to leave Kabul? You could pool resources to rent a vehicle to take you to Pakistan through the Paktia mountains.”

Nasrin thought about how little money she and Bashir had saved, a few thousand Afghanis. “We have hardly any savings,” Nasrin admitted, looking at Nazir, her voice low and fearful.

Nazir nodded. “Nasrin, you will have to sell everything: jewelry, clothes, furniture, pots and pans, even the children’s toys and clothes. And secretly, to family only,” Nazir warned.

“Yes, I think I can do that,” Nasrin said in a small voice. Everything, she thought, her entire life—gone, as if it had never been. Then, a desperate escape south out of Kabul, encountering Afghan army checkpoints along the way. If they survived that, they would face mujahideen-held territory. Where would she find the courage?