Читать книгу The Last Studebaker - Robin Hemley - Страница 10

You could have paved your driveway with Willy's voice, which was smoother than dirt, but not as even as asphalt. The gravel in it made him sound naturally surly, even when he said hello.

Lois did her best to ignore him. After all, he was her ex-husband. But here they were, rocking like good friends on the porch swing, drinking whiskey out of paper cups, the dogs resting at their feet. Willy drank more than his share while Lois stared into the grayness of the dirt road in front of their yard.

In the field across the road, a ruby light blinked on top of the radio tower, and somewhere overhead she could hear the buzzing of a small plane. Her head felt soggy with liquor. Her thoughts wouldn't focus, but banged away at her forehead like the bugs batting the screen door. She could hardly pay attention to what Willy said.

She and Willy had finally come to an understanding. More like Willy's understanding. He'd told her she had to be out of the house in a week because “my girl wants to move in and there's not room enough for two in the barn.” Willy had set up his own bachelor quarters out there.

“That's not true,” Lois said. “I know of at least two empty stalls. And there's plenty of hay.”

Willy laughed. “Afraid she wouldn't like that,” he said. “She's not a horse. The last horse I dated was back in high school. Velma Parkinson.”

“Velma,” Lois said.

“It shouldn't surprise you,” he said.

“It doesn't,” she said, but it did. “It's your house. You can do what you like.”

“You still have money left, so that shouldn't worry you.”

“It doesn't,” she said.

What worried her was the coldness in his voice, like she was an employee being terminated, like there was nothing personal, but he just wasn't turning a profit.

“You were the one who wanted this in the first place,” he said.

“I know.”

Lois surveyed the heap of Studebakers in front of the barn. Willy had been reconditioning the cars for the last seventeen years. Reconditioning in the sense that a wrecked ship eventually becomes indistinguishable from a coral reef. His aims seemed pretty hazy. He didn't actually want to fix or sell them, though that's what he claimed. Sheer accumulation seemed to be the goal. Willy was the king of rusted Studebakers. At least thirty of them sat out there, and none in one piece. Sometimes she thought he wanted to see how much of an eyesore he could create in one lifetime. But in some ways, Lois supposed, the cars served a purpose. They were man-made habitats for all sorts of creatures. Not tropical fish like in shipwrecks, but possums and woodchucks and field mice. The ground was barren beneath their pocked and chipped chassis; weeds twined around their airless tires and mushrooms grew in the cracked upholstery. Unhinged doors made little lean-tos for stray cats. If Marlin Perkins were still around, Lois would have given him the scoop on this wild habitat. She could hear him now. “Even in the harshest desert, life abounds.”

“I'm not going to miss those at all,” Lois told Willy, pointing to the row of cars that looked like a line of hippos along a riverbank. She'd never made a secret of her feelings toward them. She hated not only these particular cars, but all Studebakers. She hated the name. She hated the family.

A couple of Larks sat side by side like the Doublemint twins, their wide grilles sparkling as the light from the porch bounced off the chrome.

“They're just cars,” Willy said, his voice harsher than before, and slurred with whiskey. “I can't see why you've always been so stubborn about them. Your old man worked for Stude's. These cars are part of your heritage, your family. They're like your children.”

She shivered at that one. How could he compare Gail and Meg to a pack of rusted heaps with deceitful names like Lark and Champion?

“You're a sucker, Willy. Just like everyone else around South Bend.” Here she spoke with a mock Southern accent. “They're part of mah heritage, mah family, mah little babies.”

Willy took a sip of whiskey. “Yeah, well it's been thirty years.” He shook his head and smiled.

“I'm telling you,” she warned.

Willy leaned toward her. She nearly suffocated from the fumes he emitted.

She waved her hand in front of her nose. “You sure you haven't been drinking ethanol?” That was supposed to be a dig, but it went right past him. Willy worked at the new ethanol plant in South Bend, and she liked to blame him for the smell of it. South Bend had been a good place to live before the ethanol plant was built. Now a sweet yeasty odor permeated the air from one end of the city to the other. When the plant opened, the ethanol people said they'd get rid of the smell in six months. That was three years ago. What really happened was that no one noticed it anymore.

“I've been drinking the same fine Kentucky mash that you've been drinking, my dear,” Willy said, and he took a sip to prove it.

“And these cars,” he said, waving his hand at the junk heap.

“Keep it down,” Lois said. “You're going to wake Gail and Meg.”

“These cars,” he said louder, “are goddamn classics of design. I wish you could appreciate that. No one designs them like Raymond Loewy anymore. Nothing less than a goddamn genius. There's nothing ugly about them. The girls don't think they're ugly, and Alice doesn't either.”

“Then I guess I'm just goddamn wrong,” she said. This was the first time he'd mentioned Alice by name. He'd always called her “my girl.” Lois hadn't even seen her before. If she ever visited him, he must have smuggled her in late at night or at dawn. Lois didn't see why he acted so secretive about this Alice. As though she cared. But maybe “his girl” embarrassed him. Maybe she was some gawky schoolgirl, some jailbait the same age as Gail. No, he would have been proud of that. After all, Lois had been only sixteen. More likely, Alice feared Lois, feared the Vengeful Wife, the Resentful Daughters, or at least felt awkward about stepping into enemy territory. Maybe she was just the prissy type, and didn't fancy the idea of spending the night with someone in a barn.

Lois felt something in her hair. She reached up and tried to pull out whatever it was. But she couldn't find it. Lois had a nest of red hair that tumbled over her shoulders. A bug, finding its way in there, could be lost for days.

“Here, Willy,” she said, showing him her profile. “See what's in my hair.”

Willy felt his beard as though something might have found its way in there as well. He took a glance and said, “I don't see anything.” That didn't surprise her. He wouldn't have noticed it unless it had been a foot long.

“Look,” she said.

Willy took a second glance. “Nope,” he said.

Her scalp itched right about her ear. She made pincers of her fingers, then plucked the bug from her hair, and inspected it. Good. It wasn't some foul armored thing with feelers. Just a firefly, pillshaped, glowing in her palm. The firefly made a graceful circuit of her palm, and its wings lifted. Lois blew to urge it off, but too hard. An updraft carried the bug off her palm, and it dropped onto the pine planks of the porch. The bug's ember flared for a second, died, then sparked again. Slowly, it made a zigzag getaway toward the edge of the porch.

“You know what our problem was?” Willy said after polishing off the last finger of whiskey in his cup.

“Enlighten me,” she said.

“We've never enjoyed doing the same things. You're so stubborn. You don't take pleasure in anything I do.”

Willy stood up and the dogs rose, too. “It's been real,” he said and stretched. “You know, this is the most fun I've had with you in a year.”

“I wouldn't call this fun,” Lois said.

“No, you wouldn't,” he said, holding the chain of the swing. “You don't think it's fun now that I've called your bluff.” He used his “facts are facts” voice, not an angry tone, but incontrovertible all the same.

“I haven't been bluffing you,” she said. “I've just been waiting for the right moment.”

“Waiting,” Willy said, and laughed. “You've been holding us hostage.”

“Yes, Willy,” she said wearily. “You're right.”

She waited for Willy to tell her more, to show her where she had failed, but he just looked out into the open field. He balanced his cup in the middle of the swing. “Most fun I've had in a year. I'm just about out of control with ecstasy right now.”

Willy trudged off to the barn. The dogs loped behind him, following their master's whiskied trail.

Lois stared at the empty paper cup on the swing beside her. She kicked off with her feet and swung lightly, and still the cup stayed balanced. Stubborn cup, she thought.

The cup tumbled off the porch swing, and Lois took that as her signal to go inside. She woke Gail, who led Meg to bed, and then she came out again and freed the jar of fireflies Meg had collected in the fields earlier, between favorite television programs. The jar sat on the edge of the porch with three holes poked in the lid for air, the fireflies crawling up the glass and falling to the bottom again, refusing to beam their phosphorescent dots and dashes that Lois had once read were love calls.

She felt too exhausted to sleep, so she drew a bath, kneeling with her hand under the faucet, testing the temperature and letting the water guide her thoughts. Really, she was too tired to think, and as the water spouted down, she couldn't even register if it was too hot or too cold or just right. She couldn't imagine making a decision about it. She just felt like staying in that same position all night with the water splaying her fingers.

She heard Willy's voice behind her. “You cooking a lobster or taking a bath?” he said.

She turned and saw him standing in the doorway, and she wasn't sure what he was talking about or why he-was here. They had said goodnight. She had seen him trudge off to his tiny apartment in the barn, his dogs loping behind him. Now he'd returned, looking like he'd forgotten something. Her clothes lay in a heap beside the door: jeans, the `workshirt she'd been wearing, her tapestry vest, her silver locket, her wind-chime earrings.

She looked at her fingers and saw how red they were. Steam puffed out of the tub around her. Pulling back her hand, she drooped her head like a penitent in front of an altar.

“If you put in a little cold, maybe I'll join you,” Willy said, his voice a purr of gravel, the sound of a car taking a turn on a back road.

Sometimes she marveled at how slight a gesture or word from Willy could turn her around, could spin her feelings into tenderness again. Maybe that was because he rarely said anything nice to her. When he did, he caught her off guard and her resentment snapped away like a window shade that's been pulled too taut. If Willy were the cunning type, she might have thought he planned it that way. Partial reinforcement, it was called. If you feed a mouse whenever it rings a bell, then it will ring the bell only when it's hungry. But if you withhold food some of the time, then it'll stay at the bell all day long, ringing it in a pathetic mouse frenzy.

Sometimes she rang the bell when she wasn't hungry and sometimes she refused to ring it, preferring to starve. But always, when he offered her some tidbit, she ate it greedily, even now.

Lois gave the cold knob a twist. As the water shot into the tub, she waved her hand back and forth along the surface, waiting for the water to reach the temperature Willy liked best, keenly aware of his touch on the back of her neck.

Willy wanted to be a strong lover. He made love like he was going for a world record in some sporting event, sometimes the javelin throw, other times the marathon, full of tortuous climbs and sweat and pacing, but not much action except for the last five hundred yards. Once she had asked him to tie her up, just to see what Willy's reaction would be. Willy asked her to repeat the question. She refused, but Willy wouldn't let it rest. He rummaged through the dresser drawers for suitable bindings, only turning up a package of shoelaces. He left the room and returned half an hour later with a pair of jumper cables. By this time Lois felt bored and tired. “A jump's not going to do it for me,” she told him. “My battery's completely shot. Let's just go to sleep.”

Maybe they should have been making love in the bathtub all along, Lois thought now. Suddenly, neither of them was sleepy. Willy leered like a pirate, his heavy beard dripping with water and his eyes bloodshot. “Unhand me, sir,” she said in a fainting voice. He responded by dunking his head under water and blowing bubbles into her belly button. She screamed and laughed and Willy grabbed her hips and slid her farther into the water, some of which poured down her throat. She came up gagging and choking. She put her hands on his shoulders and said, “Wait, Willy,” between coughs. Willy didn't seem to notice. He thrashed and grabbed her by the rear, kneeling and lifting her halfway out of the tub, one of the old kind with claw feet. Her shoulders rode the porcelain rim, and her arms dangled over.

The water still felt too hot. Willy surged against her and the water made slapping sounds between them. A wave sloshed on the floor. She didn't know if he held her anymore and she became afraid she'd slip and drown. This was too fierce. She thought he might tip her out of the tub. She looked in his eyes and saw that he wanted to make up for things by doing this.

She saw herself sliding down some chute away from him. Bile climbed her throat, but she forced it down. She took him by the shoulders and sunk her nails into his skin. She lifted her chin and Willy brought his mouth to her neck. Now he looked at her again, his whole face wet and shining, but then he gave his head a violent twist, buried his face in her breasts, and pulled her against him.

In that brief look she read a lot. She filled in the blank, said what she thought he might have said, whispered it directly into his ear so there'd be no mistake. Willy took a handful of lukewarm water and dripped it slowly between her breasts, like a boy making a sand castle. She felt all the troubles between them beading off her. When she stepped out of the tub and dried off, the troubles would be gone, soaked into the towel. The next day she'd go out and burn it.

Lois dressed, watching Willy toss in the sheets, the covers bunched over on his side. Sitting down, she pulled the sheet away I from him. She remembered how few hairs he'd had on his chest when they were first married, and how she used to annoy him by counting them after they made love. “There's a new sprout,” she had said. “I'm putting hairs on your chest.” More than anything, Willy had always hated being made fun of, though she hadn't meant it that way. He could make fun of others, but when it came to himself he was humorless. Still, she thought it would be fun to have a contest now for the family. Guess how many hairs Willy has on his chest. The winner gets…what? Unconditional love. Forgiveness: now, then, and in the future.

“One, two, three, four,” she said.

Willy sat straight up in bed.

“It's all right,” she told him. “You just grew another hair. There's a forest down there now.”

Willy covered his chest with his hand, and Lois saw he was still dreaming, unsure of what dangerous world he'd come into.

He pressed his hand to his forehead and said, “Is this my head? Who put the elephant head on my body?”

“I think you have Jim Beam to blame for that head,” Lois said.

“Son of a bitch. I'll hunt him down. He'll pay.” He looked at her unclearly and sagged back down.

“You take it easy,” Lois said. “I'll fix breakfast.”

“What time is it?” he said, reaching around the bed for his watch. He found it and squinted. “Move,” he said, standing up and forcing her off the bed. “I've got to be somewhere.” Willy grabbed the bedsheet and wrapped it around him.

“Where do you have to be on Sunday morning?” Lois said. “Have you turned devout all of a sudden?”

“Where are my socks?” Willy said, staring at her as though she should know.

She saw them at the foot of the bed and picked them up. Each sock was in a little ball. She threw them into the hallway.

“Hey,” Willy said, reaching for her and stumbling over the bedsheet.

The rest of Willy's clothes were piled on a chair by the door. She grabbed them and walked across the room. “Give them here,” he said.

“Not until I see you naked.”

“Stop fooling around, Lois. I've got to take a shower. I've got to get rid of this elephant head.”

“I'm afraid you were born with it,” she said. “As far as the shower goes, we can take one together.”

“No we can't,” he said.

“We took a bath last night,” she said.

“Okay, then you should be satisfied.”

“You might as well drop the sheet, Willy. I'm going to see you naked one way or another.”

“No you're not,” he said. “Now give me my clothes.”

Normally Willy could have grabbed the clothes with no problem, but in his weakened state he moved ponderously.

“Give them here,” he said wearily, reaching out with one hand while the other held the sheet in place.

“Don't be embarrassed,” Lois said. “I'm your ex-wife.”

“That's right,” he said. “You're my ex.”

“All of a sudden you're a prude, Willy? What's up?”

“Nothing's up,” he said, taking a step toward her.

She backed away and opened the bedroom window. She threw Willy's clothes outside, trying to arc them past the second-floor eaves. His pants and shirt sailed into the front yard. His underwear caught in the gutter, along with one of his shoes. The other shoe hit the corner of the window and bounced back inside. She picked the lone shoe up and threw it as far as she could, but didn't wait to see where it landed.

“Now nothing's up,” she said, clasping her hands together and smiling at him like the devoted wife. “Would you like patty or link sausage with your eggs?” she asked.

Willy didn't say a word. He started walking out of the room with the sheet wrapped around him.

Lois followed him and grabbed the sheet and wouldn't let go. “That's my sheet,” she said. “Where do you think you're going with it?”

Willy turned around and said, “I'm going to get my clothes.”

“Stay here,” she said, trying to yank the sheet away.

“I'm going to the barn and get dressed. I was supposed to meet Alice for brunch at Tippecanoe Place and now I'm going to be late because of you.”

That stopped her and she let go. “Tippecanoe Place?” Lois said. Lois had never even eaten there. This had been the seat of the Studebaker family wealth, a massive forty-room mansion made of granite, with Romanesque arches, towers, and verandas. Now the building had been renovated and reincarnated into a plush restaurant, full of atmosphere, brimming with South Bend's glorious history. But Lois wouldn't have eaten there even if the ninety-nine-cent special had been pheasant under glass. After all, the Studebakers had broken their promise. They'd promised to give more than they took. They'd promised to treat people decently, like family. As far as she was concerned, the house should have been razed and a plaque erected: Where the Rinky-Dink Studebakers Once Reigned.

“Since when have you started eating at Tippecanoe Place?” Lois said.

Willy started walking slowly down the stairs, dignified as Caesar, his sheet still wrapped around him. Lois followed.

“Brunch is it? When did you learn the world brunch, Willy? I thought you only knew the words breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Are we going to eat croissants at brunch? Are we going to drink mimosas?”

“What do you care?” he said.

“I don't. I'm just curious, that's all. I'm just interested in my ex-husband's education. Any time he learns a new word I'm fascinated. Did Alice teach you brunch?”

She stopped at the front door and watched him step onto the front porch. He turned around and faced her. He looked like her husband. He looked like someone she knew better than anyone, even her daughters. He looked like a man whose familiarity made him handsome.

“None of your business,” he said.

That was too much for her. “Give me back my sheet,” she yelled as loud as she could. She heard the doors to the girls' bedrooms open upstairs.

“I didn't think you'd be upset,” he said. “I thought we agreed it was time you and the girls found a new place to live.”

“Give me back my sheet,” she said as firmly as she could. She wanted this to get through to him, that he couldn't just walk away with her sheet. She'd follow him around all day to get it back if she had to.

“I thought this is what you wanted,” he said.

What a ridiculous thing for him to say. A minute ago she'd been counting his chest hairs.

Willy looked away to the road. He seemed to have forgotten Lois stood there. “Damn it, I hope Alice understands.”

“Understands what?” Lois said. “I don't understand. Tell me.”

The previous night was a muddle to her. She remembered too many things. Hardly any of it really happened, she tried to tell herself. “Can I fix breakfast, Willy?” she said, forgetting his brunch date. “Can I do that at least?” She meant a lot more than that, but she couldn't say it. She meant, could she pretend he wasn't telling her these things? Could she get some coffee in him and give him time to wake up? Could they overthrow the old habits and despair just a while longer, at least until she had time to figure out what had really happened last night?

Willy picked at his chest. She just stood there, wondering what he really wanted to do.

He whipped his sheet away and handed it to her. Then he turned around and loped across the yard to the barn, naked as Lois had made him.