Читать книгу By Request Collection Part 3 - Майя Бэнкс, Robyn Donald - Страница 36

‘THANK YOU, everyone.’ Raul nodded to the High Court judges, the Attorney General and the other witnesses who’d been urgently summoned two hours ago on his orders to witness this history-altering event.

In other circumstances he’d be excited at the prospect of initiating such significant change. But it was all he could do to wait patiently while they filed slowly from the chamber, leaving him alone.

So alone.

His mind snagged on the image of Luisa just hours ago in her room, pale and strained as she spoke of the need to get away. The hurt she’d felt at her place in his life.

How deeply he’d injured her, forcing her into his world.

Was he doing the right thing now, trying to tie her to him more strongly than ever? He looked at the parchment on the desk, checked, signed, countersigned and witnessed. The document he’d long planned as a surprise for Luisa, a testament of his regard for her.

The document that now represented his last-ditch, desperate effort to convince her to stay.

Did he have the right to try to hold her when life with him had made her so patently unhappy?

Until today he’d thought her content. More than content: happy.

Was he doomed never to find that emotional closeness Luisa had spoken of so longingly? Was he simply not the right man to make her happy?

Pain seared through his clenched jaw at the notion of letting her go.

Terror engulfed him at the thought of life without her.

But who could blame her? He’d never experienced real love and surely that lack had left him emotionally flawed. Was he incapable of providing what she needed in a husband?

If she wanted to be here it would be different. Together they could face anything. If she cared for him …

His bark of raw laughter was loud in the silence. How could Luisa care for him after what he’d done to her? He’d deluded himself, believing things had changed between them these past weeks. The way she’d shied from his touch this evening said it all.

He turned to the window and looked at the glitter of city lights below. Normally he enjoyed the view of the capital he loved, the valley that had been home to his family for centuries. That sense of place, of belonging, always brought comfort.

Not now. Now all he felt was the terrible aloneness.

Life without Luisa.

He couldn’t conceive it. His brain shut down every time he thought about it and a terrible hollow ache filled him. His very hands shook at the idea of her on a plane to Australia without him.

He should do the honourable thing and let her go. Release her from this life she’d never desired.

Yet he wanted to throw back his head and howl his despair at the idea of losing her. His pulse raced and his skin prickled with sweat at the thought of never seeing her again. Never holding her.

Never telling her how he felt.

Excruciating pain ripped at him, giant talons that tore at his soul.

It was no good, try as he might to be self-sacrificing, this was more than he could bear. It was asking too much.

He grabbed the parchment and rolled it quickly, heedless of the still drying wax seals. Turning on his heel he strode to the door.

Luisa woke slowly, clinging to a surprisingly wonderful dream.

After hours pacing the floor she’d retreated to bed. And still she’d tortured herself reliving the blank look on Raul’s face as he’d left her, already intent on other business. The fact that he hadn’t countermanded her trip to Sydney. That he didn’t care.

Now she felt … safe, cocooned in a warm haven that protected her from everything. She didn’t want to move.

But she had no choice. Even in her half aware state she registered the sick feeling, the rising nausea. She breathed deep, trying to force it back but it was no good.

With a desperate lurch she struggled upright, only to find her movements impeded by the large man wrapped around her back. His legs spooned hers, his palm on her stomach.

‘Raul!’ It was a raw croak. What was he doing here? When had he—?

Her stomach heaved and she thrust his confining arm away, swinging her legs off the bed.

‘Luisa!’ His voice was sharp. ‘What’s wrong?’

She had no time for explanations. She stumbled across the room, one hand to her stomach, the other clamped to her mouth as she tasted bile.

Miraculously the bathroom door swung open and she dived in just in time to brace herself as her last meal resurfaced. Her legs wobbled so much her knees folded and she almost crumpled to the floor.

But an arm lashed round her, keeping her upright with all Raul’s formidable strength. Behind her she felt his body, hot and solid, anchoring her.

Then she bent, retching as the paroxysm of nausea overcame her. Her skin prickled horribly and searing bitterness filled her as her stomach spasmed again and again till there was nothing more to bring up.

She slumped, trembling and spent, eyes closed as she tried to summon strength to move.

Her head spun, or did she imagine movement? Next thing she knew she was seated on the side of the bath and she sighed her gratitude as every muscle melted. Raul supported her and she couldn’t summon the energy to order him out. Not when he was all that kept her upright.

Then, like a blessing, a damp cloth brushed her forehead, her cheeks and throat, her dry lips. She turned her face into it gratefully.

‘Drink this.’ A glass nudged her mouth. Gratefully she sipped cool water. The damp cloth wiped her forehead again and she almost moaned in relief. She was weak as a kitten.

How could she face Raul now? Why was he here?

Tears stung as exhaustion and self-pity flooded her.

‘You’re ill. I’ll call a doctor.’ She opened her eyes to meet a worried dark green gaze. Raul looked grim.

She wanted to sit, basking in her husband’s concern, pretending it meant more than it surely did.

‘No. I’m not ill. It’s perfectly normal. A doctor won’t help with this.’

Belatedly she realised what she’d said as Raul’s brows arched. Shock froze his features as he read the implications of her nausea.

She’d meant to tell him soon. But not like this.

‘Please,’ she said quickly. ‘I need privacy to freshen up.’ She refused to have this conversation on the edge of the bath, with her hair matted across her clammy brow.

Luisa turned away, not wanting to see suspicion darken his gaze. Pain welled and she bit her lip. After seeing her with Lukas it would be no surprise if Raul questioned the baby’s paternity. He hadn’t said he believed her explanation of why she’d been in Lukas’ embrace.

Raul left the room without a word.

She should have been grateful but felt only despair that he’d been eager to go. So much for her fantasy of them bonding over their child!

Luisa took her time in the bathroom, but when she opened the door Raul was there. To her astonishment he swooped, scooping her into his arms.

‘I can walk.’ But her protest was half-hearted. His embrace was magic, even knowing it didn’t mean anything. Raul was a man for whom duty was paramount. Tending to a pregnant female would come naturally.

He deposited her on the bed, where plumped up pillows sat against the headboard. He drew the coverlet over her and reached for something on the bedside table.

‘Here. Try this.’ It was a plate of salted crackers. He must have ordered them while she was in the bathroom.

‘I’m not an invalid.’ Luisa pushed them aside and fought not to succumb to the sweet delight of being cared for. Absurdly, the thoughtful gesture made her eyes swim, despite her anger and distress.

It didn’t help that Raul looked wonderful. Faded denim stretched across his taut, powerful thighs. He wore a black pullover, sleeves bunched up to reveal strong, sinewy forearms. He was even more gorgeous than in one of his suave suits. Would she ever see him like this again? Her throat closed as she realised the answer was probably no.

The bed sank as he sat, facing her. Luisa’s heart squeezed.

‘You’re pregnant.’ It was a statement.

‘I think so. But if I am it’s your child.’ She met his impenetrable gaze defiantly. ‘It’s got nothing to do with Lukas.’

He reached out and smoothed a lock of hair off her brow. Luisa’s breath caught at the seeming tenderness of the gesture. She told herself she was a fool.

‘I didn’t think it had.’

‘Oh.’ She sank back, stunned.

‘Have you seen a doctor?’

‘No. It’s still early.’ She knew exactly when their baby had been conceived: that first tempestuous night of marriage, when she’d learned about ecstasy and heartache.

But Raul’s calm acceptance surprised her. ‘So you never thought—?’

He shook his head. ‘I can’t lie and say it didn’t occur to me.’ His eyes slid from hers. ‘But when would you have time for an affair? It’s my bed you share? My sofa. My desk.’

‘You’ve made your point!’ He didn’t have to remind her how needy she was for him. How he only had to tilt one dark eyebrow in delicious invitation for her pulse to thrum with anticipation.

She stared hard into his face, trying to decipher his thoughts. Bewildered, she shook her head. ‘I thought you’d believe—’

‘That my wife was having an affair with my secretary?’ Raul grimaced and placed has hand over hers. She felt heat, power and solidity, and she couldn’t bring herself to dislodge his hand.

‘I admit it was an unpleasant shock.’ He tightened his hold and drew a deep breath that expanded his chest mightily. ‘But I’ve come to know you, Luisa. You’d never go behind my back with another man. You’re honest, genuine and caring. You wouldn’t behave like that.’ The words fell like nourishing rain in her parched soul.

He believed in her?

Her hands trembled with the shock of it.

‘I know Lukas too,’ he continued. ‘We’ve worked together for years. How could I believe the worst, knowing you both?’

‘I—’ Words failed her. Such trust, when Raul had been so badly hurt before, and in the face of such evidence, stunned her. She’d expected a myriad of questions at the very least. Her heart swelled.

‘I thought after Ana—’

‘Forget Ana. I was a fool ever believing myself in love with her. But I got over her years ago. This is about you and me, Luisa. No one else.’

Raul’s intense stare pinioned her, even as relief flared deep inside at the knowledge the other woman was no rival for Raul’s affection. She’d worried about that so long! A burgeoning sense of lightness filled her.

‘Luisa.’ Her name was a sudden hoarse rasp that startled her. ‘I want you to stay. Here, with me. Don’t go to Sydney.’

The trembling in her hands intensified as tenuous joy rose. He believed in her! He wanted her!

It took a moment to realise why.

Disillusionment was bitter on her tongue. She tried to pull away but his grasp tightened.

‘Because of the baby! You want your heir.’ That was why he’d changed his mind about her going. This was about bloodlines. How could she have thought otherwise? She knew to her cost how important royal blood was in this place. Her heart spasmed in distress.

‘Of course I want to be with the baby and you.’

She shook her head, a lead weight settling on her chest. The pain was worse now, more intense after that single moment of hope. She almost cried out.

Despite her efforts to make a place for herself here, Luisa knew she was too impulsive, too casual, too ready to bend the rules to make a good monarch’s wife.

It wasn’t Luisa he wanted, just her unborn child.

‘Please let go of me. This won’t work.’ She didn’t know how she summoned the strength to speak calmly, when inside it felt as if she were crumbling.

For what seemed an age he held her, his gaze sharp on her face. Then finally, when she’d almost given up on him responding, he released her and turned away, his shoulders hunching.

Instantly Luisa missed his warmth, his strength. She looked at her hands, where he’d gripped her so tightly, and it hit her she wasn’t trembling any more.

Stunned, she looked to Raul, the distracted way he shoved a hand through his hair. She stared, not believing what she saw.

It was him. He was shaking all over.

‘Raul?’ Luisa’s voice sounded hollow, as if it came from far away. She didn’t understand what was going on. Her big, strong husband shook like a leaf.

‘Raul! What is it?’

He didn’t answer and she reached out a tentative hand to his shoulder. She felt the tremors running through his large frame.

‘Raul!’ Fear welled. Was he ill?

‘I can’t. I …’ His head sank between his shoulders.

Frantically Luisa tugged at his upper arm, turning him towards her. She rose onto her knees and shuffled closer.

‘What is it? Please, tell me.’

Finally he swung his head towards her. He was haggard as she’d never seen him, his flesh drawn too tight across the bones. Only his eyes looked alive in that spare face. They glittered, overbright.

‘I can’t lose you, Luisa.’ His voice was a whisper of anguish that tore at her. ‘God help me, I can’t let you go. When you said you had to get away I knew I couldn’t force you to stay any longer. But …’

‘Raul?’ She gulped. ‘I don’t understand. What are you saying?’

Luisa stared, dumbfounded, at the man she’d heard give speeches in four languages, charming, persuasive Raul, struggling to get his words out. Her grip eased on his arm and her hand slid up in a soothing caress.

‘I need to look after you, Luisa. You and our baby.’ Her heart somersaulted at the sound of those words: our baby.

‘We’ll come to some arrangement.’ Much as the idea of part-time parents pained her, she knew their baby needed them both.

‘I don’t want an arrangement.’ He lifted his head, the glitter in his eyes different, almost dangerous. ‘I want my wife and child. Here.’ He reached out to grab a rolled up paper from the foot of the bed. ‘This will prove how much I want you here.’

With fumbling hands he thrust it at her, almost ripping the thick parchment as he hastened to unroll it.

‘It’s all in Maritzian.’ Despairingly she skimmed the document, too distracted to concentrate properly. All she took in was the column of seals and signatures at the bottom, beginning with the flourish of Raul’s formal signature and the royal dragon seal.

‘What is it, Raul?’ She’d never seen him like this, so agitated she wanted to cradle him close.

‘It authorises a change in the royal succession from the moment I’m crowned. On that day you’ll become Queen.’

She frowned. ‘That’s no change.’

He shook his head. ‘Queen, not royal consort. You’ll be my equal, my partner in ruling the kingdom.’ His gleaming gaze met hers and the force of it warmed her very soul. ‘How else can I prove what you mean to me? How much I need and trust you?’

Her eyes widened. ‘But you can’t do that! I’m not … not … I don’t have the experience. I wouldn’t know what to do. I—’

He grabbed her hands and held them tight. ‘You’ll learn. I’ll teach you.’ He kissed her palm and shivers of delight ran through her.

‘But Maritz isn’t ready for this. I’m not good at—’

‘Maritz will adapt. You’re capable and honest and caring. You’ll make a perfect queen. For my country. For me. For our child.’ His gaze dipped to her belly and heat sizzled through her.

‘But I break all the rules.’

‘Sometimes they need to be broken. There’s more to life than protocol, you know.’ He smiled, a slow, devastating smile that heated her from the soles of her feet to the top of her head.

‘You’re a princess to make anyone proud. Already our people respect and care for you, because they see how you care about them. You’ve helped them when it counted. You’ve helped me. You’ve changed my life and taught me hope.’

Luisa’s brain whirled. It was too much to comprehend.

‘Can you forgive me, Luisa? Enough to stay and give me another chance?’

She watched him swallow hard and searched her heart for a response. She loved him but was that enough to face the future? To build a life together even in the light of this momentous gesture of faith?

If he hauled her into his arms and swept her away on a tide of passion it would be easy to say yes. She yearned for that. But life wasn’t so simple.

‘It’s not about forgiving the past. It’s about the future.’ She drew a difficult breath, wondering if he’d understand. ‘I want a real marriage. A happy family. I want my child to enjoy being a child, with parents who really care. I want—’

‘Love,’ he finished for her on a husky whisper that pierced her. ‘And trust and respect.’ He nodded. ‘You deserve it, Luisa. That’s what I want to give you. If you’ll let me try.’

Her breath caught in her throat at the look in his eyes.

‘I love you, Luisa. I want you by my side.’

Dazed, Luisa stared into his tense face. A pulse jerked at the base of his neck and another beat at his temple. He looked like a man on the edge.

‘It can’t be,’ she whispered, stunned into immobility.

‘It’s true.’

Silently she shook her head, afraid to believe.

‘I didn’t realise it myself.’ His mouth twisted in a lopsided grimace that made her want to cuddle him close. ‘I’d spent so long explaining away my feelings because the alternative was too terrifying. All my adult life I’ve worked to shut off my emotions. Then you came along. You made me feel so much, so intensely.’

Raul threaded his fingers through hers and tingling heat spread through her bloodstream. ‘I’ve been torn, regretting the way I forced you here, forced you to marry me.’ His eyes flashed. ‘Yet knowing that in my heart I couldn’t be truly sorry because it brought you to me and I couldn’t let you go. How selfish is that?’

He thrust his other hand through his glossy hair in a distracted gesture that made her want to wrap her arms around him. ‘I’d told myself for so long that love was a fool’s game. And here I was falling for a woman who had every reason to hate me.’

‘I don’t hate you.’ The admission slipped out. She was numb, dazed.

‘Really?’ Hope blazed in his eyes. ‘Then it’s far more than I deserve.’ His hand moved up to stroke her cheek and thread into her hair. Hope whispered through her.

‘I’ve been torturing myself, telling myself I should find the strength to let you walk away and be happy.’ His hold tightened.

He brought their joined hands up so he could kiss her wrist. ‘But I can’t do it. I have to fight for you.’

‘Tell me again,’ she whispered, her voice uneven. ‘Tell me you love me.’

Raul lifted both hands, tenderly bracketing her face.

‘I love you, Luisa. Never doubt it. I want to be by your side always. To share with you, be the one you turn to. Teach you to waltz and whatever else you want if you’ll share your warmth and your laughter with me.’

Something shifted deep inside her. A tightness eased and Luisa drew breath, it seemed for the first time in an age.

‘Oh, Raul!’ She choked with emotion. ‘I’ve loved you so long. I never thought …’ She blinked furiously as tears welled.

‘Truly?’ His voice was husky with awe.

She nodded and gentle fingers wiped the wetness from her cheeks. ‘Truly. Desperately.’

‘My darling!’ His forest-dark eyes meshed with hers. ‘I didn’t mean to make you cry, sweetheart. I only want to make you happy. Always.’

‘You do.’ She blinked and smiled. ‘I’ve been happy here with you.’

She saw doubt and fear etched across his features. Uncertainty in the man who’d strode into her life and grabbed her destiny in his strong hands. Who ruled a kingdom with an ease anyone would envy.

‘I’ll make mistakes,’ he admitted. ‘This is all new to me. I’ve never felt like this.’ He swallowed hard and she read a flicker of anxiety in his eyes. ‘I’m not a good risk, I know. I don’t have your gift of closeness and warmth. I have no experience of real family life. No role model of how to be a good father—’

Luisa’s fingers on his lips stopped his words. Her heart contracted, seeing the man she loved unsure of himself.

Seeing his self-doubt, Luisa knew the truth. She had to cast off her own fear. She had to trust, in him and in herself and put the past behind her.

‘I’m willing to try if you are,’ she whispered in a voice croaky with emotion. It welled inside, making her whole being tremble.

Dark eyes met hers and the love she read there made her poor bruised heart squeeze tight.

‘Luisa!’ He gathered her close, kissing her neck, her cheeks. He held her as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

It was glorious, but it wasn’t enough. Not when her heart soared with wonderment.

She cupped his hard jaw and pressed her lips full on his mouth. Instantly he responded, his mouth hungry, as if it had been a lifetime since they’d kissed. As if they’d never kissed.

Not really.

Not like this.

Raul’s kiss healed. It was demanding, possessive, yet poignantly sweet. A giving and receiving, not just of physical delight but of love. True love.

Eventually they pulled apart, enough to gulp in much needed air. But Raul’s arms were locked close around her and Luisa’s hands were clamped tight at his shoulders.

Happiness surged so strongly she felt incandescent with it.

‘I can’t believe this is real.’

His shining eyes met hers and her heart somersaulted when she read the tenderness there. ‘Let me show you how real, my sweet.’ He gathered her close and kissed her till the world fell away.