Читать книгу New Year's Wish: After Midnight / The Prince She Never Forgot / Amnesiac Ex, Unforgettable Vows - Robyn Grady, Katherine Garbera - Страница 20

13

THE ADMISSION SLIPPED OUT, but Carter didn’t want to take the words back. Deep down he had missed her and the realness he experienced when he was with her. He knew that it would be easy to say he could be himself around her, but that wasn’t exactly true. With Lindsey he could be the man he wanted to be. He didn’t have to be on his guard with her.

True, they competed, but with her it felt good. As though they were both doing it from a kind place, unlike some other people in his life.

“You have?” she asked.

“Never mind,” he said, getting up from the bed and going into the bathroom. When he came back a few minutes later, she was sitting on the side of the bed looking at the picture of the two them.

“Where did you get this?”

“The hotel gave it to me,” he said. “If you’d stuck around that morning you would have seen it.”

She pursed her lips. “True. Why is it on your nightstand?”

“Because I like it,” he said curtly. He’d already said he missed her—what else did she want from him? To admit that he felt something for her he’d never experienced in any of his other relationships? He knew that was the truth, but telling her wasn’t exactly something he fancied doing.

“Fair enough. And I’m sorry for what I said, Carter. I’ve...missed you, too. I think you scared me when you said it,” she admitted. “Because the truth is, I’ve been thinking about you too much.”

“And why’s that a bad thing?” he asked, moving to sit next to her. Nothing was easy with her. And a part of him thought that was probably the way it should be. His father had always espoused the fact that value was only placed on the things he had to work hard to have. But just this once, he wanted Lindsey and him to have something easy.

“It just is,” she said. “Like I’ve said before, I’m figuring out a bunch of stuff. Each day, even over these past two weeks, I can feel myself changing. And you’re part of it. But none of it is real. It’s that discovery of a life I’d thought I’d lost. But I’m also trying to find a new path.”

When she gazed up at him, he could see a glimmer of uncertainty. Yet he saw hope and tenderness, too.

“And what I feel for you is strong. I meant it when I said I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about you.”

“Me, too. That’s why we can take this one moment at a time. Pretending we don’t want each other or that this is never going to happen again is ridiculous. And if I know one thing about us, it’s that we don’t make dumb decisions.”

“Speak for yourself,” she said with a grin. “I’m not sure about being a team. You and me. I’m so used to being on my own.”

“We wouldn’t be a team per se, we’d be dating. We’d be a sort of couple.”

“Sort of couple?” she asked. “How does that work?”

“However we want it to,” Carter said. He knew himself well enough to know that he didn’t do well with rules. He always wanted to break them. But with Lindsey he wanted to take things slow. No rushing in and just jumping. That was why he’d been careful about keeping his distance when he’d needed to and being himself around her.

“Okay, but just know that I might have to put distance between us. Skiing has always been my main focus, and I’m close to getting that back. I don’t know how to balance anything with skiing.”

He understood that. He’d known her for a long time, and she’d always been one of those people not distracted by the spectacle of international games or tempted to cavort with athletes from other countries. She’d gone to bed early, eaten well-balanced meals and skied.

That was it.

“I thought you wanted to maybe change that. Remember how you mentioned that your twenties were a blur?”

She nodded. “I do, Carter. But it has to be for me. If I figured out anything over the past year, it’s that trying things for other people doesn’t make me happy. And it’s also not real.” She blew out a breath. “I have to figure out skiing for myself, but I want you, too. I like this hot little thing we have and I don’t want to lose it. Can you be okay with that?”

No. Hell no. “Sure. Whatever you need. I’m not a serious kind of guy anyway.”

Liar.

He had turned into the biggest fraud...and why? She had just said she didn’t want anything serious. He knew this was karma. This was payback for all the times when he’d played fast and loose with a woman’s feelings. And it sucked.

He was tired of talking, and would love for just a few moments to hold her in his arms and pretend that the facts he knew weren’t real. Pretend that she was his and he could be with her all the time, not just in this unique little sliver of time when her guard was lowered and he was so desperate he’d say anything to keep her.

So he gave in to temptation.

He pulled her into his arms, tucked them under the covers, and she turned on her side to cuddle close to him. He stroked his hand over her hair as she rested her head over his heart and he felt the minute exhalation of her breath over his skin.

He knew this wasn’t real. That it was a chimera of the one thing he craved most in the world at this moment, but he didn’t give a damn.

She tipped her head and he looked into her sleepy brown eyes.

“I’ve missed you, too,” she whispered. Then she lifted her head, dropped a quick kiss on his chest and went to sleep.

He lay awake until dawn crept in with its pinky-pearl color. In a way he felt as though he had everything he wanted in his arms, but at the same time she felt farther away than ever.

* * *

CARTER ASKED HER to put on the mask and get into his SUV. Given that he liked to play little bedroom games, she wasn’t too sure what to expect.

“Are you going to ask me to take my clothes off?”

“Not yet,” he said with a chuckle.

She felt his hands on her waist, and then he leaned over her, pulling the seat belt into position around her. She heard the door close, but all of her senses were hyperalert. She felt the breeze wrap around her the moment he opened the driver’s door, heard the sound of the cloth of his jeans against the leather seats.

“No peeking,” he warned softly.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m kidnapping you.”

“Will there be a ransom note? My folks already think you are something of a bad boy.”

He laughed, and she was reminded of how much she liked the deep timbre of his voice.

“No note. This is just between you and me. I’m sure we can come up with something for you to do in order to achieve your freedom.”

“I’m not sure where you are going with this, Shaw, but I’m game,” she said. And she was. She’d checked her inhibitions at the door when, almost a week and a half ago, she’d gone with Carter back to his place from the bar. Ever since then, they’d played sexy games with each other, trained with their teams for the big charity event kickoff and pretty much lived in limbo the way she had been for the better part of the past year.

The only difference was that Carter was with her now.

He put the SUV in gear, and at first she tried to keep up with the turns he made but soon realized she didn’t know Park City or its surrounding area as well as she thought she did. He had some blues music playing on the radio, and the heat was cranked up, so she wasn’t cold.

“Can I get a hint about this place?”

“You’re going to be cold at first, but then you’ll warm up and be hot and wet,” he said in a deep, husky voice.

The images that came into her head were of the two of them kissing and making out in the little clearing where he’d taken her on New Year’s Day. She still remembered that kiss in the snow and how it had changed everything for her.

“I get the cold, but hot and wet? Give me another hint.”

“It’ll feel like the Caribbean,” he said. “But we’re not flying anywhere.”

He really wasn’t helping her to figure out where they were going. “I guess I’ll have to wait and see. What will we be doing there?”

“Something daring from your resolutions list,” he teased.

“I hope it’s not a cheese tasting,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “I told you I’d start eating cheese when I’m ready.”

He laughed. “No, not at all. That’s one thing I’m happy to let you explore on your own.”

Not cheese. She had put “try something new” on her list, but she had no idea what it would be. She racked her brain, thinking hard...then inspiration struck. It was something Elizabeth had mentioned just the other day. So why not borrow a page from her book?

“Carter, have you ever heard of picking a word for the year?” she asked. “Kind of a resolution, but more an attitude thing.”

“I haven’t, but it sounds intriguing,” Carter said. “What word would you pick?”

“Something about returning to myself. But that sounds lame-o, doesn’t it? Something better—maybe rejuvenate? Great, now I sound like a spa. What about you?” she asked. Surely he’d have an idea of something that might help her come up with a better word.

“Different,” he said.

“Different? How?” She couldn’t see how he’d done anything different this year from the years before. Except that he had retired from amateur snowboarding and had entered the professional realm.

“Just my attitude. Experiencing things that I wouldn’t have before,” he said. “I’m not sure how else to explain it.”

She reached out and fumbled until she found his thigh and squeezed it. “I like it when you let me see the vulnerability behind that big ego of yours.”

He put his hand over hers and squeezed. “That’s your imagination, gorgeous. I’m always confident.”

“Really?” she asked, but then chided herself. Of course he was. He hadn’t fallen. He wasn’t flawed and scared the way she was. He was decorated with his tattoos and his badass, can’t-be-stopped attitude. In a way she resented him for that strength, but she knew that really she wanted it for her own. She wanted to claim it and find her way back to the top of the mountain instead of being on the bottom in a crumpled heap.

“Yes, really. If I feel myself slipping and doubt starts creeping in, I immediately push it out. I do the same with most of my emotions.” There was a pause. “Well, the ones I can’t control,” he qualified.

She realized she was asking him questions she never would have if she wasn’t wearing the blindfold. There was a freedom at not being able to see. It kind of made her forget her fears. In the dark she could divulge her secrets and ask him about his.

“What kind of emotions?” she asked softly. “I mean, I’m the Ice Queen, but even I can’t keep my emotions locked up forever. That’s why I don’t usually get involved with anyone.”

“That makes sense. It’s easier to control them when you just don’t experience it. But I have a quick temper and am passionate about a lot of things, so every day if I’m not careful I can be up and down.” He tightened his grip on her hand. “That’s one thing I like about you, by the way,” he said.

“That I make you calm?” she quipped. “Must be my icy powers spreading.”

“Nah, you make me want to impress you, so controlling my emotions is easier when I’m around you.”

She liked that. Liked that she had an influence over him. Seemed only fair, since had a huge influence over her. She wasn’t sure when it had happened but suspected it was that first day he’d taken her to the sledding hill. It made her feel as though, despite the way their relationship had started, it might have the seeds of something that could last. Ah, she hadn’t seen that coming, but she did want this to last.

More than she dared to admit.

* * *

CARTER PULLED INTO the parking lot of the Homestead Crater near Park City. He’d seen this place on the internet a few weeks ago and had decided it would be a nice surprise for Lindsey. The past several days with her had been great, but most of the time he’d felt as if they were both working on getting her back on the slopes or training their teams. There was no time to just hang out and enjoy each other.

And he really wanted the chance to do that.

He turned off the engine and leaned over to kiss her. She’d been sitting there with the blindfold on, boldly asking him questions and sharing bits of herself that she normally wouldn’t have. He had to remember that the blindfold seemed to work like some sort of truth serum where she was concerned.

“We’re here, Linds.”

“Great,” she said, reaching for her blindfold.