Читать книгу Breakaway - Rochelle Alers, Rochelle Alers - Страница 14

Celia stood with her back pressed against the door as the sound of the truck’s engine faded in the distance. Her knees were shaking so hard she found it difficult to keep her balance.

She’d pretended not to be affected by Gavin’s lovemaking when what she’d wanted was to mate with him—on the hood of a vehicle and out in the open where anyone could see them.

Sliding down to the floor, Celia pulled her knees to her chest and lowered her head. If she’d followed her therapist’s advice, she knew she wouldn’t be going through the emotional turmoil that made her do and say things that made her question her sanity.

But, she hadn’t been completely honest with the therapist or herself—until now. She’d told the psychiatrist about how she’d believed she’d died, but her colleagues had brought her back to life, how the nightmares kept her awake at night and that she sat up until sunrise before attempting to go back to sleep.

A wry smile twisted her mouth at the same time a single tear trickled down her cheek. What Celia hadn’t disclosed to her therapist or anyone else was that she’d blamed herself for Yale’s death. He hadn’t been scheduled to work that day, but he’d switched shifts with another doctor because he’d wanted to talk to her about her pronouncement that although she wasn’t ending their engagement, she’d moved out because she needed to put some space between them.

She and Yale hadn’t set a date, and his constant haranguing that he didn’t want to wait until he was fifty to father a child had begun to annoy Celia. Whenever she reminded him of their commitment to opening the free clinic, he’d drop the topic for several weeks and then bring it up again.

Yet that last time, Yale had done something that was totally out of character for him. He’d begun crying. It was the tears and the pleading that made her agree to meet him when her shift ended. What she hadn’t expected was for him to work the E.R. on his day off.

Celia had mentally beaten herself up over and over. The “what ifs” had attacked her relentlessly. What if she hadn’t dated a man who was ten years older than she and too controlling? What if she hadn’t agreed to move in with him when she’d had her own apartment? What if she hadn’t agreed to marry him when all of her instincts told her he was so wrong for her free-spirit personality?

She knew her parents weren’t happy when she’d moved in with Yale, but she was an adult and there wasn’t much they could say. It hadn’t been the same with her brothers. Both Diego and Nicholas complained about her shacking up with a man when she could afford to live on her own. Celia eventually resolved the problem when she purchased her cousin’s oceanfront mansion.

Buying the property signaled a turning point in her relationship with Yale. He’d become more controlling and at times had been downright mean-spirited. Living apart from her fiancé gave her the opportunity to see another side of the man with whom she’d pledged her future. She’d loved Yale, but she hadn’t been in love with him.

Now, there was her dilemma of Gavin Faulkner. The powerfully built personal bodyguard was a constant reminder of what she’d never had and what had been missing in her life—passion.

Swiping at her tears with her fingertips while pushing to her feet, Celia knew wallowing in self-pity wasn’t going to solve any of her problems. She knew it would take time for her to come to terms with her feelings of guilt, but she didn’t have a lot of time when it came to Gavin Faulkner. He was going to spend the summer in the mountains, and that meant they would be seeing each other because of their promise to share Terry.

Will it make you feel better if I take a lover for the summer to keep me company?

The question Celia had asked her brother came back in vivid clarity. She knew it wouldn’t make Diego feel better, but she knew unequivocally it would make her feel much, much better than she did now.

Thinking about Gavin reminded her that she had to call the local butcher to order a boneless pork loin for her puerco asado cook-off challenge. Her sorority sister had turned her on to Southern cooking and her grandmother had helped her to perfect the Caribbean dishes that had been passed down through countless generations.