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MY Expat Escapades in Tokyo

Getting a book about Japan published suggests one is an authority on its mysteries, full of helpful insights. I’m full of something, but not that. My only claim to expertise is my knack while in Japan for being proficiently clueless. What else could explain, for example, what I refer to as my Cat Food Sandwich Incident? Discovering a reasonably priced can labeled Tuna Flake at an upscale Tokyo supermarket, I made a fine meal of it, chalking up the odd aftertaste to Japanese umami tinkering. Smothered in melted cheese, it was exotically tasty.

This is how I survived. Unlike those guys who don kimonos, take up shamisen, and speak in the effete dialect of the Imperial Household, I haplessly and happily bumbled along, sending Valentines in funeral envelopes and wearing toilet slippers on hosts’ tatamis. And making more friends than I could count in Japanese.

Perhaps in this introduction an introduction would be helpful:

Q: Who do you think you are?

A: Are you doubting my qualifications for being a cartoonist? Actually, I have a BA in Art. When I discovered that “starving artist” was more than a figure of speech, I decided to enter the University of Washington Medical School. Though I don’t use that degree at all, I credit this for my abilities to draw anatomically accurate cartoon characters.

Q: So, you’re from Seattle?

A: Yep. The most beautiful city in the world, except for Tokyo.

Q: You actually believe Tokyo is beautiful?

A: I am attracted to visual overload. In Seattle, that is expressed in architectural order and harmony with nature; in Tokyo it is post-apocalyptic chaos with a madcap glow. I’m a person who appreciates extremes.

Q: What brought you to Tokyo?

A: When I was between universities I spent four months visiting my aunt and uncle who were missionaries in Tokyo. I wanted to experience public baths, rub elbows with sumo wrestlers and yakuza, and encounter celebrities like they had. They owned a cabin in the mountain resort of Karuizawa where they regularly crossed paths with the Crown Prince and John Lennon. Mostly I wanted to go East when my friends were going West.

Q: So after medical school you returned to Japan?

A: Yes. I got a job as teacher at an English conversation school, although I was completely unqualified to be hired. In Seattle I had spotted an ad for the job, and applied though certain I had no chance. The hiring director and I made a good connection, however, and before I knew what I was committing to, I found myself back in Tokyo.

Q: Being untrained, how did you survive as a teacher?

A: I like the English language, am curious about people (i.e., nosy), and verbose to a fault. I was a born teacher!

Q: Where did you live?