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When my children were younger, I thought I should be a little more “fitness conscious” so their father would live longer. I actually had a running program going where every morning I would run around the block 20 times, until my son moved the block. Then I wasn’t able to do that anymore.

I have a friend who is a real dedicated jogger, but otherwise normal. My friend Brian is a serious runner—always must go faster, must go farther, must get a better time. He’s really committed to it. One day he was going out for his usual jog, pushing hard like he usually did, and he came back home and started writing some checks to pay bills. His wife noticed he was not able to write his address properly, and she noticed that he was reversing some words. She thought, “This is strange.” She said, “I think we’d better check this out.”

She took him to the doctor. The doctor said, “Brian, you have had a stroke.” He said, “I didn’t feel anything. How could I possibly…” The doctor said, “I’ll tell you what I think happened to you. You were experiencing what we call a runners’ high.” Some of you runners know about this—you get to a point where there is a euphoric kind of thing going on, and you literally will run so hard that you don’t realize the damage you’re doing. That’s exactly what happened to my friend, and it took him many months to recover from the effects of that stroke. He felt no pain, but he was just running so hard, he had no idea the damage he was doing.

That can actually happen in your most important relationships in your life. You can be running so hard that you don’t know the damage you’re doing to the people you love the most and who need you the most. It can even happen; in fact it can especially happen, in life’s most intimate human relationship between a husband and a wife.

My father said that a man is actually incomplete until he’s married, and after that he’s finished. I personally don’t believe that. I have been very much completed by the wonderful woman God gave me. We’re going to look at how to avoid the damage; how to battle the pressures that are on the most intimate human relationship there is. In fact, it’s the most invested human relationship there is. If you’re married, you’ve got more tied up in this one than in any other stock you’ve got relationally. Marriage is going to be one of the happiest or one of the “hurtingest” words in your life—depending on how the relationship is going.

So, you’ve got a very intimate relationship; you’ve got a heavily invested relationship. Did you know this is the most important human relationship to God? It’s the one He’s looking at the most in your life if you’re a married person. It’s amazing how important the marriage relationship is to God.

It’s pretty amazing to see what God is saying in Malachi 1. He says to the people, “You might as well lock the church doors. You might as well stop having all your services. I am not impressed” (Malachi 1:10). You can see it in a dialogue between God and His people, as we approach the end of the Old Testament, and just before God stops talking in revealing ways to His people for 400 years. You notice there’s a little page between Malachi and the next book which is Matthew? That page is 400 years of God’s silence. He’s really “fed up” with His people in the book of Malachi, and they can’t figure out why things have dried up on them spiritually.

Malachi 2:13 says, “Look, another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears.” These are folks that are coming forward. They’re coming to the altar. They are dedicating and re-dedicating their lives. They seem to be seeking spiritual improvement. “You weep and wail because God no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands” (Malachi 2:13). You’re doing all this spiritual stuff and God isn’t accepting it—a huge religious waste of time. They’re wasting their time though they’re doing all the right things. Here’s one of the reasons.

“You ask ‘why’?” (Malachi 2:14) We’re offering sacrifices and we’re trying to worship, and we’re doing the right things. Surprising answer. He doesn’t say it’s because you’re not having devotions. He doesn’t say it’s because you’re not praying. What is it? “It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking Godly offspring. So guard yourself and your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. ‘I hate divorce’ says the Lord God of Israel, ‘and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith” (Malachi 2:14-16).

Let me tell you what we’ve got here. We’ve got some broken-hearted people. We’ve got some weeping, wailing people. They’re broken-hearted because three treasures have been broken. First of all, broken trust; what they promised to each other on their wedding day isn’t happening. There has been broken trust and the promises are not being kept. You’re not doing what you said you would do for the person you married. Notice this is addressed to the male side of the marriage. All the women are going, “I love this.” All these marriage passages are what I call elbow passages. Like, “Are you listening to this…this right here, OK?”

Why is this addressed to the men? Obviously, marriage is a two-way street, and it’s very possible the woman was not keeping her vows. It is very clear from scripture where the buck stops for the condition of the family. It is with the man. Garden of Eden…first couple. Who sinned first, the man or the woman? Who does God come looking for in the Garden? Oopps! Isn’t it interesting? Eve is the one who sins first, but when God comes to the Garden, He doesn’t say, “Where are you, Eve?” He says, “Where are you, Adam?” (Genesis 3:9) He holds Adam ultimately responsible for that first sin. He’s looking for the man.

Many years later but only a few chapters later, God comes to Abraham and Sarah, this elderly couple, and says that they’re going to have a little bambino that they’re not supposed to have because it’s been a long time since they were in the child-bearing years. Do you remember how Sarah reacted? She laughed, and later that baby came. They named him Isaac, which means laughter. This is the laughing kid; the one we laughed about.

Angels came, representing the Lord, and it’s interesting who they came looking for. They came looking for Abraham and basically said, “Why did your wife react this way?” (Genesis 18:13) If I was Abraham, I’m going, “Hey, did I laugh? Did you hear me laugh? She laughed! That was a ha-ha-ha, not a ho-ho-ho.” But listen. God came looking for Abraham, and all I can figure is that He was saying, “After all these years with you, you mean she doesn’t believe Me more than that?” Always looking for the man.

When we get to Ephesians 5, the Christ figure in the home is “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). It’s not uncommon for God to address Himself to the male side of the marriage. He’s talking about the husband’s actions toward the wife. Maybe it’s because of this: It seems like the way God has set things up is this way. In the family, the man is the thermostat who sets the temperature. The woman is the thermometer who reflects the temperature set by the thermostat—the man. And the children are the seismographs who register every disturbance. My wife used to have a little saying up in the kitchen—“Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” The guys are going, “Uh-huh.”

The fact is, though, that more than anybody else, dad sets the kind of climate in the home. If dad is stressed, the family’s stressed. If dad’s light-hearted, the family’s light-hearted. If dad’s unselfish, the family tends to be unselfish. If dad’s selfish, the family’s selfish. Fathers come home and they’re like, “Why is everybody acting like this?” Look in the mirror. You’re probably the reason why. It’s the way God set it up. He’s going to talk to the thermostat. He is directing this to the thermostat, but don’t think the wives are off the hook, because certainly the things that are said here apply to the woman as well. It is a two-way street.