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Even Superman Is Breakable

When our 12-year-old son started junior high school, he was very excited because he thought it would be, as he called it, the “happy hunting ground.” After a couple of days, he was pretty shell-shocked. He realized it was going to be tougher than he thought. He said, “I knew that girls were going to be confusing since the fourth grade. Fourth grade is where if they like you, they kick you. I never understood that. Now, I get to junior high and everything is changing. Dad, I have a feeling it's going to be real confusing for a long time.”

The fact is, we've all grown up and it's still confusing. In some ways, the whole business of maleness and femaleness is more confusing than ever.

When I was a kid, I used to watch the TV show, "Superman." I loved to watch Superman flying around in that little black and white half-hour series. He was “faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.” It really hit me hard when a few years later George Reeves, the actor who played Superman in that series, died suddenly, presumably from suicide. Then, strangely, Christopher Reeves, the actor who played Superman on the big screen in the '70s and '80s ended up in an awful horseback riding accident that left him paralyzed. Ironically, both men played an invincible man who showed us that in reality even Superman is breakable.

When we see Superman on TV and in the movies, he has it all together. The fact is, we're raised to be like Superman. We think we've got it under control, we can handle it, and we're in charge. The secret is, there's a lot of bleeding going on inside. There are a lot of scared little boys walking around in grown-up men bodies. There's a lot of us that are hurting and there's a lot of stuff for which we don't have answers. Ever since you were a little boy, people would say, “Now, be a man. Be a man.” Fine, but by whose definition?

What is it that makes you a man? Is it biceps? Is it a big bank account? Is it bedroom conquests? Is it being the boss? Is it owning power tools? What is it that really makes you a man? Our culture has a lot of ideas. Of course, women have not helped us at all. They have always confused the issue, just like my son said in junior high.

I remember getting ready to call a girl for a date. I would sit there staring at the phone for 45 minutes trying to figure out a cool way to do it, because you want to be cool. You must have your lines ready. You're going to say in your manliest voice, “Hey Jennifer, would you like to go out with me on Friday night?” Then, after psyching yourself out, you make the call. She answers the phone, “Hello.” You go, “Hello?” Then you're a mess.

Women haven’t helped us figure out this manhood thing. Today, women are stronger than they have ever been, and they have gotten more and more assertive. They're taking on roles that men used to have exclusively. That's made it pretty confusing.

Then, of course, we have the commercials on TV. Remember those sappy “I love you, man” commercials? Now we have to add sensitivity to our repertoire of things we do. Does that mean we have to wear an apron and carry a diaper bag? It's very confusing, right? You say,“What am I supposed to be: a grizzly bear or a teddy bear? I don't know.”

Now, all of a sudden, relationships are more confusing and the expectations of men are more confusing than they've ever been. It's no wonder that Newsweek wrote an article about “the spiritual crisis of the American man.” How's a man going to figure it out?

Well, you can follow the cultural drumbeat to find your definition of manhood, but the culture is always changing, so your role will constantly be changing. Our best option is to ask the Designer of Manhood, the Creator—God, what a real man should be like.