Читать книгу Beg: Not Until You, Part 5 - Roni Loren, Roni Loren - Страница 4

Chapter 21

“There it is,” Andre said as we cruised down the deserted highway at a speed only a cop could get away with.

“Wow,” I murmured.

The large stone and cedar building cut an impressive silhouette against the star-flecked dome of sky, the behemoth seeming to grow straight out of the sprawling land around it. Warm lights glowed from some of the windows and the front entrance, but everything else about The Ranch screamed, Exclusive! Private!

Andre slowed down as we drove by a sign for Water’s Edge Vineyards. He cruised past the entrance for that building and turned left onto an unmarked drive a quarter mile farther down. A wide, low gate stretched across the road, and he pulled to a stop.

“This place is at a vineyard?” I asked, squinting to see if I could make out any of the grounds in the dark.

Andre rolled down his window and pressed his thumb to a touchpad that was mostly covered by creeping vines. The machine scanned Andre’s fingerprint, the little green light piercing the blanket of night around them. The smell of wildflowers drifted into the car. “The owner, Grant Waters, owns both. He tells anyone who asks that the big building is his private residence.”

The touchpad beeped and the large wooden gate, which looked far from electronic to the naked eye, swung open smoothly. Andre pulled forward, gravel crunching beneath the tires.

“How do people even find out about this place?”

He gave me a sideways glance, his expression unreadable in the near darkness. “The local BDSM community is pretty tight. You know the right people, have the right amount of money, and you’ll hear about this place.”

I gnawed on that for a moment. “So this is your thing, too?”

“I’ll take ‘Things I Don’t Want to Discuss with My Sister’ for five hundred, Alex.”

I huffed. “Stop being such a prude. After what you told me tonight about you, Jace, and Evan, I don’t think much else could shock me.” Then another thought hit me. “Wait a second, if this place is so elite and expensive, how did you get in? No offense, but I can’t imagine a detective’s salary qualifies.”

He sighed, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. “No, it doesn’t. Just the application fee for a dom is ten grand, then there are annual fees.”

“Holy shit,” I said, unable to stop myself. Had Foster spent that much to come here? That’d pay for rent on his apartment for almost a year.

“But I came in as Jace’s guest and got to know the owner. He waived the fee. Plus, I think he likes having a cop on the premises if needed.”

Andre pulled into the parking area and found a spot. I glanced around at all the luxury vehicles lined up in the crude country lot, amazed by the number. There were this many people out at some sex resort on a Friday night? I scanned the lot to see if I could catch sight of Foster’s SUV, but I didn’t know cars well enough to distinguish between one or the other in the scant moonlight.

Andre cut the engine, then held on to the steering wheel, staring forward, not moving.

“What’s wrong?”

The seat groaned beneath him as he adjusted himself to turn toward me. “I’m trying to stop myself from driving you back home or at least putting my hands over your eyes when we walk in. I’m not ashamed of this lifestyle, but I can’t help wanting to shelter you from it all. Things here can be intense. Can’t you wait until Foster’s back home, and you can talk to him then?”

I shook my head. I’d considered that. But knowing Foster was here had urgency building in me. I knew I had told him good-bye, that I had no right to be jealous if he was with some other woman tonight. But even the thought of him touching another had me ready to storm the castle and take him hostage. “I need to see him tonight. Here. In his element.”

Her brother still didn’t look convinced. “Cela, you’re …”

“Going to be fine,” I finished for him. “Dre, I think it’s sweet that you still want to protect me, I do. But I’m tired of always doing what I’m ‘supposed’ to just to make sure you, Papá, and Mamá can feel like I’m safe in my little bubble.” My gaze swept over the building. “There’s a guy in there who made me feel really, truly alive for the first time in maybe forever. I’m not pretending to understand all of this or even my reaction to it. And he may run me out of there. But if I don’t get answers to some questions, I’m always going to wonder.”

Andre stared at me for a long few seconds and then the corner of his mouth lifted like a white flag, signaling my victory. He reached out and touched the tip of my nose. “When you’d get so grown up?”

I snorted and reached for the door handle. “Apparently, during the time you were falling in love with your harem.”

“Touché.” He laughed and climbed out of the car. “And, for the record, Jace would be totally offended that you called it my harem instead of his.”

“Would he now?” I got out and peered at my brother from over the top of the car, a question hovering on the back of my tongue. I shouldn’t ask, but I couldn’t help myself. Curiosity and I were too old of friends. “So is Jace the one, you know, in charge of things within the relationship?”

I couldn’t imagine anyone bossing my brother around, but there was something about Jace that screamed confident authority—a presence about him.

Andre leaned his forearms along the top of the car, his eyes wary again. “Is it important for you to know?”

I fiddled with the strap of my purse, trying to look nonchalant. “I just, well, I’m new to all this, and I was wondering if the whole submissive thing means a person is weak or screwed up or something.”

“Oh, baby girl,” my brother said, his tone going soft. “Of course not.”

But I couldn’t stop now that the fear was spilling out. “I mean, Papá has always wanted to rule my life and I hate that—God, do I hate that. So why would I like it if some guy took control? Why would I want that?”

“Hey,” he said gently as he walked around the front of the car. “Look at me. Do you think I’m weak or screwed up? Do you think Evan is?”

“No. Well, you’re a little screwed up, but not in any padded-room kind of way,” I glanced up with a small smile. “You and Evan are both submissive?”

“Evan is, yes. I’m a switch, so I can enjoy both sides. What you like in this arena doesn’t necessarily translate to who you are outside of it. And it takes just as much personal strength to submit, maybe more, as it does to be the dominant one.”

I nodded, his words giving me more reassurance than I expected. If someone as tough, bossy, and hardheaded as my brother could be submissive even some of the time, then it sure as hell couldn’t be a sign of weakness. “Thanks, Dre.”

He smiled but then pointed a firm finger toward me. “But that doesn’t mean you should jump into this without examining everything closely. It can take a while to figure out if this kind of thing is really for you. And while you’re exploring, you need to make sure you’re with someone who is well-trained and trustworthy, a guy who isn’t going to take advantage of your inexperience.”

“You couldn’t resist one more warning, could you?” I asked, poking his shoulder. “And don’t worry. I have just the guy in mind.”

He grunted, obviously still not sold on this whole idea, but kept his comments about Foster to himself.

I hitched my purse higher on my shoulder. “All right, big brother, I’m ready. Time to get your baby sister into the den of iniquity.”

“Ay, dios mío.” He tilted his face to the heavens as he threw an arm over my shoulders. “I’m so going straight to hell.”

***

Foster paced along the deadly quiet hallway, the dark red walls seeming to pulse around him in time with his thumping heartbeat. He turned up the volume on his earbuds, trying to drown out the oppressive silence with the indie rock playlist Pike had put together on the iPod. The sconces along the walls had been dimmed low, but even the subtle light seemed too much for Foster’s edgy senses. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the grinding beat of the music, on getting into the headspace he needed to be in for his role.

Last time he’d come to The Ranch he’d totally blown it. A submissive he’d played with before had requested to scene with him, and he’d agreed, hoping to chase away the vision of Cela in her paint-spattered clothes, wearing hurt in her eyes. But as soon as he’d gotten the girl restrained, he’d lost all desire to continue. He’d bailed and had to call over another dom he knew she’d played with before to give her the whipping he had planned.

But tonight he was determined to move forward, to stop hanging onto something that couldn’t be. Cela would be gone soon. He’d steered clear of her since she’d left his apartment. Hanging out with her would only lead to him trying to talk her into staying, asking her to change a future she’d worked hard for to be with him—something that would’ve been entirely self-serving.

No, things had to end the way they did. He knew the difference between a sexual, we’re-good-together-in-bed connection and one that had the potential to ignite that all-encompassing, be-mine dominant side of himself. Cela wasn’t the kind a girl to play with, she was the kind he wanted to own—a submissive to train, cherish, and spoil. He’d felt the beginning of the fall the second he’d kissed her on that dance floor, knew that the plunge wouldn’t have been far behind.

He groaned and rubbed his hand over his jaw as he leaned against the wall. Focus, Foster. Stop thinking about her. Grant, The Ranch’s owner, had come to him half an hour earlier, asking him if he was up for scening with a submissive who had a stranger fantasy. Foster usually liked a good role-play, and Grant knew he could be trusted with an inexperienced sub. But the excitement that usually came with such an idea hadn’t materialized. Even so, Foster had downed the rest of his club soda and agreed. Something needed to snap him out of this ruminating.

So here he stood, trying to psych himself up as he waited for one of the dungeon monitors to help the sub get set up on the other side of the door. Grant had told him that the woman didn’t want to know his identity. She’d be blindfolded and bound and was open to him being a little rough. Fine by him. He could stand to get some frustration out. If he could get his brain in order and stay in role that is.

Colby, one of The Ranch’s trainers, stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him, and Foster pulled the earbuds out. Colby nodded at Foster. “She’s ready for you and has been informed of the safe words.”

“Thanks,” he said, rolling his shoulders, trying to push the unease from his system.

“Gotcha a pretty one in there, Foster,” Colby said, his Houston twang filling up the quiet hallway. “But nervous.”

Foster tucked his iPod into the outside pocket of his toy bag. “Nervous good or nervous freaked out?”

“A little of both,” he said, giving a pleased smile that only a fellow dominant could appreciate.

“Beautiful. Thanks, man.”

Colby headed back down the hallway, leaving Foster standing in front of the thick soundproof door. There were discreet cameras inside that would allow the staff to monitor things for safety, but he knew that the sub in there would feel totally isolated and alone nonetheless. He took a deep breath, channeling his dominance, bringing everything into focus. A submissive deserved nothing less than his full attention. She didn’t deserve a dominant who was thinking of someone else.

After one more cleansing breath, he turned the knob and opened the door. It was warmer inside than in the hallway, candles throwing flickering light around the lush space. He’d chosen the playroom that most resembled a high-end hotel suite over one of the dungeons or themed rooms. Most women who wanted the stranger fantasy usually liked the idea of meeting said stranger in a real-life type of setting.

He shut the door behind him slowly, giving his eyes time to adjust to the change in lighting, and enjoyed the sharp little breath he heard from across the room when the door clicked shut. Yes, she was nervous all right. He could almost smell her anticipation mixing with the soft vanilla scent of the candles. Vanilla. He always thought it amusing that Grant only stocked The Ranch with that particular scent. The guy had a sense of humor. Foster blinked, waiting for his vision to sharpen, and then drew in his own sharp breath.

At the base of a large, four-poster bed was the outline of a woman on her knees, back exposed. Her arms were stretched up and out, cuffed to the bed’s posts, and her dark hair was loose down her back, the ends brushing the top of a gorgeous, heart-shaped ass. A hard, trembling ache went through him. Of all the women he could’ve played with tonight, the universe was going to torture him with one who looked like the very one he couldn’t have. He set his toy bag on nearby table, his hand shaking more than he liked.

“I’m here,” he said, the words harsh in the thick silence.

Her arms sagged in the chains, her head dipping forward—in relief or surrender, he wasn’t sure. “Thank you, I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

The softness of her voice, the way her consonants rolled over each other, went straight to his cock and nudged at something in his brain. He wet his lips, a weird electric feeling crackling over his skin. He stepped closer, letting her hear his heavy footsteps, feel his presence. “Tell me why you’re here.”

Her fingers twisted around the chains, her body rocking with that edge of nerves. “Because I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

The response hit him like a swift blow to his sternum, her voice morphing in his ears into Cela’s. He rubbed his forehead, a sick feeling knotting his insides. Now he was going to turn every woman into a version of her?

He let out a long, frustrated breath. “Stand up and turn around.”

Her body went still for a moment, obviously surprised by the command. But after the beat of hesitation, she rose to her feet and turned, crossing her hands above her head to accommodate the bindings. She kept her head down, her hair curtaining her blindfolded face.

Her breasts sat high in her lacy black bra, and the warm glow of her golden skin could inspire prayers of worship, but Foster couldn’t bring himself to take advantage. He could play the jerk when needed, but he couldn’t use a sub while thinking of another woman.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t do this.” He reached out to lift her chin and pull her blindfold off. But when the swath of black silk fell away, everything inside him seemed to short circuit.

Cela’s dark eyes blinked back at him, her teeth tugging at her bottom lip. “Hi.”

He stared back at her, wondering for a moment if he really had lost his mind and was having visions. The two worlds he lived in smashed into each other like cars going the wrong direction on the highway. The sight of Cela here, in this place, was almost too much for his brain to compute. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

She winced, and he immediately regretted the coarse words. But his filter had shut down along with everything else.

“I forced my brother to get me in,” she said, a tiny tremor weaving through her voice.

“You what? Why?” Blood rushed through his ears in a deafening roar. Even with the confusion, his body was reacting to her presence, seeing her like this in front of him. His cock pressed against his leathers, and he had to fist his hands at his sides so he wouldn’t touch her—or demand she touch him.

“I wanted to see you. Needed to see you …” Her gaze traveled down the length of him, her cheeks darkening in a way that made his skin feel too hot.

He raked a hand through his hair, his libido and good sense waging a battle inside him. “Cela, angel, you’re killing me. We agreed to no more.”

“You don’t want me here?”

“Want you?” He scoffed. The universe really did want to fuck with him tonight. “That’s an understatement. You standing here like this is like waving the most tempting of fantasies in front of me. But you know why we can’t.”

“Because I’m leaving.”

“Yes,” he said, frustration building, making his back teeth clamp together. Why did she have to come here and make it worse—extend the torture? Maybe she was the sadist.

“So ask me to stay,” she said, her voice as unsteady as the candlelight flickering wildly in his peripheral vision.

Her words took a moment to translate in his twisted-up mind. Then it hit him—what she was really suggesting. “What?”

She smoothed her lip gloss, her nerves palpable. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the other night. Or any of the nights with you, really. I don’t—I don’t understand this. And I’m scared. I’m not going to pretend I’m not. I don’t know if I can even be … submissive. But ever since I graduated, anytime I think of moving home, I can’t even picture it—leaving my place, leaving a chance at a job I know I would love, and now, leaving you.”

He closed his eyes, the words everything he wanted to hear but nothing he could accept. “Angel, I can’t ask you to stay. You have a whole life waiting for you. What if you walk away from all of that and this doesn’t work out? You’ve only seen a sliver of who I am. You may hate being submissive. It may make you hate me.”

The thought terrified him down to his marrow—the idea of her submitting to him, then realizing she wanted something else, someone else, and walking away after he was already half in love with her.

She smiled. “This isn’t a marriage proposal, Foster. I understand that this could blow up in my face at any moment. But what if I leave and realize this was real, that this feeling I only get with you is more than initial attraction? I wouldn’t be staying for you. I’d be staying for me. I’m tired of following some script someone else wrote for me. I want to live in a place I choose. I want a job that excites and challenges me.” She looked directly at him, her eyes fierce. “I want to try this—with you.”

“Cela …” Desire wrestled with the cold fear curling around his gut. He knew what she was saying. This wasn’t I want to be your submissive. This was I’m curious and want you to show me why this excites me. What they’d done together had stirred up things inside her that she didn’t understand. Home for her meant the status quo, the life she’d always had. He represented the unknown, the wild, the rebellion. And right now, with all the outside pressures on her, she wanted to rebel.

She held his gaze, her eyes shiny in the ambient light. “I can’t promise you that everything is going to work out. This is a gamble. For both of us. I’m asking you to take it with me.”

He reached out, fingering a lock of her hair, her bold bravery wrenching something inside him. Even realizing this was probably a passing whim for her, he couldn’t help but recognize that she was laying way more on the line than he could ever have asked her to. Putting her job back home and plans on hold. Not to mention being willing to try a lifestyle she had no experience with.

Like everything else with her, he found it hard to say no to that kind of leap of faith. “What will happen if you tell your dad you’re not coming home to help him?”

Her gaze shifted away. “It won’t be good.”

He frowned. “Angel, I don’t want you to mess up things with—”

“You were supposed to help me finish my list, right?” she said, cutting him off. “So here’s the rest: Never have I ever … been in a real relationship. I know we’re not there yet. And it scares the crap out of me to even say that word out loud. But I feel something different with you. And I know I don’t have a lot of experience, but I’ve never felt that before. I don’t want to walk away without knowing if this is real.” She glanced up at her chained hands, then back to him. “So, if you’ll have me, I want to be with you, Ian Foster. I want to feel what it’s like to submit to you, sir.”

He was supposed to respond, to say something romantic and brilliant, but her words had knocked him right on his ass. She wanted to stay. She wanted to see what it was like to be his. And she was throwing serious words out there like real and relationship. His heart thumped against his ribs. The risk of starting something with someone who could affect him this quickly, this thoroughly, was downright dangerous. He’d fallen in love—or thought he had—once before and had been blindsided when she’d ended it. But standing there, watching Cela, breathing her in, hearing her take hold of what she wanted, had temptation trampling over all the warning signs that were popping up in his path.

Cela was willing to take a risk on him. Shouldn’t he be brave enough to do the same? If he didn’t have the balls to try something with her, then what kind of coward was he?

He brushed his knuckles along the butter-soft skin of her cheek, allowing himself for the first time to believe that this could work, that maybe the bottom wouldn’t always fall out from under him. It was a scary thing to even consider that hope.

“What do you say?” she questioned, her words holding caution.

He ran his thumb over her plump bottom lip. “You’re so green to all of this, angel. It won’t be easy. If you really want to do this, I would need to train you on how to submit. Would need to show you what this truly entails.”

She tilted her chin upward. “I’m a quick study.”

He smiled, warmth spreading through his body like fast-growing vine as the notion took hold. “Then I can’t imagine anything I could want more than having you stay.”

Her lashes fell against her cheeks, everything in her stature giving way—natural breathtaking submissiveness. “I’m all yours, sir.”

The statement struck him on an elemental level, echoed something he desperately craved. But he wasn’t going to let himself believe it yet. The idea of submission was quite different from the reality. He would need to train her without kid gloves. Not show her just the pleasant parts like he’d done with Darcy. If she could survive that without running away, then maybe … just maybe, he could start to hope.

“Thank you, angel.” He kissed her forehead, breathing in her scent.

Then he unhooked her cuffs and lifted her onto the bed.

Lessons could start later.

Right now he just needed to be inside her.