Читать книгу Loving On the Edge 5-Book Collection: Crash Into You, Melt Into You, Fall Into You, Caught Up In You, Need You Tonight - Roni Loren, Roni Loren - Страница 17

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Soft classical music wrapped around Brynn as she inhaled deeply through her nose, counted to five, then blew the breath out through her mouth.

“Relax your hands, sweetie. You’ve got them clenched so hard, you’re going to make your palms bleed,” Melody said in a quiet voice.

Brynn sighed and sat up from her reclined position on the couch. “This isn’t working.”

Mel frowned and crossed her hands in her lap. “It’s relaxation therapy, not surgery. Maybe you should take a Valium.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, ’cause that’s what I want to do—be drugged up when I hand myself over to a stranger.”

Mel pressed her lips together. “Good point.”

Brynn gathered her hair in her hands and held it off her neck, trying to cool her sweating skin. “I’m going to frigging faint. Right there in the middle of a sex club. Like one of those goats.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Goats?”

“You know, the ones who freeze up and faint when they’re startled.”

“That sounds hilarious,” Mel said, then waved her hand. “I mean, the goats, not you, of course.”

Brynn sank back into the couch and let her hair fall around her shoulders. How could she treat countless clients for post-traumatic stress and not even be able to talk herself down from a panic attack? She ran her hands over her face. “I’m going to lose it.”

Mel stood and crossed the few steps to Brynn, then kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in hers. “Brynn, you are the most kick-ass chick I know and are stronger than this fear. You’re going to be able to do this. If not for yourself, then for your sister.”

Brynn gave her hands a squeeze. “Thanks, Mel.”

A light tap sounded on the door, and Mel rose to unlock it. Cooper poked his head in. “There’s a car here for you.”

Brynn nodded. “Thanks, tell them I’ll be right there.”

He looked from Mel, then back to Brynn. “You gonna be okay, darling?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Mel told you.”

He shrugged. “I dragged it out of her. We’re all just worried about you. You know how the safe word thing works, right?”

“Hell, Cooper. I don’t want to discuss this with you. I’m mortified that you even know where I’m going.”

He leaned his shoulder against the doorframe. “Really, don’t worry about it. I’ve been to a club before. I would never judge you.”

She raised an eyebrow, but kept her questions to herself. She didn’t need to know that much about her boss. “I need to get going. They apparently start initiations promptly at eight.”

Both Mel and Cooper gave her tight hugs, and she shuffled off to her office to grab the suitcase she’d brought into work. The Ranch had insisted on a driver picking her up, saying that only members were allowed parking spaces. But she suspected it was really just another way to show her submission to the process.

She walked past Reid’s office, but the door was closed. Just as well. She’d been avoiding him since Monday, and the last thing she needed was for him to see her in this state. He’d be able to pick up on her fear from thirty yards away. Even after all these years, the man still seemed to be able to read her as if she were wearing a billboard with emoticons on it.

She rolled her bag out of her office and into the front lobby where a lanky, young man waited in one of the chairs. When he saw her, he rose to his feet and straightened his pinstripe suit. “Ms. LeBreck?”

She nodded.

“I’m Adam, I’ll be driving you this evening. Here, let me take your bags.”

She passed the handle of her suitcase to him. “Thanks.”

She followed him outside and shivered. The air had turned cooler, and she wished she’d chosen to wear something besides a sleeveless blouse and linen pants. She rubbed her arms as she rounded the building and turned toward the parking lot. A sleek limo waited for her at the curb and her stomach tightened. She was really going to do this.

Adam pressed a button on his keypad and popped open the trunk, loading her things inside, then turned to her. “You ready, Ms. LeBreck?”

“Guess so,” she said, her voice wavering a bit.

His lips tilted up, the gesture softening his dark looks. “It’s normal to be nervous. But just go with it. The anticipation can enhance the experience.”

Or kill her. One or the other. She gave him a wan smile, and he yanked open the door for her. With one last steadying breath, she stepped forward and climbed in. To her surprise, Adam slid in right behind her. She cocked her head. “Did you need something?”

“I have to prepare you,” he said, grabbing a small bag from the floorboard.

She inadvertently scooted backward. “What do you mean?”

He dug through the bag and pulled out a pair of handcuffs and a blindfold. He held them in front of her. “Your submission starts now, Ms. LeBreck. The safe word at The Ranch is Texas. Now please put out your hands.”

“I’m not even going to get to see where the hell you’re taking me?”

“Hands, Ms. LeBreck. You asked to participate. These are the rules.”

Son of a fucking bitch. She gritted her teeth and held out her arms. With two quick clinks, he locked the cuffs around her wrists.

“Turn around.”

She parked her bound hands in her lap and moved to face away from him. The silk sash slid over her eyes, blocking out all remnants of light. She forced herself to take deep breaths as her nervous system threatened to go into red alert mode. Adam grabbed her shoulders, and she almost jumped out of her skin. “Relax. I’m just leaning you back, so I can get your seat belt on.”

She squeezed her eyes shut behind the sash and fought the frightened tears that brimmed her lids. This man wasn’t going to hurt her; he was doing his job. She had to calm down or she was going to blow it before she even got to the damn place. “I’m sorry.”

He finished strapping her in, and the seat dipped as he moved away. “Settle in. We have a bit of a ride in front of us.”

Jace sat on the edge of the couch in The Ranch’s staging room, his foot tapping. Where was she? Had she changed her mind? She should’ve arrived by now.

He knew the other members were already starting to fill up the common room in anticipation of the new subs coming in. There would be three tonight, but Jace only cared about one. He’d lied when he’d told Brynn he wasn’t going to be at The Ranch for this retreat. He couldn’t let her know he’d be available to be her dom because he knew she would’ve taken him up on the offer. Subs weren’t allowed to make many decisions, but the one they had complete control over was who to play with.

No, he couldn’t offer himself as a choice. He sank back against the sofa and groaned. Let no one ever accuse him of not keeping a fucking promise.

“I thought you said she was scheduled for pickup at six,” he said, glancing at the man sitting on the opposite couch.

Grant chuckled and propped his boot-clad feet on the coffee table, looking every bit the laid-back cowboy. “This one’s important to you, huh?”

“Just an old friend. I know she’s kind of nervous about all this.”

He nodded and took a sip of his soda. “She should be here any minute. I’ll go easy on her.”

Jace didn’t buy that for a second. Grant Waters hadn’t built this level of privacy by chance. He was a master at reading people and didn’t let anyone walk into the place without a thorough observation. Brynn would be no exception. He just hoped to hell Brynn could pull off the whole thing without Grant sensing she was hiding something.

A quick knock on the door made Jace sit up straight again. One of the staff girls poked her head in. “Mr. Austin, your girl just arrived. Are you ready for her?”

Jace rubbed his palms on the legs of his pants and nodded. “Sure, Annalise. Just make sure they don’t tell her my name. She’s a friend and I’d rather her not know who’s preparing her.”

The raven-haired girl arched a pierced eyebrow but kept her opinion to herself and nodded. “No problem.”

A few minutes later, Adam led a blindfolded Brynn into the small room. Even in the soft light, Jace could see the anxiety cloaking her body. Her hands clenched and unclenched in the cuffs and her bottom lip looked puffy, like she’d been gnawing on it.

Adam made sure Brynn was steady on her feet and released her elbow. “Ms. LeBreck, one of our masters is going to get you ready for the initiation while Mr. Waters, our owner, talks with you for a bit. Do you remember your safe word?”

Her throat muscles visibly flexed as she swallowed. “Texas.”

Adam squeezed her shoulder and nodded at Jace. “Enjoy yourself. We’ll make sure to take good care of you.”

Jace rose and crossed the room, the sound of his shoes echoing off the dark wood floors. He walked around Brynn slowly, knowing she’d be able to sense him there and feel the vulnerability of her position. He needed to make this experience as authentic as possible.

Grant’s low drawl came from behind him. “Welcome to The Ranch, Ms. LeBreck. What name do you want to use while you’re here?”

She startled at the sound of his voice, but recovered quickly. “Um, Brynn is fine.”

“Very well, Brynn. Now I just want you to relax. Master J is going to help get you ready for our members. And I’m only here for the pleasure of seeing a new sub prepared for initiation.”

“Wh-What exactly is involved in preparation?” she asked, her words catching in her throat.

Jace frowned. He wanted Brynn to be keyed up. That was a normal sub response. But he hadn’t expected her to be this frightened. He touched her elbow and she flinched.

“Shh,” he soothed.

Grant interrupted, saving Jace from having to reveal who he was by speaking. “He’s just going to get you changed. He won’t step over any lines because you aren’t his, you understand?”

Her shoulders dipped and she nodded. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little freaked out.”

“How come?” Grant asked, putting his feet on the floor and sitting forward, his gaze no doubt taking in every nuance of Brynn’s demeanor. “Your file says that you’ve had a previous D/s relationship. Is it fear of not knowing who your partner is going to be?”

She gave a stiff shrug, and her lip began to tremble.

Oh, hell. Was she going to cry? Jace didn’t know if he’d be able to keep his cover if she crumbled in front of him. A crying chick was his kryptonite. He pitched his voice lower and risked speaking. “You okay?”

She sniffed and pulled her shoulders back, apparently fighting to keep her composure. “I’m fine. I just haven’t been able to give over control to anyone for a long time. You can start getting me ready. I won’t stop you.”

He nodded, even though he knew she couldn’t see him. His fingers trailed down her arm and then pressed the release on her cuffs. She rolled and stretched her wrists, while he moved his hands up to her neckline. He started unfastening her blouse, while Grant continued his questioning. “Why do you think you’ve resisted giving over control?”

Jace reached the end of the buttons and slid her shirt off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. Goose bumps rose on her ivory skin and she shivered. He rubbed her bare arms with his palms, trying to chase the chill for her.

She wet her lips. “I don’t know.”

There was a long pause, and Jace could tell Grant was measuring her every word.

“That’s not true,” Grant said finally, his tone as smooth as silk. “You’re holding something back.”

Shit. Jace shot a warning glance over his shoulder. What had happened to going easy on her? But it was too late. Grant had that look in his eye—the one that said he’d switched into master mode.

“Tell us the real reason, Brynn.”

She began to quiver beneath Jace’s hold on her.

“I… I was raped.”

His hands stilled against her. “What?”

She shook her head. “It was a long time ago. I really don’t want to talk about it. But that’s why I’m here. I want to get past the fear.”

Jesus. That was the personal reason she’d alluded to in his office? So many questions rose in his throat—who, when, and did Reid know? He’d bet his left nut Reid had no idea. Otherwise, his friend would be in jail for killing the fucker who’d hurt her. Shit. No wonder she was shaking like a frightened puppy.

Grant rose from the couch and came to stand in front of Brynn, his normally unreadable face full of concern. “Do you want me to tell my members what you’re dealing with so they can take that into account?”

She wagged her head. “No, please don’t tell anyone. I can’t even believe I told you. I just want to blend in. No special treatment. And please,” she said, her voice edging on desperate, “Master J, keep going.”

Jace bent to slip off her heels, his mind still reeling, and Grant reached out and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. He leaned forward a bit as if he was making eye contact with her despite her blindfold. “Brynn, you’re extremely brave to come here and do this. But you need to be careful. I’m as concerned about the mental well-being of my customers as their physical safety. I don’t want you to push yourself too far. You understand?”

“Yes,” she said, her voice sounding tiny in comparison to Grant’s firm tone.

Grant continued, “If at any time you need out, a break, whatever, you use that safe word. There is no shame in exercising that right.”

She nodded, straightening under his touch. “Thank you. But I’ve given this a lot of thought. I want to do this. I need this.”

“Well, then I hope we can provide you with what you’re seeking. I’m going to let Master J finish getting you ready, but if you need anything while you’re here, don’t hesitate to ask me.”

“Thank you.”

Grant stepped away and slipped out of the room, nodding at Jace as he left.

Jace eased her pants down her legs, then ran a palm along her calf to indicate she should step out of them. Once he gathered all her things from the floor, he rose and took in the view.

God, she was a gorgeous girl. Even though years had passed, she looked as sexy as she had that first night he’d seen her strip for Reid in his driveway—all curves and soft femininity, her creamy skin standing out in contrast to her black satin bra and panties. But who knew under all that softness was a woman tough enough to suffer a rape, then come to a place like this to try to heal herself. He shook his head in awe.

Whomever she ultimately decided to give her submission to was one lucky bastard.

He just hoped to God she’d choose correctly and not hand herself over to someone who could exploit her fear.

Brynn could feel Master J’s eyes on her and wondered what was going through his mind. She couldn’t believe that she’d told him and Grant about the rape. But now she was glad she had. Despite her raging anxiety, telling them the truth about why she was here—or at least part of it—had somehow managed to ease her down from a panic attack.

“I’m going to bind you now, Brynn. Just relax,” said Master J, who’d been silent most of the time she’d been in here.

She tilted her head, something about the way he’d said her name giving her pause, but then the thought flew from her mind when his fingers touched her throat.

Master J wound something around her neck. The smell of new leather filled her nose, and fingers of fear wrapped around her windpipe again. After a quick clink of metal, he tugged at the collar. “Is that too snug?”

She swallowed past the tightness in her throat. “It’s fine.”

His footfalls echoed off the floor as he moved behind her. A warm hand gathered her wrists and bent her arms behind her back into L-positions. Leather cuffs locked around them and when she tested the hold, the collar around her neck pressed against the hollow of her throat, causing her to cough.

“Easy. It’s all connected to a strip down your back. Move one thing, it moves all of it.”

Officially trapped. She bit her lip and nodded. She would… not… cry. This was just sex. Sex. It was supposed to be fun. Used to be great. None of these guys were here to rape her. There were rules and surveillance cameras. She had her safe word.

“It’s time, Brynn.”

Her stomach threatened to heave.

Master J clasped her upper arm and eased her forward on her bare feet. “I’m going to walk you into our common room. All the members interested in taking on a new sub will be there. You are to remain on your knees with your head down until someone addresses you. If someone wants to take you on, they will stand in front of your post. Only after everyone has made their selections will your blindfold come off. At that point, you’ll be able to choose who you want to be with. Understand?”

“What if I don’t want any of them?”

He sniffed. “Then you go home.”

The squeak of a door swinging open made her suck in a breath. The soft buzz of conversation washed over her as the air temperature around her warmed. They had arrived. A crowded room, and she was half-naked and bound for all to see. Her legs wobbled beneath her, and Master J’s grip tightened on her arm to keep her from falling. “Almost there.”

A few more steps and he halted her. “On your knees.”

He helped her bend, and her knees landed on a soft pallet. His hand ran along the back of her hair. “Choose wisely, doll.”

She reared up like someone had pinched her. Only one person had ever called her doll. She turned her head and opened her mouth to ask the question, but he cut her off.

“No more talking.” And with that she heard his footsteps fade.

Well, hell.

A sharp tinkling sound cut through the hum of voices—metal on a wine glass she guessed. “Members, it’s time for the ­initiation. For those of you participating tonight, please step forward. For those here to watch, please have a seat.”

Brynn sat back on her calves and flexed her fingers, her arms starting to tingle from the restricted position. This was it. No turning back now. She said a silent prayer that she’d get someone who would go easy on her. Heavy footfalls circulated around her, and the air shifted as people stepped into her space, bringing a mix of male scents to her nose—cologne, soap, sweat. She set her mouth in a firm line and kept her expression smooth, determined to keep her fear hidden.

A finger pressed under her chin, lifting her face to some unknown suitor. “What’s your name, beautiful?”

Her heart crashed against her ribs, her panic rising like mercury in a thermometer. She cleared her throat and tried to keep her voice even. “Brynn.”

“Have you been in a D/s relationship before?” asked another male voice.

“Once, a long time ago.”

There were a few murmurs of approval, and the first man released her chin. Then a third voice, deep and melodic, chimed in. “Did you love the guy or was it a casual relationship?”

She wrinkled her forehead, confused by the question. “Does it matter?”

“Answer the question, sub.”

She clenched her jaw. “I loved him.”

“But you think you can keep it casual now?” asked the first man.

She nodded. “I know I can.”

The men asked a few more questions, then the sound of the clinking glass hushed everyone again. “Time to choose.”

Brynn’s head swam and sweat beaded her skin. She dug her nails into her palms and started counting backward from one hundred in her head, a habit she had picked up as a child when she’d wake up from nightmares in an empty house.

Ninety-nine.

Feet shuffled around her.

Ninety-eight.

The strong smell of cigar smoke filled her head as someone else neared.

Ninety-seven.

What if she couldn’t handle it? What if she was repulsed by all her choices? Tears gathered beneath her lids.

Ninety-six.

She tightened her fists and focused on the image of her sister when she was little—blond pigtails and wide, trusting eyes—­before she and Kelsey had been tainted by the world around them. Brynn tilted her chin up.

Ninety-five.

It didn’t matter who was standing in front of her. She would do what she needed to do. She was tired of living with this crippling fear. And on top of that, her sister needed her. If she fainted like one of the damn goats, then so be it. A hand touched the back of her head and yanked at the knot on her blindfold.

Ninety-four.

The wisp of silk fluttered to the floor, and Brynn blinked as her eyes adjusted to the low lighting of the room. Three sets of shoes came into vision.

“Lift your head, Brynn, and choose your master.”

Brynn raised her eyes and stared into the familiar blues of Reid Jamison.