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Proverbs 22:6

Anyone who has an opinion about an issue has to have a belief that shapes and supports that idea. In my case, it has been my experience in working with young people, counseling parents, and relying on the strong counsel of Scripture. Each has played a major part in shaping the way I feel as to the best method in which to develop a productive and respectful child.

In most cases, parents will agree that what they want most from their child is for that child to obey. They want that child to do what he or she is told. Whether it is an immediate command while the child is in front of the parents or behavior expected when the child is out of their sight, parents want the child to obey. That child might not make all A’s in school, but that child can follow the rules. Parents are not expecting too much in this situation. The Bible is clear about how to develop an obedient child: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov. 22:6).

This text implies that there is a responsibility for each parent to do the work of training the child. This training is not the responsibility of the government, the school teacher, or the church. If you have a child in this world, it is your primary job, your duty, to train that child to go in a certain direction. To “train” means to mold, to assist in development. That is what a good parent does. The parent molds and trains the child to hold a certain belief pattern. Teaching this behavior is not a part-time job and cannot be done just on the weekends. Training does not start at the age of two; no, training starts at day one, at the point of conception. While that baby is in the womb, you should be thinking and preparing for your child’s arrival and your charge to develop a great addition to this society. This endeavor is one of the more important, if not the greatest, tasks of any human. We have to begin to see our children as a proud project that lasts for the rest of our lives, because we never finish being a parent; we just move to another stage.

In my experience, I have come across children who were called “good” and those who were called “bad.” What is important to understand is that in both cases, these children had an adult who contributed to either label. The fact is, a “good” child is not an accident, but neither is a “bad” child. I realize that those titles are relative. I know that a “good” or “bad” child is not someone specific. I also know that no parent likes to see his or her lovely child labeled as “bad.” However, if your three-year-old child does nothing you ask or if you are afraid of the child to whom you gave birth, what other label can be applied?

To be honest, lack of discipline is one of the main problems. I see parents not correcting inappropriate behavior and activity when it happens, so the child thinks that the behavior is all right. The child continues the behavior because no one wants to say, “Houston, we have a problem.” What happens in many cases is that when the problem is overlooked, the behavior gets worse. At this point, the child is getting older and harder to mold. The next thing you know, the same person who would not say, “Houston, we have a problem” will say, “I can’t do anything with this child.” The parent is afraid of his or her own child. Far too many times, I have witnessed these behaviors, and I feel the situation seems to be getting worse. Some say the problem may be that parents are getting younger. I am not sure if that is the reason, because some young parents do quite well training their little ones. Then there are older parents who have children that are out of control; therefore you cannot just say the problem is for young parents only. “Good” children, those who are obedient and respectful, have come from young parents as well as older parents; so age, in most cases, does not matter.

It really comes down to the “will” of the parent. The parent has to be willing to do whatever needs to be done to develop a productive, obedient child. We all want obedient children, but are we willing to do the work? People are always saying what they want, but wishing is not enough. You have to be moved to do what will turn your want into reality. For example, I can want my car to be clean. I can desire that it be clean; but until I actually put suds into motion, my car will not get cleaned and it definitely will not clean itself. The same applies to parenting. In many cases, the parent makes the child “bad” or “good.” The actions or inactions of the parents influence the final results. We, in fact, create the child. I am aware that you cannot be with your child 24/7, but the time you do have with that child needs to contain deliberate and targeting lessons that mold that child into becoming obedient. I believe the word “obedient” is better than good or bad, but “bad” gets people’s attention, and the word is universal. Really, that is my aim, to get people’s attention. Maybe we need to get mad or even embarrassed enough to change. If parents start doing what is needed to produce obedient children, they will find that the results will be the most valuable reward ever. There is no doubt that the effort is worth it. I hope that there exists at least one parent that says, “You know, he is right; it is time to make a change NOW!” I will admit, the longer you wait, the harder the process will be; but if you are committed and willing to stay the course, you can do it, no matter how old your child is. You just have to be strong and consistent.

I have been able to see both sides, the obedient as well as the disobedient. I have observed that the parents that have had children who were called good worked at it and took the position of being a parent to heart, and it simply paid off. Hard work always does.