Читать книгу Last Letters to Loved Ones - Rose Rouse - Страница 9

Gunner Lee Thornton, 22 years old, from Blackpool was fatally shot after volunteering to take part in a dangerous patrol north of Basra in Iraq on 7 September 2006. His close friend, Corporal Stephen Wright, was killed by a roadside bomb on the same patrol the day before. Lee was in the 12th Regiment Royal Artillery and he was the 118th British soldier to be killed in Iraq and the third from his unit to be killed in three days.

Following an unofficial army tradition, which goes back to World War I in the UK, Lee had written a last letter to his fiancée, 21-year-old Helen O’Pray, just in case he did not return. It was a tenderly handwritten letter which he hoped would never be opened. Lee had secretly entrusted it to her parents when he had visited her home for her 21st birthday. The couple were due to marry in 2008 after he’d completed his second tour of Iraq. Tragically, that marriage was never to be.

Helen said at the time, ‘I cannot put into words how I feel about losing Lee. He was my life and I’ll never forget him. There are no words that can describe how I felt when I read the letter for the first time. I love him so much. He was kind, generous and everything you would want in a man. I miss him dearly and this letter just shows how much I meant to him.’

Helen and his parents were at his side at a military hospital in Germany when he died. The doctors tried hard to save him but could not. He was killed by a single shot. His father, Mick, said afterwards, ‘He’s an absolute hero. Everyone who met Lee knew they were meeting someone special. We will never forget him or what he achieved.’

This is the incredibly passionate last love letter that Lee wrote to Helen. It is poignant how direct he is about his love for her. It’s as if being in a war zone, and therefore facing death, enabled him to articulate feelings he may never have been able to express in a face-to-face encounter.

Hi babe,

I don’t know why I am writing this because I really hope that this letter never gets to you, because if it does that means I am dead. It also means I never had time to show you just how much I really did love you.

You have shown me what love is and what it feels like to be loved. Every time you kissed me and our lips touched so softly I could feel it. I got the same magical feeling as our first kiss. I could feel it when our hearts get so close they are beating as one. You are the beat of my heart, the soul in my body; you are me because without you I am nothing. I love you, Helen, you are my girlfriend, my fiancée and my best friend.

You are the person I know I could turn to when I needed help … you are the person I looked at when I needed to smile and you are the person I went to when I needed a hug. When I am away it is like I have left my soul at your side. You have shown me so much while you have been in my life that if I lost you I could not live. You have shown me how to live and you have shown me how to be truly happy. I want you to know that every time I smile that you have put it there. You make me smile when others can’t, you make me feel warm when I am cold.

You have shown me so much love and so much more. I want you to know how much you mean to me. You are my whole world and I love you with all my heart, you are my happiness.

There is no sea or ocean that could stop my love for you. It is the biggest thing I have ever had.

When I say I love I am trying to say … that you make me feel warm and great about myself, you make me smile and laugh every day; you make time to talk to me and listen to what I have to say. I know God put me and you on this earth to find each other, fall in love and show the rest of the world what true love really is.

I know this is going to sound sad but every night I spent away I had a photo of you on my headboard. Each night I would go to bed, kiss my fingers then touch your face. I put the photo over my bed so you could look over me as I slept. Well, now it is my turn to look over you as you sleep and keep you safe in your dreams.

I will always be looking over you to make sure you’re safe. Helen, I want to say something and I mean this more than I ever did before. You were the love of my life, the girl of my dreams.

Just because I have passed away does not mean I am not with you. I’ll always be there looking over you keeping you safe.

So whenever you feel lonely, just close your eyes and I’ll be there right by your side. I really did love you with all I had, you were everything to me.

Never forget that, and never forget I will always be looking over you. I love you, you are my soulmate.

Love always and for ever,

Lee

* * *

Neil Downes, 20, a guardsman from Droylsden near Manchester, joined the army when he was just 17. He’d already completed a posting in Basra, and had been in Afghanistan for 12 weeks. Neil was on patrol with Afghan troops in an operation to widen and deepen irrigation ditches when his truck hit a landmine, which exploded. He was killed on 9 June 2007 while serving with the 1st Battalion of the Grenadier Guards; four of his comrades were injured. Neil was the 60th British soldier to die in Afghanistan since 2001.

He had written a surprisingly casual-sounding last letter to his girlfriend, 19-year-old Jane Little, a trainee business travel consultant who had met him in her hometown, Aldershot, seven months earlier. But the tone probably originates from his naïveté – in other words, he just couldn’t imagine actually dying. Neil had told his Major that he was thinking of asking her to marry him. When she found out after he’d been killed, she declared that she would have definitely become his wife if he’d asked her.

Neil Downes

He also wrote another last letter to his parents, Sheryl and Ronnie, that was only to be opened in the event of his death. In that letter, he wrote, ‘Please do not be mad at what has happened. I did what I had to do and serving the British Army was it.’

His mother said, ‘We are very proud that he served as a soldier. We wouldn’t have stood in his way.’

Neil’s last letter to Jane is all the more touching because it seems to be from a 20-year-old soldier who is so innocent on the subject of his own mortality and the terrible effects of war. It’s almost shockingly light-hearted, filled with little jokes. By writing it, he is fulfilling a duty, but his naïveté has yet to be punctured.

However, the unbelievable did happen. Jane receives some small comfort in this letter. ‘It is hard to read the letter but it does help,’ she has said. ‘I will never forget him.’ She also said, ‘He was the perfect boyfriend. I am immensely proud of him and all he did.’

Hey beautiful,

I’m sorry I had to put you through all this, darling. I’m truly sorry.

Just thought I’ll leave you with a last few words.

All I wanna say is how much I loved you, and cared for you. You are the apple of my eye, and I will be watching over you always.

Mary-Jane, Ian, Tom, Craig, Lee, thank you all for accepting me in to be able to care for your daughter/sister. I will not forget how nice you have been to me!

Bet now my bloody lottery numbers will come up! Ha ha.

Jane, I hope you have a wonderful and fulfilling life! Get married, Have children, etc!

I will love you forever and will see you again when you’re old and wrinkly!

I have told my parents to leave you some money out of my insurance so have fun bbz!

Ok… gonna go now, beautiful.

Love you forever…

Neil

* * *

Private Leon Spicer, 26 years old, from Tamworth in Staffordshire, was killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq during May 2005, just one week before he was due to leave the country. He had written a heart-wrenching last letter to his parents only to be opened in the event of his death. Despite being badly spelled, it is a powerfully emotive letter. He manages to express very tender love for his parents and family, which he may not have been able to do in person. At least this offers his loved ones some solace.

His mother Bridie has said, ‘It was so sad but, at the same time, such a comfort. It was lovely to know there was so much love there.’

Dear Mum and Dad,

If u’r reading this I’ve gone somewhere that all of you haven’t. Don’t cry cos if u do, I’ll have a word with GOD and tell him not to let you all in.

Right then, I new what could happen to me but it was my job, and I wanted to do it. Remember, I LOVE YOU ALL (u and dad more) ONLY JOKEING! Gerard’s the best brother any brother could ask four and as 4 NINA, my only sister, I loved her to bits.

Leon Spicer

So stop crying, cos I am as I write this.

I’ve had the BEST LIFE out of any one in the whole world. Right then, mom what can I say about u? If I wanted to say everything I would need about 10 million note books but I can put it into 5 words – THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!

PS I need to count cos I do believe there where six words

Now DAD u’r the BEST DAD IN THE WORLD and I hope u’ve known it. I love u so much, we had everything in comen, but I think I took scouting too far (ie I JOINED THE ARMY) between u and me, we were the only ones that could survive in the woods.

I loved everything that u done and wanted to do it from camping to being a leader.

RIGHT I’m going to bed to tell Grandmar how much I love her, she’s the best in the world and tell to look after Edey.

SEE YOU ALL SOON. I’LL BE THERE WAITING FOUR YOU ALL.

Lots of LOVE

LEON xxx

* * *

Ben Hyde

Ben Hyde

Lance Corporal Ben Hyde, 23 years old, from Northallerton in North Yorkshire, was a military policeman who was killed by a mob at Majar al-Kabir, near Basra, in July 2003. Ben’s hospital- porter dad, John, said he was proud of the bravery shown by his son and his comrades during their last moments when a gang of Iraqi insurgents executed them inside a police station.

Ben was buried with full military honours and his coffin was draped with the Union flag, red beret, white belt and regimental bayonet. His last letter was read out by the padre Jonathan Ball and hundreds of mourners lined the streets and listened to Ben’s brave, generous last words to his parents. This is a mature last letter which even mentions forgiveness, showing that Ben is able to have a wider perspective.

Dear Mum and Dad

If you are reading this, then you will know I won’t be coming home. I am up in the stars now looking down on you making sure that you are safe.

I am sorry for all the times I have been a pain but I know the good times outweighed the bad tenfold.

Thank you for being the best parents anyone could ever have wished for and you gave me everything I could ever have wanted and more.

You have both got long lives ahead of you yet so make sure you make use of every second you have because sitting here writing this now I know just how precious time is.

Tell the rest of the family I was thinking of them and make sure they all take care.

Forgiveness is something every body deserves because one day, it may be too late.

Remember that every time you are thinking of me, I am thinking of you too. Look after yourselves,

All my love,

Ben

* * *

Anthony Butterfield, a 19-year-old marine, was from California, and he joined up straight after school. He was one of four marines who were killed when a suicide bomber caused a propane truck to explode in Rawah, Iraq, on 2 July 2006. He’d been in Iraq for four months.

He wrote this last letter to his family, and the reader can’t help but be aware of how young the writer is, and how little of life he has actually experienced. That is the underlying tragedy. Somehow, his everyday home memories emphasise how unsafe his everyday military life was. One of his fellow marines described afterwards how much he had been looking forward to seeing his mother again. Of course, tragically, he never did.

Hi Mom, Dad, Britney, Jeremy, and Bailey,

If your getting this letter then I’m sure you’ve already heard. I’m so sorry. But know that I am safe now. I’m with God watching over you. I’ll always be with you all. You’ll know when I’m around because you’ll feel me. I wanna tell you all some special memories I’ll always hold on too.

Staying up late with you, mom, watching the food channel while you rub my back, or when I was little and you’d always get me a glass of chocolate milk with a lid and a straw.

Anthony Butterfield

With you, Dad, going out on the sidecar and driving to volleyball tournaments, just you and me.

Britney when you used to drop me off at school and I thought I was so cool cause all my friends got rides from there parents. You were always like a second mom to me Brit, trying to hold my hand crossing the street.

Jeremy you and me always building cool ass stuff. A wagon with an engine, a bicycle with an engine, and a bicycle sidecar. Or just chillin in the backyard riding motorcycles for hours.

Bailey, remember all those late nights when you’d come into my room and we’d just talk. And just hangin out with my little sister.

I always loved going to the beach house as a family and spending time with each other constantly smiling playing in the sand. I thank god every day for blessing me with such an amazing family. You all mean the world to me. I hope I’ve made you all proud. I love you all with all of my heart and please don’t be sad, just know that I made it to heaven before you and will see you all again.

Your loving son/brother,

Anthony Edward Butterfield

* * *

Thirty-two-year-old Glen Arnold, a Canadian corporal, was killed by a suicide bomber during a foot patrol in the Panjumi district of Afghanistan.

The night before he left for Afghanistan, he sent a farewell email to his entire family – his parents, his wife, his four children, his sister and his three brothers. He wanted to make sure he had said goodbye in case he died. At the time, his nine-year-old nephew Jackson was in hospital with severe burns.

Glen had been in the armed forces for 14 years and was a medical technician. He’d served in war-torn Sri Lanka and Bosnia-Herzegovina, but, sadly, he didn’t survive Afghanistan.

His last email is full of kindness and generosity of spirit; it’s a testament to Glen’s loving nature. As he’s older than many of the soldiers whose letters have been published in this collection, there is a noticeable maturity in his attitude towards life and his family. He wants to leave them words that have meaning and that will, in some way, take care of them. He leaves them with the warmth and depth of his feeling for them.

It’s been a long time in coming but, to many, including myself, not long enough. I have only hours before it is time to leave. During my time away, I have a few short words for some. Dean, Jackson and Bailey… I know that the three of you have started on the long road of healing. A tragic accident has occurred and you have found yourselves to be closer than you thought. Dean, you find that your kids love you more than you thought possible, and Bailey and Jackson, you see that Dad will do anything it takes for you. Dean, worry about your family, not me. That is my wish. I love you and am proud of the way you have handled everything so far. You are a man I admire.

Mom and Dad… I find myself in a position that is tearing at your soul. You have a son and grandchildren who need you while you have to see your other son separated from his family to go on a mission many don’t understand or support. I can only imagine the agony this causes. You have made the right choice, though, in staying at Dean’s side.

Wayne, Lynn and Lance… you find yourselves seeing a brother depart on a mission that has more than its share of tragedy; this is widely public in the media. You question will this happen to your family, a tragic spotlight is no place for anyone to find themselves in. Since it is me leaving, I can’t even imagine the position you find yourselves in or the feelings that come with it. Support Dean, he needs your help.

All other family and friends… I know that you will be wondering how I am doing. I will try to send emails out to let you all know every now and again. Pray for my family and hold proud. Mostly pray for Dean, Jackson and Bailey.

Kerry… my wife. I keep you for last not because that is your lot in life but because that is how important you are to me. You mean the world to me and I will never be able to express the appreciation I have for the love and support you have shown me. You have made it possible for me to be with injured family when you could have been selfish and you have never once asked me to push my career aside although I know at times it hurts you. I pray for the strength to emulate your courage and strength.

Jessica… You have made me proud to call you my daughter, I have faith in you and I know that you will succeed in anything you do. You are a talented, bright and a beautiful young lady. Please help your mother while I’m gone and have patience with her emotions in my absence.

Katie… I know that you will miss me and I will miss you too. I love you Katie. I don’t know how this email will reach you because I don’t have your email address that works.

Sam… I will miss you, I love you and I will be back.

Connor… I hope that you never forget me and that you will always be proud of what I do.

Till next time.

I love you all,

Glen

* * *

Private William Cushley, a 21-year-old Canadian, was killed in battle with the Taliban in Afghanistan on 3 September 2006.

The morning he left for Afghanistan, his mother Elaine dropped him off at the bus stop. He gave her one last hug and left for Kandahar. She bet him $50 that she would not cry but, as soon as he got on the bus, she lost her bet. Will must have anticipated that this was an extremely dangerous posting, because he left a handwritten last note for his mother just in case he died. If he had lived, she would never have had to open it. Sadly, she read it.

If you are reading this, I’m sorry, but I will not be coming back home. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me. I really do appreciate it. You were always there for me even when I didn’t want you to be. I have one last favour to ask you. In this envelope is two more letters, one for Tasha, one for Brandy. If you could please deliver them to them I would really appreciate it.

I just want you to know that I love you and that I fought bravely and did everything I could to come home. Do not weep too much, I will always be with you in heart and spirit. Love always and forever,

Will

PS You can keep the $50! LOL.