Читать книгу Dawn In My Heart - Ruth Axtell Morren - Страница 9

T ertius lay on the narrow ledge. He dared not move or he’d fall over the edge. He couldn’t see over it but felt instinctively the drop into the darkness had no end. Like the terror that gripped him, it was black and bottomless.

The tension in his muscles from keeping against the wall was dissipating his energy at a rapid rate.

A sudden spasm jerked him over the side. His heart in his throat, his body free-falled. He opened his mouth to scream but no sound came forth.

He awoke with a jerk into the dark room. Immobilized by fear that overwhelmed his reason, his every faculty, it took a moment to realize he was safe. It had been nothing but a dream.

Relief came in a slow wave that loosened his muscles, which were tight like twisted rope. As the reality of pillow and covers intruded on his consciousness, he relived the dream from the viewpoint of wakefulness. A sense of familiarity hovered over it.

As his breathing slowed and he listened to his heartbeat, he searched his memory. He’d been there before. As his thoughts cleared and sharpened from the deep sleep he’d been in, he remembered.

He’d dreamed of the ledge during his last fever.

The details finally faded, and he became aware of his actual surroundings—soft bed under him, hangings at each corner of the bedposts, pillow cushioning his head. As he took in each detail, he became conscious of something else present in the room.

The brief relief at waking evaporated as a new evil confronted him. He wasn’t alone. His heart stepped up its pace again as the malignant presence at the end of the dark room made itself felt. It sat there, heavy and still, biding its time before it closed in on him.

He tried to call out but couldn’t. Something gripped his throat and kept him mute. He tried moving his mouth, but it didn’t respond to his commands.

Before all rational thought left him, the sensation receded, and at last he knew he was truly alone with the natural darkness. He remained paralyzed, voluntarily now, for several moments, his reason doubting what his senses told him.

As the darkness continued to feel normal, Tertius finally dared to move. Slowly, he drew back his bedcovers and felt for a candle. With shaking hands, he managed to light it.

The room was empty. His focus traveled to every reach of it. Everything appeared as he had left it when he’d extinguished his lamp last night. The long shadows of bedposts and hangings danced about in the candlelight, and he realized the hand that held the taper was still shaking, so he set it down.

He got back into his bed, propping up the pillows to rest against them. He wasn’t a coward. He’d faced down plenty of dangers in his life. So why this blind panic in the face of an invisible danger? It was only a dream—it had to be. There was nothing in the room.

He wiped the sweat from the upper part of his lip.

He’d thought the dreams were finished when he’d gotten over his illness. Why were they coming again? And this latest phenomenon? It had been no dream; he’d been awake. What did it mean?

He was in England now. Somehow he’d thought nothing could follow him here.

Sky slept late the next morning. The bright sunshine made him laugh at his foolish terrors of the previous night. After a good breakfast, as he sat in his father’s office going over papers given him by his father’s solicitor, he was able to forget it completely.

A soft knock on the door interrupted his concentration.

“Yes?” he called out.

The butler opened the door. “Lady Althea has come to pay her respects. Would you like me to show her in? I have put her in the morning room.”

Tertius swore under his breath. He had no desire to see his half sister. What did she want? He thought he’d never have to see her again once she reached her majority and left the family seat of her own accord.

“Very well,” he finally said, as the butler stood awaiting his decision. “Show her in here.” Let her see he was busy and couldn’t take time for a family reunion.

A few minutes later the young woman entered and stood by the door without moving farther into the room. The door closed softly behind her, and he was left facing the sibling he hadn’t seen in over ten years.

She hadn’t changed much, he noted, except for her unfashionable attire. She, too, was in mourning for their brother, Edmund.

“Hello, Tertius.”

The very tenor of her voice exasperated him. It reminded him of some fearful servant, ready to cringe at its master’s raised voice. It enraged him, since she’d never been mistreated by his family. On the contrary, she’d received every largesse.

He rose slowly from his desk and came toward her. “Hello, Althea. How’ve you been keeping?” he asked in an offhand tone as he motioned her to a chair.

She seated herself and loosened her bonnet strings. “Very well, thank you. I only just heard you had returned or I would have been by earlier.”

“No hurry. I won’t be going anywhere soon.”

“I’m sorry about Edmund. It was a tragic loss.”

He inclined his head a fraction to acknowledge the condolence. “Still shaming the family name with those Methodist practices?” he couldn’t help asking as he flicked a speck of lint off the leg of his pantaloons, pretending a carelessness he was far from feeling.

He watched the color creep over her cheeks. Her hair, the same burnished gold he remembered, was no longer in two pigtails, but pulled back into a tight chignon. No loose curls framed her face. Not for pious Althea. How dare she pretend such holiness when her roots were so tainted? Time and distance had not diminished the impotent rage he felt every time he thought about her origins.

“I am still at the mission,” she said quietly. “I don’t believe I am shaming the Pembrokes in any way. I never took the family name. There is no reason for anyone to connect me to your family.”

“Yes, so Father told me,” he drawled. “You go simply by ‘Miss Althea Breton.’ How noble of you to carry the burden of your illegitimacy so bravely on your small shoulders.”

She smiled at him, a smile that struck him as resigned, and he felt renewed annoyance.

“I don’t carry any burden except those the Lord gives me, and that usually has to do with people you don’t know nor will ever chance to know.”

He said nothing but sat beating a tattoo against his pant leg, awaiting the reason of her visit. Was she going to ask for some donation for her charitable work? Hadn’t Father already been more than generous in his settlement on her?

“Your father sent a note letting me know of your return.”

“Our father, don’t you mean? Isn’t that what he wants you to call him? As well as take your rightful place among us and let the world know your true parentage now that Mother is gone?”

She swallowed and looked down at her clasped hands. “I’m sorry, Tertius. I have no desire to hurt either you or your mother’s memory. I usually still refer to Father as my guardian. I still think of him in that way,” she added with a small smile.

“How nice of you to consider my mother’s sensibilities,” he sneered.

She ignored the gibe and instead asked, “Did you have a good journey back?”

“The seas were calm for the most part,” he replied, a part of him regretting his lack of manners. What was the matter with him? It wasn’t Althea’s fault who her parents were. But he’d never been able to stop blaming her for having been so blatantly thrust under his mother’s nose. The late marchioness had been forced to endure the presence of a child who so clearly was not a “ward,” but the result of one of her husband’s many indiscretions.

“Father said you had been ill, and that’s why you couldn’t come any sooner,” Althea continued.

“Yes, that is so. But I’m fully recovered now.”

“I’m glad. You—you look thin,” she said in the soft, hesitant tone that never failed to irk him.

He shrugged. “So everyone tells me.” He made a point of pulling out his watch and snapping it open, wanting above anything for this interview to be over. He felt out of sorts and ill-humored. It was the poor night he’d had that was making him behave so surly.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you at your work,” she said at once. “I merely wanted to welcome you back and tell you how sorry I was about Edmund.”

He felt another twinge of guilt at his incivility. He was quite some years older than she—at least a decade—so he hadn’t had much contact with her growing up. But whenever he’d come home from school, he’d catch glimpses of her. His father seemed to keep her well hidden on the large estate.

She’d always been cowering behind somebody’s apron, usually a housekeeper’s or servant’s, those shy eyes looking out at him, a thumb stuck in her mouth.

He studied her critically. Her black dress with its narrow white ruffle high at the neck made her look older than her twenty-three or twenty-four years.

“How old are you now, Althea?” he asked abruptly.

She looked surprised at the question. “Twenty-four,” she answered softly.

Tertius hated that diffidence. It had always annoyed him and brought out the worst in him. “You look older,” he lied. In truth, she still looked young; it was her clothing and hairstyle that added years.

She didn’t seem affected by the implied insult. He preferred a more spirited person. An image of Lady Gillian rushing to save a stray flashed through his mind. Her passionate defense of the mangy mutt stirred something in him like nothing else had in a long time.

“You look older than I remember,” she said with a gentle smile. “You were a dashing young man of five-and-twenty when you left, and I was an awkward girl of fourteen, fearfully in awe of you and Edmund both.”

“I hardly remember you,” he replied, unable to stop his digs.

“I doubt you would. You were a young gentleman about town and I was away at school by then.”

She stood and began retying her bonnet. He stood as well and waited for her to put her gloves back on.

He didn’t thank her for coming. The words stuck in his throat. No matter how much his rational mind told him to treat her with courtesy, his gestures wouldn’t follow suit.

“I’ll show you out,” he said.

“There’s no need to accompany me. I’ll see myself out.”

“As you wish.” He accompanied her only to the door of the office, where the two stood a moment.

Her clear gray eyes regarded him. He read compassion in them, and he wanted to tell her he didn’t need her pity. Who was she—a poor, penniless, illegitimate half sister—to pity him?

Why then did he feel she had something to offer him? That she knew something of his fear and near panic of the night before? Of his feelings of inadequacy in filling Edmund’s shoes?

“Tertius,” she began.

“What is it?” he asked, not bothering to hide the impatience in his tone.

She reached a hand out to him but let it drop before touching him, and he realized he had braced himself for the contact. “I also wanted to…to let you know, if you ever need anything, you can come to me. You don’t seem fully recovered. I hope your new responsibilities won’t be too much of a strain—”

“You don’t think me capable of assuming the duties of the new Earl of Skylar?” he asked, and then could have kicked himself for revealing his own weakness. It was the fault of that soft, sympathetic tone of hers.

“Of course I do! But as I said, you’ve been ill. Take it slowly and don’t let the opinions of others control you.”

He regained his calm tone. “My dear sister, your solicitude overwhelms me. However, you needn’t concern yourself. I am perfectly capable of managing my affairs. And as I told you, I am completely recovered.”

She merely nodded. “You needn’t treat me as a sister if you’d rather not. I understand. Just think of me as a trusted childhood friend who would do anything in her power to help you if you should ever need me.”

She no longer struck him as a timorous inferior. Her tone had gained strength, as if she were supremely confident of her ability to help him.

What could she possibly help him with? “Thank you, dear Althea,” he replied, managing a thin smile. “I shall remember that whenever I am in need.”

She looked down, as if disappointed but not surprised at the condescension in his tone. “Goodbye then. I always pray for you.”

“I’m sure you have many more deserving souls worthy of your petitions.”

She made no reply as she exited the door. He shut it behind her and returned to his desk, but found it hard to resume his work. Drat her intrusion!

He didn’t want to have the past tormenting him. He’d achieved an emotional distance from his father and was certainly not going to let a half sibling he hardly saw, let alone hardly knew, upset the careful balance.

He was on the threshold of beginning something new. He would prove to society that he was fully capable of filling his brother’s shoes. With a lovely young wife at his side, and offspring soon to follow, there was absolutely nothing he need fear.

A few afternoons later Gillian entered the drawing room for tea. Once again she found Lord Skylar calmly seated with her mother and Templeton, one of her mother’s fine Sevres cups and saucers balanced upon his knee.

“Yes,” he told them, “she is of a very old pedigree, a direct descendant of a spaniel of my great-grandfather’s on our Hertfordshire estate. She’ll make a great companion for Lady Gillian.” He reached down to stroke the dog’s neck. “A very docile creature, I assure you.”

Gillian could only stare at the “creature” in question. The rescued dog, chestnut coat shiny and clean, sat at Lord Skylar’s booted feet. At that moment, it caught sight of Gillian. Immediately it jumped up, almost knocking over the edge of a silver tray on the table before Lord Skylar.

“Sit!” Lord Skylar’s tone was more effective than a whip. The dog and owner stared at each other a few seconds—seconds in which Gillian’s hand went to her throat and she held her breath, fearful of her mother’s reaction. Her mother leaned forward in her chair as soon as the dog had moved, itching to have it removed from the room, no doubt.

Gillian could feel her whole body willing the dog to obey Lord Skylar. The seconds dragged on until finally the dog whined and, with a longing look toward Gillian, sat back down before Lord Skylar.

He smiled at the animal—a smile that broke the austerity of his features—and reached across the table for a biscuit. Breaking off a piece, he held it out to the dog, who gobbled it up eagerly.

“Good girl,” Lord Skylar told the dog, giving her neck another rubbing.

“Good afternoon, Lady Gillian,” he said, only then turning his attention to Gillian. “If you’d like to greet your new pet, she is eager to slather you with gratitude for your timely rescue.”

Gillian needed no other prompting. She was at the dog’s side in an instant, kneeling beside her and receiving its wet greeting. “Hello, there,” she said, not knowing what to call the animal, so she continued petting it and crooning over it.

She looked up at Lord Skylar with a wide smile. She hadn’t heard anything from him since the afternoon outing and lived in terror that he’d inform her the dog had been found a home out in the country somewhere. He gave her a brief smile and turned his attention back to her mother.

“I am in the midst of a training program since the dog arrived from our estate. She was given a bit of a freer rein out in the country. We’ll have her well behaved for the drawing room in no time.” Again his glance crossed Gillian’s and she saw the glint in his eye. She looked over at her mother, and she detected nothing but alarm in her eyes. Good, she thought in relief. At least her mother didn’t see the mockery in Lord Skylar’s eyes.

“Well, I don’t know…” she began in dubious tones, her hand playing nervously with the gold chain about her neck. “We’ve never had any animals in the house.”

“Every fine lady has a drawing room pet. Most are lap dogs that do nothing but yap at the guests and nip at their heels. This one is a real dog. She’ll be a good companion for your daughter when she goes out walking.”

“I don’t know…” her mother repeated. “She has Templeton.”

Gillian and Lord Skylar both glanced at the woman in question, and Gillian was hard-pressed not to burst out laughing.

“I assure you, Miss Templeton,” Lord Skylar said smoothly, “you will feel safer with a well-behaved watchdog between the two of you. You’ll fear no cutpurses or pickpockets. With the parks so crowded with riffraff during the festivities, you need a fearless animal with you.”

Templeton smiled, her rouged cheeks bright. “Oh, yes! I am so grateful for your thoughtfulness. The streets are an absolute peril nowadays for a lady.”

“Templeton!” her mother said sharply. Then she cleared her throat and turned back to Lord Skylar. “As I said, we’re not at all sure we can keep…her. We’re not accustomed to pets in the house. Perhaps in the mews…?” she suggested in a faltering voice.

“Oh, Mama, look at her! She’s so clean. And look how quietly she sits. Mayn’t I try her in the house?”

Lord Skylar ignored Gillian’s spirited tone. “I have received my invitation to Prinny’s grand fete for the Duke of Wellington. My father and I would like to request the pleasure of your company that night. We would be honored to escort you and Lady Gillian.”

“Indeed. The Regent’s fete?”

Gillian watched her mother’s dignified features. Not by a hint did she give away the fact that they had not as yet received their invitation, and that her mother looked assiduously through the pile of mail each day for the coveted invitation.

“Yes, on the twenty-first,” replied Sky smoothly. He took another sip of tea. “I hear Nash is working furiously to complete the special hall at Carlton House in time. I’m afraid it will be frightfully crowded, but I thought as a memorable historical event, it would interest Lady Gillian.” He glanced her way again. “Something to tell her grandchildren. The day she curtsied before Wellington.”

“Yes, most assuredly,” her mother agreed. “We shall be happy to have your escort.”

“Thank you, my lady.” He set the delicate porcelain cup and saucer down. “I would beg leave to take Lady Gillian with me for a turn about the square to acquaint her with her new pet. I can go over some of the commands I’ve taught the dog.”

He stood. “We shall be merely down below, in plain view, if Miss Templeton should care to sit here and observe us.” He moved to the window and pushed aside the curtain.

“Very well, but don’t keep her long.”

Down in the square below, Lord Skylar relinquished the dog’s leash to Gillian as they walked beneath the linden trees. She took it eagerly. “She’s beautiful. What did you do to get her coat so shiny?”

“I gave her to a groom and told him to make sure to rid it of any fleas. I presume he bathed it, deloused it and fed it.”

“And your father’s dogs, how did they behave?”

“Apparently they have accepted her.”

She looked down shyly. “I don’t know how to thank you.” She giggled, remembering her mother’s losing battle before Lord Skylar’s smooth, invincible logic. “I never thought I’d see the day Mama would agree to an indoor pet.”

“She hasn’t exactly agreed yet,” he corrected her.

“She will. After dangling the prince’s dinner in front of her,” she added with a sly glance at him. “I would call that a masterful stroke.”

He shrugged. “You were invited.”

“Not yet, we haven’t been.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure we shall receive an invitation,” she added quickly. “We have gone to all the major receptions there since Prinny became regent. But I believe since Papa passed away, the royal summonses are slower in arriving. Mama begins to fidget as the time draws closer.”

“I am glad, then, to be able to relieve her mind.”

“I have never met the Duke of Wellington,” Gillian marveled. “I can hardly wait to meet such a brave man. He has saved England and much of the Continent.”

“Have you been following the campaigns closely?” he asked, slanting her a curious look.

She could feel the color rising in her cheeks. “Yes, just as everyone else in England has.” Not caring to delve into the topic too deeply, she returned to the previous matter. “To think Mama has agreed to an abandoned stray from the streets!”

Taking the change of topic in stride, he said, “This dog is of good stock.”

“Oh, yes, the finest,” she said, laughter bubbling up. “If you are to be believed, she can probably trace her lineage back to Charles the First’s favorite pooch.”

“I may have exaggerated the facts to your mother, but I didn’t altogether lie. This dog has some illustrious spaniel blood. If it has been, er, tainted along the way with some lesser-known varieties, that doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s almost purebred.”

“‘Almost’—that won’t convince Mother.”

“Then let us hope she believed my story.”

She laughed again. After a moment, she turned to him. “You can be very charming and believable when you want to be. Do you only do it when you wish to obtain something from someone?”

“That usually is the case.”

“I think you could get almost anything you wanted if you set your mind to it.”

“Do you?” he asked noncommittally.

“Don’t you set your mind to it very often?” she asked, remembering his ungracious behavior when they’d first been introduced.

“It is wearing, I’ll admit. And so often not worth the trouble, wouldn’t you agree? Or are you yet so young that you haven’t suffered any disillusion?”

She remained silent, preferring to concentrate on holding the dog in check on its leash.

But Lord Skylar was not finished with the thought. “I still find it hard to believe you have remained free these years in London. There is no young gentleman who has stolen your heart? No drawerfuls of avowals of everlasting love and no keepsakes—a lock of hair, a monogrammed handkerchief…?”

“No, there is nothing!” she answered a little too warmly.

“A young lady with your attributes?” he asked in disbelief. “Your mother hasn’t kept you that locked up. And Templeton, no matter how forbidding she might be, wouldn’t put off a true suitor—”

“My father would have wanted me to wait for someone—” She stopped.

“Yes?” he prompted when she didn’t continue. “Someone like…?”

“Like you,” she said on a moment’s inspiration. Maybe if she flattered his vanity, he would be satisfied and let the subject drop.

He chuckled. “Wealth and a title—have there been a dearth of good candidates fulfilling those requirements these last three seasons?”

“Well, with the war on, you know, so many young men have gone off to Spain.”

“But not elder sons.”

She could feel his keen eyes on her. “Well, there was no one,” she repeated. “Why haven’t you married all those years out there in the Indies?” she asked, turning to him. “I can’t believe there were no suitable candidates out there.”

He prodded at a fallen leaf with his walking stick. “Perhaps I didn’t like what I saw of matrimony.”

“What do you mean?” she asked puzzled.

“Matrimony among our class seems to be a hypocritical arrangement between two individuals who agree to turn a blind eye to the other’s dalliances. Forgive the bluntness, but so often it is only one of the partners who gets to enjoy the pleasures of extramarital affairs, while the other is forced to suffer in silence.”

For someone who had never been married, he spoke as if he were acquainted firsthand with that kind of pain. It was not in the tone of voice, which had retained its airy, slightly amused quality as if he were commenting on a light romantic comedy. But the words themselves were, as he had said, blunt, and certainly improper to be speaking to a young, unmarried lady.

“I know many things go on in society,” she began slowly. “I believe my parents were happily married, however unfashionable that might appear,” she said, wanting to believe it, despite her mother’s cynical words of advice. Could she have cheated on dear Papa? No. Gillian wouldn’t give credence to the idea.

Lord Skylar swung his walking stick to and fro along the gravel path. “That is indeed a feat, if indeed improbable.”

“I could never consider such a thing of Papa! I know he was faithful to my mother,” she stated with finality.

“Well, for the sake of your memories, I hope you are right.” He smiled, a smile that had a hint of tenderness in it. “So, you see why I have retained my bachelorhood. Besides, I had an elder brother to fulfill the duties of heir. He, alas, died childless.”

Gillian turned to her new pet, tiring of the topic of marriage and fidelity. “What shall we name her?” she asked with a tug on the leash.

“We?”

“Well, you are part owner, you know.”

“I haven’t the foggiest. I’ll allow you the honor.”

Suddenly the animal in question spied a squirrel scampering up a thick trunk. She dashed toward it, yanking the leash out of Gillian’s hands.

“Heel!” Lord Skylar’s sharp command brought the dog to an immediate halt, though she whined in protest, her nose sniffing forward. Sky picked up the leash.

“Good girl,” he told the dog, bending down to pet her and offering her a biscuit from his pocket. He then rose and took over the leash. The dog strained toward the tree where she’d spied the squirrel. It was no longer in sight.

“I’m sorry, dear,” Gillian spoke to her pet. “But you’ll never catch it now. It’s gone up the tree,” she explained, petting the animal’s neck.

They resumed their walk. “You’d do best to train her early. Keep a firm hand on her and reward her when she obeys,” Lord Skylar advised.

He gave her a wry look. “You’ll probably mother her to death, indulge her every whim, and end up with a spoiled, ill-behaved mutt on your hands.”

She merely laughed at him. She was beginning to suspect he had a rather tender heart behind that detached demeanor. Perhaps he wouldn’t make such an awful husband.

Tertius walked along the streets of Mayfair after he’d escorted Gillian and her new pet back home. The day was a splendid summer one. He passed the shops on Bond Street. The sidewalks were filled with shoppers. He stopped to glance in at a window or two, but his mind was distracted. He kept thinking of his impending marriage. It no longer seemed a burdensome task.

In less than a fortnight he’d gone from outrage at his father’s preposterous announcement that Tertius must not only marry posthaste but that the bride was already picked out, to a sense of anticipation at his forthcoming nuptials.

The chit was getting to him, he realized, looking at the latest satirical prints in Ackermann’s bow window. He continued his walk, wondering when this shift had occurred. His mind kept going to the afternoon of their outing, her smudged face turned up to him in entreaty, seeking his help and protection for a poor, starved creature.

He shook his head, still finding it hard to believe how easily she had bent him to her wishes.

Or had his feelings begun to change even earlier in the day, when she’d looked down at her plate in the tea garden and shyly told him how much she wanted a home and children of her own?

He tried to rationalize his feelings. It was reasonable to expect him to be married at his age, with his new position. Lady Gillian was not only a very appealing young lady, but she fulfilled all the requisites of wealth and lineage to be joined to the Caulfield line.

If the amiability between the two of them continued to grow, there should be no reason for their marriage not to succeed.

Another inner voice warned him that undoubtedly his parents’ marriage had started out this way. At one time they must have had a regard for each other. He knew his mother had loved his father until the marquess had destroyed that love with his repeated infidelities.

Tertius turned left onto Piccadilly, telling himself it was too pleasant a day for such pessimistic thoughts. He reached Sackville Street and headed for Gray’s, where his family was accustomed to buying their jewelry.

He looked at various pieces until finding what he wanted.

Yes, the emerald pendant and earrings would look lovely against Lady Gillian’s pale skin. He also chose a set of wedding bands, telling the jeweler the bride would be in later for a fitting. At the last minute, a gold ring mounted with a diamond and ruby caught his eye. He purchased it as well.

Telling the jeweler to have the other things delivered later, he tucked the jeweler’s box with the ruby and diamond ring into a pocket and left the store. He would present the ring to Lady Gillian at the Regent’s fete.

A feeling of pride filled him as he thought of the ring gracing her slim hand.