Читать книгу The Baby Diaries - Sam Binnie - Страница 8

Alice has been great over the last few months. She had to suffer my wedding ups and downs; then a week of Tony pacing the office, sweating profusely and muttering, ‘When is she back?’ like I’d just nipped out for the antidote to his snakebite, so desperate was he to go on his ridiculous sabbatical. And on my return from our brief Paris honeymoon, she had to witness slight hysteria on my part as I realised Tony’s five-minute meeting with me was the only handover I’d be getting before he vanished for who-knows-how-long.

Alice is also still having to live with her ‘boyfriend’ despite the fact that everyone besides her family knows she’s gay. She does the work of three people here (a normal situation for publishing) while always keeping a smile on her face. As I thought over and over about breaking the news to my colleagues, I wondered for the first time in ages how she actually is, so took her out for drinks this evening, at our favourite little bar round the corner.

Alice: What’s this for? What are you up to?

Me: I’m not up to anything!

Alice: Are you about to set me up with someone? Is there a beautiful woman just waiting to spend the evening being entertained by me somewhere in this bar?

Me: Only me, I’m afraid. What’s your poison?

Alice: No one actually says that. ‘What’s your poison?’ What are you up to?

Me: Alice! Fine: it’s my round.

Alice: [browsing the menu] I … will have … a Slutty Horse, please.

Me: One Slutty Horse coming up, Madam. [to the barman] One Slutty Horse, one … Elderflower Handshake, please.

Alice: Are you making me drink alone?

Me: Oh no, I’m so sorry – I’m on these antibiotics –

Alice: [mouth agape]

Me: What?

Alice: [whispering] You’ve been married three months.

Me: [nervous] What?

Alice: [shakes head]

Me: What?

Alice: Kiki, Kiki, Kiki …

Me: Alice!

Alice: Don’t make me say it, Kiki.

[silence]

Me: Alice, please don’t tell anyone. It wasn’t even supposed to happen – we didn’t even mean it – but we did mean it, but only for one night, and we were drunk, and it just – please, you please mustn’t tell anyone, [almost sobbing] please.

Alice: Kiki, does this face look like it tells secrets?

We talked for a long time. We talked about how I was feeling, and how Thom was feeling, and how Tony and Pamela might take it, and what the maternity package may or may not be at Polka Dot (for some reason we haven’t had anyone go on maternity leave while we’ve been there). And some more about how I was feeling. She also told me, after her fourth Slutty Horse, that everyone knowing about Norman and Carol’s office romance doesn’t seem to have quenched their passion – she caught them snogging in Carol’s office after work the other evening. At the end of the night, as we stumbled to the tube station and down to our platforms (Alice stumbling after taking on all the Slutty Horses, me stumbling after taking on Alice), I realised we still hadn’t talked about how Alice was. ‘Plus ça change, my darling,’ she smiled, as I put her on her train home. Is she OK?

TO DO:

Start carrying around a hipflask filled with apple juice, for when someone next needs to see me drinking

Check Alice is OK tomorrow