Читать книгу bury it - sam sax - Страница 18

ESSAY ON CRYING IN PUBLIC

i’m bent over / the sidewalk weeping / outside the public theatre / you stand above me / horse built from a father’s beer cans / you still have that other man’s mouth on you / i can taste it / with the grunt of my hands / it’s my fault / always is / i say do what you will / + your will is done / so what i was born drunk + mean with my teeth knocked out / so what my first noise was crying + i’ve been going-strong ever since / that other man has a name / i hate that / he has a mouth + fixed-gear bike + hiv / + you sat on his couch waiting for him / to say anything / that you’re pretty / or nice / or have nice sneakers / then you leapt in his body + lived there a while / maybe brushed your teeth ate a spoiled piece of fruit / then came back to me / with your house keys out / the ones i’d cut for you / said you couldn’t stop / thinking of me / how he tasted too sweet / cut flowers in chemical powder / candy souring in heat / how glad you are to live / here / where everything feels safe / basic real-estate / my house + bed / a thin sheet of latex / my chest a coffer to store your futures in / how bad does the news have to be before you get to shoot the messenger / how can we bury the hatchet / when it always ends up in my back / when you tell me / he emptied you / like an animal / hide / i’m fine / until i’m inconsolable / in public + you’re offering vacant comfort / how bad he was in his body / how much it hurt / you / how you used protection / + i can’t help but think / how terrible the name trojan is / in the story / the horse breaks / inside the city + war-crazed men spill out / thirsty / for revenge / so what people are staring / so what we’re on our way to the theatre / to see a play where everyone dies / i don’t know why i’m crying either / maybe i can’t bare to look at you / covered in mouths / maybe it’s just the sidewalk pulling salt out of my head / maybe i can’t see you now without also seeing you dead