Читать книгу Virtually Perfect - Samantha Hunter - Страница 9

NORMALLY, RAINE COVINGTON would’ve enjoyed a stroll on a snowy evening. Though Salem was renown to tourists as “Witch City” for its gruesome persecution of women and men accused of witchcraft, the town had more than the history of its witch trials and occult legends to offer. It was a quaint New England coastal town, but in many ways it was also a developing metropolis.

She’d always felt comforted by the homey, narrow streets and historic Federal-style homes huddled up against each other. Right now, however, she couldn’t enjoy any of it. She was too preoccupied figuring out some way to escape Jerry Donnelly who was by her side, nudging into her suggestively from time to time. She clenched her jaw, didn’t say a word and walked a little faster.

Jerry was a freelance graphic artist she’d met at an office lunch given in appreciation of freelance workers. He’d seemed nice enough then. Yeah, nice—they were all “nice” until they were trying to slide their hand up your leg under the dinner table. He had beachboy-blond hair and soft, brown eyes that gave him an innocent look that she’d found attractive. It hadn’t taken much time alone with him to discover that he was anything but.

When he’d suggested dessert-to-go so they could enjoy it in more interesting ways, she officially called time and asked to go home. Who the heck suggested something like that two hours after meeting someone on a first date? Well, apparently Jerry did. And she had the feeling he didn’t take rejection easily.

They were finally here. On the sidewalk in front of her house. The porch light warmed the step, and she gazed at the brick-red door wistfully—escape was so close at hand. Jerry moved closer, going for the kill, and Raine, trying to avoid a confrontation, did the only thing she could think of.

“Oh, God!” She doubled at the waist and held her stomach hard, contorting her face in what she hoped looked like a very painful expression. Startled, Jerry stepped back.

“Um…uh…what? What’s the matter?”

She threw a little heavy breathing into the mix, and winced up at him, backing away slowly. He started to follow, but she held a hand out, motioning him to stay away as she inched toward the porch.

“Oh, Jerry, I’m so sorry, but I have to get inside quick. Something bad…stomach cramps…night!”

“But you seemed fine a moment ago….”

His voice trailed off behind her. Without a glance back, Raine closed the door behind her with a blustery sigh of relief, leaning back against it as if the devil himself were on the other side. It wasn’t her most elegant escape, but at least it had worked.

Resting her head against the door, she let the emotions roll over her. Annoyance, relief—and ah, there it was—disappointment. Her familiar friend. All she wanted was some good company, a little romance, and, if she was lucky, halfway decent sex. When it came to men, those things were getting increasingly hard to find.

There was only one man whom she missed when she didn’t get to see him after so much as a single day. Only one who popped up in her thoughts and made her smile, and who didn’t disappoint.

Rider.

Not even bothering to change, she grabbed her laptop and plopped down on the sofa, a soft shiver of anticipation taking the edge off an otherwise miserable night. The screen glowed, and she tapped at the keyboard, hoping she hadn’t missed him.

She hadn’t! He was there! He saw her logon immediately. She smiled wider, watching his words appear across the screen. He had been waiting. For her.

“Hey, beautiful, I thought you might not be by tonight. Working late?”

“No, was just out for a while.”

“Hot date?”

“No. Boring, boring night.”

She lied, not knowing exactly why she didn’t want to tell him she had been out with someone.

“Nilla, maybe it’s time to spice it up a little.”

“I think we have been quite spicy enough lately.”

Nilla—her pseudonym. She hadn’t been able to think of anything else when she had registered on the site, and had been eating vanilla cookies at the time. So much for her creativity.

“Oh, I don’t know. Depends on your taste. I like things a little on the hot side.”

She grinned, her fingers racing over the keyboard.

“Hold on, tiger. Let me get a glass of wine and change into something more…comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

Jumping up off the sofa, she headed into the bedroom to change. She had been talking with Rider—not his real name, of course—online for a little more than a month. They had met online at RomanceMUD, an interactive virtual world. She’d been researching Internet romances for her most recent column in Real Woman magazine, which was just hitting its stride as one of the leading women’s magazines in the U.S.

Over the last decade, she had literally grown with the magazine, which had recently relocated to a bigger and more prestigious building overlooking Salem Harbor to house its ever-expanding staff, now topping two hundred. She’d started as a freelance writer right out of college. The job had really just fallen into her lap and she took it for some income while figuring out what to do next. Then as more and more magazine pieces came her way, she discovered a knack for writing; she loved the work. Eventually she was hired for a permanent position.

She was the head writer for the Lifestyles beat, which covered everything from raising children to fashion. She provided editorial input and was deeply involved in planning each issue’s content. She hired freelancers for most of the articles, but the core element of the section was her relationships column. It had begun as an advice-type column and had blossomed into longer pieces of social commentary. She wrote about all kinds of relationship issues, including friends, siblings, marriage, sex, same-sex families, and working parents.

Pouring herself a glass of merlot she thought about how some things never changed: jealously, passion, misunderstanding, loneliness.

Since more and more readers were writing in with questions about Internet romance, she’d pitched a series of columns exploring love and sex on the Internet—and here she was right smack in the middle of it herself.

She had started off the series by writing about Internet dating services that had emerged over the past two or three years. Plenty of people used the formal services, but since the majority of her readers had “just met” someone online, she’d been wandering through chat rooms and virtual erotic playgrounds to see what she found “out there.”

Raine had joined the RomanceMUD site on impulse, and there she’d met Rider. They’d clicked immediately. With him, she felt that little hint of something special she had been missing with the men she’d dated.

Padding back to the sofa, she sat, lugged her laptop up close to her and stared at the screen. What was he doing right now? What was he thinking?

She was coming to understand more and more about what attracted women to men on the Net. She and Rider talked about everything. They shared intimate fantasies without the disappointments and expectations that often plagued relationships. He could be intense and romantic, and he was always amazingly sexy. It was a compelling combination.

She was sure that in real life, Rider, like all men, probably left the toilet seat up and his beard shavings in the sink. He would make promises he didn’t keep and would glaze over when you talked about things that mattered to you. Online, she didn’t have to worry about any of that. If she wanted to, she could just hit the off button and he would be gone. The perfect man.

He had started out being part of her research project. An experiment. But things had changed, and she felt that they were becoming, well, close. They talked every night, long discussions that kept her up into the morning hours. She was starting to feel as if she knew him, and he her.

Their online talks were always varied. Sometimes it was casual conversation; sometimes it was very intimate conversation. At first it was awkward, writing out her innermost feelings on her laptop’s screen. But then it became more like they were weaving their own little world. As if she was the heroine in her own romance novel. She didn’t have the chance—or the nerve—to be as bold, funny or daring in real life as she could be online. But here, all inhibitions were lifted without risk. What could be better? She shook her head briskly, shaking herself out of her thoughts, and typed.

“Hey, sorry I took so long. I’m back. So, have you thought about joining up with another game?”

“No, I think I am done with that for now—this was just a whim to keep me amused while work was slow. I think I would rather take a dip into reality for a while. How about you?”

Grunting in annoyance, she had hoped he would drop the issue, as she’d obviously ignored it several times before. Another infuriating male trait—if it wasn’t what they wanted to hear, they refused to get the message when it was offered loud and clear.

Rider had been hinting about taking things to the next step, referring to real life a little too often, and she wasn’t big on that idea. However, she knew from her previous research and interviews that this was also the key moment that came about in every Internet romance: should we or shouldn’t we? Fish or cut bait. And she had no idea what to do.

“Still there, Nilla?”

She typed a smile into existence for him.

“Yes, I’m still here. Just caught up in thought. Sorry.”

She watched the words appear on the screen that glowed in the darkness of her room.

“What are you thinking about?”

“About being a ‘whim that has kept you amused while you have been at work.’ I think my ego just dropped a few notches.”

“The game was a whim to keep me amused at work. You are something else entirely.”

“Oh, and what would that be?”

Nilla held her breath as she sat back, sorry she had asked that question, but it had just flown from her fingertips.

I smooth your hair from your face, and look in your eyes. I slip my hands up the back of your shirt, and rub your bare shoulder blades, then pull you closer to me. “I don’t know, I am still trying to get a handle on it myself. But it’s something special. I’m intrigued by you. That doesn’t happen too often, for me at least.”

Raine sighed and closed her eyes. She never would have believed it if she hadn’t experienced it herself. It was amazing how erotic, how amazingly vivid the words could be, typed across the screen. There was no sound, yet she could hear each word as if he was whispering it in her ear.

She felt her back arch a little as if she really was being pulled closer to him, and she imagined she could feel his warm breath on her face. Then again, maybe she had just gone without real sex for so long, lame as it usually was, that she was like tinder to a spark—even a virtual one.

JACK SAT BACK and waited to see how she would respond to his request. C’mon, Nilla, sweetheart, talk to me. He couldn’t get over the effect this woman had on him. He was hypnotized. He hadn’t understood why for weeks he would rather be here, sitting on his sofa with a beer and a hard-on, typing pages and pages of conversation, having virtual sex and whatever else they came up with, instead of going out and bringing home a real live woman who could do more than just get him completely hot and then leave him to take care of it by himself.

He was getting impatient with the whole situation; it wasn’t his usual style. Nothing about this was his usual style. He wasn’t a party animal but he’d had a healthy social life that had gone to the dogs lately. He liked to go out, meet women, hang with his friends and have a good time. He hadn’t been with anyone exclusive in a while, but maybe that was because he was spending way too much time sitting in front of his laptop. His pal Greg had called him to go out twice in the last two weeks, and he had made excuses. He said he had to work, when the truth was he really didn’t want to miss time with Nilla.

He muttered to himself, “I must be crazy. Getting desperate in my old age.” Of course, thirty-four wasn’t exactly ancient. The lines appearing on the screen erased his thoughts.

I am sighing as I press into you. I pick up your shirt at its edges, peel it up over your skin, up over your head, and nestle my face against your chest, sucking on your skin, biting you lightly.

Jack sighed, feeling a surge of arousal. Hey, he was human. Having a woman say things like that was the next best thing to being there. The next best thing. But not the best thing. He ignored the doubt that was chipping away at him, and started to respond in kind, when another line appeared, and then another…

I slide my hands down your stomach and wrap my fingers around your erection, squeezing and stroking, loving the feel of you in my hand.” Rider, I want you…I want to make you crazy….”

He felt his heart pound and shook his head, surprised that this was affecting him so deeply. He had been using online networks before most people knew networks existed. His dad had helped him build his own computer, and he’d “talked” to people on the old, slow FIDOnet bulletin boards in the eighties when he was just a kid.

He had literally grown up with the Internet, and it had always been a part of his life—but it had never, ever, been like this. This was a whole new world, a different kind of reality. His jaw clenched as he pounded out the words to her.

“You’ve made me crazy every night, and a good part of every day, for weeks now. I want you to make me crazy for real, Nilla. I want to do the same to you.”

Nothing. The cursor hung like heavy silence between them.

“Hmm, Rider. Are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself tonight.”

Jack shook his head and ran his hands over his face. It was all he could do not to track her down in real life. During the day, he would think of her, something they’d shared, something she’d said, and feel immediately aroused, which wasn’t always convenient. When he wasn’t losing sleep, he dreamed of her at night. Of knowing her. Finding her.

He was an Internet security expert. He certainly had the skills to find her, to get past the pseudonym and find out who she really was. Hell, at his level of expertise, locating her wouldn’t even be a challenge. Even though they used generic e-mails with pseudonyms, it was a simple matter of finding her network address, locating her service provider and making some phone calls.

What most people didn’t understand in the miraculous age of the Internet was that the most common method of hacking wasn’t done with computers, but by finding out the information you needed the old-fashioned way: talking to people who could tell you what you needed to know.

Most people were afraid of putting their credit card number online, but didn’t think twice about handing it over to a waiter who disappeared with it for five minutes. It never failed to amaze him, but those curious social and psychological traits made his work interesting. Computers, he knew, were all about the people sitting in front of them.

A few keystrokes, a few casual requests, and he could know who she was, where she lived and worked, and probably anything else he wanted to know in just a few hours. But he wouldn’t do it, though he damned his sense of ethics to hell. His job was to enforce the rules, not break them himself. Though he was desperately tempted.

“Nilla, baby, I am in knots. That’s the problem. You tie me up.”

“We could certainly try that, if you want.”

Jack nearly broke into a sweat. She could do this to him just with the words. What would the reality be like? There was some kind of wild connection between them, though he didn’t know how it happened, or what to do about it.

He reached down, slid his hand over his crotch, felt the stiffness pushing at the seam of his jeans and dropped his head back, the sharp edge of need burning through him. But this time, it just wasn’t right. He was sitting on his sofa in the dark. Again. Alone.

No. No more of this.

This wasn’t what he wanted, how he operated. It just wasn’t enough anymore, not nearly enough. He sometimes felt as if he lived in front of the screen—it was where he worked, kept up on current events, had his morning coffee and sometimes his dinner—but he was damned if he was going to have his sex life there, too! He typed impatiently this time.

“Nilla, I want to meet you. We need to meet. For real.”

“Not a good idea. I could be fat, bald and seventy-five years old, for all you know.”

He let out a heavy breath. She was trying to deflect him. Disappointment doused arousal as he realized she wasn’t as avid to make that connection as he was.

“Nilla, we’re two healthy adults who are driving each other crazy and then ending up in bed alone every night. I want to kiss you. I want to stop imagining and pretending. I want to see what color your eyes are. What’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t know, Rider. We don’t know each other well enough. This is just a game. I like it this way.”

“It stopped being a game a while ago. For me, anyway. Think about what we could be missing.”

“Like I said, it could be all lies, Rider. How can we know? We are creating a kind of fiction here, right? That’s what this place is for, not truth. But at least here we know that outright. Why do you want to complicate this?”

“Have you lied to me, Nilla?”

He held his breath for the few long seconds the screen remained blank.

“No, but I haven’t told you the truth, either. You don’t really know anything about me. Not really. I don’t want you to know.”

“What I know is that there is something in you that speaks to something in me. I know you are smart, funny and passionate. I know your politics and your beliefs, but I don’t know the shape of your face, the scent of you, the sound of your voice. And I want to. I didn’t go looking for this, for you, but now I can’t settle for words on a screen.”

“Hold on. This is getting too intense, Rider. I need to think.”

Jack’s shoulders slumped and he rubbed his tired eyes, shoving the computer back on the table. He wandered into the kitchen to get another beer. He had pushed the issue, and he was going to lose her. Though he felt ridiculous getting all worked up over a name on a screen, that idea really hurt.

RAINE CLOSED HER EYES and let out a frustrated sigh. Since they’d never even mentioned meeting in person, they’d had openly shared their thoughts and feelings, developing a high level of intimacy fairly quickly, something she had never actually had happen in a so-called normal relationship. She wasn’t sure she believed it could happen in a normal, real relationship.

She had never known a man could share this way, communicate feelings and thoughts the way Rider did. It certainly had never happened to her. If he was like this in real life… She blew out a breath and dropped her head back, amazed at the possibilities. But that was unlikely—this was fantasy. In real life, everything would be exposed, all the faults and awkwardness, all the things that got in the way.

She wished she could meet a man who would not leave her hopes in shambles, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe he really existed. She steadied herself, and wrote carefully.

“Rider, you’re right, this has been special. And if we meet, it might all just evaporate in a big cloud of disappointment. Here we can say, do, be anything we want. We get to be larger than life, but in real life we would probably just bore each other senseless. Or worse.”

“I don’t think so, Nilla. And what if we didn’t? But so what if we did? What’s to lose?”

“I don’t know, Rider. I don’t want to lose this. I enjoy what I’ve had. You. Here.”

“Nilla, this is not real—we’re just two strangers sitting in front of a computer every night, having to face being alone when the screen clicks off. I want to know you. I want you to know me, for real.”

Raine felt a dark cloud of frustration descend around her as she read his next words.

“We have to meet, or I’m out. I’m done.”

She gaped, the ultimatum slamming into her like a hard, cold wind.

“I have to think about it, Rider. Please, I have to think. I’ll meet you here tomorrow night and we can talk about it some more, okay?” I kiss you softly, press my lips to yours. Goodbye.

“Wait!… Don’t go…”

She turned the computer off, ruthlessly cutting the connection.

Collapsing on the soft cushions, she groaned in frustration—this night was just not going well. She had always looked forward to these times with Rider. Meeting him had made her typically quiet evenings exciting.

Though physically it was difficult to be so consistently aroused by someone who could never be there to actually help you release those passions, for her it had been wonderful just to be able to feel them—to walk around basking in the glow of it, to dream of it at night, and to be blissfully unafraid of the pain or disappointment that inevitably followed when you dared those things in real life.

Though she didn’t feel so great at the moment. It was distressing to realize that this wonderful interlude she had discovered and enjoyed was coming to an end. He wanted more, and she did not believe there could be more. She would not be meeting Rider the next evening, for talk or anything else. He would not stop pushing her, and she knew she would not hold out against him in the long run. And that would be an awful mistake.

She knew exactly what she had to do to get some distance on this situation, to grab control of it and put it behind her. First, she could never meet with him again, obviously. Next, she had to write about it. She had experienced Internet romance, right? She had faced the tough decision, and she had made it. Now it was time to share what she had learned with her readers. Only then could she move on and forget all this. Hauling herself upright, she grabbed her laptop again. She opened a blank word-processing page and went to work.