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Chapter Five 2019 Lizzie

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Saturday 13th July

She hadn’t slept well, the night passing slowly as images of her childhood filled the hours which sleep should have. Lizzie had spent the bulk of her life trying not to remember her upbringing. Trying to bury it along with who she used to be. She wasn’t that girl anymore, but she knew it was just beneath the surface, lying dormant. She’d worked hard to keep this other self hidden. And up until the opening of the letter yesterday, she’d succeeded.

‘You were restless last night,’ Dom said as he appeared in the bedroom doorway, his toothbrush vibrating in his mouth, white foam escaping onto his chin.

‘Sorry, did I keep you awake?’ Lizzie asked. He disappeared again, and she heard him spitting in the sink, then the tap running. He returned, his face now free from white paste.

‘It doesn’t matter. Not like I don’t keep you up with my snoring is it?’ He smiled and walked over to the bed. ‘I guess it’s payback.’ He placed his hands on Lizzie’s shoulders and pushed her back onto the mattress, straddling her. He lifted her top and traced his tongue along her ribcage, around the edges of her dragonfly tattoo. She wasn’t in the mood, but it wasn’t Dom’s fault. She gave a playful squeal and wriggled beneath his body.

Lizzie hadn’t believed her luck when Dom had asked her out. Continued to disbelieve it as the years went on, but not only had he stayed with her, he’d asked her to marry him too. Despite Lizzie’s insistence she didn’t want children, he’d wanted to be with her. Told her he was going to spend his life with her – until they got old and died. Lifelong love, commitment, loyalty – they were alien concepts to Lizzie. The fact Dom promised all these things both thrilled and scared her. Why would he – should he – be any different to the others? But here they were, seventeen years later, still happy and in love.

She didn’t want anything to change that. Least of all the one person who’d messed up her life over thirty years ago.

And she couldn’t help but wonder how Dom would react if he found out about her past; the fact she’d kept things from him for all that time. Marriage is based on trust; secrecy is the enemy. She remembered those words as though he’d spoken them moments ago – they’d both repeated that mantra for the first few years, the rest of the time it was just something they’d assumed. Dom would feel betrayed if he knew.

‘Come on, you’ll be late for work.’ Lizzie pushed him away.

‘Okay.’ A flicker of concern crossed his face. ‘Anything on your mind?’ Dom tucked his shirt back into his suit trousers and straightened his tie. ‘Tough job coming up?’

‘No. Well, actually yes.’ There it was. Her get-out clause – she could say it was work-related. ‘I’ve got to cover a story – not one I’m keen on doing if I’m honest.’

‘Can’t another journo do it?’

‘In theory, yes. But I haven’t had much on lately – being freelance you kinda have to take what you can.’

‘What is it?’

‘You’re going to be late – I’ll tell you about it tonight.’

She hated herself, lying like that. She should just tell him the truth. Maybe she would later – instead of spinning him a story, she’d sit him down, open up. Finally. He would either accept that she hadn’t been able to talk about it before now, or not. It’d be better to have difficult discussions now, rather than have something come out at a later date and make him even more upset with her for hiding her past.

Dom is a good man. Dom will understand.

Feeling lighter now she’d made the decision to disclose everything later, Lizzie shot up from the bed and launched herself at Dom. He let out a surge of air as she jumped at him, wrapping her legs around his middle.

‘Steady on, girl. You’re not as light as you used to be,’ he said, staggering backwards.

‘Oh, get away with you.’

She kissed him as he pulled her in even tighter, pushing himself into her. He groaned.

‘Now, that would make me really late,’ he whispered. ‘Love you.’

‘And I love you,’ she said, lowering herself from him. ‘See you tonight, babe.’

The silence in the room once Dom left crushed her. She wouldn’t be working today.

Lizzie had to do something constructive; something to release the tension building in her gut. She needed to know where William Cawley was.

She had to find him, before he found her.

I Dare You

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