Читать книгу Those Forty Days - Samir Chatterjee - Страница 4

There are several historical and theological references to the number forty, some numerological explanations too. Yet, my inquisitive mind is not fully satisfied with any of them. Rational commentators also do not sound totally confident about their interpretations of this mystical number. My mind wants to find out the significance of this number forty in terms of days on its own. Or, rather wants to have its own experience of the period of time and create its own interpretation. That is one of the reasons why I took up this vow for forty days. What is there hidden and can unravel in these forty days?

There is yet another uncertain question in my mind. If my sense of time is to be suspended, how will I keep track of the number of days passed? Question after question; perhaps I shall have none at the end of the forty days.

For me the other reason to do this is that I have been talking about this practice regimen at several occasions to my students and workshop attendees. I have also mentioned about it in my books ‘A Study of Tabla’ and ‘Music of India’. But, I have never done it myself. Until age eleven, when I was home, I was a child. My parents had lost a son in accident before my birth. My mother always thought and believed that I came back to her as a gift from her deity ‘Adya Ma’ in response to her dedicated prayer. So, apart from detecting my talent and inspiring me to pursue it, nothing was imposed upon me. At age eleven I was sent to the boarding school in Narendrapur run by an organization called Ramakrishna Mission. It is on the suburb of Kolkata. I stayed there for eleven valuable years of my life, until the completion of my undergraduate degree. Living in that institution, I had to follow their daily routine, in which there was no time slot left open for personal pursuit. The teachers, my friends and the Sanyasis or ascetics were always encouraging my special talent and they still remember me for that. But, I had no opportunity and environment to practice for such long duration of time in isolation. May be I did, during the vacations, had I decided to stay on campus. But, my parents expected me home. I also wanted to be home, with my mother and other members of the family. At that point I also didn’t expect Tabla to become my profession. I was all into academics.

On graduation, I came back home and started my masters at the University of Calcutta. I had set up myself for a comprehensive experience of life, ‘leaving no stone unturned’. I had already started clay-modeling, leather craft, weaving, knitting, carpentry and painting. Now I added singing and the study of languages to them. I also wanted to earn my own expenses through tuition. So, in spite of being home, I was out most of the days. And, I also had to deal with the Calcutta traffic, although I made good use of those times in the bus by reading. So, my days were full.

Transitioning from high school into college, I started having my experiences of love in its depth and expansion at the same time. There were ecstatic moments of romance leading into breathlessness, absoluteness and numbness. Those were indeed very precious. I hope no one has to leave life without having those experiences. My romanticism matured into marriage at the age of twenty four. Before that I got into a job with the national radio of India known as All India Radio, for which I had to be stationed in Cuttack, Orissa – an eight-hour train ride from Calcutta. In Cuttack I had plenty of time, because life was super slow and the radio administration didn’t know how to utilize my talent and caliber. All day I was sitting idle, only except for a few days in the year, when they had a recording of classical music. But, from Monday through Friday I had to be in the office from 10 am until 5 pm. If I found a studio vacant, I practiced, because I loved to. But, even then I wasn’t sure that I was going to end up becoming a professional musician. I made several attempts to quit that job, and the higher authorities played games to prevent me from doing so. I don’t know what they saw in me. Obviously, it has yielded good results, as far as I can see.

After two and half years of semi-exile, I was transferred back to work at the Calcutta station of All India Radio. Somehow, I became popular to many artists and administrators. They were happy to have me back in the city. Once again, I really don’t know what they found in me. I was asked to manage most of the day-to-day administrative affairs of the music department, even though my appointment was as a musician. I was touring with Nikhil Banerjee, Ali Ahmed Hussain and several other stalwart and upcoming musicians. Time flew; in the midst of all those stormy days, I held on to my love for practice and it kept on growing within me.

I am a hardworking person with a lot of will and determination. I am rational and emotional at the same time – the way I always wanted to be. My emotions and rationality are on lease. I release and contract them at will. I have been able to do this through years of practice. There are moments when I don’t hesitate to let my emotions and impulses take over. Then there are also moments when I invite and engage all aspects of my mind to have a discussion. I allow them the time they need. I am sensitive and careful. I know how to monitor myself. I didn’t always need my Gurus, parents or elders for everything. Occasionally, I would go up to them for insight and guidance. But, I have been always aware that there are lots of things in life which I have to figure out by myself. I also know that certain things in life need to be earned. If one is able to envision them and aspire for them, they need to be pursued with a lot of diligence and discipline. Diligence and discipline, for the most part, are genetic. It helps a lot if they are inherited. Much of them can also be acquired from environment or by following influential examples, such as teachers, role models and Gurus. But, to benefit from those surroundings, there needs to be some amount of inner motivation; even a little would help.

The purpose of this austerity for me is not to enhance skill, but to seek insight, which can come only through involvement.