Читать книгу "Back from Hell" - Samuel Cranston Benson - Страница 3

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When the old Chicago cut loose from her moorings in an Atlantic port it was a red letter day for me. She was a good sized craft, of the French Line, and was to carry a lot of other Americans, besides myself, from the United States to France. We were all in a spirit of expectancy, mingled perhaps with sadness, for we were going over to see and have a hand in the most stupendous event of history, the Great War. Although many different motives actuated us, our destination was the same, and all of us would soon be within striking distance of the scene of action. Some of those on board were going primarily from a sense of duty and gratitude to the great European Republic, whose men had come over here in '76 to help America kick off the chains which George III had welded on her ankles, and secondarily, because they wanted to kill a few of the Germans whom they right well hated.

Others were going, and made no bones about saying so, because they were natural born soldiers of fortune and were inclined to go anywhere that action and excitement were likely to be found. A few were to be mere onlookers who were crossing the sea as students of a great world movement, who, from an economic or social point of view, would tabulate in a cold and matter-of-course way, the facts which they observed and the conclusions to which they came.

I belonged to neither of these classes. I was an innocent idealist, though soon, alas, to be disillusioned. I had resigned a comfortable pastorate in order to go over and, as I conceived of it, relieve the pain and soothe the fevered brow of those who were in suffering, irrespective of whether they were Allies or Germans, and thus help usher in a world Utopia.

I had always taken myself rather too seriously at home, and thought I was a broad-visioned person whose universality of mind elevated me to a position where I could see beyond provincial boundary lines, and overlook such things as race and creed and national ideals, thinking of all men as made in the image of God, and all destined for one great goal which was the Brotherhood of Man, where all would be happy, and each would deal justly and kindly with his neighbor.

It is a natural tendency, I suppose, of most ministers to be optimistic about the ultimate outcome of the human race, and I was one of this class. I had buttoned my long frock coat close about my collar and rubbed my hands in that familiar, good-natured way, saying that sometime national prejudices would be wiped out and the people of the various countries would come to see each other's viewpoints, and then their differences would vanish away. I hadn't yet seen the German at his worst. The time would come, I thought, when all would fraternize as God intended that they should and this wicked rivalry and jealousy would cease.

It seemed to me that even my fellow-Americans, along with the French and other nations, were too narrow in their views of things, and that, they were equally guilty with the Germans in failing or refusing to understand the minds of other people. The men who had urged intervention in Mexico and intervention in Europe, I took it, were men who were engaged in manufacturing munitions, or who were directly interested in war from a business point of view. They wanted dollars. A part of my philosophy was that God would bring about a settlement of all these conflicts in His own good time, and we need not worry about it. Another part of my philosophy, so it happened, was pacifism. I was a great admirer of William Jennings Bryan, and I thought his peace teaching was—well—great stuff! I had interpreted the life and teaching of Jesus as being unalterably opposed to violence of any kind. No matter what the circumstance, bloodshed could not be justified. "Resist not evil" was His ideal and, therefore, it should be mine also, and as I look at it now, I guess I went even further than He did, in my theories at any rate. For He did use violence occasionally, when it was necessary.

"If a man smite thee on one cheek, turn the other also," was my motto, and I did not believe in striking back. Tolstoi, with his doctrine of nonresistance, from whom Mr. Bryan received large influence, as he once told me, was my ideal man, and the only real Christian since Jesus.

I had also said there would never be another war; a war of any size. I knew, of course, that there had always been crusades in history, and even the most religious people had killed each other by thousands, and had often made the claim that God had told them to do so, but I considered them to have been misguided fanatics of an outgrown age who may have thought they were doing right, but who were in reality committing murder and breaking God's great law.

My father had also been a minister, and he was so meek and peaceful that he held one pastorate for a quarter of a century, a thing which, by the way, I doubt if I shall ever do! He was inclined to be a bit pessimistic and to lament the heartless struggle which takes place all through nature and human life, and he was extremely pacific. I inherited the same traits. My mother also had been a peace-loving woman, but she believed in justice, and I think I inherited from her my aggressive disposition. I was such a pacifist that I was militant in it and sometimes alienated even my admirers by my doctrine.

However, after Europe went to war I could see the storm gathering in the United States, and I looked upon it with feelings of fear and foreboding. I was down in the depths. I felt that "over there" they were already, and over here it was likely that we soon would be violating God's commandment,

"THOU SHALT NOT KILL."

I did not believe in killing. I had lectured with David Starr Jordan and spoken with Mr. Bryan. I hated war. As a minister of the gospel my natural inclination was to preach gentle forgiveness and tender mercy, and how I did preach it! I was for peace at any price. I preached peace in my church and I preached it on the street. I even went so far as to rent halls and denounce the doctrine of military preparedness as a dangerous and vicious propaganda.

I declared with all my power that America ought to keep herself out of this war and that she ought to suffer any indignity rather than take up the sword and slay other people. I said that was murder. While not approving of the sinking of the merchant ships, yet I said that those people who traveled on belligerent vessels did so at their own risk and that the United States ought not to bring blood upon her hands because others had done so. I had no antipathy toward the German people. I liked them. I had shown this by studying German in college as my only foreign language. I joined the "Deutscher Verein" as my only fraternity, and when I went abroad to study, it was a German university that I sought.

I knew of course that Germany's military system was a despotic one and that her own people were virtually slaves to the government. But above all I cried "Peace for the United States!" So when I resigned my pulpit in Patton, Pa., and told my congregation that I was going to the scene of war in Belgium, they were astonished beyond measure. I hastened to reassure them, however, that the purpose of my going was not to fight, but rather to relieve distress and carry in the wounded. I had felt a call to take up this task, and at this they became somewhat more reconciled. So in a few weeks' time I was on my way.

When I embarked upon that great ship in New York I was alone. And I want to tell you if you have never gone down the long pier and walked in solitude up the gangplank of a transatlantic liner you cannot imagine the feeling of loneliness I had. Especially strong was this feeling because that ship was to take me to the hell of a world war and I did not know to what else. As we put off and glided down by that old Statue of Liberty, leaving it in the distance, I began to cry, for I didn't know whether I should ever see it again. It seemed as if I had said good-bye to my last friend. Many of the people aboard were foreigners and I suppose I looked a pathetic figure as I stood there. I know I felt like one.

That night the lights were doused and we began to realize that things were serious. When great ships sail in darkness there is something wrong. The ensuing voyage lasted ten days and when I was not walking the decks those days I used to lie in my berth and look out the porthole and often wonder what was ahead for me.

After a week and a half on the ocean we finally landed on the coast of France. Meanwhile I had made several acquaintances, mainly with French people, and I had begun to think I had learned their language. A rude awakening was in store for me before I had been in France an hour!