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ОглавлениеPROLOGUE
CHIC
Today’s Magazine for Today’s Woman
Edgar B. Elerbee, Publisher
from the desk of: Edgar B. Elerbee
to: Editorial Staff
Tuesday, June 3
It is with great sorrow that I announce the sudden passing of Charles Dunn, our esteemed editor-in-chief. Charles was the guiding force of this publication for 32 years, and I know our entire staff will miss him.
Effective immediately, I am naming our managing editor, James Colter, to succeed Charles in this most important role. I expect the entire staff to join me in offering James our complete support.
E. Elerbee, pub.
from: ClaireHaines@chic.com
to: SusannahMadison@chic.com
subj: Major Surgery needed
Suze: I guess old Charlie put in one garter-belt-and-blindfold weekend too many. But Colter? Yuck Charlie never understood the 20th century woman, but Colter probably thinks we should still be wearing bustles Lunch at Gino’s? We can have pasta and whine.
from: SusannahMadison@chic.com
to: ClaireHaines@chic com
subj: Getting Trampled in the Rush for the Door
Elerbee’s got to be kidding1 Our circulation numbers were bad enough under Charlie, but Colter’s going to set new lows Hasn’t it ever occurred to Elerbee that a mag for women ought to have a woman at its helm? Forget Gino’s. I went home this weekend My mother baked up a storm. I should have saved time & put the stuff right on my hips.
Suze:
Size eights don’t have hips to worry about!
Demos you requested attached Readers are women 40-65 Not target group Not good news. Heard the latest dirt? Colter is history. Wonder who Elerbee will put in his place?
Claire
from: SusannahMadison@chic com
to: ClaireHaines@chic.com
subj: Mister Ed, The Talking Horse
Or maybe Lassie. But not anyone who could breathe some life into CHIC You’re right. Demographic breakdown is N.G Women, single, 18-35. That’s where we should be aiming. We need more picture spreads, more fashion stuff, makeup ideas, advice on men I’ve had it with Mom, apple pie and babies What ever happened to the joys of being a single woman???
from: ClaireHaines@chic com
to: SusannahMadison@chic com
subj: Single Women, 18 - 35
The lucky ones got married
from: SusannahMadison@chic.com
to: ClaireHaines@chic.com
subj: Definitions
Depends on your definition of “lucky”
from: ClaireHaines@chic.com
to: SusannahMadison@chic.com
subj: Cold Feet
A career doesn’t keep you warm at night.
from: SusannahMadison@chic com
to: ClaireHaines@chic.com
subj: Cures for Cold Feet
Try an electric blanket. Or get a cat.
from: ClaireHaines@chic.com
to: SusannahMadison@chic.com
subj: Women can Purr, Too
You’re heartless, Madison.
from: SusannahMadison@chic.com
to: ClaireHaines@chic.com
subj: Better a Cat than a Kitten
I’m practical, Haines.
CHIC
The Magazine for Women
Edgar B. Elerbee, Publisher
July 28
Please join me at a buffet breakfast in the boardroom Friday, from 8-30 to 10, in honor of our new editor-in-chief, Julius Partridge Wallinger. Mr. Wallinger brings with him almost 40 years of journalistic know-how. Payroll has asked me to assure you that the problem with last week’s checks was computer related and will not occur again. Thank you for your forbearance.
E. Elerbee, pub.
from: SusannahMadison@chic.com
to: ClaireHaines@chic.com
subj: Hello
Enjoying vacation. Weather is glorious Relaxing on all sides. Reading, renting videos, etc. Old friend’s been coming around—Sam. Did I ever mention him? My ever - hopeful Mom invites him for dinner each night, which makes me smile. Sam’s a sweetheart. He plays canasta with her after I go to bed.
Saw an item buried in back of Business Daily. Is it true? Has the new guy gotten the boot already? I’ve only been on vacation a week!!! What about rumor of a Romano Inc takeover? Not really possible, is it? I spotted him in Hyannisport. (Drove there to treat Mom to lunch) The only thing Matthew Romano could do for CHIC would be to let the mag lay him out as a centerfold.. Not that any intelligent woman would find the studly-but-brainlessly-arrogant Mr. Romano a turn - on He was with Ted Turner. Now, there’s a guy I’d love to see buy CHIC. Tell Peter I send love & kisses, & that I miss him
MEMO
FROM: Claire
TO: Claire
1. Remember to ask S about Sam, & why he’s playing cards with Mom instead of romancing S.
2. Remember not to bother asking.
3. Remember to ask how come she took portable computer on vacation.
4. Remember not to bother asking.
5. Remember to suggest S. should toss her hat in the ring for next ed-in-chief hiring go-round. She has an MBA, hasn’t she?
6. Remember above, for sure S. would make great ed-in-chief
7. Remember to tell S the Romano thing is nothing but an off-the-wall rumor.
8. Remember to ask S. how she knows Romano is brainless, arrogant & studly (Studly??? Susannah, how you do talk)
9. Tell S she’s got a way with a phrase. “Laying out” Romano, that hunk, is a wonderful idea.
from: SusannahMadison@chic.com
to: ClaireHaines@chic com
subj: Tossed Hats & Studs
OK, I did it. I gave Elerbee my resume. He didn’t laugh ... I guess that’s good news. Re Matthew Romano & layouts: Claire, where are your standards? Who wants a guy who thinks he’s the sexiest man alive? Only a DB, like the one who was draped across Romano’s arm at Hyannisport
from: ClaireHaines@chic.com
to: SusannahMadison@chic.com
subj: Sexiest Man Alive? DB?
When? How? What? Explain, please.
from: SusannahMadison@chic com
to: Claire Haines@chic.com
subj: When, How, What
DB=Dumb Blonde, as always seen in tabloid photos of Romano. Sexiest Man Alive, as seen in Romano’s smirk in every tabloid shot.
from: ClaireHaines@chic.com
to: SusannahMadison@chic.com
subj: Confusion
For shame, Suze. Didn’t know you read the tabloids (snicker). And how do you know the Bs are D?
from: SusannahMadison@chic com
to: ClaireHaines@chic com
subj: No Confusion
Romano was with them.
from: ClaireHaines@chic.com
to: SusannahMadison@chic.com
subj: Yes, Confusion
How come you’re so interested in Matthew Romano?
from: SusannahMadison@chic.com
to: ClaireHaines@chic.com
subj: Non- Interest
I’m not. I don’t know how we got off on this subject to start with.
from: ClaireHaines@chic com
to: SusannahMadison@chic com
subj: Confused, Again
You said he was studly.
from: SusannahMadison@chic com
to: ClaireHaines@chic.com
subj: Insanity
Good grief ’ I was being sarcastic ’ Why are we wasting time on this man?
from: ClaireHaines@chic.com
to: SusannahMadison@chic.com
subj: Hey!
It wasn’t me who brought Romano the Stud into the conversation.
You’re right. I did—and I’m taking him out of it, now.
Do me a favor Take a look at attached: tell me what you think of these ideas. Would any of them make you, for instance, buy a copy of CHIC?
Uh-oh. Phone call from Elerbee. Wants to see me pronto. Here comes the turn-down...
CHIC
The Magazine for Tomorrow’s Woman
Edgar B. Elerbee, Publisher
I am delighted to announce that Susannah Madison is our new editor-in-chief. Susannah has been with us as senior editor for the past two years. She’ll be assuming her new post at the start of next week. I know you’ve weathered some difficult moments the last few months but I can assure you, that’s all behind us.
The payroll dept. has asked me to inform those who may have, again, experienced some difficulty cashing last week’s checks to please be patient. The problem is computer related. Thank you again for your forbearance and, may I add, it’s been a pleasure working with all of you these past years.
E. Elerbee
from: Susannah Madison, editor-in-chief
to: Staff
I have just been informed that CHIC has been purchased by Update Publications of NYC. Don’t panic, people. I’m trying to get info re Update. As soon as I do, I’ll cc: whatever I have to all of you. Since we’ve never heard of it, it’s probably a small outfit, one that will give us time to regroup, retrench & make CHIC the winner we all know it can be
Susannah
While You Were Out
Mr. E:
S.M phoned. Asked for info re rumors sale of magazine. What shall I tell her?
Pam
from: claireHaines@chic.com
to: SusannahMadison@chic com
subj: Congrats & Query
Wow! Congratulatians, Suze. You’ll be great! What’s Elerbee mean, “It’s been a pleasure,” etc Is he retiring? Selling? The mag can’t be going under, not if he’s just appointed you ed-in-chief, right? RIGHT’?
MEMO
from: Matthew Romano
to: Joseph Romano
re: CHIC takeover
Sept 10
Joe:
Update Division just acquired CHIC as part of the Elerbee package. From what I’ve seen, the kindest thing would be to put it out of its misery. What in hell’s going on there? I want to see some data. Copies of correspondence re revolving-door ed-in-chief position, also any pertinent correspondence, files, email, etc on my desk, ASAP. Matt
from: JoeRomano@romano.com
to: MattRomano@romano.com
subj: Some guys are, some guys aren’t Thanks a lot, big brother. You just about kept me chained to my desk this weekend Info on its way. Files sent via Internet, pertinent correspondence faxed. Emails mostly office chitchat-but you should take a look at some of them Forwarding same to your acct. Got to say, buddy, I never did notice you were (ahem) studly.
Joe (trying very hard not to guffaw)
P.S. I guess I’d better tell you now, I’m not the only one who eyeballed this stuff. Material went thru a few hands before hitting my desk. Sorry, but you have to admit, it’s funny.
MEMO
from: Matthew Romano
to: Jane
re: Elerbee package
Jane
Will be leaving for NY on Sun. Contact Hank. Tell him I’ll need the plane. Arrange for hotel accommodations Also phone CHIC offices, inform ed-in-chief I’ll expect to see her in her office 9 AM Monday.
MR
Jane—Flowers to Miss Darvis, please A dozen roses Make it two dozen. Apologies, etc. for breaking next Sun night engagement Tell her I’ll phone from NY. As for ed-in-chief.. please be sure to impress upon the lady that she’d damn well better be prompt.
from: MattRomano@romano com
to: JaneTrent@romano.com
subj: CHIC
I’ve changed my mind Do not contact ed - in-chief at CHIC. I prefer to make my visit unannounced.
