Читать книгу Finding Glory - Sara Arden - Страница 14

CHAPTER SEVEN

REED FOUND HIMSELF facing the mirror in the bathroom, the harsh lights illuminating all the dark things he’d been trying to hide.

He looked into his own eyes and he reassured himself that he liked what he saw there. Even though there was that part of him that was afraid someone would wake up and realize he wasn’t allowed to be this person—that he’d snuck through some invisible barrier to success and they’d kick him back to his rightful side—he knew that wasn’t the case.

Reed had worked so hard to get where he was. No matter what that voice in his head told him, he wasn’t an imposter. He’d put in the work. He’d earned his place. He’d taught himself the stock market, began with penny stocks until he’d graduated to blue chip stocks, then he’d cashed in some of those and started buying up struggling companies and forming them into something new, something viable, and selling them for a profit.

He also knew that life was full of success and full of failures and he had to choose each day which thing he was going to focus on.

He reiterated all of the things he was thankful for to himself. This was his coping mechanism. Then he tucked it away deep down where no one could see it but him. It was almost a kind of armor that shielded him from the inside out.

Frogfest. He scrubbed his hand over his face. He hadn’t thought about that in a long time. Glory was full of small festivals that brought people from the surrounding cities in for little weekend getaways and brought in tourist money. There was something planned every couple of weeks and for the big holidays, the whole town got involved. It was genius marketing, really.

As a kid, Frogfest had been his favorite, as well. Sippin’ Cider Days was the least because it meant it was time to go back to school and he’d never had any money for anything. Frogfest was the last time he’d been with his mother when she was sober. She’d bought him a frog plush and promised him that things would be better.

And he’d believed her. He’d clung to that round-eyed, happy-faced stuffed animal every night before he went to sleep like it was some kind of talisman that could force her to keep her word. For a while, it seemed like it had.

Until Walter.

Walter had been the beginning of the end for his mother and for him.

He shoved those thoughts out of his head. They didn’t matter. They were in the past and Reed wouldn’t live in the past. He lived in the ever better, shinier future where things were still made of unfired clay and could be remolded over and over again until Reed had what he wanted.

Panic clutched at his throat. A sudden fear that everyone would know he was faking it—faking success, faking being a whole person. All the expensive cologne and hand-tailored suits in the world couldn’t hide it.

He exhaled, thinking about all the things he could do to quiet that voice in his head.

But none of them were acceptable, none of them were any action he’d ever take again. All he could do was let these feelings run their course.

Reed promised Gina everything would be okay, and it would.

If for no other reason than Amanda Jane.

He didn’t think it was possible to feel such an immediate, overwhelming connection to another human being. Reed thought that it would take time to get to know her; that he’d have to sort of fall into feeling like a father. Grow to love her.

The ferocity of emotion that raged in his chest like a lion was instant and eternal. He’d live for her, die for her and everything in between.

But it also made him wonder what was really wrong with him that his own mother hadn’t felt that way about him. Why hadn’t he inspired such devotion? Was he defective somehow and would that defect burrow into his relationship with his own daughter?

Again, he shoved those thoughts down deep where no one could see them. His life and the life he wanted to give Amanda Jane was going to be about fulfilling her needs, not thinking about his own that went unanswered.

There was no changing the past, only living in the present.

I like your face.

He supposed that was good, because upon close inspection, she did look very much like him.

His brain turned all of these things over again and again, like a cement mixer—combining these thoughts in on themselves, keeping them fluid as he drove back to the small farmhouse on Seven Sisters Road.

He knew Gina wanted to stay there, but even in a small town like Glory, your address mattered.

Amanda Jane waited on the porch, legs swinging and ponytail bouncing in one of the rocking chairs. The door was open and Gina pushed through, handing Amanda Jane a picnic basket and a tote bag while she closed and secured the door. He was glad she’d never fallen into the habit of a lot of residents of the town, especially the ones who lived out in the country, who never locked their doors.

Gina wore another pair of those pants with the pockets and his line of sight was immediately drawn to the flare of her hips and the round curve of her ass.

He was so taken by that dangerous curve that he drove over a garden gnome that stood so brave and welcoming near the gravel drive.

Reed swore and hoped mightily that it wasn’t something Amanda Jane had any overwhelming attachment to.

And at the sound coming from his put-upon Audi, he realized they were going to be a little late to Frogfest.

This was the universe reminding him to keep his mind on his daughter, not on Gina. Message received, loud and clear.

Gina ran to the car. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“I think your garden gnome tried to kill me.”

The car made an unhappy sound and he switched off the ignition.

“Guess I’m driving.” She grinned.

“That wasn’t...anything special, was it?”

“No. Just something that was in the yard when we moved in. The previous renters left it. Although, Amanda Jane might make you have a funeral for him. His name was Bostwick. She broke his brother, Fenwick, last week.”

A funeral, for a garden gnome? If that’s what she wanted, he’d do it.

It must have shown on his face. “Look, um...I hope it’s okay, but I don’t want you to spend a lot of money on her today.”

“Why not?” He’d planned to do just that. He wanted to spoil her rotten.

“She worked for her spending money. Even for her tickets to the rides. She weeded the garden, kept her room clean. I want her to enjoy spending what she earned and I want her to understand how far her money will go. And I want her to know that if she can’t have something because she doesn’t have the money, that’s okay, too.”

It made sense to him. He didn’t like it, but he understood. “I understand, I do. But you have to understand that there is going to be a bit of spoiling going on in the near future and yours isn’t the final say.”

“And yours is?” Her tone wasn’t confrontational.

Or at least he didn’t think it was. The T-shirt she wore clung much too tightly to her breasts for him to think clearly. “No, we’ll have to compromise.”

“So neither one of us will get our way is what you’re saying.”

“Basically.”

She laughed. “I guess I can live with that. So, do you mind riding to Frogfest in Bill?” She pointed to her tiny, aged Kia.

“Are we taking the KiaPet? I wanted to ride with Daddy,” Amanda Jane said without any hint of a pout in her voice.

“Daddy is riding in the KiaPet, too.”

Daddy.

They meant him. He was Daddy.

That was still quite something for him to wrap his head around. There was so much hope and expectation wrapped up in that one word. Not just Amanda Jane’s, but his own. He’d never expected to wear that title and now that it was his, he didn’t want to screw it up. He didn’t want to be anything like his father. Or Gina’s father. He had this fey vision of himself that he knew wasn’t real. Couldn’t be. No one could be all the things he wanted to be.

“Aren’t you?” Gina prompted.

“Yeah.” He nodded and followed her to the car. He’d worry about fixing his later. It’d give him an excuse to spend more time with them—if he needed one.

Bless you, Bostwick, he thought to himself. He’d given his life for a good cause.

With Amanda Jane buckled in her car seat in the back, and all of Gina’s bags loaded into the trunk, they headed toward Riverfront Park and Frogfest.

The whole town had come out for the festivities as they always did with every fair or festival. At the first strains of the carousel music, Amanda Jane’s energy was practically frenetic. Or maybe that was Reed himself? He suddenly found that being here with Amanda Jane brought back all of his childhood joy at the prospect of Frogfest. The park had been closed off and the entry gate had been made up to look like a giant bullfrog head.

Activities had been divided up into things for older kids, like the octopus ride, and the ball pit and inflatables were for younger kids.

“She’ll bounce in the inflatable for a good hour and a half.” Gina smiled.

Then, he saw the kissing booth.

That brought back a lot of memories.

Crystal, Amanda Jane’s mother and Gina’s sister, had worked the booth one Frogfest and it had been the first time he’d kissed her. So many memories in this place.

Gina followed his gaze and said, “Oh, lord. Look who’s behind the booth.”

It was Gina’s lawyer, Emma. She headed over to the booth, laughing as she went. “What are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I lost a bet.” She scowled, obviously unhappy to be there.

“That’s not a very kissable expression on your face.” Reed threw in his two cents. It wasn’t just unkissable, she looked downright hostile.

“It’s not supposed to be. If I don’t look kissable, no one will kiss me, right?”

“Isn’t this to raise money for the hospital auxiliary?” he asked.

“Yes, and they can damn well get someone else if they want to make any money.”

The jar was abysmally empty. Reed dug a five out of his wallet and stuffed it in the jar.

“Buddy, I hope you’re paying me not to kiss you.” Then her eyes narrowed. “Gina can handle my light work.”

He looked at Gina and her eyes had widened so far that she looked like a small animal in the glare of an oncoming truck.

If she’d been any other girl but Gina Townsend, he would’ve taken her up on Emma’s offer and kissed her senseless. Because he didn’t care about kissing any other girl but Gina. But he wanted to kiss Gina more than he was comfortable admitting.

“I paid you, Frog Lady.”

“I hope you don’t think I’ll turn into a princess.”

He smirked, but instead of kissing her grudgingly proffered cheek, he took her hand and kissed it like a gentleman from days of yore.

Emma blushed, all of her prickly demeanor gone. “You, sir, are dangerous.”

“No, no, no. That’s all wrong,” Amanda Jane said. She pointed at Reed and then at Gina. “You are supposed to kiss her. And she will turn into a princess. I know these things. Grammie told me.”

Gina was the first to respond. “Nope. I’ve got both my shoes.”

“You’re confusing fairy tales again, Gina-bee.” Amanda Jane didn’t seem amused. “Do it correctly, please.”

He loved that she was like a mini-adult. She was so polite, but knew exactly what she wanted and how things were to be done. She would find that frustrating as she grew up, but it would also serve her well. She reminded Reed a lot of what Gina had been like as a child. She’d had this amazing intellect that had been completely wasted on those around her. Even him.

“Correctly? I’m too old to be a princess. You, on the other hand, are just right.”

“She can be queen and me the princess?” She seemed to consider the scenario for a minute. “I suppose that could work.” Amanda Jane still sounded doubtful.

Reed knelt down and embraced her carefully, giving the child the opportunity to squirm away if she didn’t want him to hug her. Instead, she flung her thin arms around his neck and he dutifully placed a kiss on her cheek.

“I like this game.” She planted one on his cheek in return and then ran to the ball pit.

Her affection and expectation of such came so easily. He thought of all the ways people could use that against her, could hurt her. He found he couldn’t breathe.

“I know, right?” Gina said quietly. She understood.

“You’re all doing it wrong.” Gray’s voice surprised him.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were going back to the city?” Reed asked as he got to his feet.

“I had to try out this infamous Frogfest. I heard there were going to be carnival games and maybe an exhibition match of some local talent.” He shrugged. “I see everyone takes these things seriously around here.” He eyed Emma.

“If we did it wrong, maybe you should show us how it’s done?” Gina cast a sly grin at Emma.

Emma’s gaze cut to Gray so fast, Reed was sure he actually saw it slice the air. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, I more than dare. Especially since you think I wouldn’t.” He pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and stuffed it in the jar. “That’s the best reason to dare.”

“Damn,” Emma whimpered.

“You got that right.” Gray grabbed her and bent her over the back of his arm and kissed her.

Gina lifted her chin and nodded at Reed. “That’s what she gets for calling you light work.”

Reed laughed. “Oh, really? Well, compared to that, I guess I am light work. He’s got a lot more game than I ever did.”

“It’s for a good cause, anyway.” Gina shrugged. “Sorry Amanda Jane put you on the spot like that. I’ll talk to her if you want.”

“No, it’s okay. I think it’s probably pretty normal. We’re her caregivers. Wanting to see us that way is searching for a kind of stability, I imagine.” Reed remembered having those same wants as a child with every new man his mother brought home. After a while, he’d gotten numb to those wants and eventually, started dreading each new encounter because it was always the beginning of the end.

Gina’s expression changed from light and open to concerned as she spread out the blanket and arranged the bags and basket just so. “Do you think she feels like her life is unstable?”

If he were more of a bastard, he could use this moment to pounce, to give himself the upper hand for further negotiations. But he didn’t want Gina to feel unsure of her choices. He knew that she’d done the best she could. Once he got past his own issues, he could see that.

“No. An unstable child wouldn’t ask for what they want like she does. She expects all of her needs to be met because they have been. You’ve done a great job, Gina.”

He didn’t expect her to melt into him the way she did, for her arms to lock around his waist and for her to bury her face in his neck. Reed embraced her carefully and tried not to think about how good she felt wrapped in his arms.

How good this whole day was turning out to be, despite having murdered Bostwick the garden gnome.

“I’m sorry, I just...I’ve tried so hard. I wanted her to have better than we did.”

“And she does. You’re a good mother.”

She broke away from him and everything in him wanted to reach out and pull her back against him. “But I’m not her mother.”

“You are in all ways that matter. You’ve been a good father, too. You’ve been everything. But you’re not alone now.”

Gina’s eyes fluttered closed. “You know, when I took her after Crystal died, I told them they couldn’t just give me a child. What was wrong with child services that they could just hand this child over to me?”

“I would’ve felt the same way, but I would’ve been right in my case. She’s happy, healthy, smart and kind. What more can you do?”

“I guess keep doing what I’ve been doing.” She looked away from him to scan the ball pit and then back at him. “So this is really happening, right? We’re getting married?”

“Yeah. If you say yes.”

“I think there are some things we need to talk about that weren’t addressed in the agreement.” She took a deep breath. “Are you dating?”

That was the last question he expected from her. “What?”

“Dating. Seeing someone. Hittin’ and quittin’...” She used their old high school slang for one-night stands.

“Uh, no, Gina. None of that.”

“Me, either. I don’t want a string of people in and out of her life.”

Her answer unknotted something tight in his chest. “I don’t really date at all. So that’s not a problem.”

“Why not?” She cocked her head to the side and looked up at him.

Her eyes were so clear, like the cloudless sky, and her bow mouth was pursed waiting for his answer. The distance between them began to disappear slowly but surely as he leaned in, perhaps to tell her a secret.

He hadn’t intended to kiss her, but he found himself leaning forward, anyway.

“Daddy! Come play with me,” Amanda Jane yelled.

Her voice startled Reed out of whatever spell had drifted over him and he launched himself to his feet and went to go play with his daughter.