Читать книгу Sarah Morgan Summer Collection - Sarah Morgan - Страница 20

SATURDAY evening arrived and Evanna hovered outside Logan’s house, feeling ridiculously self-conscious. She’d walked through his garden gate at least a thousand times in her life and never even hesitated. So why should a glamorous dress and a pair of high heels suddenly make her nervous?

The answer, of course, was because she felt … different.

Normally, when she joined Logan for one of the frequent barbecues at his house, she pulled on her oldest pair of jeans and pushed her feet into a pair of trainers. It was true that occasionally she’d worn a dress in the hope that he’d notice her, but it had never worked. But she’d never worn a dress as glamorous or feminine as the one she was wearing now.

Lifting a hand to her hair, she drew in a breath and opened the gate.

‘Evanna, you look wonderful!’ Meg, Kyla’s aunt who owned the café on the quay, stepped forward, a drink in her hand. ‘I’ve never seen your hair down like that! It looks amazing.’

‘I—I thought I’d have a change from curls.’ Evanna’s eyes slid nervously around the garden, which was already crowded with Logan’s friends and family. ‘Where’s Kirsty?’

It was ridiculous, she thought to herself, hiding behind a child. But suddenly that was what she wanted to do.

‘Last seen clinging adoringly to her father, but you don’t want to hold her while you’re wearing that gorgeous dress. She was squashing raspberries into her mouth a moment ago and most of the juice was stuck to her.’

Evanna laughed. ‘She loves fruit.’

‘There she is.’ Meg smiled benignly across the garden. ‘And Logan is looking well, don’t you think? That blue shirt with his eyes—it’s no wonder the girls all trip over themselves when he passes. He’s not going to be on his own for long, that’s for sure. Someone is going to snap him up really soon.’

Were they?

Wondering how she’d cope with that, Evanna kept her smile fixed firmly in place, relieved to see Kyla walking across to them, her hand in Ethan’s.

‘Good to see Kyla so happy, too,’ Meg said, nodding approvingly as Ethan paused to kiss his new wife on the lips. ‘Ethan may not be an islander born and bred, but you wouldn’t know it to look at him. He fits right in.’

Evanna nodded. It was true that Ethan fitted in. He’d arrived as a locum GP to help Logan and had fallen in love with Kyla and stayed. It was a situation that suited everyone. ‘He was always meant to come here.’

‘You mean because he’s Kirsty’s uncle?’ Meg lowered her voice. ‘I must admit I wasn’t surprised when he revealed that he was actually related to Logan’s late wife. Her brother, imagine! There was always something secretive about him. And about her, come to that. She certainly never mentioned a brother.’

‘They weren’t close. That’s why Ethan took the job here. To try and learn more about her. I’m sure that if she hadn’t died, they would have developed a relationship.’ Kyla hadn’t shared much of it with her, but Evanna knew that Ethan and Catherine had shared a difficult family background.

Meg sniffed. ‘Well, he’s a good doctor and that’s what matters. Oh, look at that.’ She waved a hand. ‘Kirsty has spotted you. And Logan.’

Evanna felt her heart rate double. ‘I’d better go and say hello.’

‘You do that. And watch that dress.’

Evanna caught Kyla’s whispered ‘Nice cleavage’, took a deep breath and plucked up courage to walk across the lawn.

‘Hello, Kirsty,’ she said, clasping the raspberry-stained fist in hers and giving it a swift kiss. ‘No need to ask what you’ve been eating.’

Kirsty chortled with delight, a huge smile on her plump cheeks.

‘I’ve given up trying to keep her clean,’ Logan murmured, dropping a kiss onto his daughter’s silken blonde curls. ‘It’s a losing battle. I’ve decided that I’m just going to turn the hose onto her before she goes to bed.’

‘It’s a good job I know you’re joking.’ Evanna felt her heart hammer against her chest as he turned to look at her. His blue eyes were shielded by thick, dark lashes and her stomach flipped as she fell into that sleepy, masculine gaze.

Suddenly she felt agonisingly nervous.

What if he hated the way she looked? What if he thought she looked ridiculous? What if—?

He smiled at her. ‘I’m glad you came early.’

Didn’t he notice anything different about her? Evanna shook her head gently, allowing her smooth, shiny hair to spill over her shoulders.

Kirsty gave a delighted gurgle and immediately reached out and grabbed a handful.

‘Don’t pull Evanna’s hair,’ Logan drawled, prising the little girl’s fists open and giving Evanna an apologetic smile. ‘You know what she’s like with hair. Leaving it down was asking for trouble. You should have worn it in a ponytail, like you usually do.’

Evanna swallowed back her disappointment.

That was it?

That was all he was going to say?

That she should have worn her hair in a ponytail? ‘Yes,’ she croaked, ‘I probably should.’

Kyla stepped up to them, a bowl of plump, glossy black olives in her hand. ‘Olive, anyone? Doesn’t Evanna look fantastic with her hair like that, Logan? It’s stunning, Evanna. Really stunning. You should wear it down more often.’

‘Well, it certainly makes it easier for Kirsty to pull,’ Logan said absently, stretching out a hand and helping himself to an olive. ‘I’m going to put the baby to bed now. Then I’ll come down and cook. Did you know that Meg has offered Fraser free ice creams for the whole of the summer as a reward for his quick reactions last week?’

‘That’s a bit rash, isn’t it? I’ve seen how much that boy can put away.’ Kyla grinned and held out her arms to Kirsty. ‘Come to your Aunty Kyla. I’ll put her to bed. You chat to Evanna. You two never have time to talk properly and I’m sure you have lots to catch up on.’

Logan looked surprised. ‘All right, thanks. But I’m going to talk Evanna into making a salad while I get the barbecue going.’

‘Evanna is not making salad while she’s wearing that dress,’ Kyla said firmly, and Logan frowned slightly.

‘She could wear an apron.’

Kyla gritted her teeth. ‘Ethan is going to finish off the cooking. You two just spend a bit of time together.’ She walked off with the toddler in her arms and Logan watched her go.

‘Well, perhaps we should take her up on her offer. To be honest, I was trying to work out a way of getting you on your own before everyone else arrives. This seems like as good a time as any.’ He closed a hand on her arm and pulled her across the grass to the weeping willow. Green tentacles spilled downwards, providing shade and privacy.

His touch was firm and purposeful and Evanna felt her heart start to pound. What could he possibly want to say to her?

He pushed aside the soft curtain of leaves and led her into the cool, shaded centre of the tree. Although they were still in the middle of the garden, it felt secluded and private and suddenly Evanna started to shiver. Trapped in such an intimate atmosphere, she was acutely aware of him and she couldn’t look away. He was a strong man in every sense and that strength showed in the rugged planes of his handsome face and the easy, confident way he dealt with everyone on the island.

‘L-little Jason is d-doing really well,’ she stammered. ‘I called in to see them in their holiday cottage. The hospital kept him in for a few days and then sent him home so they were able to continue their holiday. I gave them some advice on the baby. I think she was just hot and uncomfortable, that’s why she was crying so much. They were putting too many layers on her and not giving her enough fluid.’

‘You’re a genius.’ Logan leaned his shoulders against the wide trunk of the tree. ‘It always amazes me how little thought people give to the weather. I stopped the car this morning to tell a couple to put sun cream on their baby.’

‘What did they say?’

He grinned. ‘I think their comment was, “Who do you think you are?” To which I replied, “The guy you’re going to see when she’s burnt and miserable.”’ He lifted his beer to his lips. ‘Funnily enough, that seemed to shut them up. I saw them in the shop later, buying sun cream by the bucketload.’

Evanna laughed. She’d always liked that about him. The way he wasn’t afraid to speak up when he saw something that he didn’t agree with. ‘I’ve never understood why people insist on putting small babies in the sun.’

‘Ignorance. I really do need to talk to you,’ he drawled softly, lifting a hand and removing a leaf from her hair. ‘And I honestly don’t know how you’re going to react to what I’m going to say. You’re probably going to refuse.’

Refuse?

When had she refused him anything?

Her legs were shaking so badly that she stepped backwards and leaned against the broad trunk of the tree for support. ‘Just say it, Logan.’

‘All right. But if I’m overstepping the bounds of our friendship then I want you to tell me. Do you promise to give me an honest answer?’

Overstepping the bounds of their friendship?

Hope and anticipation made her suddenly dizzy. ‘Yes,’ she mumbled, her hands fisting by her sides. ‘Of course.’ The weeping willow provided a lush, delicate screen from the rest of the garden and suddenly the atmosphere seemed impossibly intimate. It was just the two of them, everyone else forgotten.

He took a deep breath. ‘I wondered if you’d consider looking after Kirsty for me on Wednesday afternoons. I know it’s usually your afternoon off, but it wouldn’t be for ever. Just until I find someone to replace Amy Foster.’

Evanna stared at him. The words he’d spoken were so different from the ones she’d longed to hear that it took her a moment from the meaning to sink in. ‘You want me to look after Kirsty? That’s what you wanted to ask me?’

‘Yes. I know it’s a lot to ask. You’ve often looked after her before, but not on a regular basis. Is the answer going to be no?’ He strolled towards her, powerfully built and handsome. The man she’d loved for the whole of her life.

She looked away for a moment, struggling to compose herself. Then she cleared her throat carefully. ‘Logan.’ Her voice cracked. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Of course. Anything.’

What do I have to do to make you notice me? ‘Why ask me? Why me?’

‘Because you’re completely reliable, a wonderful cook, incredibly uncomplicated and Kirsty adores you. That’s just a start but I could go on for ever.’ He gave a shrug and a lopsided smile. ‘If I didn’t need you in the practice so badly, I’d fire you and employ you to look after Kirsty full time.’

So he was happy for her to care for his daughter.

That was a compliment, of course. But it was so much less than she wanted.

Evanna stood for a moment, thinking of the heat and the passion she saw in Ethan’s eyes when he looked at Kyla. Then she looked at Logan. And saw humour and a faint question in his gorgeous blue eyes.

For him, their relationship was all about friendship. Nothing else.

‘Evanna?’

She realised that he was waiting for an answer. And how could she refuse? She loved him. She’d loved him all her life. She’d loved him when he’d been a boy at school and she’d loved him when he’d grown into a man and married another woman.

And she loved Kirsty.

How could she refuse to help him? What sort of a friend would that make her? It wasn’t Logan’s fault that her feelings towards him were entirely more complicated than his were for her.

He deserved all the help she could give him, even if it proved to be torture for her.

With a smile that cost her greatly in terms of effort, she forced the words past her dry lips. ‘Of course I’ll look after Kirsty on Wednesdays. It would be my pleasure.’

His eyes were on her face. ‘I don’t expect you to do it for nothing. I’ll pay you.’

Employee. Friend. He offered her just about every role except the one she wanted. ‘I don’t want to be paid, Logan,’ she said quietly. ‘I love Kirsty.’

‘Well, it’s just until I find someone else, then. I don’t want to take advantage of you.’ He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears in a distinctly brotherly gesture. ‘Better put your hair back up or she’ll tug it out by the handful.’

‘Yes. That’s probably a good idea. I’ll put it up.’ A ponytail was practical. Sensible. And that was the sort of person she was. Practical. She wasn’t designed for grand passion or wild affairs. She was reliable, sensible Evanna. That was how other people saw her and it was how she should start seeing herself. No more dreams. No more fantasies.

He frowned down at her feet. At her deliciously sexy, wickedly high-heeled shoes. ‘And you should probably wear something flat and comfortable. She can move like lightning now and you’ll never be able to catch her in those. You’ll twist your ankle.’

Something flat and comfortable. Something that reliable, sensible Evanna would wear. ‘Right. I’ll remember that, too.’

He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. ‘You’re a good friend, Evanna,’ he said softly. ‘The best.’

And then he turned and walked away from her, leaving her staring after him with all the hope lying shrivelled inside her.

She felt numb. Her limbs wouldn’t move and for a moment she stood, staring through the curtain of green leaves, wondering what she was supposed to do now. She felt foolish in her dress and shoes and suddenly wished she’d just worn jeans.

That was it then.

Over.

It had been a foolish idea and it had failed.

And now she had to rejoin the group. Wearing her silly dress and her uncomfortable shoes, she had to talk and mingle and do all the things she usually did because if she didn’t, everyone would notice. Everyone would know that something was the matter with her and she didn’t want anyone to notice. She didn’t want people to know.

Evanna blinked rapidly to clear the tears that had gathered and walked carefully on her new heels, brushing aside the fronds of the weeping willow, intending to help herself to some food. And then her eyes rested on Logan’s broad, muscular shoulders and she found that she couldn’t look away. Why did it have to be him? she wondered helplessly. Why him? Couldn’t she have fallen in love with someone who noticed her? She stood there, drinking in his strength and masculinity, memorising every single part of him as if it were the last time she’d be allowed to look.

And then she felt Kyla’s hand on her arm. ‘Well? I saw him drag you into the weeping willow. The dress obviously worked.’

Evanna willed herself to move—willed herself to act normally. ‘He wants me to look after Kirsty on Wednesdays. That’s what he wanted to talk to me about.’ Her voice sounded unnaturally formal, even to her own ears, and suddenly she knew she was going to cry. ‘So I think we can safely say that the dress didn’t impress him and that plan B has just crashed and burned alongside plan A. Will you excuse me? I’m suddenly incredibly tired. I think I’ll go home and have an early night.’

‘Evanna, you can’t just—’

‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Kyla.’ She needed to get away. Fast. Before she made a fool of herself.

Without looking back, she turned and walked quickly across the garden towards the gate. Let them say what they liked, she thought as she fumbled with the gate and walked to her car. She didn’t care any more. She just needed to be on her own.

‘Evanna, wait!’

Kyla’s voice came from behind her but she ignored her and drove off without glancing back.

She drove the short distance to her cottage, parked the car and nearly twisted her ankle on the path that led to her front door. It was the final straw. With a sob of frustration she stooped and slid them from her feet, throwing them angrily on the grass. She struggled with her key, somehow managed to open the door of her cottage, even though her eyes were swimming with tears and she couldn’t see clearly.

‘Evanna.’ Kyla was right behind her and she turned, all the emotions of the evening suddenly released.

‘You didn’t need to follow me. I didn’t want you to. You’re my best friend, Kyla, but there are some things that even best friends can’t fix.’ Her voice was choked. Clogged with tears. ‘Leave me alone, please. I just need to be on my own for a bit.’

‘But I can—’

‘But you can what? You can what, Kyla? If you’re even thinking about coming up with another plan to make your brother notice me, you can forget it because I already feel completely and utterly humiliated. He is never going to notice me, and the sooner I come to terms with that, the better for all of us.’ She turned and sprinted up the rest of the stairs and into her bedroom.

‘Evanna, wait, please …‘

Evanna was holding back sobs, the breath tearing in her throat as she tried hard not to cry. ‘Please, leave me alone. I need to be on my own.’

‘No, you don’t. You’re upset and—’

‘Can’t you see?’ Tears flooded down her face and Evanna gave up the struggle for control. ‘Can’t you see that this is never going to work? Aren’t you satisfied? We changed the way I dressed and he simply thought I looked ridiculous! He told me to put my hair back up so that Kirsty wouldn’t pull it and to wear something more flat and comfortable on my feet, and do you know what that is?’ She ripped the dress from her body so violently that she tore the fabric. ‘Because I’m not a flamenco dancer or anyone glamorous. I’m just me and it isn’t enough.’

‘Don’t, Evanna.’ Kyla reached out a hand to try and stop her but Evanna brushed her away, stepped out of the dress and reached for her comfortable dressing-gown.

‘Enough!’ The tears thickened her words as she quickly covered herself. ‘You have to let it drop, Kyla, and so do I. When I was on the mainland I promised myself that this wasn’t going to happen again. I wasn’t going to keep hoping. No more jumping through hoops. No more waving flags that say, Here I am! No more humiliation. And now here I am yet again, crying over a man who doesn’t want me. It has to stop. It’s got to stop.’

Kyla’s eyes were swimming with tears. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, and Evanna felt herself pulled into a warm hug. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry,’ she said gruffly, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the flat of her hand. ‘It’s me who should be sorry for yelling at you. You’re a good friend and you were only trying to help. It wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.’

‘Yes, it is. It was me who forced you to dress up for him. I just know you’d be so amazing together.’ Kyla’s expression was stricken as she wiped the tears from her own face. ‘I shouldn’t have interfered, but I love both of you so much.’

Evanna reached for a tissue. ‘And you can carry on doing that, but you have to love us separately. Logan and I are not a couple and we never will be. We can’t be together.’

Kyla sank down on the edge of the bed. ‘So what will you do now?’

‘I’m going to do my job, help look after Kirsty and be a good friend to your brother.’ Evanna blew her nose hard and kept her tone matter of fact. ‘It’s what he needs from me. It’s what he wants.’

‘But what about what you want?’

‘What I want isn’t important at the moment. What’s important is Kirsty and Logan. He’s been through hell and he needs support. And that’s what friends are for.’ Evanna looked up with a watery smile. ‘You can have those shoes, if you like. I left them in the garden. You’re the same size as me and I don’t think I’ll be wearing them again. Anyway, they pinched my toes.’

‘Oh, Evanna …’

Evanna shook her head. ‘I’m not a high heel sort of girl. I’m just me and—and he doesn’t want me. And that’s fine,’ she said, blowing her nose for a final time. ‘Deep down I always knew that I wasn’t the right girl for him. I’ve just been deluding myself in the same way that all the other women on this island do. But he has no idea how I feel, so that’s good. If he knew, that would make the whole situation incredibly embarrassing. As it is, we can carry on as if nothing has happened.’

She almost laughed as she listened to herself. Nothing had happened. Except in her dreams. And in her dreams was the only place that Logan was ever going to be.