Читать книгу The Rancher's Secret Son - Sara Orwig - Страница 9

Three

Stunned, Nick could only stare at her as he tried to register her words. “That was almost four years ago,” he whispered, talking more to himself than to her. She couldn’t have had his baby. He gazed into her big, dark-brown eyes that still hid secrets and saw her wring her hands. She looked pale, afraid, her shoulders slightly hunched. She was telling him the truth. Four years ago he had gotten her pregnant. Nine months later, she had given birth to his baby and hadn’t told him.

He had a son. He would have to be three now. Nick was so stunned he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t believe that he was a dad. Gulping for breath, he stood and walked to the window. Like shock waves that kept hitting him, the realization rocked him again that he was a dad, he had a son, a child of his own. He turned to look at Claire.

“Dammit, Claire. I have a child and you didn’t tell me,” he said, clenching his fists and shaking, anger and shock jolting him. “How could you not tell me? Dammit,” he snapped, without giving her time to answer.

He could only stare at her and think back. He had been in love with her, had proposed to her and wanted to marry her. And then they’d fought. On the rebound he had married Karen. He hadn’t talked to Claire again and she hadn’t talked to him—a natural outcome of the last hours of arguing, flinging accusations, letting a wall of anger and hurt come between them.

And now to learn that he had a son and Claire had never told him shocked and angered him all over again. He placed his hands on his hips without thinking what he was doing. “You never intended to tell me. The only reason you did is because we saw each other today,” he said, fury beginning to boil.

She stood and faced him. “When you told me you had lost your wife and unborn baby, I realized you had to be told. Before, an out-of-wedlock baby would have hurt or ruined your political aspirations and you know it. You wouldn’t have wanted to hear from me. When you married, I always thought you would have your family with your wife and you really would never be that interested in a child I carried.”

“My son? Of course, I would be interested. I have a son,” he said, feeling awe. “Claire, that is the most fantastic news I could possibly hear. How in hell could you think I wouldn’t be interested?”

“I just told you—news that I had given birth to your son just after your marriage would have killed your political career. You married within months after our breakup. I wondered if you had been seeing her while you were seeing me. Your new wife certainly would not have wanted to hear that I had your baby.” Claire closed her eyes and swayed, and he frowned, wondering whether she was about to faint. “Nick, can’t you see that I felt you shut me out of your life? Without telling me anything you became engaged. You should have let me know.”

“I should have done that, I agree.”

“Recriminations aren’t going to help. I’m just trying to explain my actions.”

“You can’t ever explain not letting me know,” he said.

“I just did. Would you have wanted to tell your fiancée you had recently gotten me pregnant? You married and occasionally I saw pictures in the news of you with your wife and you looked happy. Why would I think you would want my baby just when you married Karen?”

Knowing she was right, he didn’t care. The knowledge that he had a son was far more important.

“I’ve missed all his first years. I missed his babyhood. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t even know I exist, does he?”

“No, he’s little.”

“Dammit, Claire, I’ve missed too much.”

“Hindsight is always better,” she replied, looking pained. “I’ve told you why I did what I did. It’s that simple. But I will say this. This son is not going to help your political life, I promise you.”

“I don’t give a damn about that. It’s far more important that I know my son.”

“You say that now, but you don’t really mean it. Your adult life has revolved around politics and rising to the next office,” she said.

“I mean it, Claire. My son is my future, not a job. You can’t keep me from getting to know him.”

“I don’t plan to, Nick. That’s why I’ve told you about him.” She glanced away. “But your family will not be happy, especially your father. You know he would not have been happy to hear about a child—not then and not now.”

Nick inhaled and clenched his fists, trying to hang on to his temper. “You took those years from me, and I can never get them back.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I regret that now.”

“I’ve been through hell the past two years. I lost my wife and baby. I could have filled part of that void and helped the hurt by knowing my son. I can’t believe you did this to me.”

She looked at him. “Nick, I’m so sorry for your loss and if I had known—” She bit off her words and wrung her hands. “I wish I could undo the past few years, but I can’t. We’ll have to pick up from here.”

“Dammit, Claire,” he said, clenching his fists and closing his eyes. Hurting, he thought of all the empty moments. He’d hurt badly after the breakup with Claire. Two years ago, he’d hurt after losing Karen and the baby. Now he had another deep hurt and this one could have been so easily avoided. He tried to hang on to his temper and to avoid saying hurtful things to Claire because it really didn’t help to pour out his fury on her.

“Would you like to see his picture?” she asked after a few minutes.

Nick jerked his head up. His anger melted as fast as it had come and awe filled him. He suddenly knew how he would have felt if he had been present at the birth of his son. “You have his picture? Of course I’d like to see it.”

She walked back to the ottoman to pick up her phone. Nick came to stand beside her. “I named him Cody Nicholas Prentiss.”

“You named him Nicholas?” he asked, pleasure filling him.

“Yes. I named him for you,” she said, looking up at him. “I felt I should do that.”

Nick looked at her phone and she opened it, handing it to him. His hands shook and he was overwhelmed as he looked at a child that resembled his own pictures when he was small.

“Oh, my word, there’s no doubt about his heritage. He looks just like me at that age,” Nick said, the feeling of awe swamping him. “My family will love him beyond words. Thank you for naming him Nicholas.”

“He looks like you. He’s a sweet, happy little boy who loves people. Even as a baby, he smiled constantly when someone talked to him.”

“That’s great,” Nick said, still staring at Cody’s picture.

“My grandmother watches him a couple of days a week, and I have a nanny the rest of the time to help relieve Grandma. For his first seven months I took maternity leave. Grandpa was around until the past six months, so there was a man in the house.”

Looking at his son, Nick felt the sting of tears of joy, forgetting his anger and the empty years. Getting a grip on his emotions, he wiped his eyes. “I have a son,” he said, his voice filled with awe. “This is the most wonderful news. Claire, he’s perfect. Was your family with you when he was born?” he asked, staring at Cody’s picture.

“Oh, yes. Mom was alive then, and all of them were thrilled. When he was a baby, one of us rocked him to sleep every night. Grandpa read to him when he was so tiny he couldn’t possibly understand a word, but it made him happy.”

“Can you send this picture to me?”

“Yes. I have more on my iPad. I’ll go get it. I’ll send all of them to you,” she said.

Nick watched her leave the room, his gaze sweeping down to notice her tiny waist, the slightest sway to her walk, her long legs. What if they had married? What if he had tried harder to work things out with her? He had been so in love with her, but their breakup had been final. Then Karen had come along and she seemed to be the answer to his problems. In their marriage they’d each gotten what they’d wanted. But even as he had walked down the aisle, his heart had ached. He’d tried to remind himself that Claire didn’t want to marry him, but that hadn’t stopped the hurt that had torn him up for a long time.

If he had known about her pregnancy—

Instantly he stopped that thought. There was no undoing the past and he wasn’t going to dwell on what might have been.

As Claire left the room, he stared at the empty doorway. Fury still simmered in him because of the years he had missed with his son. At the same time, awe and joy were stronger. This couldn’t bring back the baby he had lost, but Cody would fill a painful void in his life.

Staring at the picture, memorizing it, he held her phone in his hands. It was incredibly awesome to look at the picture and see a child who looked just like he had when he was that age. How long would it take to get used to Claire’s revelation?

“Cody Nicholas,” he whispered, running his fingers over the picture.

She came back into the room with her iPad in hand and motioned to the sofa. Again, he watched her cross the room. Her attention was on her tablet and his gaze ran from her head to her toes. His pulse raced as he looked at her. She was stunning, even better looking than she had been four years ago. Today she had been poised, self-assured, handling the business matters with ease and he’d admired her. Tonight he had seen the sexy side of her and he’d still responded to her. Now he discovered she was the mother of his baby and he was shocked.

Each time he thought about this discovery, joy, awe and gratitude outweighed anger. He should do something to show her how happy he was and he should try to forgive her. The latter would take some time, but Claire was the mother of his child and he needed to keep that in mind.

“Come sit and I’ll show you his pictures,” she said, still focused on the iPad in her hands, but she sounded more like herself. “I have baby pictures on here.”

“Thank heavens for that,” he said. He caught her before she sat and grasped her gently by the shoulders.

Wide-eyed, she looked up. “What?”

“You’re the mother of my child, Claire. We have a tie now for the rest of our lives. Even though I can’t help being angry, I’m far more thrilled and grateful. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, but that was your choosing. One thing is important for me to say. Thank you. Even though it’s completely inadequate.”

Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her to him. “Thank you,” he said again, his words muffled this time. She was warm, soft in his arms. It was suddenly so good to hold her. “Thank you,” he repeated, a knot in his throat. They stood in silence a moment until he felt tears on his neck and leaned away.

He stroked the moisture away with his fingers. “Why are you crying?”

“Don’t take him from me, Nick,” she whispered, her eyes shut tightly as she wiped at her cheeks. “I know you’ll want him in your life. Your parents will, too, after they meet him.”

Nick folded her into his embrace again and held her close. He wasn’t making any promises because he didn’t know what demands she would have. He framed her face with his hands. “I don’t know what we’ll work out, but I will never take him totally away from you. That would be harming my own child.”

Nodding, she moved away, turning her back to dry her eyes, and he wondered whether she even believed what he said.

“Let’s see his pictures,” Nick said. He sat beside her on the sofa and she gave him the iPad. He pulled up photos and she tapped one.

“We’ll start when he was a tiny baby. This is in the hospital.”

“Send these to me, all of them. Oh, hell, why didn’t you let me know?” he asked, hurting as he looked at a sleeping newborn with a blue cap on his head.

“I’ve already given you all my reasons. But let me ask you this. Would you have felt the same about Cody then?”

He gazed into her dark eyes and thought about what she’d asked. “I might not have felt this way right after getting married, and you’re right. Karen probably would not have taken the news well, but I still think you should have told me. I missed this. Especially after losing Karen and the baby. I missed these years,” he said, looking down at the date Claire had written on a picture of her and Cody as they left the hospital.

“Claire, this date—” He frowned. “I wasn’t engaged when you found out you were pregnant. Not if you carried Cody nine months.”

She raised her chin, gazing at him with a defiant expression. “I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant. I needed time to figure out my future and adjust to the realization I was going to have a baby. I had to tell my family. I was trying to plan what I would do when I heard you were engaged.”

“It was early enough I might not have married Karen,” he said, wondering what he would have done.

Claire rubbed her forehead. “We had already had that terrible breakup. I don’t see how we could have gotten back together.”

“True,” he said, staring into space, thinking about that time in his life. He glanced at the iPad on his knee. “Let’s get back to the pictures,” he said, turning to the next one, another of her leaving the hospital, carrying a small bundle in her arms. Cody was so wrapped in blankets he was not visible. In the next picture the blankets were peeled back so his face showed. He was sleeping and looked wonderful to Nick. “I’ve been cheated of having these years together with two of my babies,” he said, anger surfacing again.

Nick looked at pictures of Cody in a baby bed, of him being held in Claire’s arms and then being held by each member of her family. He looked at his son’s nursery room with Winnie-the-Pooh characters painted on the wall.

“You weren’t ever going to tell me about him, were you?” Even though he kept his voice quiet, Nick’s anger escalated, wondering if he could ever be with her again without feeling anger over keeping his son from him. Would he ever trust her in anything?

“I knew I had to eventually. Cody would get bigger and want to know about his dad. I couldn’t avoid it forever, but as time passed, it just got easier to let it go,” she said quietly.

Nick held back an angry reply and looked at the next group of pictures as Cody grew and had his first birthday. Nick felt another pang of longing. “Where was his first birthday?”

“At my grandparents’. Now they live in my house. I had a home built and moved Grandma in with me.”

They bent over each picture with Claire telling him about the incident when the picture was taken. He laughed as he looked at a picture of Cody with chocolate cake all over his small hands and across his face.

“This is great,” Nick said, more to himself than her. “He looks as if he loves the cake and is having a wonderful time.”

“He did. That was the first time he ever tasted chocolate. He still doesn’t get any candy.”

Nick turned to look at her. “With you and your grandparents hovering over him, and your mother, too, this first year, he was probably a very well cared for baby and a very happy one.”

He turned his attention back to the pictures. In the next one Claire was in a swimsuit, holding Cody’s hands as he waded in the shallow end of a large swimming pool.

“Whose pool is this?”

“A friend’s. I don’t want a pool while Cody is little, although he does actually know how to paddle across the pool and climb out, which is an enormous relief. It doesn’t mean I don’t watch him, but it’s good to know that he can swim out if he falls in.”

Nick’s attention shifted from Cody to Claire’s picture in a deep blue one-piece suit. “You don’t look as if you’ve had a baby,” he said, thinking she looked great. His gaze ran over the picture as he looked at her long, shapely legs, her tiny waist and full, luscious curves. He felt it again. Desire. Claire was making him come alive again, reminding him what it felt like to know lust. He glanced her way and suddenly felt the heat emanating from her body as she sat so close beside him. He wanted to hold her. But he knew he couldn’t. Not now. With an effort he kept his hands to himself and focused again on the pictures.

She thanked him for the compliment. “I used to hit the gym three days a week. Now I have an exercise room at home.”

“You’re bound to go out with someone, Claire.”

She shook her head. “I’m so busy, and when I do have time, I spend it with Cody. I’d much rather be doing something with him. I take at least one day a week to work from home. Of course, that may change when he starts school, but it works for right now.”

“I’m glad.” Nick never had any doubt she’d be a good mother for his son, though he had to admit he was surprised that no man had snatched her up yet. Successful, beautiful and single—that should draw men easily. He suspected she must be sending them on their way, which gave him a stab of satisfaction that he dismissed as ridiculous.

“Was he an easy baby or difficult?”

“Oh, so easy, but remember—there were four adults living with him, three to care for him. Mom really couldn’t, but she could talk to him and read to him and do things like that with him. We’d help her hold him. Anyway, that made his care easy and everyone was relaxed, so he probably relaxed. He’s a sweetie.”

“I want to meet him as soon as possible.”

“We’ll arrange it, Nick.” As she looked at him, he gazed into the eyes that always hid what she felt. Big, beautiful brown eyes that made him want to slide his hand behind her head and draw her closer. “Nick, let me take your picture so I can show it to Cody when I get home and tell him about you.”

He nodded. “Why don’t we take a selfie and then we’ll be in it together. I’d feel better about him seeing me with you.”

She nodded.

Nick placed his arm around her. “I have longer arms—why don’t I take the picture?”

“Go ahead,” she said, and from the somber sound of her voice he wondered whether she would even smile. She sounded as if she was headed for disaster instead of just taking a picture with him. He held out the iPad. “Try to look happy, Claire. Think about Cody.” Nick took their picture.

He pulled up the picture and smiled. “Thanks, Claire. That looks good.”

“He’ll want to see what you look like.”

“That hasn’t ever come up? He hasn’t asked about a dad?”

“No. We don’t talk about you and he isn’t in school yet, so he isn’t with other kids a lot.”

“Doesn’t he have any little friends?”

“Oh, sure, but they play. There isn’t a lot of discussion. He’s three, Nick. Besides, kids take things as they come.”

Nick continued looking at pictures of Cody, of Claire or her family with Cody as he went from being a baby to a toddler.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” he said. “I can fly to Houston Friday, so can we spend time together this weekend?”

She ran her hand across her forehead. “I didn’t even think this through when I told you tonight. I was so shocked today to learn about your loss that right then and there I decided I had to tell you about Cody. But I—I need time. I’ll have to break the news to Cody.”

“A child accepts life as it comes. You just said that. So he’ll accept meeting me. Would you prefer to bring him to Dallas? I just want to meet him as soon as possible.”

“It’s a complete upheaval in all of our lives, including yours,” she whispered, wringing her hands.

He nodded. “Not just meeting him.”

She looked stricken and he tried to hang on to his patience. His request wasn’t unreasonable in his opinion. Why couldn’t she see that?

“All right. Do you want to come Friday night?”

He opened his phone, checked his calendar and nodded. “Yes. After we meet, would he like it if I take everyone to dinner? This includes your grandmother, of course.”

“That’s nice, Nick.” But as much as her words were gracious, he could hear her trepidation in her voice and see it in her eyes. She gazed up at him solemnly, with a touch of fear in their depths. He knew she was worried that she would have to give up her child permanently, yet he couldn’t feel much sympathy for her since she had kept knowledge of his baby from him all this time.

Verifying his interpretation, she took a deep breath and said, “Nick, my grandma is elderly and frail now. Since Mom died, Cody and I and Grandpa are her whole world. She’s older and vulnerable. Please, think of her before you take any action. She doesn’t have that many years left.”

“I will, Claire. I won’t spring anything on you without discussing it.” He paused a few minutes and silence fell. Finally, he asked, “Does Cody have a favorite place to eat?”

“We really don’t get out a lot, but there’s one place he loves—a restaurant made to look like a rainforest. He thinks it’s very special and a lot of fun.”

“I’ll make reservations.”

“He’ll love it.” She smiled. She’d been so worried, so tearful in the last while that her smile caught him off guard. He took a moment to look at her. She really was a beautiful woman, with her smooth skin and big, dark eyes fringed with thick lashes.

“Does he resemble you at all?”

“Not in looks, as you saw. Actually, probably not much in temperament, either. He has a ready smile the way you used to, and he’s a little charmer and very social. If I take him to the office, he’s all over the place talking to everyone and they talk to him.”