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“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

—Maya Angelou

I recently discovered this quote, and it immediately became one of my favorites. It captures what has been one of the most gratifying experiences for me in the years since I first published this book. When I meet women who have resonated with my book, they proudly show their copy to me—raggedy, well worn, with pages folded over, underlined, highlighted, bulleted, marked with Post-its, multicolored markings, writing in the margins—all to say “This is me. This is my untold story.” They read and reread it, not so much for particular facts but to relieve themselves of this untold story they have carried inside them their entire lives . . . not even really knowing that this was a story, thinking instead that it was just their own little shameful secret.

They tell me, “You must have followed me around”, or “You must have stolen my diary,” realizing that if I was able to describe their inner world so exactly, then it must be true that so many other women really do share their experiences. With that realization, they begin to feel part of something bigger, not alone anymore. After so many years of being dismissed, discounted, and told they were overreacting or oversensitive—they feel validated. They offer the book to their therapists, their partners, their families, and their doctors to let them know “This is my story.”

Over the last several years, these same women have helped shape and define what the experience of living with this difference called AD/HD is about by banding together to speak the truth of their collective experiences. Their courage to stop hiding has made it possible for other women in more remote areas of the world to break their chains of silence and get diagnosed and treated.

What has also struck me with increasing frequency and conviction since I first published this book and began to hear from women across the world is how much the way women with AD/HD struggle with cultural expectations is similar to the way that other women struggle with things such as growing older or body image. The challenge for all women is to break free from the cultural ideals they have internalized and begin to define for themselves what it truly means to be a competent and valuable woman, mother, or partner.

Although this inner struggle remains the core of this new edition, much has changed in the field since I first published this book in 1995. The options for the medical treatment of AD/HD have vastly expanded and improved, the fields of AD/HD coaching and professional organizers have also grown tremendously, and the work on women’s AD/HD issues has increased dramatically along with the opportunity for women to connect, be supported and informed by books, magazines, online resources, and conferences all over the world. Of course, the official name of the condition has also changed since I first wrote the book. I debated about whether or not to continue using the less awkward and more vernacular term ADD instead of the more formal AD/HD. But in the end I decided to go all the way with the update and use and explain the official term and present how readers can equate the current subtypes with other more familiar names. I expect the terms will change again by the time I write the next edition. Who knows what it will be called by then?

When I began this new edition, I thought I would simply update these name changes and rewrite and update the sections on medication, women’s issues, and resources that were either obsolete or incomplete. But then, of course, in true AD/HD fashion (in a good but much longer process), the project became like renovating a beautiful old house: as each layer of wallpaper was removed, it revealed more problems and new things to attend to, and so I kept going.

I am grateful for the chance I have had to update, expand, and edit this book. This new edition retains the same voice and basic material, but now I have had time to reorganize it for the better! There is a great deal of new information and adjustment of the original material woven throughout. Some of it may be hard for you to detect, but it is there, sometimes with subtle but important changes and improvements.

In addition to this, there are brand new sections drawn from pieces I have either created over the years or presented on but never published, as well as new things I created just for this book. Some of these include the following:

•I am proud and grateful to have a new introduction by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo and a brand new foreword by Dr. Ned Hallowell, in addition to the wonderful, original foreword by Dr. John Ratey and introduction by Kate and Peggy.

•In the pocket guide and throughout, I have woven in the new terminology about AD/HD with new explanations of executive functioning as a way to view these challenges.

•Another new highlight is the friendship chapter in Part Two. Included is a new Friendship Inventory to help you discover how your AD/HD may be affecting your relationships and some simple solutions.

•Part Three contains updated, expanded treatment sections on Medications and Women’s Issues, including a discussion of hormones and AD/HD.

•The chapters on diagnosis and treatment have been expanded and clarified and include my new Strategy Grid to help you plan and personalize new approaches.

•Chapter 18 on therapy includes new information on couples counseling intended for both couples and mental health professionals.

•Look for my new AD/HD Work Decision Tree in Part Four, Chapter 20.

•Also, updated, expanded Resources and Bibliography sections are included in the back of the book.

•Finally, a new Woman’s Voices section has questions and answers from my online columns over the years so you can hear from other women who may have had some of the same questions as yours.

My hope for this new edition is that the material will remain accurate and relevant for a long time to come. And for women who have already read the first edition, they can revisit those original concepts and get a fresh perspective. I also hope that a whole new group of readers will begin to identify with other women with AD/HD, thus breaking their habits of isolation and hiding. As they begin to integrate the AD/HD more deeply and positively into their self-concept, they can push away some of the shame they may still be holding onto. Finally, I hope that another group of women will be helped to share their untold story.

Sari Solden

June, 2005