Читать книгу Hell Bent for Leather: Confessions of a Heavy Metal Addict - Seb Hunter - Страница 7

I was in the pub with my friend Andrew and the conversation turned to ‘What specialist subject would you choose if you were to appear on Mastermind?’ He came up with the very good point that in order to proceed to the later stages of the competition, you would need a store of different specialist subjects for each new round. But as the heats progressed, the standard of fellow competitor would rise, so not only did you have to prepare – we guessed – four rounds’ worth of different specialist subjects, but you probably needed to gamble your weakest in the early rounds and save your best one ’til last. We imagined the dreadfulness of early-round elimination on some hastily cribbed topic, with our fountains of knowledge waiting primed and unused. So assuming there actually are four rounds, including the final (and yes, we’re taking huge liberties with our levels of general knowledge here), Andrew chose:

1st round: Bob Dylan

2nd round: Samuel Beckett

3rd round: Tennyson (yes, he’s a fop and a nonce)

Final: The Beatles

He really likes The Beatles.

In response I installed my beloved Beach Boys at the top of the pile and started to ponder my remaining three stages.

‘Can I have Brian Wilson as a separate round?’

‘Definitely not, or I’d have John Lennon.’

‘Oh, I see.’

It was then that a horrible truth began to dawn. It grew in my brain until I couldn’t hold it in any more. Although I am very good on The Beach Boys and, indeed, my hero Brian Wilson, there was a subject that, if I was honest with myself, I knew more about than any other. And it wasn’t big, or clever, or cool, or relevant to anything at all useful in my or anyone else’s life (unlike Brian, of course). I covered my mouth with my hand.

‘Heavy Metal,’ I said quietly.

‘What?’ Andrew appeared confused.

‘My number one isn’t The Beach Boys. It’s Heavy Metal.’

‘Really? Heavy Metal? As random as that? No focus or specification? Just the whole thing?’

‘Yes.’ My head hung in shame. ‘The whole goddamn thing.’

‘You never told me about this before.’

‘It’s kind of a secret,’ I muttered.

‘So if you got to the final of Mastermind, you’d sit there in the black chair and when asked for your chosen specialist subject, you’d calmly reply “Heavy Metal”?’

‘I’m afraid so.’

‘That’s fantastic!’

It was true. And this book is all about what I have learned, and my charmless stabs at emulation.

And hey, before you say anything – I’m not proud.