Читать книгу Time - Sergey Semashko - Страница 8

did a stupid thing. I don’t know how people live in big cities. It’s a stress zone for me. I’m in the province/it is not feeling too good – what can I say about the metropolis. But it’s good to live there when you see the perspective. When you have something to strive for. Not so long ago I experienced such a deep depression that it seems as if I came back from the other world. And did he? Constant fear that that that that descend uncontrolled. But, as if by magic, he became less ferocious than before. Previously I did not notice its ferocity. I thought it was all right. But he wasn’t. There’s a young fellow hanging himself in our yard. Brought, probably. I remember he looked at people with such contempt, just before his suicide. What is it, in fact. Only twenty-five years old. Why, the samurai doing harakiri? I think that in this way, they commit an act of self-sacrifice – an absolute Agape. Like what Jesus did if he hadn’t been crucified and he’d cut his own belly open. After this you start to think that it’s not so bad to be selfish. Apparently, some measure must be observed. No wonder Buddha chose the middle way. Although, the oldest, the coolest Buddhist traditions involve the act of absolute self-sacrifice. Public self-immolation. I used to practice this, but in a harmless way. So, to really burn yourself, even in front of the public, you need to be really unusual person – brave, indifferent, persistent. I would never have had the courage to do that. But this is absolutely not in comparison with the yogis, who are buried in the ground, then, to appear from there, newly born into the world. Now look at these boys and girls and all these old ladies and Housewives doing yoga in their free time. Well, they, of course, take only a physical element from yoga. They’re not too worried all the way. Yeah, maybe it’s not necessary. So far – it is far not to everyone under force. Most striking in this sense are the Buddhists, who go into eternal seclusion. It may be cool… but it is, in fact, a buried existence. My neighbor was like this – she lived in seclusion for decades, hating people with all her heart. But then, its [any/the relatives. She was so happy to be taken away that she staged a whole night performance with screams and dances with a stool in her hands. When it appears in public, it looks like a hunted animal. It is, in/fact, this is – harried, terrified, dead. Seclusion involves a series of depressions, experiencing each of which, you gradually turn into a walking corpse. It is better to just live to old age and wither like a faded plant. In a sense, a writer is a living corpse. All he does is sit at the computer and talk. The rest of the time trying to live. I’d like to tell you how the dead are raised, but I can’t find the words yet. The dead, I mean – people vital passive, unable to take the initiative, or even – mobility. However, where it, in fact, to show?… “Shia…” hisses death behind his back. “Shia…” – the sepulchral decay. The ancient Egyptians afterlife had a much greater value than all the rest. I can never understand how anyone could seriously believe that the stuff that was collected in the tombs could be useful in the afterlife. All the women came up with. However, who knows what is there in the afterlife. Carl Jung argued that after death, life does not end. But what he specifically understood remains a mystery. Freud, of course, he brought his conclusions, almost to a heart attack. God, I love that girl! This restless, ever-warring with me the sly Fox. This piscicida, beauty, fidget. I’ve never had a problem with a woman. Not now. I always say: “don’t like me – go away, you poor fool!“Tasha is not taken into account – there was another. There were a lot of broken dishes, a lot of tantrums and a complete lack of control over feelings. Too goes against the normal nature of love. And the rest as/, everything always happens, either to one side or the other. That say… Love for the most part for Mature people. Mentally strong. Teenagers die from love, not able to cope with the magnitude of sensations. Adults – on figs. Did not work with one, work with another – almost everywhere the same. Except, maybe, when you start counting and calculating the cost. After all, we are consumers. And means, and love have us consumer – not otherwise. In consumer love thugs succeed. They just come and take what they think is rightfully theirs. Even if it really isn’t. The bandits decide that so and what is wrong. No one wants to contradict them. Women, by the way, like criminals. But at some point they realize where it might lead. Fortunately, if she in time managed to escape. And then a long time to hide until you forget. Some are found. Then, their remains are found in the forest. How many Chikatilo cut? Ah, sorry, many years have passed is the whole of Russia known maniac/killer, who was given a life. It looks intelligent guy. But, thinking women to rape and murder. Probably someone/something it really hurt at the time. But here, who really can not be compared with anyone, so it’s don Pablo Escobar, who really wanted to become President of Colombia. Fucking criminal, smuggler, drug dealer, terrorist, wanted to be President! When you vote, you are a good test candidates. And best of all, then leave this matter and let them handle it. However, in the middle ages almost it was. John the terrible – how do you like this example? Stalin, Lenin, Hitler – well, this is the twentieth. Shit, almost nothing’s changed. It seems that it is impossible – it is impossible to do anything about it! The army must be strong, the police must be righteous. And most need to be clean on the hand of man. Then maybe… maybe… But we don’t know yet. How can you be dishonest, when yours suddenly is the state Treasury, extensive areas with deposits of natural resources, army. Here Willy-nilly become half a criminal. Only half – in TV because you have to look like a decent man. You saw the recording of Vladimir Pozner’s program in the ninety-fifth, in my opinion, the program was called “We” when Boris Nikolayevich, the assistant to the President, was invited to the Studio. In General, as Yeltsin made his way to power – they are all his bandit herd, literally took the reins of the Soviet secretaries General, or whatever they were called. And it went, went, swirled, spun, until the terrorists took the Chechen and Dagestan territories. Here, then still young Putin sent to resolve an issue with fighters. And when he organized completely demoralized army, and already started driving terrorists towards the desert, after that he was offered a post of the President. No – he saved the country, of course, then from the hands of criminals. But on the other hand, now he drives her to a standstill, reinforcing the business/structure and, cooperating with leading Russian businessmen. Profitability of the person, the population, again somewhere is lost. Again, money, money, money, all just money. And people have nowhere to live. Apartments are unthinkable. Are empty. The shops are full of poison. Now, to eat normally, you need to earn a hundred thousand rubles a month, or even more. Now, imagine that people have an average salary of fifteen, twenty, even thirty thousand rubles. It is impossible to live on this money at all. Climb in loans. Then, collectors are getting into our phone, almost in the window we climb. That’s the job – to knock money out of the people. It is said that banks are insured in case people cannot or do not want to pay the loan. As far as I know, this insurance is that the debt is resold to the collection Agency, and then begins running around. Here is and trust then in security credit policy. And now Putin will step down as President, and as trample collectors, he felt the will to beat the muzzle debtors, in the truest sense of the word. Okay, I’m not without sin: took seven loans from different banks, and so far not returned. It’s been six years. And bouncers came and calls endlessly with various tricks and manipulations. But I have nothing to give! It is not my fault that I have been drawn into this bondage. Themselves called and imposed to take the credit. So I took it. You say: you’re the understood responsibility when he took. No! I didn’t understand any responsibility! What can be the responsibility in twenty-five years – I’m still too young. Now I would, of course, and did not think – even a thousand rubles to borrow. And then this is then. At one time, the great composer Wagner was hiding from creditors. But, if at all could kill. As a last resort, in a prison to plant. Bankers, apparently, at all do not see borders. They charge people in any way they can. Well, this is the principle of building the economic base of the Bank – to accumulate funds. The more capital a Bank has, the easier it lives. But money, in any Bank, exclusively popular. Much do bankers earn for their services? Although, they now ponapridumyvali insurance, cashback, savings accounts. All! Soon all the money in the world will be contro… what am I talking about? Already all the money in the world is safely controlled by banks. People have no money – they have only plastic cards. The state government yawns. So what? Yeah! Money should be controlled by the state. And with this money, it (the state) should take care of the welfare of the population. But who cares about that? When your pocket is full and well protected – what do I care about the rest. The rest of us will figure out how to get out. That’s the root of all evil. Money, selfishness and greed are the three issues on the agenda. And without the iron will of man can not do. In a social country, man is the highest state value. But we are still far from that. We will be confused for a long time in a swamp where justice is understood as – “you will not fuck – you will not live”. What about these… what are they?… enforcement authorities. Walking like that down the street, coming up to me three. Your papers, where you’re going, what you’re doing. And with such pressure, like I have them in debt. Brothers, a police officer, logically, must support me (us, sorry) sense of security. And here it turns out that you are afraid of police, criminals you are afraid, Bank inflated and their collectors too you are afraid. Where to get out of this prison?! On the other hand, I always say: people, if you at least on Sundays will think about well-being within the state, the time will come, and your expectations will be justified. However, those who have money at once bring down to Canada, Sweden, Bali. Fuck them to compete with local authorities, when and there can be safely settle. And to earn they come to us – to Russia. People here are a lot more naive. It’s easy to collect money here. And when they are told, they say, betrayal to go to another country, and with their money to do – they are already prepared – they say, no one went anywhere. Well… sort of, yeah, you’re still kind of here. How to make life in the country equally prosperous for everyone? This issue deserves special attention. The solution to this issue depends entirely on the population and half of the government. But most of all/same from the public. After all, look, one hundred and forty-six million in Russia there. If each of this crowd starts to think in the right direction, the government system will begin to fail, and in the end, will be forced to submit. It’s about her – the system. The state government apparatus should work in favor of the person, and not Vice versa, as we are now happening. Sooner or later, all this, of course, will collapse. Will come again some/any “nerd”, look at the ruins and say: “Here a city will lay, which has never seen in the whole world!“Seen. Open the history book and read. What only our people did not see. Well, why, why, having so much money from taxpayers, from the sale of oil abroad, we are completely unable to establish a normal prosperous life inside the country?! And because our population is slaves of the post-Soviet era. They don’t need everything to be good – they don’t know what they need. They wander in the darkness of ignorance, closing their eyes to what is happening around. Basically, I’m afraid “master” angry. Our Golden youth, which gathers millions of audiences in their videos/blogs, is a perfect example of how civil society should be organized. They are well aware that to be happy – you have to be in demand to be in demand – you have to work to work – you do not drink, do not smoke, do not go to the saunas. Our Golden youth will change this world for the better, unless, of course, they produce new problems, which also… although, it is better to have new problems. The old ones are giving me a headache. Again the sadness creeps a fog. Again a lump of doubt. You’re trying to get warm under the covers again. What to do… Sadness is a harbinger of joy, so nothing terrible happens. Banal dynamics of sensations. Tomorrow I will run again with burning eyes and glowing face. I’ve never understood people who are hysterical about sadness. I want to ask: how will you experience joy then? If there is nothing to compare. The most difficult sadness is from love. It has elements of pain. At the very beginning of love in General brings me so much pain that at times seems unbearable. While these networks will unravel, the mind will move. But you will move so much that you will not regret anything. Where is she now?! Promised to come. Waiting and waiting and nothing. How’s rhymed poets of the eighteenth century: “From the women swearing, drunk and fight. From the women around me… that/there… but it only put the cancer, but only at the end cross over and will be forgotten, all will be forgiven”. A mist of sadness. Who said that sadness is endless? No, no, tomorrow will be fine. Tomorrow will be a new day, a new road. There won’t be a trace of it tomorrow. I always Wake up, for some reason, among the General bustle. Immediately coffee, cigarettes, news. Suddenly, pause what/there, amidst the General noise. We sat and sat and thought. And again the motor starts, the computer turned on, spread a sandwich, things out of the closet dumped. As soon as I sit down to write – everything becomes unimportant. Only have time to run to the kitchen to warm tea. Always on the bottom put that time. I have a volume planned. When I can’t do it, I feel bad. Like swallowing a bitter pill. I used to have a Spaniel dog. Called her Sofa. The apartment did not have dogs. It’s troublesome. You have to walk three times a day or you’ll be scraping shit off the rug. And wool. Had to give in good hands. Buy it, maybe when/house, right got five dogs. Let them run around the yard, snorting, barking, bothering. Dogs, all/???, brighten up life. Now fashion really went to the dogs. I look that neither morning, creep out the owners with their Pets: huskies, pugs, Terriers. Fastidious owners contain hairless dogs, cats. My roommate there was a cat – she’s like rubber. But the claw… It’s better to have a fish, or a parrot. Teaching fish to talk, but the parrot to keep quiet. But with fish hassle a lot: clean the aquarium, change the water, feed on schedule. Where/means that the love of an animal is the sublimation of love to man. That you can’t have cattle until you learn with people. Neither dependency is formed – solitude. We have an old lady in the yard with the dogs tinkering. Talk to them. Swears. Explains something to them. And they run around her, their tails chattering. Lonely, stupid old lady. And one is, like with people, but the Orthodoxy is a fan scary. As will begin to twist in the ear about God, about prayer. I time steward vytsyganili, but rather thanks to the divine Comedy gave it to me. I say it was written by a fourteenth-century Roman theologian. However, it is the first line I read and it became bad: “Crossing the border of Mature years, I’m in the dark forest I wandered and got lost, and realized that there is no turning back; where can I get the words that would dare, I this forest of sullen to describe where the mind fades and only the horror goes on”. She somehow sent volunteers from the Protestant Church to my house to blow my brains out. But I didn’t talk to them for long. At some point they stopped arguing and just listened. Amazed. I never saw them again. Pretty tough guys. Ponahvatalsya of the Psalms of all sorts of phrases, and do not understand their meaning. They think it’ll work that way. Uh, no… until you live your own experience, fuck you for taking it seriously. Except fanatics, of course. This just to pick where/else – if only course to take. Where did the saying go: “for any movers, except hunger strike”? Fanatics, most likely, invented. They burned Giordano Bruno for nothing. They crucified Christ. They do not care what to do – just to be in the subject. “Make a fool pray to God, he’ll hurt his forehead.” Old worldly wisdom. That’s why I try to stay away from the public. How many did not try – I do not know how to work with the audience directly. Here Vladimir Posner good at it. He’s in the ninety-first, or the fourth, when the White house was bombed, came to the rally and spoke. Addressed the crowd “comrades” and once the accusations came. So he instantly silenced them and listened to what he was saying. I could hardly do that. Most likely, he would have left the rostrum, or, better yet, would not have gone there at all. Oratory, they say, helps a lot in career growth – helps to achieve success. But the writer does not need it. There, in the tops of the shy guy is constantly hanging. Pelevin, so in General, no one has ever seen. However, if you look, oratory should serve to defend their point of view in disputes. But so understood only in ancient Greece. Now more and more the success of all concerned. I, by the way, never understood people that achieve success by building public relations – acquaintances. That give these familiar? Kiss your noble ass? Me why/I always thought that success is necessary to achieve a professional way – through honest work. Maybe I’m wrong about that. After all, this is an exorbitant work you need to do to here – without friends. Or should I say – without support. But they’ll want to kiss your ass. If I may. I like that this prospect prefer. I remember when I mastered the profession of Telegraph on the ship, the first six months/year worked without sleep and under the stick of leaders. Then I really learned to work that was the most irreplaceable in the entire division. Constantly in which/that trip I was sent. Nowhere did the people cope with the situation. I was just having fun. Over time, officers imbued with such respect for my personality that they began to shake hands. Imagine, the foreman greets the captain of the second rank, as if they got out of the same sandbox. I’m exaggerating a little. But there was a case when the flagship Communicator, the captain, standing at the bulkhead in the corridor, persuaded me to stay on a military campaign. It was incredibly flattering. But a more flattering incident occurred after my dismissal, after six months/a year when I’m in Pyatigorsk operetta met assistant commander for educational work. He was apparently resting on a trip to the sanatorium, and he strongly urged me to return to the ship. Although, in part, he was just drunk. And now, I have ten years retired from the armed forces, and I still remember serving on a ship, and say that, they say, a fool on this ship served. Yes, you serve yourself – well you do! The worst service is on a surface ship. Especially the flagship. Submariners live in apartments, and on the submarine only service bear. And the sailors/radvadnyi for months, leaving, and living in an apartment only dream of. Even officers sit there for a long time. For all the dregs can as a punishment to leave the “box”. For a sailor, going ashore is a real holiday. If you have money – the next three days do not wait. It is even the military is not called the sailor may be lost in a week, while his commandant’s service will not begin to search around the garrison. Almost like in Stalin’s era. Talked the girl into staying home. Don’t go after him – don’t go. He’ll bring shame on you. How many people have to endure to meet like this. It always seemed to me that relatives wish only good, only good, only for my own good. No fucking way! Lyutey enemies all around the world to find. In General, rarely come across people who do want what you/the good. Mostly jealousy, hatred, malice. Everyone wants only one thing – more for themselves and less for another. Talked me into staying home. Canceled debt. They made empty promises. What now can be done – have to put up with. Of/for the hatred of men fell another happy wedding. For some reason, everyone thinks they’re doing the right thing. The sign of a perfect mind is self-criticism. All clever, I look, and only separate, not from this world, as they say, remain in fools. Lull girls. Deceived a piece of chocolate, candy, ice cream. I do not remember, whether from the Tatar/Mongol, or someone/something else put the slaves on the head of the lead cap, and under the sun that they completely lost the ability to think independently. Here to you one more laws of civil society – mutual responsibility. Be friends stronger, my dear! Friends! We’re all in the father’s bosom. Freedom? Idiots, freedom exists only in our imagination! There is no freedom, and there never will be. All your life you will suffer, to suffer, to suffer, to hope, to suffer, to be sad. Only occasionally will there be glimmers of joy. But not for long. Just at the time. For a short, short time. What were you hoping for? What you will have on hand to wear, and fresh bread, with wine to drink? The last supper is a legend composed by the blooming imagination of the artist. Come on, baby! – stay in the herd. It’s safe, there’s no shame, no hunger, no loneliness. I sometimes see people in bubbles. They seem to be together. But at the same time – completely alone. We sleep with one – dream about the other. We talk with those who have nothing to say. We strive for those who do not love us, do not respect, do not appreciate. It’s a cabal where they wipe their feet on you, snot, tears. Excuse me, are you hurt? No – nothing. You can keep making trouble for me. To some extent, taking care of others, you get rid of the feeling of deep loneliness. But only for a while. The day has passed, once again the loop will drag on the neck. And you will lie down, dear friend, and gaze into the void of loneliness. No one needs me as long as I’m alive and feeling. Kill in itself any feeling and you will be surprised as you will begin to be courted at once from all directions. An empty vessel turned out to be useful. But what can I do if my life force is raging? I can’t sit still – don’t have long to contemplate the emptiness of waiting. A constant feeling of intolerance. The wisdom is to do nothing, feel nothing, think nothing. “Blessed is the miscarriage, for he knows not the sorrows of the world, the malice of men, treachery” – so spelled out in the biblical tales. This is the tale. Not without meaning. What a man has to endure to get his way. It’s better to do nothing at all. Until you ruin all the mental strength in the struggle for… for what? It, as it turns out, was not worth it. Just wanted to where/what to run. Always, for some reason, fell in love with a fool, who can be fooled by beads of river pearls. Apparently, these beads hurt my self-esteem – that’s all. Life is so arranged that when you break free, you can’t land anywhere. Eternal journey eternal journey eternal hanging out in the void. When it will end. Maybe not so fast, but it will. Death gives meaning to life. How does that work? Very simply: let’s say you know that you have six months to live. You’ve been diagnosed with a nightmare. In the beginning, you’re scared. Then, get angry at the injustice of the situation. In the end, accept. What would it be? You think just live all I have left is six months, and yet, when you consider that you were scared for a whole week, you were angry for a whole week, sulked more, at least two, and you have to live for six months, and only five. You think, hell, it is necessary to have time to finish creative project, it is necessary to paint a picture, write a poem, to go to Mexico to fuck a hot Mexican or hot Mexican, eat Mexican stew, drink Mexican machito to return home and give interviews on TV in honor of the successful inventor’s project, extraordinary pictures, highly spiritual poems. You have every minute to count. You know that the time will come and you will go to bed to die from the hopelessness of the growth of harmful cells. That’s actually how it works. But should you be put to sleep, it is only necessary to promise that nothing bad is happening, that everything is treated, it will pass, you will be again happy and light – so it is possible for life to exist in limbo until the process of decomposition will not do the trick. Sleep, baby. Nothing terrible will happen. It’s over. Eternal sleep will save you from the torment generated by the senseless bustle of life. It’s good to have someone to live for. Well, when there are children who always need your support, which should be put on their feet before you go into the darkness. Many people feed the meaning of life with this for a long time. It happens so long that those for whom they lived, take with them. “I like that you are not sick with me. I like that I’m not sick of you.“Take with them – Yes. Some joke. “Pike.” Sometimes a mother Fucks her son to death. He already the other life not knows – only the contestant, which latched on to him in the back of the head. “I like that you’re not sick of me…” don’t go! Wait! Where are you going?! Away from you. To the end. Where life is in full swing. Where the rainbow is. Where the light is flowing and pleasing to the eye. I don’t care what’s going on around me, I want to live my life. But still need to sake of someone/the. That’s important. Cats, dogs, fish – sublimation of love for man. That, in essence, also cattle, if you think about it. Fishing, hunting, traveling – sublimation of love for society. Stop! What should we do then? Selfknowledge. Exploring the world around us. The study of human capabilities, skills, mistakes. To assert themselves in the professional arena. Enjoy the beauty and freedom. Enjoy the process of creative work. I often say: anyone who is not engaged in creativity, in/your opinion, worthless people? No – why? You do not confuse creativity with art and individual disciplines of art. Creativity is a property of the mind that fills emptiness. It can extend to any human activity in society, and in General – in nature. Creativity is the process of transforming the ideal into the real, the real, the real. Creativity is an invention adapted to life. To some extent, whether small or large, we are all engaged in creativity. At least, even when we furnish the apartment, or choose an outfit for an evening party. An attempt to create something valuable is already creativity above the norm. Attempt to create timeless… although, there is nothing eternal under the Moon. Sleep, baby, sleep! Society will take care of you. It will bury you in the ground, as it should, with flowers and music. Don’t talk. Don’t get mixed up with just anyone. Keep your head under the covers. Wipe your tears. You’ll be perfectly safe there. Who told you you’d be happy? It’s nothing. Sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow, you go to work. Enrich your superiors. You’ll pay for the communal. Feed the cat, the parrot, the dog. To what these zeal in the sky? We’ve never been there, but we know it’s very bad. There is nothing to breathe, problems with food and water, and heating. We know better than you – believe me. We’ve never been through this, but we know. Take our word for it, we’ll never cheat. Never hurt. Never quit. Never forget. What are you missing? Well, you never know what you still want! We want to, too, but we’re sitting still. We endure. Are you tired? We’re tired of it, too, but we tolerate it. Here and endure! I want to go where I haven’t been. I want novelty, freshness, flight of thought. You, baby, in childhood, read a lot of books and seen enough movies. The world is a huge dump, if you didn’t know. Why did you give me these books and movies as a child? Would tell just about the trash. Well, we didn’t think you were serious. You had an overactive imagination back then. Rarely meet people who manage to escape from the clutches of fate. How much effort you have to put – how much money. Walking around the world bare-ass, not too much. Want, to all was, and to responsibility no. Want to cheat and not to tolerate punishment. But the world is arranged in such a way that any act is followed by appropriate punishment. Realizing this, you learn to be responsible for your actions. How much does a person really need to be happy? Quite a bit: good food, flat, obedient to a woman, interesting work. It’s the least I can get out of life. It’s the least civil society can give me. But it deprived me of that, too. I’m not even talking about the awards, regalia, ranks – all this is a lot of corpses. The country looks like a huge morgue, where there are only corpses everywhere. What am I supposed to do here? I’m alive. My heart beats. My eyes burn. My nerves are straining. My stomach churns. What do you want to do? I don’t know! Anything to not be in the void, to not be alone. “I like that you’re not sick of me…” do you Want me to tell you what I really want? I want you all to die like flies on duct tape! And I, again, will the same tape that you will setites as greedy, vicious, a nuisance. You deserve it. It is a merciful reckoning for your selfishness and inattention. Fly on a sticky tape – I will digest all of you and spit out! “Hello! Your position in the queue…” Our position is embryonic in bed on a greasy pillow. This is what real loneliness looks like: when robots call you. One bullet is one solution. Well, come on! Smile – you’re going to the next world! With a smile, all you need to do. Well, let’s go! What is it? Want to eat? A Cup of coffee? Smoke a cigarette? You drop it, go ahead, shoot yourself. How cold that gun of yours is. Do not be afraid, when he shoots, immediately becomes hot. You won’t feel it, though. What are you waiting for?! Pull the trigger. Smoothly. A muzzle to the chin, so you can’t hear the shot. Fuck, did you piss yourself?! Oh, well… Cut your veins if you can’t do cultural. Fill the bath with warm water and go! Cut need to have the most being. Just slash – that’s all. Well, you won’t feel much. The blood will come out slowly until you fall asleep. Cut soon, and then you have to sleep pull. What? Will they find you soon? Yes, what you already will the difference! They will eventually. You think hanging yourself is that easy? How, how… – lather the rope to slide better, tie one end to the handle, on the other you make a loop/noose, throw through the door, stick your head into the loop, squeeze your legs and hang out in convulsions. You see how much trouble this hanging is. Ah, you like a lot of hassle. There is an idea – get on the roof of the building and upside down. You can open your arms and pretend they’re your wings. The Wings Of Icarus. How long will you be flying? I don’t know… one Second, two. Depends on which building you’re climbing. I don’t really want to go to the top of a skyscraper. The fourth floor of the Sorority house would suit you fine. Fly a bit. Back not collect. You know!… Here are five packs of the strongest sleeping pills – chew and goodbye. Afraid of making your bed? Don’t worry, unless it’s someone/something I wonder what’s under you will come out. What? What other options are available? An overdose of heroin. Don’t think – it’s not as pleasant as it seems. That was nice, here it is necessary normal dose to work hard. And then, that/the from standard – as Kurt Cobain in its time. He didn’t overdose – no. If he’d overdosed, he wouldn’t have been able to shoot himself. And so, it turns out, just shot himself while intoxicated. I wonder how he is a gun/something. Don’t know van Gogh in the heart of the shot itself, then two days in the bed was lying a – dying. It’s too painful. To shoot it in the head – not otherwise. And who Greek philosophers, his veins cut on arms and legs? Seneca, I think. I cut, I cut, I couldn’t die. The easiest and most painless way is to inhale a shock dose of sleeping gas while in the loop. There’s legs buckled, the noose is tightening, but you don’t feel a thing. And that there especially to feel a few moments, and you’re in heaven. In cold lake, say, winter well. High in the mountains, buried in the snow. You just fall asleep. Drown? Drowning in a bathtub is like drowning. You see how many people have already committed suicide, what a rich variety of ways. Go for the bear with your bare hands. Better yet, a bear with cubs. An angry mother of compromises will not build. It’ll tear like a hot water bottle. You can’t judge me, baby. You know how much I suffer. How many nasty curses and crawling suddenly. How much human hatred, how many human meanness I had to swallow – in one gulp. You don’t know anything about me. You think you see. In General, people tend to drown in dreams. High in the mountains, buried in the snow, you just fall asleep, contemplating the star. The star that will mark your proud escape, to the celestial sphere – to the abode of neg. Say good-bye to me sweet words. Tell me you love me. Let your tender speech be a lie. Let me be deceived forever. But I below believe in the light – in the light of your acute eyes. Confused verse. Himself a poet, called. Lord, again who then got drunk and are arguing in the stairwell. Each other not hear, not understand. Tongues barely knit. “Do you understand me?! I hear you. Listen again.” Only fools would say. It does not matter what, no matter why they stupidly never shut up. And constantly, dragon fumes from his mouth. Please – all night now will not go to sleep. And the next morning a fight will be arranged with breaking of glasses and terrible shouts. Nothing changes. One generation of fools after another. Subsequent, as a rule, even more than the previous ones. Far from it, baby – I’m not a bore. I’ve heard those voices for years. I’m fed up with them. These voices poison my life. But that’s the way the world works, my baby. Someone has to poison our life, so that we are always in good shape, so that we remember the main thing. Evil, my cat, cannot be destroyed – it can only be contained. And I think, my sweet, that if everyone learns to restrain their evil, somewhere in the secret knots of the soul, the world will look much more perfect and harmonious. Well, you know, my tiger, it’s completely unattainable. Yes, my joy, of course I understand. With bitterness in my mouth and cobblestones in my heart, I understand that good and evil are inseparable concepts. But this does not mean that you need to sit idly by. You can talk in a low voice, you can drink tea, you can fight verbally. Well, then we’ll all be too intelligent and proud. Oh, how beautiful it is! But completely unattainable. “It seems to me that the world is arranged silly. It seems to me that the world is a hole…” That’s how I’ll release the claws! Did you see the lion claws? These little animals do not cost anything to tear a man to pieces. Elephant can trample. RAM the boar with your forehead. They say if a hunter shoots a boar in the forehead, it’s gone. Hunting for rabbits or birds maybe, but that’s, like, excuse me, go for bear, moose, and even better, a mammoth. Well, yeah, they’re extinct… In that case – an elephant. Hunters diamonds, at/I, describes elephant hunting. Why do people have a passion for extreme sports? Why do people love to play with death? I used to go to the mountains and put myself through risky trials, but now – now I can not be driven there. Beautiful, agreed. But this beauty I can see in the photos. And when you consider how many dangers hangs over the child, generally surprised as a creature like a man, completely helpless, able to live up to their years. Well, we are still living in a more/less civilized time. Imagine the sixteenth century. Twelve. How are you? Indians – those lived in harmony with nature. Perhaps not all. In any case, when Europeans landed on the shores of the American continent, Indian tribes were completely unable to resist them. They were slaughtered like rabbits, and that was the end of it. Historians claim that they have disappeared somewhere in a mystical way. We know where – they were cut. The whole mystery is that they were cut one by one. Don’t believe? Archaeologists have found so many mass graves that – there just need to imagine how it looked. Remember the concentration camps during world war II? Remember, a mass grave with the kilometer-long lists of names? The story with the Indians – about the same. The story of the Egyptian Empire, or rather its decline, took place in a bloody genocide, where the Romans massacred everyone they could. Again, the mass graves that are found around the tombs of the pharaohs, this is a great confirmation. The whole history of mankind is a series of genocides. There is no logic here. Just one thing, when a person, alone, to cope with the terrible nature. But here is, when society – this already another. When one goes the roof, he/can still find the composure to grab the railings and wait it out. But when the brains led the whole crowd, even the experts are unlikely to be able to control the situation. But the reason for all is authoritarianism and all other leadership. It is necessary to be able to think independently. Then there will be less conflicts and problems. When I was little, my aunt died of a heart attack on the ground floor. It found only the smell of it. That’s it, to live alone and die alone, not even to be buried. Worse than himself and to not think. It’s like dying before you die for real. And quite often such meets. The musty smell of abandonment in the old woman’s apartment, every time reminds of loneliness and lonely death. Somewhere I have heard that death is not so terrible as its suddenness. In/my opinion, this is Bulgakov experimented. Now, listen to my word – not always death is sudden. Sometimes people wait years for their end. Torment. Die, of course, always suddenly, and always with fear in the eyes of. I remember grandma’s frightened eyes as she stretched out on the floor. She died suddenly. From heart attack. Time – and fell, and all, and in the sight of the frozen ceiling. As I remember, my mother’s frightened eyes as she fell into a coma. A day later she died in intensive care. It was sudden and with fear in his eyes. But combining the two deaths of my close people, only one – they’re both waiting in the end many, many years. Tormented. Suffered. Suffered. Waited. When/the Julius Caesar went on death on own will. He probably had nowhere else to go, so he raised the question. So I can see why people like to play with death. They just don’t want to wait for the end. They are trying in every way to bring the suddenness of the moment, after which only darkness – and nothing more. However, death should motivate us to live. She should, but she doesn’t always succeed. Sleep – sleep! Forget you’re mortal. Society can’t stand the living. Apparently so, seeks lull our vigilance. Society is, in fact, dead. There are, of course, outbursts of rage in the streets. Flashes of life. But they are not decorated. You would think that people are forced to live, rejecting life in any way possible. You’d think they didn’t need it at all. To be a walking corpse. Zombies are the walking dead. Although some try to use the vital juices in a useful direction. Anything to help