Читать книгу Babaji - Meeting with Truth - Shdema Goodman - Страница 25

After three years and four prolonged visits to Babaji, I was finally convinced that my experiences in the search for a harmonious self were true, valid and reliable. I was at first suspicious, skeptical, and I found as many rational explanations as I could for my experiences, to the point that nearly destroyed the beautiful exchanges of thought, feelings and uplifts. I feared what others would think. If others ridiculed or put down what I saw, then I would become anxious and embarrassed and I would begin to doubt my own experience. I wasn't even aware of the degree to which others affected me.

Such behavior seemed out of character, since I thought I was considered to be an open and "together" person, one who is very aware. I have worked as a staff psychologist in mental health clinics and taught psychology at the college level. I have also helped many people straighten up their lives, and I have done a pretty good job at that. Further, I have thoroughly explored numerous psychological schools of thought and successful therapeutic techniques. My life has been devoted to this field - to finding the quickest, the best and the most effective methods. I have been well trained in such methods as Gestalt therapy, psycho-dynamic therapy, group therapy, family therapy, Transactional Analysis, and others. In all methods, I have always experimented on my own life first. What I have experienced as pro­found in my own life has been passed on to others. What seemed to make good movement in my own life has been explored as fully as possible.

My search began when my son was born. I was awed by the awareness that I was responsible for a human being's happy adjustment to life. This was too important to ignore. I could no longer indulge in letting things remain as they were. More than ever, I now wanted harmony, love, understanding, and a healthy existence.

The responsibility for shaping my family's life was entirely up to me. My husband had to handle the financial burden, but it was my role to make certain that we had a good life. I often felt helpless, for I had no training in childrearing and had no idea which direction would produce the most good. I consulted with friends and read books, such as Dr. Spock, Haim Ginnot, Derkheim, Parents' Effectiveness Training, and others, both for the psychologist and for the layperson.

At some point, I became aware that the most important work lay within me. If I could get myself to feel joyful inside, then those around me would automatically benefit from my gains. To this end, I visited a Freudian analyst on a weekly basis. This experience was followed by work with a Gestalt therapist, an Adlerian therapist, a Behavior therapist, and then numerous encounters, marathons and workshops.

The benefits to my life were invaluable. I realized that fully, and wasted very little time as I continued to explore. I made good gains with practically every modality that I experienced. Each modality seemed to handle a different area of my life. As my life progressed in a positive direction, new feelings emerged which helped me in passing on my knowledge to others on a larger scale. I came to realize that our abilities are limit­less, and that our brains can expand to amazing degrees, which we cannot even begin to grasp. The challenge became very enticing. If I could be successful to this point, why not find a way to create peace in the world? I certainly had nothing to lose in trying.

Krishnamurti's book Freedom from the Known, made a strong impact on my thinking. I realized that if I wanted peace in the world, I would first have to feel 100% peaceful myself. I must never blame others. I must also look inside and examine my own lack of harmony. At this stage of my development I became aware of the subtle existence of negative thoughts and feelings, such as superiority, inferiority, irritability, jealousy, anger, resentment, etc. Although these thoughts and feelings used to occur frequently, they occur less and less nowadays. Still, there is much work to be done. There is so much more to pass on to others, which I continue to do. The following experiences tell me that there is much that I can do. This book is part of that attempt.

It was April 1982. I was sitting in a restaurant in Tel-Aviv, having lunch with my sister. She was having a difficult period financially. I took out some money and gave it to her, but she refused to take it. I took it back and placed it by my heart and blessed it.

"Don't be silly," I told her. "Take it. Don't feel embarrassed. I'll tell you what. Don't spend it. Just keep it somewhere so that it will draw you good luck."

Blessing the money reminded me of Babaji's disappearing in front of my eyes in the summer of 1980, after blessing him and Indra. I suddenly understood his teaching better and I told my sister, "I grasp Babaji's teaching on a deeper level now. When I or any one of his students will learn how to bless every human being on this planet the way I just blessed you or the money I gave you, he will disappear. There will then be no more need for his physical body." My sister grinned, not commenting. She was not into Babaji and she could not relate to me in that area.

I had that inner knowing another time and I had to share it with someone. On February 13, (in India it was February 14) 1984, I was having lunch in West Orange, New Jersey, with an Israeli friend of mine. She was having some financial difficulties. Once again I spontaneously took out some money and gave it to her. She responded very much in the same manner that my sister had, but finally agreed to accept it.

At that point, I told her, "You know, I feel as though I understand Babaji's teaching on a deeper level still. When you bless God and every human being on this planet genuinely from within, all your desires will come true."

On February 14, 1984, I learned that Babaji had left his body.