Читать книгу Coming Home to a Cowboy - Sheri WhiteFeather, Sheri WhiteFeather - Страница 7

Chapter Two

Kade wanted to prove himself. He wanted to do everything right. But the pressure Bridget was putting on him wasn’t helping. He could tell from her expression that she had doubts.

“Were you scared when you first found out you were pregnant?” he asked.

“Are you kidding? I was terrified.”

“I’m terrified, too. Except that I’m becoming a parent to a fifth-grader, instead of a newborn.”

Kade was immersed in all sorts of emotions. Not only would he be meeting his son for the first time, he also had to contend with the fact that he’d been Bridget’s first lover. He’d never been anyone’s first. If he’d known, he might’ve ended it before it had begun. Then again, maybe he would’ve forged ahead anyway. Either way, it altered the experience when the details were clearly different from the way he’d been remembering them.

He said, “I’m trying to make up for lost time, Bridget. But I would’ve been here all along if I’d known that Cody existed.”

“Been here how?” Her blue eyes locked onto his. “Would you have moved to Montana or offered to marry me? Somehow, I don’t see it as having gone in that direction.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have done either of those things. But I would have come around to see my son. I would have been his dad, regardless of my loner lifestyle.”

“Like my dad did with me?” she asked, and then winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring him up again.”

Troubled by her response, he studied her. Scattered beams of sunlight slipped in from the window, enhancing the blondness of her hair and the fairness of her skin, making her look far too touchable.

Instead of caving in to the silence bouncing between them, he played devil’s advocate, asking her a hypothetical question. “Just for argument’s sake, if I would’ve offered to marry you, would you have even accepted my proposal?”

She frowned. “What kind of question is that, especially when you said it wouldn’t have happened?”

“I just want to know how you would have reacted if I’d done it.”

“Truthfully?” She answered him head-on. “I probably would have accepted.”

He shifted in his seat, realizing the blunder he’d made. He’d expected her to say that she wouldn’t have become his wife, not in any shape or form. “What about your distrustful opinion of me? How would that have factored into it?”

“If you’d offered to marry me, that would have made you seem more trustworthy.”

He tried another tactic. “Even though you barely knew me?”

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter.” She glanced away. “It wouldn’t have worked anyway. Besides, our focus is supposed to be on you getting to know Cody, not on how idealistic I would have been to marry someone who was practically a stranger.”

“Lots of people get married because of babies.” It was the reason his parents had ended up in their disastrous situation, with Kade being the kid they’d conceived. Of course, they’d gone on to have more children before they’d gotten divorced. “It happens all the time, even if it shouldn’t.”

“I know, but what’s the point of talking about it? It’s water under the bridge now.”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up. I have the tendency to speak my mind, even when I should keep quiet. I used to get in trouble for it when I was young. I spent half of my adolescent life in detention. But I acted out purposely because I didn’t want to go home after school, especially when my dad was around.”

“Was your father mean?”

“Yeah. He was demanding as hell, and a lot of his anger was directed at me. I used to stand up to him, and that made him even madder. But I don’t have anything to do with him anymore. None of us kids do now that we’re older.”

“I didn’t even know there were other kids. You didn’t mention them last time you and I were together. Other than saying that you were originally from LA and that you get your Native American blood from your mom’s side, you didn’t tell me about your family.”

“I have a younger brother and sister.” He would’ve preferred to leave his sister out of it, but he couldn’t evade the truth. “Tanner is thirty-three, and Meagan is twenty-five. Both of them are still in California. But it’s not all sunshine and roses out there, not for my sister anyway. She got into some trouble with the law and is serving time.”

Bridget’s eyes grew wide. “She’s in prison?”

He nodded. “She embezzled from the place where she worked. It’s just so hard for me grasp. She was such a sweet and spunky kid, and now she’s a criminal.” He heaved a thick sigh. “I had another baby sister, too, who came along about eight years after Meagan. But she died of SIDS.”

“Oh, Kade, I’m sorry.”

“Our mom is also gone now. She had a heart attack a couple of years ago. Thankfully it was before Meagan got arrested. That would have destroyed Mom.”

“Grandpa is the only person close to me who ever died, and his passing still hurts.”

“Losing someone you love is painful.” He still mourned his mom. He still said prayers for his infant sister, too. “You never really get over it.”

“You’re right,” she said somberly, and they finished eating. When they were done, he helped her clear the table. While she was rinsing the dishes, he stood off to the side, wishing their conversation hadn’t been so serious.

Finally she cut into the quiet and said, “I’d show you Cody’s room, but he wants to bring you in there himself. He worked really hard to clean it up. Normally it’s a mess.”

“Then, I certainly won’t sneak a peek.” He wouldn’t spoil it for the boy.

“I can take you outside if you’d like.” She dried her hands on a plain white towel. “Cody won’t mind if I give you a tour of the barn and the yard.”

“Are you sure?”

“I already checked with him.” She laughed a little. “We had a big discussion about what I was permitted to do.”

Kade laughed, too, amused by their son’s rules. “That’s quite a bossy kid we’ve got.”

“That’s for sure.” She turned to look at him and suddenly their gazes locked, their humor quickly fading.

He held his breath, feeling as if he was getting sucked into a vacuum. He wasn’t sure how he was going to sleep at the motel tonight and not think about her. If he could kiss her, he would, just for the much-needed pleasure it would provide. But he couldn’t let something like that happen, so he followed her outside, fighting the feeling.

* * *

Bridget led Kade through the back door, wondering how they could talk and laugh one minute, then stare longingly at each other the next. It was like being in one of those carnival fun houses, where you couldn’t find your way out of the mazes and mirrors. Between his penchant for speaking his mind and her desperate admission that she might’ve actually agreed to marry him, the past was coming back to haunt her in ways she’d never imagined.

But she didn’t want to think about that, not while they were standing in her yard, surrounded by her favorite wildflowers.

Determined to stay centered, to draw strength from the environment, she said, “When I was a kid, this neighborhood was part of a planned community, so most of the houses were built on one-and two-acre lots, rather than being too spread out. They never did get around to paving all the roads, though. Or maybe they never really meant to.” She pointed to the side of her property. “That road leads to where my mom and grandma live. They’re on the same street, just a few houses apart.”

“It’s convenient that you live so close to them.”

“When Mom and I are at work, Grandma keeps an eye on Cody. But it’s different now that Grandpa is gone. He and Cody spent a lot of time at the river. I love it there, too. It’s the area this town is known for, where the farms and ranches and recreational spots are.”

Kade shifted his stance. Behind him, the sky stretched like a big blue canvas. “That’s why I came here all those years ago and gave that clinic. I wanted to establish a presence with the horse breeders out that way. I never really did, though.”

“I’ll bet you’d impress the heck out of them now.”

“Yeah, I probably would. I might’ve back then, too, if I’d returned to do more clinics, letting them get to know me a little better.”

She searched his gaze. “Then, why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was because you were here and it might’ve started something that I wouldn’t have known how to finish. Maybe in some unconscious way, avoiding you was deliberate on my part.”

“And now you’re back with the prospect of being a father to the son I deliberately didn’t tell you about.”

He reached out as if he meant to tame a strand of her hair that was blowing across her face, but he lowered his hand without making the connection. “We’re quite a pair, you and me.”

A mixed-up pair, she thought, wishing he would have touched her yet glad that he hadn’t. She batted the errant hair away herself. Before things got too awkward, she asked, “Does your family know about Cody?”

“Yes, and my brother is excited that he has a ten-year-old nephew. Shocked, but excited. I think you’d like Tanner. Cody probably would, too. Tanner just settled down with his fiancée and a baby girl he’s helping raise.”

“Whose baby? His fiancée’s?”

“No. It’s Meagan’s kid.”

She started. “Your sister has a baby?”

He nodded. “Meagan discovered that she was pregnant soon after she was incarcerated. Her old boyfriend, the baby’s father, is part of the reason she stole the money to begin with, and now he wants nothing to do with her or their child. So she asked Tanner to be her daughter’s legal guardian.”

“It’s admirable that your brother took responsibility. But it’s sad that your sister is locked up like that.” And the fact that her boyfriend abandoned her and the baby was equally disturbing. “When will she be released?”

“In about two years. I haven’t seen her since she’s been in prison. I haven’t met my niece yet, either. But I plan to. The baby is about five months old now. Tanner sends me pictures to keep me up to date, and he says she’s growing like a weed. Her name is Ivy, so it seems fitting.”

“That’s cute.” Bridget thought about how quickly Cody had grown. “Are you angry at Meagan? Is that why you haven’t visited her?”

“I’m not angry, just disappointed. Meagan and I were close when she was little, but as time went on, we drifted apart. I think it’s because I’ve been gone for so much of her life. With the age difference between us, she was just a kid when I went off to college. And after that, I started traveling the way I do.”

To Bridget, that was just more proof of how his lifestyle might affect Cody in the same way. But she didn’t call him out on it. Instead, she questioned him about his sister. “Are you ever going to try to get close to Meagan again?”

“I don’t know. Now that she’s in prison, I’m not sure how to do that. It’s weird how both of us are on the fringes of our children’s lives. I never thought I’d have that in common with her.”

As they passed the arena and headed to the barn, she thought about her own family ties. “My grandmother thinks I should have told you about Cody from the beginning.”

“Really?” Kade reacted with immediate interest. “And what about your mom? How does she feel about all of this?”

“She’s concerned about your character and whether you’ll be worthy of Cody. But after what she went through with my dad, she’s bound to be cautious.”

Kade turned pensive, stopping just short of the barn. “During the years he was around, did he provide any kind of support?”

“You mean financially? No. Mom never asked for anything from him. She just clung to the quiet dream of marrying him someday.”

“I want to help with Cody. I want to arrange for child support.”

“That isn’t necessary.” She didn’t want this to be about money. “I can give my son what he needs. I’ve been taking care of him since he was born.” And she wasn’t keen on changing the rules.

“If you won’t accept support from me, then I’ll set up a trust for him. At least that way, I can put something aside for his future.”

“If that’s the way you want to handle it, that’s fine. I appreciate that you want to provide a nest egg for him. But I don’t want you making payments to me.” She wished he wasn’t towering over her with that big broad body of his, intensifying her awareness of him. “I’m more comfortable keeping things as they’ve been.”

“I’m just trying to do what a dad is supposed to do. Besides, I have a sound portfolio. I’ve been making investments for years.” He made a grand gesture. “I could buy myself a big ole ranch.” He lowered his hands to his sides. “But being boxed in would probably make me panic.”

“Most people wouldn’t think of owning a large spread as being boxed in.”

“It’s not the size of the place. It’s the act of putting down roots. Even when I was a kid, I felt stifled every time I walked into the house, and I promised myself that I when I grew up, I would go wherever the wind took me.”

And now the wind was blowing him in this direction. But for how long, she couldn’t be sure. She wanted to trust him, to believe that he would be as responsible with Cody as he claimed he would be, but it was too soon to take him at his word.

“We need to lighten things up,” he said.

Bridget blinked. “What?”

“All of this heavy conversation. We didn’t do that last time.”

Did he expect it to be the same? “The circumstances were different.”

“I know, but what’s wrong with being upbeat, like we were before?” He flashed a cheesy smile, showing way too many teeth.

She went ahead and laughed. “You look like Dudley Do-Right.”

He laughed, too. “The dimwitted Mountie with the horse named Horse? I saw that movie. I think it got just about the worst reviews ever.”

“I know, but I thought Dudley was cute.”

He upped his hundred-watt smile. “So you had a thing for him?”

“I was a teenager when I had that crush.” She batted her lashes, being as silly as he was. “But a girl likes what she likes, I guess.”

“Big dumb guys with rockin’ bodies?” he teased her, flexing like a brainless stud.

His Dudley Do-Right smile was pretty near blinding her now. And damn if he didn’t live up to the rockin’-body part. She almost grabbed his arm by the biceps, but thought better of it. Instead, she simply said, “Come on. Let’s go see the horses.”

They entered the barn, and the equines came forward and poked their heads over the stalls, interested, no doubt, as to who Kade was.

“Well, hello you two,” he said, approaching them like newfound friends. “I take it neither of you is named Horse?”

“Sorry, no.” Bridget introduced the gray. “That’s Misty. She’s a gentle old girl, but when the mood strikes, she can get barn sour.” She turned to the red dun. “And that’s Minnie P. She’s a bit of a nut so we named her after Minnie Pearl, the country comedienne who used to wear the sales tag on her hat. My grandfather loved the Grand Ole Opry, and he thought Minnie Pearl was the best.”

Kade chuckled and gave the horse an affectionate pat. “That’s quite a handle to live up to. Almost as bad as Horse.” He shifted his attention to Misty, patting her, too. “As for this old gal, I can help you with her. I’ve got plenty of remedies for barn sour horses.”

“That would be great. We’ve only had her for about six months, so she’s still fairly new to us. I got her at an auction, and I’m the one who rides her. She’ll be fine for a while, then she starts getting stubborn again.”

“No problem. Maybe we can have a training session later this week?”

“Okay. That sounds good.” Just for the heck of it, she showed him the rest of the barn, even if there wasn’t much to see, other than the tack room and hayloft.

After the tour, they went back outside, and he removed his phone from his pocket and checked the time. “It’s almost two,” he said. “What time does Cody get home?”

“Around three. We can meet him at the bus stop.”

“What should we do between now and then?”

She considered his question. The next hour was going to seem like forever if she didn’t think of something to keep them occupied. “I can make a pot of coffee if you need a boost.”

“Sounds good. I can always use a shot of caffeine.”

“Do you still take it with tons of sugar?”

He looked surprised. “You remember how I take my coffee? That’s a hell of memory you’ve got there.”

She wasn’t likely to forget. “I take mine supersweet, too, and every time we went to the diner next to the motel, we had to ask for more of those little packets. There was never enough on the table.”

His lips curved into an instant smile. “Ah, yes, my sugar partner in crime. Now that you mention it, it’s coming back to me, too. It’s funny because when I checked into the motel, I noticed that the diner is still there, and from what I saw, it looks pretty much the same.”

“Cheap motels and greasy spoons never die.”

He put away his phone. “And neither do sexy memories.”

“There’s nothing sexy about that diner.”

“I was talking about the motel.”

Before she got weak-kneed and shivery, she started walking toward the house. No way was she going to add fuel to the fire by saying anything else.

Once they were in the kitchen, she stood at the counter, preparing to make the coffee. He leaned over her shoulder, watching the process. She wanted to tell him to give her some space, but she liked his nearness, too.

For now, her mind was filled with images of the motel and how they’d conceived Cody. They’d used protection, except for when they were in the shower. It hadn’t been very responsible of them, but they’d both been of the same mindset, wanting to feel that kind of physical closeness without a barrier between them.

Were those the sexy memories he was referring to? She remembered it well: the water pouring down over them, their mouths fused in blind need, her pulling him closer, him withdrawing at the moment of completion in an attempt to minimize the risk.

“What are you thinking about, Bridget?”

She nearly spilled the roasted grounds she was scooping into the machine but forced herself to finish making the coffee. “I was just zoning out.”

He was still leaning over her shoulder. “I’ve been doing that, too, getting caught up in all kinds of thoughts. Mostly I’ve been thinking about Cody, hoping he likes me as much as he thinks he will.”

Warmed by his admission, Bridget turned to look at him, and they gazed gently at each other.

She broke eye contact and poured the coffee, which was already filling the room with a homey aroma.

She handed him the sugar bowl, but he gave it back to her, letting her go first. She didn’t know how something as mundane as adding sweetener to her drink could elevate her already heightened emotions. But God help her, it did.

He took his turn and they remained quiet, sipping the sugar-laden brew and waiting for the moment to arrive for him to meet their son.