Читать книгу Hardhearted: It's Better to Be Feared than Loved - Sherrod Tunstall - Страница 14

Chapter 5

Reminiscing

Swag was in bliss after going four rounds with Mz. Chocolate. Being with her was so addictive. He knew he was addicted to her chocolate and needed more. But after four rounds of pure sexing, it was time for a little rest. He gazed up at the ceiling while taking a few puffs of the Cuban cigar. He then looked at Mz. Chocolate, whose arm was wrapped around his sweaty, tatted chest. Even though her hair was all over the place, she was even sexier when she was sleeping. Swag smiled at the Jamaican beauty. At that moment, he felt like “Tony” Montana in Scarface. He took another puff of the cigar and blew out the smoke. Then he snapped back to reality when he looked at the view out of his window and saw nothing but ocean. He shook his head and said, “Damn.” Everything about this felt right, but he knew it wasn’t going to be all good.

He eased out of bed and put on his boxers that were on the floor. After entering the bathroom, he closed the door and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes looked tired, and his chest had scratches, compliments of Mz. Chocolate, who had obviously had a good time. Swag examined the luxurious bathroom that had a gold toilet, sink, and shower. The one thing he could say about King was the woman had some excellent taste to be so crazy. He turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on his face. As he looked at his wet face in the mirror, many questions flooded his mind, and he repeated, How the fuck did I get here? Where did the fellas and I go wrong with this operation? I went from a thief, a stickup kid, a dope boy, a drug trafficker, and now, an international fugitive. Shit, I have one hell of a résumé. He laughed, even though he knew the shit he was in wasn’t funny. He didn’t know what his future was going to look like now, and he never thought in a million years that his life would be like this.

Swag had bigger dreams besides this. He knew that his nana was turning in her grave right now, wondering where she went wrong with her grandson, who had so much potential. Thinking about his nana made him smile. He missed her so much, along with his sons. He looked at his reflection even harder in the mirror and didn’t even recognize the person who was staring back at him anymore. He knew he’d lost someone. It was Solomon Carter. Whatever happened to Solomon Carter?

Swag couldn’t help but think about how he’d been on his own since he was a teenager. His mother, Juanita Carter, only cared about partying, looking good, drinking, men, and sex. Two years after having Swag, she had triplets—two girls, Tamika, Tamara, and a boy named Mickey Carter. Swag’s father was serving life in prison for a crime he claimed he didn’t commit. Swag and his siblings were mainly raised by his grandma, Nina, whom he called Nana. Nina was more of a mother to him than his mother was.

When Swag was young, Juanita lost custody of her children, and Nana had full custody of all of them. Swag loved how hardworking his nana was. She worked as a teacher’s aide and told her grandchildren they were all special.

Remembering his nana brought a big smile to his face, thinking of all the wonderful memories he had of her. He turned on the sink again, using his hand to cup some water to drink and looked up at his reflection once more, and more memories came back.

Swag remembered he used to love playing basketball, and everyone supported him when he was 13. Things were good for Swag and his siblings until he was 15, and Nana died suddenly of a massive heart attack. Then Juanita came back in the picture, now claiming she was a changed woman. Juanita was dressed to the nines in designer clothes, hair done, nails done, and she drove a new Mercedes-Benz. She was living high in a fly-ass crib in East St. Louis and had a job as a paralegal. And she also splurged on her children with expensive gifts. After a judge and social worker looked over everything, the courts placed the children back with Juanita.

But life in East St. Louis was hell for Swag and his siblings. The picture that Juanita and her attorney painted for the judge was fake. She didn’t live in a luxurious home. She lived in a run-down apartment building in the ghetto. And Juanita’s so-called job as a paralegal was really as a drug dealer and runner. Along with her drug money, she received a government check for the kids and went shopping almost every day.

There was also a new man in her life. His name was Mitch. He was a low-life drug dealer and stickup guy that would rob a 2-year-old if he could. They treated the kids like slaves, and for entertainment, they would beat them. These actions caused the kids to do poorly at their new schools.

Swag gave up his dreams of being a pro basketball player in the NBA. It wasn’t long before he dropped out of high school and furthered his education in the streets. Robbing, stealing, selling drugs . . . He did it all. By the time he was 17, he’d saved up about $10,000, which he never brought home.

The thought of his mother pissed him off. He remembered his mother and Mitch telling him and his siblings they would never amount to anything, how his life was never supposed to be that way. He was so pissed he had to take a shit and pissed. He lifted the toilet seat and sat. As he was taking care of business, he remembered a moment that would change his life forever.

He remembered the night Juanita and Mitch were fighting in their apartment. They fought because Juanita caught him having sex with her 15-year-old daughter, Tamara. As Juanita and Mitch fought, Swag intervened to help his mother. Then Mitch and he started to fight, and a frightened Juanita went into her bedroom and returned with a 9 mm. Unfortunately, she shot Swag by accident. He was bleeding profusely on the floor and in unbearable pain. While Swag was in a coma for a week and a half at the hospital, Juanita threatened to kill anyone who revealed the truth. While lying in the hospital bed, Swag told himself, fuck her! Fuck everything! Fuck his family, and he was thankful that he didn’t leave his stash at the crib.

Once he was out of the hospital, the first place he went was to an old abandoned warehouse near railroad tracks. He cleared the dusty trash cans and pulled out a huge green bean can. Once he opened it and saw his stash of $10,000, plus a few dime bags, he couldn’t wait to get back to St. Louis to sell them and get a connect.

Once Swag was done pushing out the last piece of shit from his system, he wiped himself real good. He flushed the toilet and went back to the sink to wash his hands and look at his reflection. “Damn.” He thought about how disappointed he was in himself, but mainly how he disappointed Nana with the dumb decisions he made in his life.

“Swag, Swag!” shouted Mz. Chocolate as she tapped him on his shoulder.

Swag had stopped reminiscing over his past as he looked at Mz. Chocolate’s naked reflection in the big mirror, not noticing she came into the bathroom. He could feel his manhood getting hard again. “What, ma?”

“Damn, daddy, mi wake up wanting to feel sum more of dat yello banana beefcake inna mi, but yuh did gaan,” Mz. Chocolate said, wrapping her arms around his waist. She licked his back like it were her favorite butter pecan ice cream. “Yuh tire of mi already, daddy?”

She reached inside his boxers and jerked his snake. He was turned on as he leaned back on her. “Shit!” he laughed.

Yet again, Swag started to forget about his problems. All he wanted was some of that Jamaican sweetness. He turned around and picked her up. She laughed.

“Come on, baby. You ready for some more of this long banana beefcake in your pudding, ma?”

“Yuh kno it, daddy. Dis pussy dripping fi dat hood,” Mz. Chocolate replied while licking Swag’s ear.

They moved to the bed and got ready for round five.

Oh, Lord, give me strength, Swag thought with a smile on his face.