Читать книгу Mending Fences - Sherryl Woods, Sherryl Woods - Страница 7

Emily had barely left the house, when Marcie heard the garage door open and realized Ken was home, hours earlier than usual. Her stomach immediately tied itself into knots. Whatever had brought him home at this hour couldn’t possibly be good. Still, she took a quick look at herself in a mirror to check her hair and makeup, then plastered a smile on her face as she waited for him.

When he finally came inside, his tie was askew, his collar open and, if she wasn’t mistaken, he’d been drinking. Her smile immediately faltered.

“Ken, what’s wrong?”

“The bastards fired me, that’s what’s wrong,” he said, immediately going to the liquor cabinet and splashing several inches of Scotch into a glass, then taking a gulp that clearly wasn’t his first of the day. “I’ve worked my butt off for those jerks for how many years now? Fifteen? And now I’m history.”

“Did they tell you why?” she asked hesitantly, knowing as soon as the words were out of her mouth that it was exactly the wrong thing to ask.

His face flushed an even brighter shade of red. “Because they’re idiots, that’s why. One little mistake and none of the accounts I brought in, none of the work I’d done for them mattered.”

Marcie smothered a desire to point out that if the mistake had been so small, surely they would never have done such a thing. Ken had worked hard for them for years. She might not know a lot about the corporate world, but surely they wouldn’t have fired him over something insignificant. Had she said such a thing, though, Ken’s already precarious mood would have turned even darker. She doubted she’d ever hear the whole story. Ken never admitted his failures. It must be killing him just to confess he’d been fired.

She also had to swallow all of the questions she had about what came next, whether they’d offered him severance at least. There was little use in admitting to her own panic at the thought of him being unemployed. Underneath all of Ken’s bravado, she was sure he was fearful enough for both of them. Nor was he likely to have any of the reassuring answers she wanted to hear. It was too soon. Her role, of which she was very much aware, was to boost his self-confidence, not to add to his troubles or make him feel worse.

Although she was silent, he scowled at her as if she’d voiced her thoughts. “Well, don’t you have anything else to say? I’m sure you think this is my fault.”

“I never said that. You’ve given a lot to that company and it’s their loss that you’re gone. Another company will snap you up, I’m sure of it.”

“Aren’t you just little Mary Sunshine,” he said sarcastically.

Despite his nasty attitude, she was determined to think positively. That’s what he needed from her. “I just think it’s important to be optimistic. This is the opportunity you’ve been waiting for, Ken. You could finally open your own company. You have more than enough experience to do that.”

For the first time since he’d walked in, the anger seemed to fade from his eyes. The fear Marcie knew he was trying to cover drained away as well. He sank into a chair at the kitchen table and regarded her with a bewildered expression. “How’d I make such a mess of things? I blew off one meeting. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but apparently it was to the client. They were nervous about our campaign and me canceling the meeting made their anxiety escalate. They told my boss I was unreliable and that since they obviously couldn’t count on me, they’d go elsewhere. If it had been any other client, it might not have mattered, but this was our foot in the door and I destroyed our chance to get more work.”

Marcie couldn’t believe that after years of missing family occasions for work, Ken would skip out on an important business meeting. “Why, Ken?” she asked, not even trying to hide her frustration. “Why would you cancel a meeting? You never do that.”

“I was wooing another potential client. He wanted to play golf. I thought everything would work out fine.”

“Did the new client sign with the firm?”

He shook his head, looking utterly defeated. “No, so it was all for nothing. It was a judgment call and I blew it. What the hell are we going to do now?”

Falling into her familiar role as cheerleader, she stood behind him and massaged his tense shoulders. “It’s not a disaster, Ken. It’s not.”

For several minutes it was so quiet that Marcie could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, but eventually Ken rested a hand atop hers.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you. None of this is your fault. I just wasn’t expecting this, you know.”

“I know,” she said, moving around to sit in his lap so she could meet his gaze. If ever there’d been a time when he needed her support, this was it. “This isn’t the end of the world. I have so much faith in you, more than you have in yourself, I think.”

His lips curved slightly. “You always did, even way back when we first met. Nobody’d ever believed in me like that. I know I don’t always tell you how much I appreciate what you do around here, but I do. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my corner.”

The rare praise warmed her heart. Sometimes she wondered if he even noticed her at all, much less appreciated her. And his careless words had the capacity to cut her to the quick. A moment like this, though, reminded her of the gentle, sensitive man she’d married. All too often she feared he’d gotten lost along the way in his frantic climb to the top.

She looked into his eyes. “What do you want to do next?” she asked. “If you could choose anything, what would it be?”

He gave her a lopsided, boyish grin. “Take you upstairs to bed?”

Her heart skipped a beat, even though she doubted he could even make it up the stairs on his currently unsteady legs.

“Besides that,” she said, careful to keep her tone light so he wouldn’t take offense at the apparent rejection.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Hell if I know,” he murmured sleepily.

“Well, we’ll figure it out tomorrow,” she assured him. “Why don’t you lie down in the den and rest before the kids get home? I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready.”

“Probably should take a shower, sober up,” he muttered. “Don’t want them to know I’ve been drinking.”

“Good idea,” she said, relieved that he was thinking that clearly. “I’ll run up and bring down a change of clothes for you and you can use the shower in the guest suite.” In the doorway, she hesitated, then said, “And let’s not tell them what’s going on just yet, okay? Let’s wait till we have a plan.”

“Sure,” he said, stumbling past her. “You always know the right thing to do, Marcie. Always right.”

At his words, which didn’t sound at all like a compliment, tears stung her eyes, but she had too much pride to let them fall. This was the way things went with Ken. One moment he was sweet as could be and the next he could cut her heart out.

Dani studied Caitlyn’s scared expression. In the five years she’d known her, she’d never once seen Caitlyn scared, not even when they’d ridden this totally awesome, terrifying roller coaster on a trip to Disney World. Because there was a two-year age difference, Caitlyn tried hard to act as grown-up as Dani. Sometimes Dani even forgot she was only ten. At other times, Dani felt that two-year age difference was as vast as the ocean. She felt grown-up at twelve, almost a teenager, and sometimes like now, she felt responsible for the younger girl.

“You okay?” she asked when Caitlyn, who was never silent for more than a minute, hadn’t said a word for way longer than that.

Caitlyn shook her head. “Something’s going on at my house.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Every time I walk into a room my mom and dad get real quiet, like they don’t want me or Evan to know something.”

“You think they’re getting a divorce?” Dani asked, her own voice trembling and barely above a whisper. That was her own biggest fear, that her mom and dad would wake up one day to the fact that they hardly ever saw each other and decide to split for good. She’d never heard them fight, but she knew being apart that much couldn’t be good. Moms and dads were supposed to do stuff together. Even though Mr. Carter worked all the time and could be a real jerk, the Carters still did more things together than her own mom and dad ever did.

Caitlyn’s eyes widened at the question. “No!” she shouted, then promptly burst into tears.

Filled with regret for making the suggestion, Dani moved to her side and draped an arm around her shoulders. “It’s probably not that,” she insisted. “I was just guessing. They probably just had a fight or something.”

Caitlyn shook her head. “I think maybe my dad’s sick.”

Dani frowned. “Why would you think that?”

“Because he’s been home every day this week.”

“Couldn’t he be on vacation?”

“He’s never taken a vacation. He didn’t even take a day off to go to Disney World with us, remember?”

“Still, that doesn’t mean he’s sick.”

“Then what could it be?” Caitlyn asked.

“I don’t know,” Dani admitted. She looked at her friend. “Maybe you should just ask your mom.”

Not that she wanted to ask her mom if she’d ever thought about divorcing her dad. For one thing, her mom would probably tell her it was personal and that she didn’t need to know, which was bogus. A divorce might be between her parents, but it affected her, too. And Josh, though he was oblivious to what was going on right under their noses. Plus he was fourteen, which meant he was oblivious to everything except sports and girls.

Beside her, Caitlyn sighed. “I don’t think my mom will tell me anything. She probably thinks she and my dad are doing a great job of keeping this, whatever it is, from me and Evan.”

“What does Evan think?” Dani asked.

Caitlyn gave her an incredulous look that was wise beyond her years. “If it doesn’t involve a ball or a bat, he doesn’t think about it at all.”

Dani grinned. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean,” she commiserated. “Brothers are a pain, huh?”

“A royal pain,” Caitlyn agreed.

Silence fell and, once again, Dani was the first to break it. “I’ll bet things will be okay any day now and you’ll have done all this worrying for nothing.”

“Probably so,” Caitlyn said.

But Dani could tell, looking into her eyes, that she wasn’t buying it.

For the first time in forever, Emily went for a couple of weeks without catching more than a glimpse of Marcie. What little spare time she had was spent with Paula, who was not only sick as a dog from the chemo, but showing signs of depression. Emily and her other friends from school were spending as much time with her as possible trying to lift her spirits and take care of some of the household chores. Emily did laundry during her visits, others brought casseroles, and any one of them dusted or straightened up if the house needed it. Marcie was driving her to appointments, which were mostly in the morning, so they rarely crossed paths.

Paula’s kids were tiptoing around the house trying to be quiet, trying to be brave. It broke Emily’s heart every time she saw them.

“Why don’t you let me take the kids home with me tonight?” she suggested to Paula. “You and Dave can have an evening on your own.”

“To do what, stare at each other and avoid the one topic neither of us wants to talk about?” Paula responded.

Emily regarded her with surprise. “If you want to talk, then you probably need to take the lead. I suspect Dave is trying not to upset you.”

Paula sighed. “No, the truth is we’ve run out of things to say. I mean, really, it’s not as if anything’s changed. I had surgery. Now I’m doing chemo. No one knows how any of this is going to turn out. What is there to talk about? Funeral arrangements?”

“Stop that!” Emily said, dismayed. “You’ll be old and gray before you need to worry about that. Maybe what you need to tell your husband, though, is that you’re scared. You have a right to be, you know. This is scary stuff.”

Paula’s eyes suddenly welled with tears. “When the doctor first told me and we came up with this whole plan, it was, like, okay, good. There’s a plan. I know what to do. Then all of a sudden, I realized, I could actually die…” She frowned when Emily started to interrupt. “No, you know it’s true. Why deny it? There is no guarantee in this plan that I won’t die.” She choked back a sob. “My kids aren’t even in high school yet, and I could miss seeing them graduate or get married. I could miss having grandkids.”

“But you’re not going to miss anything,” Emily said. “You are going to beat this. I insist on it.”

Paula chuckled, then swiped at her damp face with a tissue. “God, you sound just like Marcie. You spend too much time together. You’re starting to sound alike.”

“Are you kidding? She’s much more refined than I am,” Emily said.

Paula gave her an odd look. “Why would you say that? Because she spends a fortune on clothes and you don’t? Because she bakes cookies and makes gourmet meals? None of that makes her one bit better than you.”

Emily sighed. “I’m sorry. I sound as if I have a bad case of petty jealousy, don’t I? And I don’t, not really. I adore Marcie.”

“Me, too,” Paula said. “She’s been a godsend with all these appointments.” She frowned slightly. “Have you noticed that she seems a little off lately?”

Emily regarded her with a puzzled expression. “Off how?”

“I’m not sure I can explain it, just not her usual upbeat self, as if there’s something weighing on her.”

“To be honest I haven’t seen her for a couple of weeks, but she was okay last time we were together.”

“Maybe you should give her a call. I asked if everything was okay, but she blew me off. You two are much closer. Maybe she’ll open up with you.”

“I’ll call her the minute I get home. Thanks for saying something. Now you just need to say something about how you’re feeling to your husband. I’ve never seen a man more devoted to anyone than Dave is to you. Don’t shut him out, Paula. Let him be there for you.”

“I just feel he’s had to accept so much already,” Paula said. “The mastectomy, me starting to lose my hair, being sick all the time. It pretty much destroys the mystique that marriage needs to stay alive.”

“Or maybe it puts it on a whole new footing,” Emily suggested, giving her hand a squeeze. “Talk to him, okay?”

“I’ll do it tonight, bossy,” Paula said. “Thanks for being one of my biggest morale boosters.”

“You’d do the same for me,” Emily told her.

As she drove home, it wasn’t Paula’s low mood that was on her mind, though, it was her observation that something was going on with Marcie. As soon as she walked in the door, she picked up the phone.

“Hey,” she said when Marcie picked up, “mind if I run over for a minute?”

To her surprise, Marcie hesitated, then said, “Why don’t I come there instead? Five minutes, okay?”

“Sure,” Emily said, then slowly hung up, trying to recall the last time Marcie had wanted to stop by her house for a late-afternoon visit, rather than having Emily come over.

She waited until she saw Marcie coming through the hedge, then called out, “How about lemonade? I just bought a carton at the store yesterday and I don’t think the kids have been into it yet.”

“Sounds good. Did you see Paula today?”

“Just left her,” Emily confirmed as she went inside and took the carton from the refrigerator.

“Was her mood any better than it was this morning? She was pretty down.”

“The same this afternoon, but we talked a little and I think she felt better by the time I left.” She poured the lemonade over ice and put the glasses on the table, then sat down to join Marcie. “So, how are you? We haven’t had a minute to catch up for a couple of weeks now. How’d your mammogram go?”

“It was fine. Yours?”

“Okay, thank goodness, though I am not anxious to repeat the experience anytime soon.” She studied Marcie’s face and thought she detected a shadow of worry in her eyes. “Everything else okay?”

“Sure.”

“Really? You look as if something’s on your mind.”

Marcie’s smile seemed forced. “Not at all. I’ve just been very busy. Ken’s going out on his own, which means there are a thousand and one details for me to follow through on.”

Emily regarded her with surprise. “He’s opening his own company? When did that happen?”

Marcie avoided her gaze. “Oh, he’s been thinking about it forever and the time seemed right.”

Emily wasn’t buying it. There was something Marcie wasn’t saying, but obviously whatever it was she didn’t want to share it with Emily. “That’s great,” she said with feigned enthusiasm. “He must be excited.”

“And more demanding than usual,” Marcie said, her expression wry. “We’ve been looking at office space and picking out furniture. I could do all of that for him, but he insists on second-guessing every decision I make.”

“You’re not thinking of going to work for him, are you?” Emily asked.

Again, Marcie avoided meeting her gaze. “Just for a few weeks till things settle down.”

“Oh, Marcie, are you sure that’s wise?” she blurted before she could stop herself.

Marcie stiffened. “What do you mean?”

“Just that he can be awfully hard to please.”

“Don’t I know it,” Marcie agreed, visibly relaxing. “But it will only be for a little while, then he’ll find someone permanent.”

“Not if you do the same superb job for him at the office that you do at home,” Emily commented.

For the first time since she’d arrived, Marcie’s smile was genuine. “Honey, don’t you know by now that I am smart enough not to let that happen? I’ve lived with the man for more than fifteen years. I know exactly how to get him to replace me when I’m ready to go.”

Emily laughed. “That’s good then.”

“Everything okay around here?” Marcie asked. “The kids say Derek has been gone for a couple of weeks now. That’s even longer than usual, isn’t it?”

Emily’s good mood faded. “Yes, and it’s getting really old. I hardly feel as if I’m married anymore. Josh is getting to the age when he needs his dad around more than ever, but I can’t even catch up with Derek half the time to tell him what’s going on with his son, much less get his advice on how to handle it. Then when he is here, the kids have figured out how to play us off against one another because they know we never have time to come up with a joint plan. And Derek will always agree to whatever they ask, because he feels guilty about being gone. I’m sick of having to be the bad guy all the time.”

Marcie frowned. “I’ve never heard you say a word against your husband before.”

“I’ve never been this frustrated before,” Emily admitted. “I think watching Dave hover over Paula has made me realize what’s missing in my marriage. Derek is a wonderful man in many ways, but he and I simply don’t have a real partnership. I wanted that from my marriage.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Marcie asked. “Have you told Derek how you feel?”

“More times than I can count. He just keeps saying things will get better. I’m rapidly losing patience.”

“You’re not thinking about divorcing him, are you?” Marcie asked, her tone hushed as if she hated to even speak the word.

Emily sighed. “I honestly have no idea what I’m going to do,” she said. “But I’m getting really tired of the status quo.”

And if Derek wasn’t motivated to change it, one of these days she would have to.

“What about a trial separation?” Marcie asked. “Maybe that would be just the wake-up call he needs.”

Emily shot her a look filled with irony. “We’re separated all the time as it is.”

“This would be different,” Marcie insisted. “But, okay, what about counseling?”

“I suggested it, and Derek even agreed to consider it, but every time I scheduled an appointment, we had to cancel because of one of his business trips. When I pointed out to him that that was exactly the problem with our lives, he accused me of not supporting his career the way he’s supported mine. Then he had the audacity to suggest that if I hadn’t gone back into teaching, I could have been traveling with him.”

“Maybe he had a point,” Marcie suggested.

“Oh, please, have you forgotten we have two children?” Emily retorted, as irritated now as she had been when Derek had made his outrageous claim. “What are we supposed to do with them if both of us go gallivanting off all over the place? Park them with you?”

“You could have,” Marcie said.

“No,” Emily replied fiercely. “It is not up to you to raise my kids.”

Marcie reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Just don’t do anything rash, okay? Derek’s a great guy. You know that.”

“I do know,” Emily said with a sigh. “That’s why this is so awful.”

But more and more she was convinced that divorce might be the only way out.

Six months later, when Josh was fifteen and Dani thirteen, Emily finally called it quits with her marriage. She’d tired of the loneliness, of Derek’s long absences on business trips. All the money in the world couldn’t compensate for the sense that she was the only one truly giving anything to their relationship.

As she sat at Marcie’s kitchen table, tears rolled down her cheeks. It didn’t matter that the decision was right. It still hurt.

“I don’t know what else to do,” she told Marcie. “Am I wrong for wanting more out of my marriage? Nothing I’ve said has made one bit of difference with Derek. Nothing’s changed.”

Marcie gave her a sympathetic look. “No,” she said softly. “But you’re braver than I am. I don’t think I could face being on my own. What would I do?”

For an instant, Emily was snapped out of her own troubles. “Are you and Ken having problems? You always seem so cheerful.” In fact, she’d often wondered how Marcie stayed so upbeat when her husband was such a jerk. Ever since Ken had opened his own office, he’d been worse than ever. Marcie had worked for him for exactly two weeks before she’d insisted on hiring her own replacement.

Marcie regarded her with a wry expression. “Cheerful is in my job description. Do everything around here, keep a perfect house, fix perfect meals, raise perfect children, and smile no matter what. Heaven forbid, anyone see a crack in the image of a perfect family.”

It was the first time that Emily had detected even a trace of bitterness in her friend. “I had no idea you were so unhappy. I mean I know he drove you nuts at work, but I thought everything else was solid. I guess we’ve both done a pretty good job of covering, even with each other.”

“Some things you don’t share, not even with best friends,” Marcie said. “And I’m not unhappy. Not really. I’m just having one of those days, I suppose.” She waved off the comment before Emily could respond, then forced a smile. “Enough about me. Are you really going to ask Derek for a divorce?”

“Ask? No, I think this is one time when I’ll tell him how it’s going to be.” She gave Marcie a rueful smile. “You know the really sad part? He’ll be shocked.”

“Then maybe that will give you a chance. You’ll have his full attention.”

Emily shook her head. “It won’t be enough to make him change and since I can’t change my expectations, it’s too late. I just have to accept that it’s over.”

To Emily’s regret, she was right. Derek was stunned when she told him she intended to file for divorce, but he didn’t even waste his breath protesting that he would change when they both knew the words would be little more than empty promises. He just quietly packed his bags and moved to a suite in a hotel closer to his office.

The kids seemed to take it in stride, too, since little changed around the house. They’d grown accustomed to their father being gone on the most important occasions of their lives. He hadn’t been in town for a birthday or school assembly or awards ceremony in years.

The divorce was accomplished with a minimum of fuss and hardly any lingering resentment. Perhaps that was the saddest part of all.

As she and Derek left the courthouse, she regarded him closely for any sign that he regretted the dissolution of their marriage as much as she did. Instead, he looked as if he were in his usual hurry to be somewhere else.

“I don’t suppose you want to go somewhere for coffee and talk about this,” she said.

He studied her blankly for a minute. “This?”

“How our lives are going to change now. When you’re going to see the kids. That kind of thing.”

“I thought we’d work it out as we go,” he said. “We don’t need some sort of formal agreement, do we?”

Emily sighed. “No, of course not.”

He gave her a distracted kiss on the cheek as if they were separating till dinner, rather than for the rest of their lives.

“I’ll be in touch,” he said. “Call me if you or the kids need anything.”

She watched him stride off and tried to remember how she’d ever fallen in love with a man capable of such a total lack of emotion. The last time she’d seen Derek’s eyes shine with excitement or enthusiasm, he’d been talking about some deal he’d made, not looking at her or the kids at all.

She told herself she was well rid of him, that her future was brighter without him, that she could cope with raising the kids on her own since she’d been doing it that way for years anyway.

By the time she got home, she’d convinced herself that she was just fine. She threw her purse on the kitchen table, walked outside and crossed the yard and went straight to Marcie’s back door. It opened before she could knock and Marcie held out her arms. Emily stepped into the embrace and burst into tears.

“It’s over,” she whispered. “In the blink of an eye, it was just over, almost as if it didn’t even matter.”

“Of course it mattered,” Marcie said fiercely. “You and Derek had some good times, you know you did. And you have two amazing kids. How could that not matter?”

“It doesn’t to Derek,” she said with a sniff.

“I doubt that.”

“He walked away without a second glance. He was already thinking about his next meeting.”

“Which is exactly why you divorced him,” Marcie reminded her. “But that doesn’t mean it was always that way. You’re allowed to mourn the good memories, even while you curse his black soul for making you so miserable.”

Emily grinned through her tears. “Curse his black soul? Where’d you come up with that one? Did Caitlyn sneak one of my historical romance novels over to you? Besides, he hasn’t made me miserable. He left me feeling nothing and that’s a thousand times worse.”

“I’m sorry,” Marcie said, then gave her a hesitant look. “I baked a cake for the occasion.”

Emily laughed. Leave it to the ultimate planner to have thought of that. “Of course, you did. Are we having a party, too?”

“I have half-a-dozen people on standby if you want one,” Marcie said. “Should I call them?”

“What the hell,” Emily replied. “Somebody needs to mark the occasion. Make those calls.” She hesitated. “What about the kids?”

“Paula and I have that covered. Dave’s taking all of them out to a ball game and pizza after. We thought it would be a good distraction for Dani and Josh. Okay with you?”

“What would I do without friends like you guys?”

“Have a pity party all alone?” Marcie suggested.

“Probably,” Emily agreed. “But there wouldn’t be cake.”