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One aspect that might lead to conflicts in cross-cultural couples is that they often have different religions or denominations, or that they at least are religiously observant to differing degrees. The home countries of the subjects in this study are all traditionally Christian, and the majority of the population in all of the countries are affiliated with a Christian religion (England 59.3%, Australia 61.1%, Switzerland 69.9%, United States 78.5%, Northern Ireland 82.3).9 Between the countries, however, there are considerable differences with regard to the importance of religion and individual religiosity. In a survey, only 13% of the Swiss population stated that they would “definitely” consider themselves a religious person, and a mere 10% of the population claimed that they attended a church service or similar (almost) every week.10 In contrast, 53% of the American respondents stated that religion was “very important” to them, and another 27% rated it as “fairly important” in their lives (Gallup 2014). Moreover, 37% of all Americans reported that they attended church (almost) every week; however, it should be noted that it is possible that many people over-report their church attendance in the USA (Grossman 2014), and weekly attendance rates may actually be lower than 22% (Hadaway and Marler 2005: 307). Nonetheless, these high numbers indicate that church attendance is something to which many American people aspire. The reported level of religious observance is comparably high in Northern Ireland, where 30% of the population claim that they go to church weekly (Ashworth and Farthing 2007). In Australia and England, people appear to be observant to a similar degree as in Switzerland, with 14% of the English (British Social Attitudes 2014) and 8% of the Australians (McCrindle 2013) attending a church service every week.

Such differences with regard to religiousness or denomination between the partners can create tensions within their relationship. Moreover, religious views are often linked to other values and ideologies that may differ correspondingly. For instance, strongly religious cultures are inclined to be more conservative than less religious cultures, which seems to apply to the USA when compared to most of Western Europe. Such differences are also reflected in the stereotypesstereotypescultural that both cultures have of one another, as Europeans tend to see Americans as conservative, while the latter view the former as liberal. Gonçalves’ study on bilingual, bicultural couples supports this (see section 3.3.2, “Bilingual couples”), as some of her interviewees “discursively construct and position Americans as closed and strict compared to the Swiss as open and liberal” (2010: 245). A further characteristic that is linked to the American religious and historical background is their “effort optimism”, which refers to a “desire for assertiveness, action, and hard work” (Perel 2000: 187). While the Swiss are also known as hard workers, in my personal opinion, they tend to be less assertive than Americans.

Another challenge commonly faced by cross-cultural couples seems to be that one partner’s culture is more individualistic, while the other’s is more family-oriented (Rosenblatt 2009: 15). This appears to be an issue faced particularly by couples consisting of a Western and a non-Western partner, but European cultures also differ in their orientation towards family and individualism. Hofstede’s (1980) study of individualism versus collectivism in 40 cultures indicated that many English-speaking countries are very individualistic. Thus, the USA (91), Australia (90) and Great Britain (89) ranked the highest of all 40 countries in terms of individualism, while Switzerland (68) and Ireland (70) ranked lower — though still higher than the average (m = 51) of the countries (1980: 158). Fundamental differences in the partners’ family orientation sometimes emerge when they are faced with “life cycle events such as pregnancy, childbirth […] and deaths” (Rosenblatt 2009: 17). The same goes for ideas concerning child-rearing and parenting standards, between which there can be considerable differences based on the parents’ cultural background (Rosenblatt and Stewart 2004: 52).

Other ideologies which often differ are those surrounding gendergender and love. What is considered appropriate behaviour for men and women depends to a large extent on the culture in question. Because the partners “may expect gender patterns from the other that do not fit the other’s dispositions, beliefs, and ways of acting”, some believe that “[g]ender is one of the most challenging areas for intercultural couples to negotiate” (Rosenblatt 2009: 9). Pavlenko studied the role of gender in multilingualism by analysing cross-cultural autobiographies and oral narratives about second languagelanguage acquisitionsecond learning. According to Pavlenko, language learning is a gendered performanceperforminggender, and bilinguals tend to develop strategies of assimilation or resistance to the gender roles of their L2 (2005: 141). The accounts she analysed indicate that bilinguals may perceive their new environment as gender-free, because they escaped undergoing the gender socialisationsocialisationgender processes of childhood in their second language. Yet gender socialisation at a later age can also pose difficulties, particularly in the context of interpersonal relationships, and “[i]ntimate relationships and friendships surface time and again as one of the most difficult areas for negotiation and an authentic performance of gender” (2005: 151).

Linked to gender ideologies are also ideas of romantic love, which may diverge in different cultures. Hence, certain aspects such as courtship rituals, the expression of love, but also expectations with regard to what love is or how it is expressed, will be strongly influenced by each culture. This was demonstrated by Ting-Toomey, who questioned 781 participants from Japan, France and the USA on aspects such as their views on commitment, self-disclosure and conflict behaviour in intimate relationships. The results of her study indicate that “specific cultural norms and rules influence the perception and the articulation of intimate expressions” in these three countries (1991: 41). Similarly, Billig argues that, while “[t]here are conventional signs of ‘love’, […] these signs may differ from culture to culture; and what counts as love may change within one culture over the course of time” (1999: 189). At the same time, however, it seems that European-based cultures also tend to share certain common denominators, most prominently, a “love ideologyideologyof love that includes a heritage of courtly romantic love” (Sprecher et al. 1994: 350). This ideology includes a number of notions such as “love at first sight, there is only one true love, true love lasts forever, idealization of the partner and the relationship, and love can overcome all obstacles” (Sprecher et al. 1994: 352–353). These studies suggest that partners from similar cultures, such as the couples in this study, are likely to have a similar concept of romantic love, but they may nevertheless diverge in their manner of expressing love.