Читать книгу Forever, With You - Sophie Love, Софи Лав - Страница 5

Emily stood on the porch, looking out anxiously for Daniel’s return. She twisted her hands as her worst fears swirled in her mind. Daniel had promised not to do this, not to drive off on his motorbike without telling her. If he was breaking that promise, could it be because he was running out on them? Had his day with Chantelle been so difficult on him that he’d decided to abandon her in Emily’s care? She didn’t want to think such terrible thoughts, she wanted to trust him, but he’d let her down like this before.

Emily held onto the doorframe to steady herself, her breath coming in short pants. When Daniel had first returned it had felt like he was a soldier returning from war. Now, as Emily waited for him with a heavy pit growing in her abdomen, she felt like she was waiting for that soldier once again.

Just then she picked up on the sound of the motorcycle’s engine in the distance. She strained to hear, her hope spiking. The sound grew louder and louder until she was convinced that it was indeed Daniel returning home. She squeezed her eyes shut with relief and exhaled the breath she’d been holding.

The motorcycle rounded the corner and drove up the driveway toward her, catching her in its headlights, making her squint. Then it pulled to a halt. The engine cut out and silence enveloped them.

Emily rushed down the steps as Daniel pulled of his helmet. “You’re awake,” he said with a grin. “I wasn’t sure if you were down for the night.” Then his smile disappeared as he caught Emily’s expression.

“You jerk,” she barked. “Where have you been?”

Daniel frowned. “I went to get gas. I’ve been gone like fifteen minutes.”

“You can’t do that,” Emily shouted. “Take off like that. I had no idea where you were.”

“I’m sorry,” Daniel stammered. “You’d fallen asleep. I thought I’d just quickly get gas.”

Emily took another deep breath, trying to calm herself. She felt Daniel wrap his arms around her shoulders.

“You can’t disappear on me like that,” Emily gasped. “Okay?”

“Okay,” he said into the crown of her head. “I get it. I’m sorry.”

They stayed like that, holding one another under the moon and stars, for a long, long time.

“I’m not going to leave you, Emily,” Daniel said finally. “You have to trust me.”

“You don’t always make it easy to,” Emily replied, pulling out of his embrace.

“I know,” Daniel agreed. “But I’m not going anywhere. I moved in with you, remember?”

Emily nodded. It was proof of his commitment, but it didn’t fully comfort her.

Daniel continued. “And while I was on my ride I was thinking about the carriage house, about how we can make it a self-contained vacation house like you wanted. I’ll do the work myself, as a thank you for everything you’ve done for me and Chantelle.”

Emily started to feel herself warm up again, the anguish that had built up starting to finally melt away.

“It will be a great source of income for you,” Daniel added. “Then when Chantelle’s a teenager we could let her use it, give her some space away from her boring mom and dad.”

His words struck a chord deep within Emily. Daniel hadn’t been able to project their relationship further ahead than a few months at a time. Now he was talking in decades. He was referring to her as the “mom.” For the first time, he was truly seeing them as a unit, as two halves of a team.

But as Daniel and Emily lay in one another’s arms in bed that night, Emily’s fears flickered in her mind over and over again. Daniel’s little stunt with the motorcycle had reawakened her long-held fear of abandonment. Just a few weeks ago she was planning on a life without Daniel. Now suddenly he seemed committed to her. Could he really switch like that, so seamlessly, so quickly? And was it really because he’d realized how important their relationship was to him?

Or was he just being pushed along because of Chantelle?

*

The next morning, Emily woke early, almost startling herself out of slumber. When she realized Daniel was in bed beside her she relaxed and fell back against the pillow, breathing deeply. She shouldn’t have to feel relief at the sight of Daniel beside her. She should feel content.

She gazed at Daniel’s sleeping face and felt her anguish melt away. It felt so right to have him here, back with her, to have them all together. She shouldn’t have doubted him when he said he was coming back to her. And she shouldn’t have overreacted to his bike ride last night.

Daniel was still sleeping deeply so Emily decided to leave him be. He must be exhausted from the long drive and all the emotions and need to catch up on all the missed sleep. She was certain she was capable enough to dress Chantelle and make her breakfast alone. Then she could show the girl the chickens and they could walk the dogs together down to the beach.

Excited by the prospect, Emily quickly showered and put some clothes on. Once ready for the day, she left her bedroom and the still snoring Daniel, and opened the door to the room next door. To her horror, Chantelle’s bed was empty.

Emily felt a sick sensation sweep through her. Where could the little girl be?

Panic-stricken, Emily started reeling through a million scenarios in her mind: Chantelle had found the door up to the widow’s walk and had plummeted from the roof; she’d found one of the abandoned, dilapidated barns out in back and had become crushed by falling debris; she’d followed the path down to the coast and had been swept out to sea. But before Emily had the chance to scream out Daniel’s name, she heard the sound of laughter coming from outside.

Emily rushed to the window and pulled back the curtains. There in the backyard was Chantelle playing with Mogsy and Rain, laughing and screaming as the dogs jumped at her and ran in excited circles around her. Chantelle was still wearing the large T-shirt Emily had put her in for bed. Her feet were completely bare.

Emily ran out the door and downstairs. She didn’t want to scare Chantelle but she also didn’t think it was a good idea for the little girl to be outside unsupervised and barely dressed. Though she felt like Sunset Harbor was a safe neighborhood, she herself had grown up in New York City and would forever feel a sense of anxiety over the terrible things people could do to one another.

Leaning out the back door, Emily called out to Chantelle. The little girl looked up, grinning widely. Her feet were green from running in the dewy grass.

“Come inside, sweetie,” Emily called. “Time for pancakes.”

“I want to play!” Chantelle replied.

“In a minute,” Emily said, still trying to sound calm and friendly. “First you need some breakfast. Then once you’re dressed we can take the dogs to the beach and play there. How does that sound?”

Chantelle frowned at Emily and her face grew red. For the first time, Emily got a sense of the troubles Chantelle had experienced. In her dark face, she saw anger and bitterness. She knew it wasn’t directed at her but at this terrible world, the terrible people she’d known and the terrible experiences she’d had the misfortune of experiencing. It was probably only coming out now because Emily and Daniel had provided a safety net in which Chantelle could explore that side of herself without fear of retribution.

Suddenly, Chantelle tipped her head back and began to bawl loudly. Emily took a deep breath. She couldn’t help but think of all the thousands of moms she’d seen in her lifetime dealing with a child’s tantrum, the weary looks on their faces, the embarrassment mixed with anger. But she knew if she wanted Chantelle to trust her and grow up happy and well adjusted, losing her cool was not an option.

She strolled into the garden and took Chantelle’s hand. “Come on, sweetie,” she said, as though Chantelle’s cries weren’t piercing her eardrums.

Just then, Emily noticed someone coming up the drive. Trevor. Of course. How typical he’d pick this moment to come and taunt her.

“What is it, Trevor?” Emily hissed, feeling no qualms about losing her cool with him.

“What do you think it could be?” Trevor mumbled. “It’s not yet seven a.m. and this child is making a racket in the yard. She is disturbing my right to peace.”

Chantelle immediately went quiet. She reached out and grabbed Emily’s hand, almost like an apology for getting her in trouble.

“We’re just finding our feet,” Emily said with a sigh, amazed by how little she cared about Trevor’s quibbles these days. “And Chantelle’s starting school tomorrow so it won’t happen again.”

“There’s always the weekend,” Trevor sneered.

“We’ll make sure not to wake you before seven again.” Emily sighed. “Won’t we, Chantelle?”

But when she looked down at the little girl, she saw that tears were streaming down her face and she was trembling with fear. Seeing her distressed in that way made something erupt in Emily, a sudden maternal drive to defend her child.

She turned on Trevor, suddenly fuming, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “Do you know what, Trevor? Chantelle can play in her yard whenever the hell she wants to. My house, my child, my rules.”

Trevor looked a little taken aback at the outburst. But he quickly recovered, his expression turning back into its usual sneer. “She’s not your child though, is she?”

“She’s in MY care,” Emily cried. “I’m her guardian and I will do everything in my power to protect her from vile men like you.”

For the first time ever, Trevor looked humbled. Emily wasn’t prepared to listen to any more of Trevor, so she grasped Chantelle around the waist and hauled her up into her arms. The little girl was trembling so much it made Emily ache with anguish. She’d been through so much in her short life, the last thing she needed was to experience the monstrosity that was Trevor Mann.

Emily carried Chantelle inside and slammed the back door. She’d never felt such a tremendous explosion of emotion, of a desire to love and protect the little girl in her care.

“I’m sorry!” Chantelle cried immediately as soon as they were inside. She squeezed Emily so hard Emily thought her neck might break.

“Chantelle, it’s okay,” Emily said, gently. “Trevor gets angry at everything. And you didn’t know you were going to wake him up. Let’s just make sure you ask permission before you go outside again in the future, huh? Is that a deal?”

Chantelle nodded her head in a manner that seemed to suggest she was desperate to make it up to Emily.

“Mommy always told me to play outside,” Chantelle said through her tears. “She never liked me being in her way.”

Emily felt her heart ache. The poor girl must have been beyond confused when Emily told her to come inside. She felt bad for mixing the messages.

“Well, Daniel and I want to play with you all the time,” Emily said. “Okay?”

Chantelle nodded. At last her tears ran dry and Emily set the little girl back onto her feet.

Emily took her into the kitchen, where Daniel was just entering. “What’s happening?” he said. “I heard crying. Did you hurt yourself, Chantelle?”

The little girl shook her head.

“I was just telling Chantelle that you and I want to play with her when she goes outside so she should ask one of us to come with her,” Emily said, giving Daniel a look that told him not to push this.

He seemed to understand what she was telling him and nodded. “Well, I’m glad everyone’s happy again now,” he said. “Shall I make some breakfast?”

Chantelle nodded excitedly and she and Emily went to the table to await their breakfast.

“So,” Daniel said as he sat down a moment later with a stack of pancakes. “What shall we do today since school doesn’t start until tomorrow?”

Emily floundered. She could tell Daniel was at a loss too by his slightly panicked expression. Neither had had to take care of a kid before, and both felt the pressure of making sure Chantelle had as much fun as possible to make up for the terrible start she’d had in life.

“I think Chantelle would like to go somewhere with the dogs,” Emily said, looking over at the little girl for affirmation.

Chantelle nodded.

“I have an idea,” Daniel said. “Didn’t Jason and Vanessa take baby Katy apple picking yesterday over at Fall Farm? How does that sound?”

“I’ve never been to a farm!” Chantelle said with a gasp. “Do they have animals? I love animals! Pigs are my favorite. Do they have pigs?”

Emily’s eyes widened. She’d never heard Chantelle say so many words in one go. The idea of spending time with animals was bringing her out of her shell.

“They have a petting zoo,” Emily said. “With rabbits and guinea pigs.”

“Rabbits!” Chantelle cried. “Rabbits are my even more favoriter favorite!”

“Well then,” Daniel said with a grin. “I guess we’re off to Fall Farm today.”

*

Mogsy and Rain yapped with excitement the whole drive over to Fall Farm. It wasn’t often that Emily and Daniel took them anywhere besides the beach and park for walks, so they could tell something exciting was happening. But no matter how happy the dogs seemed, it paled in comparison to Chantelle’s joy. The whole journey she looked out the window wide-eyed, taking in the sight of the beautiful tree-lined streets, the leaves just starting to turn from green to orange. Emily loved watching the little girl stare in wonder at her surroundings. It warmed her heart to know they had plucked her from deprivation, saved her from her awful life, and could now show her how beautiful the world could really be.

Daniel pulled into Fall Farm’s parking lot, which was little more than a muddy field. There were tons of cars here already, despite the early hour; clearly every parent in Sunset Harbor and the local area had decided apple picking would be their last activity with their kids before school.

As Daniel parked, Chantelle was quick to take off her seat belt and grab the door handle.

“Not so fast,” Daniel said. “We need to put the dogs on their leashes first or they’ll run off, never to be seen again.”

“Sorry,” Chantelle said, dipping her head with shame.

Daniel looked over at Emily with an appealing gaze. Emily just shook her head, communicating to him silently that they shouldn’t make a fuss, that there was nothing they could say to make the little girl feel better, and that love, time, and patience were the only things that could teach Chantelle not to feel so ashamed of herself. She felt bad for Daniel, for his seeming lack of intuition in these situations. He seemed so out of his depths at times, and yet Emily felt like she was taking to motherhood like a duck to water.

Emily clipped leashes onto the dogs and then everyone clambered out of the car. Other families milled around, with children laughing and playing, rushing in circles around their parents. As they strolled toward the entrance to Fall Farm, surrounded by other chatting families, Emily felt a surreal moment of realization about just how much her life had transformed over the last year. She’d gone from being a busy marketing assistant in New York to an inn-owning sort-of-mom in Maine. She’d gone from waiting seven long years for a ring from Ben to what she was beginning to feel was the greatest relationship of her life.

“Come on, Emily!” Chantelle cried.

Emily looked up, broken from her reverie, to see Chantelle and Daniel at the kiosk waiting to collect their basket for apple picking. Chantelle was tugging on Daniel’s hand, just like how Rain would tug on his leash. Daniel was laughing, smiling in a way Emily had never seen before. He was clearly overjoyed to be with Chantelle, to be here, as a family.

Emily jogged toward them and took Chantelle’s other outstretched hand. They reached the kiosk and collected their basket, then headed into the orchard.

“Let’s find the juiciest, reddest apples,” Emily said to Chantelle in an excited whisper. “I bet you they’re further at the back of the field.”

Chantelle nodded with wide eyes, excited by Emily’s conspiratorial tone.

Emily looked up at Daniel. He was smiling at her broadly, a hint of pride in his eyes. Emily couldn’t help but blush.

As they began to fill their baskets with juicy apples, Emily realized she was having more fun than she’d had in years. Daniel, too, was laughing like a gleeful child. He was rushing around, picking Chantelle up and twirling her around, giving her piggybacks so she could reach the highest branches. Emily had never seen Daniel’s goofy side. Seeing it now was a joy to behold.

“This is fun, right?” Daniel said breathlessly as he jogged up to Emily.

“I don’t think I’ve had this much fun since I was a kid,” Emily replied.

“Me neither,” Daniel said.

Emily felt warm all over. Somehow, having Chantelle with them was healing the wounds of their own traumatic lives.

*

After apple picking, Emily decided that Chantelle could do with some new clothes. The little girl couldn’t sleep in Daniel’s shirts every night, especially as colder weather was approaching. She’d need pajamas, and underwear, a coat and gloves, and clothes for school. She’d brought such a small backpack with her, with so few things in it, Emily would need to buy her practically an entire wardrobe worth of clothes.

“Only girls are allowed to come,” Chantelle said as they reached the car.

Emily knew the comment would hurt Daniel, especially after how well their time at the farm had gone. That Chantelle would choose now to exclude him would be confusing and painful. And though Emily could tell he didn’t want to miss this bonding opportunity, at the same time he wouldn’t want to go against Chantelle’s wishes and push the little girl into something she didn’t want.

Emily looked down at Chantelle, clutching her hand tightly. “Your daddy doesn’t have much of a sense of fashion, does he?” she said, trying to make light of the situation.

Chantelle began to giggle.

“I guess I’ll let you two have a girly day out then,” Daniel said, an air of resignation in his tone.

“We’ll give you a fashion show when we get back home,” Emily said, trying to lift his spirits by including him.

Emily and Chantelle waved goodbye to Daniel and the dogs, then began to stroll the streets of Sunset Harbor. There weren’t that many children’s clothes shops in town, though Emily knew of a good one tucked down a side street that sold vintage clothes and had some children’s stuff. She could just picture how beautiful Chantelle would look in a Victorian-style duffle coat, though she worried that Chantelle would find Emily’s style old-fashioned. Emily had no idea at all what kids wore these days.

They turned down the side street and Emily led Chantelle into the vintage clothes store.

“Now, if you don’t like the stuff I pick out for you, just say,” Emily told her. “I don’t want you to wear anything you’re not comfortable in or don’t like.”

Emily wanted Chantelle to fit in with the kids she’d meet at school. She was already at a disadvantage, having suffered through a neglectful childhood; the last thing Emily wanted now was for her to be singled out because of her fashion choices!

“Ooh, Chantelle, what do you think of this coat?” Emily said, holding up a navy blue duffle coat with large buttons. She imagined it was the sort of coat Sara Crewe wore in A Little Princess.

Chantelle look awestruck. She reached out and held the coat, then rubbed the fabric against her cheek. The lining was a beautiful montage of flowers in pale pinks, greens, and yellows.

“Do you like the lining?” Emily asked.

Chantelle nodded and Emily made a mental note to search for some floral print clothes for her.

Chantelle took the coat off the hanger and put it on. Just as Emily predicted, she looked absolutely delightful in the coat, like she’d stepped off a page of a Dickensian novel. As Chantelle looked at herself in the mirror, tears began to glitter in her eyes.

“We don’t have to get it if you don’t like it,” Emily said, suddenly worried.

Chantelle shook her head. “It’s not that. I just didn’t know I could look pretty.”

For the hundredth time since the little girl had come into her life, Emily felt her heart break. Had Chantelle gone through her entire life not being told by anyone that she was beautiful? There was a lot of lost time to make up if they were going to rebuild Chantelle’s confidence.

Emily and Chantelle spent a good hour in the vintage store, trying on dresses and tops, cute pedal-pusher trousers and turtleneck sweaters. Emily couldn’t tell whether she was just biased or not, but she thought Chantelle looked amazing in all the outfits, like a child model. It was astounding to see the transformation in her, not just physically, but also in her demeanor, as she became more comfortable, more confident and bold with her choices. For a little kid who’d never had the chance to choose how to dress, she had a real creative flare. By the end of the hour they had five new outfits.

“We’d better head to the department store now,” Emily said. “Pick up some underwear, socks, and pajamas.”

Together, they left the vintage store, Emily’s arms laden with bags, and headed in the direction of the department store. As they went, Emily spotted Vanessa with baby Katy in her stroller. Vanessa had been doing cleaning shifts at the inn for weeks now. Emily waved at her from across the street.

“Chantelle, this is my friend Vanessa,” Emily said. “She works at the B&B so you will probably see her some mornings.”

Vanessa looked somewhat bemused. “Hi, Chantelle,” she said a little stiltedly. Then she looked up at Emily. “Is she your niece?”

Emily grinned and shook her head. “She’s Daniel’s daughter.”

“Emily’s my new mom,” Chantelle said, squeezing Emily’s arm into her body and grinning.

Emily felt her heart melt. But when she looked at Vanessa’s face, her friend was looking stony.

“Daniel’s daughter from Tennessee?” Vanessa said.

Emily nodded, her mood beginning to sour. Vanessa had been around during the weeks of Daniel’s abandonment, during those long six weeks where Emily had been left in turmoil, not knowing whether to stay or to pack the whole thing in and run back to New York, to take up Amy’s job offer and accept Ben’s proposal and pretend like this whole trip to Maine had been a dream. Along with Serena, Vanessa had supported Emily, offering her comfort and friendship, picking up the slack that Daniel had left behind. She clearly disapproved of Emily having accepted Daniel and his daughter into her life without any hesitation.

“Chantelle, sweetie,” Emily said, “why don’t you hurry into that store and buy yourself some candy. Here.” She handed her some dollar bills. “Daddy likes peanut butter cups the best.”

As soon as Chantelle was gone, Emily turned back to Vanessa. “I know what you’re thinking,” she began. “You think I’m crazy for letting Daniel back into my heart without putting up a fight. You think I’m being a doormat.”

Vanessa shook her head. “It’s not that, Emily. I know you love him. Any fool could see that. I never doubted that you two would be together.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Emily asked, feeling herself growing frosty.

“The girl,” Vanessa replied. “Do you really think it’s okay to take her away from her home? From her mom?”

Emily folded her arms. “Her mom relinquished care. She takes drugs and has mental health problems. Daniel tried to help her get clean and get into a treatment program but it didn’t work. She realized Chantelle would be better off with us. But I’m not going to cut Sheila out and pretend like she doesn’t exist. If she wants to be part of Chantelle’s life she can, just as soon as she’s clean. I won’t let a drug addict ruin that little girl’s life.”

Vanessa looked uncertain. “I just don’t know if you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into,” she said. “Chantelle isn’t going to be an easy kid to raise.”

“I’m aware of that,” Emily said testily, though Chantelle had been nothing less than a delight so far. “Of course there are going to be challenges. But Daniel and I are prepared to face them together.”

“What about your own kids? You and Daniel? Will you still be able to have your own family if you’re busy dealing with Chantelle’s issues? And what about the inn? Is that a suitable place for a kid with difficulties?”

“Chantelle doesn’t have difficulties,” Emily shot back, defensive and suddenly protective of the girl she was beginning to view like a daughter. “She needs love and care. Daniel and I are the best people to provide it.”

Vanessa sighed deeply. “I don’t doubt that for a second,” she said with resignation. “I’m just worried that you haven’t thought this through. You’ve seen what a strain Katy has been on my life and she’s my own flesh and blood. I chose to have her. Chantelle’s been thrust upon you. She’s pretty much an ultimatum from Daniel. You never asked for this. I just think you need to step back and take a second to work out if this is what you want.”

She reached out and squeezed Emily’s arm. Just then, Chantelle came back with a grocery bag filled with candy and chocolate bars.

“Wow,” Emily said, “look at all this candy.”

But her voice wasn’t as breezy and carefree as it had been. Vanessa’s words had rattled her, had cut right through her happiness and left a stone of doubt inside of her. Could she really raise Chantelle properly?