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The Effect ADHD Has On Marriage

Fostering A Strong Relationship

By: Terence A. Williams

Chapter 1- What Is ADHD?

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) begins in the childhood years and is a true mental disorder. ADHD can affect the way children think, feel and act. Almost all children are inattentive and overactive from time to time, but for children suffering with ADHD and their families, their behavior is often disruptive and extreme.

ADHD affects approximately five percent of school age children. Overall, ADHD is about four times more common in boys. In some children, there is a period of remission around puberty time, but for others, the condition left untreated can continue throughout their adult life.

In general, a child with ADHD has a hard time concentrating, is constantly moving around and might have a poor performance at school compared with intelligence. Oftentimes, their behavior at school or home is disruptive.

Below are some of the symptoms of ADHD that manifests in infants

They are constantly thirsty.

They experience extreme restlessness, sleep patterns and crying.

They are difficult to feed.

They have frequent tantrums, rocking the bed and head banging.

Some of the ADHD symptoms in older children are below.

They have a brief attention span and poor concentration.

They are impulsive, and do not stop to think.

They have poor coordination.

They lack self-esteem

They are always on the go.

They take undue risks and seem fearless.

They have a weaker short-term memory

They have sleeping and eating problems.

Not every infant or child with ADHD will have these features, and the degrees of severity can vary from child to child.

There are three types of ADHD:

Predominately Inattentive ADHD – This type of ADHD is when a person has a very hard time organizing and finishing up a task. They have a hard time following instructions and listening to conversations. They find it too hard to pay attention to all the details of a task.

Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type – With this type of ADHD, a person has a hard time keeping still. They are constantly talking and fidgeting around. Smaller children will jump, run and climb continually. They are impulsive and restless – constantly interrupting others, talking when it is inappropriate and grabbing things. They cannot wait for their turn, and they have more accidents and injuries than others do.

Combined Type – A person who has symptoms of both is considered to have the combined type of ADHD.

It is pretty well accepted that a child with ADHD lacks the ability to focus their attention on one thing at a time, that they are impulsive and that oftentimes, they cannot control motor access. These deficits can create a dysfunctional performance at school, at home and socially.

Children with ADHD might require more monitoring from teachers and parents due to the lack of internal neurological control. This will better help them adapt to their inefficiencies.

When ADHD is diagnosed early in a child’s life, it is easier to begin developing an effective system of monitoring strategies which help prevent any further complications. When a child is not diagnosed accurately or in the early stages, there is a pretty good chance that teachers and parents both will experience some frustration and possibly even become angry with the child. Equally, the child may experience feelings of frustration and anger as well as developing low self-esteem.

There is not a formal test to diagnose ADHD, so information such as evaluations, observations and information from the parents, teachers, mental health professionals and physicians are used. Listed below is some of the information used to make a diagnosis of the condition.

Parent Interview – A parent interview gives specific information about pregnancy and birth of the child. Giving the doctor descriptions of the child’s temperament can reveal certain characteristics of problematic social behavior and poor neurological structure. The medical history of the child and parents as well as other family members might rule out another condition or unmask something associated with ADHD. Having a long discussion with the family offers a better understanding of the dynamics going on inside the child’s home.

Teacher Interview – Information the school provides might give a clean perspective of the way the child is functioning, where a parent might be more emotionally influenced when making their observations. The school setting offers a good gauge to judge the character of the child. The evaluator will talk to the teacher about how the child deals with daily work demands and routine compared to other children. When the evaluation is complete, it might be determined that the child has a disability learning which displays some of the same characteristics of ADHD.

Physician Evaluation – An evaluation by a physician is needed to understand behavioral and developmental issues in children. Because ADHD is neurological, a complete assessment of the child’s neurological system is necessary. Clinical evaluations might identify some inadequacies or dysfunctions that influence the child’s performance. Having a combination of findings from the parent, school and physician will allow a diagnosis of ADHD versus other possible conditions.

Parents should assist their ADHD child with understanding the strengths and weaknesses he has. Part of the child’s treatment might include teaching and parenting changes to assist the child with their weaknesses.

Medication is another avenue of treatment used for ADHD. The limitations, expectations and side effects of all medications for treating ADHD should be evaluated. The understanding when using medication for ADHD is that the medicine is not a cure for ADHD – all is vital.

The parents and teachers of an ADHD child need to send a message to the child that their difficulties are understood and that they are both willing to provide assistance and support for the ADHD. They should also let the ADHD child know that a commitment is expected from him or her as well. Cooperation, communication and compromise will help everyone reach this goal.

Chapter 2- Does ADHD Impact Relationships

As the years have progressed, you have learned a lot more about ADHD and the impact that it can have on the person who is dealing with it. However, you might not know as much about how ADHD can actually impact relationships. The short answer is yes, it can impact all different types of relationships. How exactly does this happen?

Making Friends

You might think that issues with making friends are something relegated to the domain of childhood. Little ones do not necessarily understand what ADHD is, and they might not be willing to befriend someone who is suffering from it. While this might be true in some cases, adults are probably more likely to shy away from someone is different than they are. Children tend to be more welcoming. However, at all ages, making friends can be difficult for someone who has ADHD in general.

Not Sharing Information

Relationships can also be difficult because people with ADHD do not always want to share information about their condition. They do not want to let people know that they have this condition. As a result, other individuals do not always understand what is going on. They might feel that the other person is hiding something, or they might suspect that the other person has ADHD. However, people need to understand that individuals who have ADHD will come around when they are ready to. It is important not to push people into sharing details that they are uncomfortable with.

Creating a Level of Secrecy

Due to this secrecy, however, it can be difficult for a bond to really form. The people who have ADHD might feel bad that they are keeping secrets from their new friends, and the others can feel that secrets are being kept. Trust is a very important part of a relationship, and it might be hard for people to reach this level when everything is not out in the open. This is also extremely important for a romantic relationship. It just may take a little bit longer to develop in this type of situation than in other ones.

Fear of Judgment

When we have relationships with people, we should not be afraid that they are going to judge us. Yet, even with some of our good friends, we wonder if we are being judged for the things we do, the words we say, the clothes we wear and so forth. Still though, just imagine how much stronger this fear of judgment would be if you had ADHD. You might be worrying that people are constantly talking about the condition that you have and that people are making assumptions about you based off of this diagnosis.

Fear of ADHD

Unfortunately, too many people do not understand what ADHD is. They just throw this term around like it is nothing, and they do not take the time to find out more about the condition. They are really doing a disservice to people who have ADHD. If someone who is uneducated and ignorant about ADHD meets someone who has the condition, the first individual might have some preconceived notions. This person might make assumptions about the other individual and not even allow a relationship to develop. This is quite a sad situation indeed, and we must work to rectify it in society.

Having to Treat ADHD

Some people do not have any patience for things that are outside of their realm of existence. Having to treat ADHD is something they might not understand at all. People who are suffering from ADHD could be utilizing a variety of methods to deal with the issues. They might be taking medications, or they may be going to specialists to work out all of their problems. However, the other people in the relationship might not understand these necessities. They might wonder why it just cannot be about them all of the time.

ADHD That's Not Diagnosed

Now, let's say that a relationship is starting between two people. They might really like each other, and they may be spending a lot more time with each other. With all of this time, one member is starting to notice that something seems to be bothering the other person. The second individual never wants to talk about it, and he or she does not even want to acknowledge that there is an issue. As a result, the couple tends to get into a lot of fights and arguments about it. What could the problem be? Well, it might be ADHD that has never been diagnosed.

In an Educational Setting

We should pay some attention to how ADHD can affect relationships in an educational setting. Students might not understand why others in their class act a certain way. Teachers not trained in special education may not know what to do when they have a student who has ADHD in their classrooms. On top of that, students with ADHD might have a lot of trouble working with groups. Fortunately, schools are becoming more vigilant about all of these issues, and they are working to ensure cohesion throughout and to craft plans to address the needs of specific students.

As you can see, ADHD definitely does impact relationships. That is not even really the main question anymore. At this point, you need to understand how ADHD can impact relationships and what can be done to better handle these types of issues.

Chapter 3- ADHD in Marriage and Romantic Relationships What You Should Know

Many people associate ADHD with childhood and a hyperactive kid that runs around the room, bouncing off the walls, much to his mother's dismay. However, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder doesn't just go away when a person hits adulthood. Although the likelihood that an adult can control their behavior increases with age, the disorder remains and may cause problems in relationships.

Researchers suggest that people who suffer from ADHD have an increased chance to experience problems in their most important relationships such as divorce. ADHD can even cause problems in relationships where marriage is not yet a factor. Although living with ADHD in a relationship or marriage often requires extra work, a successful relationship is possible even with this disorder.

Common Behaviors of ADHD and the Impact It Has On Relationships

People in a relationship don't always communicate clearly or often enough and this problem is often amplified when a person has ADHD. A partner might feel that a person is distracted all the time because he or she doesn't care when it's actually a product of ADHD. People who are distracted all the time might seem distant and uncaring, and to prevent a relationship from disintegrating, it's necessary to understand the general characteristics of people who live with ADHD.

Some of the most common attributes of someone who has ADHD is the incredible distractibility of the person. Not only does this naturally distracted nature lead to unfinished projects, but this symptom might also cause a person to forget things. In a relationship, this might mean forgetting something important like an anniversary or forgetting something minor like returning a video to the store.

People with ADHD are also likely to ignore directions and try to accomplish projects without the input of anyone else. They may reject the advice and suggestions of others, which may cause problems in a relationship when a partner just wants to help. Such behavior might make it seem as though the individual with ADHD doesn't appreciate the input of his or her partner. This is why communication is so important in a relationship when someone has ADHD.

The tendency of a person with ADHD to fidget and squirm may seem annoying to his or her partner, but fidgeting shouldn't be interpreted as a signal that someone doesn't want to be there and wants to do something else. Someone who taps his foot during a children's school recital due to his ADHD isn't necessarily interested in being elsewhere. The fidgeting is simply a common symptom or characteristic of someone who has ADHD and must sit still for a long period of time.

People with ADHD are also very likely to be incredibly talkative and likely to interrupt conversations or try to take over the discussion. This isn't a sign of impatience with a partner; excitement during conversations is simply the result of a hyperactive nature and a need to be talking, moving, or fidgeting all the time. Getting used to a person's inappropriate comments and loudness may be difficult for a partner who isn't used to acting with such exuberance all the time.

How to Live With a Person Who Has ADHD

Although people who have ADHD may have problems sustaining long-term relationships and marriage, it's not impossible to be happy with such an individual as long as that person's partner knows about the condition and how to deal with it in a relationship. One of the problems that commonly results from such relationships is that one person in the relationship tries the same thing over and over again and doesn't get the result he or she wants.

For example, a person might try to remind his or her partner on a daily basis about something important, but the knowledge never seems to stick. Instead of getting frustrated with a partner's behavior, it's better to consider a different approach to the problem. It's possible that a verbal reminder just isn't the right way to make sure a person with ADHD remembers something. Trying a different angle, such as writing something down, may provide a much better reminder. People with ADHD tend to forget things they're told almost immediately yet may be able to deal much better with a written reminder.

It's impossible to understand motives without communication in a typical relationship, but this issue could be greatly exaggerated in a relationship where someone has ADHD. An extraordinary amount of tension may build if there isn't effort on the part of both members in the relationship or marriage to communicate regularly. It's essential that someone without ADHD doesn't blame the other person in the relationship for their behavior.

Learning to live in harmony with a person who has ADHD does take a lot of effort, and it's not something that can be dealt with a single time. ADHD is a lifelong condition and requires smart planning on the part of the person who doesn't have ADHD and effort on the part of the person suffering from the condition. Living with someone who has ADHD can be frustrating, but it can also be exciting and constantly surprising.

A person who has ADHD must certainly work hard to ensure the success of any relationship; however, his or her partner must also entertain creative strategies for a successful relationship. ADHD is a condition that may impact anyone and is common across all age groups, genders, and socioeconomic backgrounds. A successful relationship certainly isn't impossible when one of the members has ADHD, but it does require extra attention paid to communication since the natural behavior of someone with ADHD may appear as incredibly insensitive or unloving to the person who doesn't have ADHD.

Chapter 4- Dating and Marriage Strains

Romantic relationships are some of the most fulfilling relationships that a person can enjoy in life. However, these relationships are also the most challenging. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even the best dating or marriage partnership is the union of two imperfect people.

Each relationship is different, but there are some common strains that will affect almost every couple during some point in their journey together. If you are aware of these strains, you can be proactive in protecting your relationship.

A Crammed Schedule

We are living in a busy and harried world. Your task list is most likely filled to the brim, and there are always more tasks and people that need something from you.

A crammed schedule can place a tremendous strain on a relationship. When you are too busy, you do not have adequate time to spend with your partner. A lack of time turns into a lack of communication, and it is easy for your relationship to fall into a downward spiral.

If your schedule or your partner's schedule is affecting your relationship, something has to give. You continue at such a frantic place for the long term without growing apart.

If you desire to free up some time in your schedule, sit down with a piece of paper and write down your normal daily schedule. Take a look at each item on the list, and try to find just one thing that you can eliminate. After you eliminate that item, you can start eliminating other unnecessary tasks.

Money

Money is one of the most common factors that cause disagreements between couples. If you are dating, it can be tricky to figure out who should pay on dates. If you are married, the financial decisions are even more important.

In many relationships, one person is a saver and the other is a spender. This difference can be the source of tension, but it can also be an asset in your relationship. Instead of fighting against your differences, try to find some common ground. You can set guidelines for money that will keep both parties happy.

For instance, you might decide that you will consult the other person when you are making a purchase over $100. This allows the spender to have some freedom in how she spends her money, and it also allows the saver to be assured that he will be consulted before large purchases.

Growing and Changing

Whether you start a relationship when you are 15 or 50, you never stop changing. As you have new life experiences, you will be continually growing and changing. Some of these changes will be positive, and some will be negative, but changes are an inevitable part of romantic relationships.

If you are not prepared for changes in your relationship, they can shake you to your core. It is disconcerting to realize the person that you married has evolved into a different person. When you are feeling disheartened by changes, be honest with your partner. The dynamics of your relationship will change many times throughout the decades that you spend together, but change can actually be a very good thing.

Other People

Even though you are involved in a romantic relationship, you still have many other relationships in your life. Your friends, co-workers and family members might all have an opinion about your relationship, but it is important to set boundaries.

This is especially true in the first few years after your marriage. Your parents can still be an important part of your lives, but they need to respect the fact that your spouse is now your number one priority.

Other people can put a tremendous strain on your relationship, but they can only do this if you let them. If your friends are constantly saying negative things about your spouse, it might be time to put some distance between you and them. If your co-worker is still flirting with you after your wedding, let him know that this behavior is not acceptable.

It can be uncomfortable to set boundaries with other people, but it is a necessary step in protecting your relationship.

Different Priorities

During different seasons in your life, your priorities can shift from your relationship to other areas. When you have a lot of obligations at work, your job can become your number one priority.

Once children enter your family, it is easy to place more value on your relationships with your children than on your relationship with your spouse. Young children require a lot of time and effort, but this does not mean that you have to neglect your relationship. The quantity of time that you spend with your spouse will change many times throughout your marriage, but the quality of time does not have to vary.

When you are feeling overwhelmed, sit down with your partner and make a list of your priorities. If your marriage is your top priority, discuss how you can find time to spend together. It can be as elaborate as a special vacation away together or as simple as an at-home date night with pizza and dessert after the kids are in bed for the night.

You will likely experience these strains and many others in your romantic relationships, but these strains do not have to tear you apart. Instead, they can help you grow stronger.

Chapter 5- What Are Adult ADHD Symptoms

Some people think of ADHD as a disorder that affects children and adolescents. However, ADHD is also prevalent among adults. Many adults have been dealing with ADHD throughout their lifetime without proper diagnosis and help.

If you suspect that you or someone you care about could be suffering from ADHD, consider the following symptoms. All of these symptoms will not occur in every patient, but most ADHD sufferers will display at least several of these traits.

Problems with Distraction

Distractions can be brutal to a person with ADHD. We are living in a noisy and busy world. For a person with ADHD, the amount of distractions can keep them from being able to complete their daily tasks.

For instance, a person with ADHD who works in an office environment might be so distracted by co-workers phone calls that he cannot focus on writing an e-mail. This makes it difficult to complete important tasks in a timely manner.

Lack of Organization

A person with ADHD often finds it very difficult to get organized and stay organized. Difficulty organizing tasks is one of the most common complaints among adults with ADHD. At times, this can just be a nuisance, such as when a person misplaces their car keys on regular basis.

However, in some instances, a lack of organization can have serious consequences. Bills that are not paid on time can result in significant late fees. When a person with ADHD becomes a parent, a lack of organization and focus can even put their child in a dangerous situation.

Relationship Issues

Relationships are not always easy, and this is especially true when one or both parties is dealing with ADHD. Many of the symptoms of ADHD, such as missing commitments, an inability to concentrate and poor listening skills, can be difficult to deal with in a relationship. These things can unwittingly signal to your partner that you do not care about the relationship.

Since a person with ADHD feels that these traits are normal, it can be difficult for her to understand why her partner is so upset. This cycle can continue and cause numerous problems in a relationship.

Traffic Tickets

You might be wondering what in the world traffic tickets have to do with a mental disorder, but the two are actually correlated. Safe driving requires concentration and focus, two things that are very difficult for someone with ADHD to accomplish on a consistent basis.

For instance, a person with ADHD can be so distracted by a flashing light on a sign near the road that he rear ends the car in front of him. If you regularly receive speeding tickets or traffic violations, it can be a sign of ADHD.

Anger Issues

We all have angry outbursts from time to time. A reasonable amount of anger is normal, but anger can be more pronounced in an adult with ADHD. Some ADHD suffers report that they do not feel like they are in control over their emotions. Therefore, angry outbursts can occur after seemingly minor offenses.

After an angry outburst, the anger can subside as quickly as it erupted. However, these outbursts can have long term negative effects on both business and personal relationships.

Poor Time Management

Are you almost always late for events? Have you missed important deadlines at work? Does your spouse complain that you are not keeping your promises? If so, your ADHD could be manifesting itself in poor time management.

Adults with ADHD can have a difficult time managing their time in an effective manner. This can result from a lack of concentration and focus. It can also occur because the person is easily distracted.

Restlessness

Many adults with ADHD complain that they regularly have a feeling of restlessness, even when they desperately want to unwind and relax. The hyperactivity part of ADHD is sometimes overlooked, but it can be a difficult symptom for patients to handle.

At times, these people are described as being overly tense or grouchy by their loved ones. However, their minds keep racing, resulting in the inability to relax. This can also affect their sleep habits and cause exhaustion.

Unbalanced Priorities

Finally, an adult with ADHD can be criticized for not having the right priorities. Some families report that the family member with ADHD misses important events even after he has been repeatedly reminded.

A young adult with ADHD might become so engrossed in video games that he misses a crucial meeting at work. ADHD can cause a person to lose the ability to correctly prioritize. Therefore, they give more precedence to unimportant things while missing things that have a major effect on their lives.

If several of these symptoms describe you or someone that you love, make an appointment with your physician. Only a medical professional can provide a valid ADHD diagnosis. When you meet with your physician, he will ask you to answer a list of questions about your behavior. It is important to be honest during your consultation so that the doctor can provide an accurate diagnosis.

It can be intimidating to hear that you have a disorder, but knowledge is power. There are many different treatments available to help those who are suffering with ADHD. Prescription medication is not the only solution. Many ADHD sufferers find relief through counseling or behavior modification sessions.

Chapter 6- How to Improve a Relationship When One Person Has ADHD

Do you feel like ADHD is having a huge negative impact on your relationship? Perhaps your partner has ADHD, and it is causing a lot of problems and stressing both of you out to the point that the relationship may fail. Rather than giving up on it, there are some things that you can do to improve the relationship. All is not yet lost. It will take work and dedication on your part, but it can be done. Below are a few tips and tricks that you can use, and you should see immediate improvement in your relationship.

First of all, you need to remember that your partner has a medical condition that is changing the way that he or she acts. If your boyfriend or husband has ADHD, do not think that he is acting this way to annoy you or because he does not care about you. It is a documented medical case with clear correlations to the way that the brain and body work together. Once you get your head around this fact, it makes it easier to be patient and to work hard to make the situation better, just like you would if he had any other medical issue.

Next, you should talk to the doctor about ADHD medication and your different options in that realm. There could be a simple pill that he can take that will alter the way that he feels, instantly improving the way that he acts. Many people forget that ADHD really can be treated. He does not necessarily just have to fight through it all on his own. With the right medication, the whole thing may become far less of a struggle for the two of you, and you can then start to grow close once again.

Additionally, studies have shown that many of the chemicals in modern food can be linked to ADHD. This is not to say that the chemicals cause it, per se, but they can certainly make it worse. In particular, the links have been found with preservatives, artificial flavors, and artificial colors. Try switching over to a diet of natural foods that have not been processed. Even buying organic fruits and vegetables can help. In some cases, it has even been shown that people who change over to this type of a diet do not also need to take the medications in order to fight off the symptoms of ADHD.

Now that you know how to understand and treat the disorder, there are things that you can do to improve your relationship even when he stays the same. For starters, try doing more things that he enjoys, things that keep him occupied. You may think that going to the opera sounds like a romantic date night, but the fact of the matter is that some people just have a very hard time concentrating for that long. If you change the things that you do, you will have more fun together and you will enjoy going out on dates.

Another thing that you have probably noticed is that people with ADHD tend to forget about things. They do not do this because they do not care about those things, but they just have a tendency to slip their minds. They may have been planning on doing it, but then they got distracted by something and went off and did that instead. This can cause an incredible amount of stress in a relationship when the forgotten things are mortgage payments or anniversary dinner plans. What can you do to keep this situation from happening?

The best thing to do, as the person who does not have ADHD, is to realize that you have strengths that the other person lacks. You are better at some things, naturally, than they are. This is not a bad thing. All people are different. You just need to know how to use your strengths. Take the time to write everything on the calendar. Put notes around the house when you want to make sure that something gets done. If you think he is going to forget, do not be afraid to call and remind him. With a little extra effort, you can balance things out and reduce the stress in your relationship.

You may think that this is not fair to you, and you would be right. It is not fair. However, a relationship, just like life, is not always going to be fair. The relationships that last are the ones in which both parties are committed to making them last. You need to put in the work and the effort, not just expecting everything to work out on its own. This positive action can really change the way that the two of you relate. He will appreciate it, and you can be sure that he will show it by doing things to help you out as well.

If you do all of this, your relationship will really grow and evolve. It could become stronger than it ever would have been if you had both entered it without ADHD. Your compassionate assistance is going to endear you to your boyfriend or your husband. He will be very grateful that you helped him out when he needed it, and he will love you all the more for it. Try out some of these things as soon as you can if you want to see positive changes.

Chapter 7- How to Treat ADHD

ADHD, short for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, seems to be diagnosed more and more these days. A lot of people are noticing a spike in the number of individuals who have it, and they are wondering what is going on. Well, in the mean time, individuals need to learn how to treat ADHD in a person.

Taking Courses on the Subject

When you want to learn how to treat ADHD in people, you need to be really dedicated to the discipline. You cannot learn all of the information that you need to know in a short article. No, instead, you should enroll in some classes. Courses offered at colleges that teach prospective teachers how to work with students who have learning disabilities would be the best idea. Generally, you are going to want to enroll in some sort of higher education program if you really want to learn how to work with people who have ADHD.

Gain Practical Experience

Learning how to treat ADHD is so much more than taking courses although these are a seriously important part of the process. When you want to learn how to treat ADHD in a person, you are going to have to gain practical experience in the field. If you are in a college program, it's really important that you are signing up for internships. You may be able to work in hospitals or other treatment facilities to learn the appropriate methods to use. So many different types of methods can be used these days to address such issues.

Learning Who Can Be Affected

Right now, you might have a fairly narrow scope when it comes to understanding who can be affected by ADHD. You must understand that anyone can fall into this category. Yes, we often hear about children who have ADHD. Perhaps this is because educational systems are focusing more on learning disabilities, or maybe it is because more people are being diagnosed as children. Still, so many adults are struggling with ADHD as well. You need to learn the methods appropriate for handling both of these populations in the ways that are most effective for them.

Identifying the Signs and Symptoms of ADHD

Before you can begin to treat a person with ADHD, you need to know that the person definitely has it. Be very careful about how you approach this. Depending upon your position and job title, you might not have the authority to diagnosis anyone with anything. Even if you think you know what the issue is, you may be unable to make any sort of formal declarations. An array of different symptoms is found in people with ADHD. You will likely notice that the person has a lot of trouble staying still and paying attention.