Читать книгу Unchained - Stacey Chatman - Страница 4

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At the age of 17, my Mom asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I told her I wanted to go to college. She said “Stacey, we don’t have the money for that.” I said, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out.” My Mom asked me why I did not want to go into the military like my twin sister. She stated how much easier it would be, especially financially. I said, perhaps a bit defiantly, “Mom, I do not think I am the military type, you know I will tell the drill-sergeant what he could do with the push-up!”

Regardless of my mother’s adamant tone and piercing eyes, I made the decision not to join the military. I knew perhaps she wanted the best for me. She simply could not come up with the best solution to support me financially. She was a single mother raising twin daughters and did not have the finances to support me while attending college.

Throughout our lives, my mother relied on the support of my grandparents to assist raising my sister and I. When growing up, my sister and I did not see our father much. In fact, we were not told who our biological father was until we were eight years old. I still remember the confused look on our faces when our mother told us. My sister and I thought my mother’s long-term boyfriend, Lyle was our father. Lyle assisted my mother with raising us until we were six years old.

My sister and I were born three months premature; we only weighed 3 pounds when we were born. We were hospitalized for three months. Nine months prior to our coming into this world my mother and father, childhood friends, were at a party and “hooked-up”. They partied that evening and we were conceived. Shortly thereafter my mother moved to New York and my father went back to his military station. My mother was informed she was pregnant and she stayed in New York until it was time for her to give birth. When giving birth, my mother had no idea she was going to give birth to twin daughters. My father was not there. My maternal grandparents supported my mother while raising my sister and I. At times, we lived with our grandparents and then our mother. My grandparents lived very close to us. Our living situation remained like this until we graduated high school .

My mom’s solution to the college problem was to sign me up for a government program without my permission. This program would allow me to attend college for 2 years, but first I had to fulfill the necessary requirements of taking college preparation classes and passing the ACT Exam. It would take 3 months for me to fulfill these requirements.

I remember getting on that bus in Lewistown, Pennsylvania with only $40 dollars in my pocket. I was so afraid. As I sat in my seat, I slowly slid my body closer to the guy sitting next to me. I wanted to feel the warmth of his body. I did not want to feel alone.

When I arrived at the Job Corps Center in Charleston, West Virginia, it was not what I expected. I walked into the inner-city for the first time! When I walked into the gray, outdated building, on one side there were girls looking at me and they would say “If you look at my man, I will kick your ass.” On the other side, there were guys in the corner saying. “Come here shorty, I might just want to tap that ass.” I was scared and frightened. I just kept moving my feet forward. I glanced around looked at the gray walls and wondered, "What in the Hell is this?" I tried to settle in, I just went along with the flow and did as I was told from the counselors that I was assigned. I arrived on a Tuesday at the Job Corps Center in Charleston, West Virginia.

Each Tuesday or Wednesday new recruits would arrive at the Job Corps Center. Students arriving were either learning a technical skill or preparing to go to college. Upon arriving, I was provided with my roommate assignments, which consisted of three roommates. I was given clothing vouchers and a stipend. It was completely frightening for a 17 year old girl. For the first time I felt like I had no place to call home. I was alone and isolated from everything that I knew and loved. I adhered to the schedule that was brought to me by the counselors. I had no other choice. Once I got settled into my dorm room, it was time to eat dinner. During the cafeteria style dinner, I laid my eyes on and darted toward the first white girl I saw. This girl had thick bottle cap glasses, dirty blond hair, a nervous crooked smile and she wore clothes that were possibly one or two sizes too small. I thought to myself, “There is no way in hell this white girl will harm me.” In an instant, I felt safe. So I darted as quickly as I could toward her. I sat next to her and asked her what her name was. She said, “Rayelynn”, with a deep West Virginian accent. I said, “Where are you from?” She said, “I’m from up the holla.” I giggled, “What is a holla?” She said, “That is what we West Virginians call a road.” She started talking about the flowers and trees that sat along the “holla”, with excitement I thought “hot damn she is talking my language.” Rayelynn and I had something in common we were both country girls. Instantly, we felt a connection that would help us get through the chaos set before us. Rayelynn and I sat and looked at the confusion in the room. The room was full of teenagers that knew the street life, some were joking with each other, some were arguing, and others looked as lost as me and Rayelynn.

A young man approached us and introduced himself. He said we looked scared and he wanted to “protect” us. This young man introduced himself as Marco. Marco was 5’6”, dark-skinned, nicely built. Marco seemed to maneuver through the chaos with ease and grace. When I asked where he was from, he stated Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Since Marco was from Pittsburgh, this easily explained why the chaos did not appear to startle him. Marco stated that Rayelynn and I looked like frightened rabbits and we both shook our heads with agreement. Marco said with certainty that we should not worry, that he would look out for us. From then on, the three of us ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. We also hung out during free time. After three months, the three of us transferred to the college campus. We were accepted to the West Virginia Institute of Technology in Montgomery, West Virginia. I chose to study legal administration. I had hopes of becoming an attorney. Rayelynn and I became college roommates. Marco and I began dating.

The college campus was an exciting change and Marco and I were inseparable. One day Marco asked for the IT, my eyes became huge! The IT was something a girl does not give away. When I was a little girl, my sister and I would play with all the kids in our neighborhood. Always around nightfall my sister and I could hear my grandmother’s voice “twins, bring your asses home.” I just adored my grandmother because she was a tell it like it is type of woman. When we got home, she would look at us square in the eyes and say, “I seen ya playing with those little boys. Did they ask for the IT?” We would shake our heads and say no grandma, they did not ask for the IT. She would say, well good and you better not give IT away because that is ALL they want and once they get the IT, they will leave or they will give you more problems to deal with! Then she would say, “I better not ever hear about you giving IT away and you better keep your legs closed! Do you understand?” My sister and I shook our heads with agreement and said "Yes, ma’am!”

When Marco asked for IT, I said, “No thank you,” while crossing my legs awkwardly but saying politely with an awkward smile, “I am sorry I want to wait until I’m married to give IT away.” Marco seemed to understand.

On Friday’s, our college campus became deserted. Some kids went home for the weekend and some kids simply partied. Marco and I hung out in our dorm rooms and ate pizza, this was our norm. One Friday, I went to Marco’s dorm room, and we ordered pizza, we studied and played music. He looked at me and asked me to sit on the bed next to him. He had his text book in his hand, he said he wanted to show me what he was studying. After he showed me his chemistry formulas and tried to explain to me what he was studying, we began kissing. All of sudden he held me so tight that I could not move. He forcefully laid me down on the bed. The next thing I knew he was on top of me. He forced my zipper open and pulled my pants down, he placed his hands on top of my mouth so I could not yell. I struggled! He was overpowering me, he pried my legs apart. I remember closing my eyes not believing what was happening. I was so confused. He pleasured himself and then he sat upright. I sat up and cried. I was shocked and confused and ashamed. He took my "IT" and then I remembered thinking, I will make this work. I repeated to myself that I would make it work. I remembered the promise I made to myself that I would marry the person that I lost my virginity.

I was “Date Raped”, no voice, no power, no family near. I was full of confusion! A virgin and my IT was gone! I was confused about the entire experience. I told myself “well I am dating him, so it was ok.” Because of my beliefs, I would remain with Marco. I was determined that I would marry the man that I lost my virginity. I was a good Christian girl and I listened very well to my grandmother.

As the weeks went on, I became depressed. I remembered taking walks on campus. The campus had wonderful scenic views of the West Virginia Appalachian Mountains. Although their gorgeous appearance would brighten anyone’s day, I would stare at the mountains and sob. I was going through a transformational time in my life without any moral and emotional support.