Читать книгу The Renegade's Redemption - Stacy Henrie - Страница 12

Chapter Four

With heavy heart, Ravena watched Tex walk away. He’d appeared to be feeling well enough today that she’d considered inviting him to eat supper in the kitchen with them tonight, but that would no longer be an option. He was already leaving, without saying goodbye. Just as he’d done once before. She told herself she ought to be glad, relieved even, that he was finally going. One of her many problems had solved itself. Tex would no longer be a constant and painful reminder of the past.

But she didn’t feel happy. She felt like slipping to the dirt and giving in to the desolation threatening to consume her.

Checking her emotions, she gave the horses a gentle slap with the reins and called, “Walk on.” The plowing wouldn’t get done if she didn’t do it herself, whether she felt up to the task or not.

Everything would work out, she firmly told herself, with the Lord’s help. It was something her grandparents had taught her over and over again. Something she’d clung to when Tex hadn’t returned. And she would hold to that hope now. Somehow, some way, she would finish plowing her fields, get the crops planted and build the house. She had to. For herself, for the five children under her care and for those four boys she hoped to bring home soon. They were counting on her and so was her grandfather, whether he was here or not.

As she turned the horses at the edge of the field and lined them up for the next furrow, a flash of movement caught her eye. Ravena twisted to see what it was and felt the breath leave her lungs when she saw Tex stalking back toward her.

“Whoa.” She stopped the horses, her heartbeat thrashing with confusion. What was he doing? Had he decided to say goodbye after all?

Stepping away from the team, she crossed her arms tightly against her worn dress as she waited for Tex to approach. Not for the first time she wondered what sort of young women he’d met or fallen in love with during his time away. If his new clothes and the money in his saddlebags were any indication, he’d likely been associated with wealthy, sophisticated girls. Not farm women with patched clothes and five children to care for.

“I figured you’d be gone by now, Tex,” she said in an icy tone when he was still a few feet away. Anger was her ally, her protection, against having her heart broken again. “Did you forget something?” Maybe it was his jacket. He was no longer wearing it and his sleeves had been rolled back.

“Nope,” he answered. He strode right past her and grabbed the reins.

Ravena stared at him in bewilderment. “What are you doing?” she repeated. Why wasn’t he saying goodbye? Why wouldn’t he just let her be?

“This field needs plowing,” he said before clucking to the horses.

“Of course it needs plowing.” She hurried to keep in step with him and the team. “Which is why I’ve been plowing it, all day.”

Tex didn’t slow. “Now you don’t have to do it. According to Jacob, you’ve got a real need for help this year.” He cast a glance at her. “He seems like a good kid. And stronger than you might think. I’d let him do more.”

Ravena’s mouth fell open and she stopped walking. Was he trying to tell her how to run the farm? Indignation rose inside her as hot as the sun on her back and arms.

“You have no right, Tex Beckett,” she said, her voice shaking with fury. “No right to plow my field before you disappear again or offer your completely unsolicited advice. You left, Tex. By your own volition last time, but this time, I’m demanding that you go.”

Her words had the desired effect. Tex jerked back on the reins and turned to face her. “I’m not leaving, Ravena. Not yet.”

“Yes, you are.” She clenched her hands into fists at her sides, anger and fear dueling inside her. “I will not allow you to manipulate me or think that plowing my field somehow makes up for...for...” She swallowed the fast-forming lump in her throat. “That it somehow makes up for everything else. I want you to leave. And if you don’t, I’m sending Jacob for the sheriff.”

She spun on her heel, intent on making good on her threat, but Tex moved quicker and stopped her with a hand to her elbow. At his touch, her pulse galloped for an entirely different reason than resentment or panic. “Ravena, wait. You’re right.”

Searching his blue gaze, she couldn’t detect any deceit there. But how well did she really know him now? “Right about what?”

“Plowing your field doesn’t make up for the past. And it isn’t supposed to.” He lowered his hand and a traitorous prick of disappointment shot through her. “I want to help with the rest of the plowing and the planting too.”

She folded her arms, suspicious. “Why?” What made him want to stick around this time when he hadn’t all those years ago?

Tex ran his hand over his clean-shaven jaw in a gesture of pure agitation. “I’d like to help because you need it.”

When she opened her mouth to protest, he forged on, “I know you’ll say you don’t. But Jacob says otherwise, and I can see with my own eyes how much work there is right now. You’ve helped me more than your fair share this last week. So let me help you.”

She sensed only sincerity behind his admission, but she still wanted to tell him no. She needed him gone, away, and no longer wreaking havoc in her life and with her feelings. But would she be able to find someone else as willing to help as he seemed to be?

“I can only pay you the same wage I did the other hired hands,” she said, her chin held firm and aloft. She wouldn’t let him see yet that she was beginning to waver in her resolve to turn him out.

“I don’t want your money, Ravena. I’m offering to help without pay.” He pushed his hat up, then tugged it back down as if embarrassed. “It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done to help me get well.”

He’d work for free? Her adamancy that he leave was weakening by the second. “How long will you stay?”

A slow smile lifted his mouth and brightened his blue eyes. The kind of smile that had once lit her world. “Does that mean you accept my offer?”

“Answer the question first, Tex.” She bristled. “How long?”

He glanced at the field. “Until the spring planting’s completed.”

It was a tempting offer. Ravena fiddled with the end of her braid as she considered it. She would only need to manage having him around for another few weeks.

Could he be an answer to her prayers? If so, she might need to be more specific with the Lord in the future about whom she could and could not put up with for help. Still, with Tex’s assistance, they would likely get the planting done on time. And since she wouldn’t be paying him a wage, she could use that money to hopefully hire someone willing to work for cheap to finish building the larger house.

She threw him a glance to find him watching her, and suddenly, she needed to know why he’d disappeared that night. If she was going to agree to let him stay on or not, she needed an answer to the question that had haunted her for so long. “Why didn’t you come back, Tex?”

A puzzled expression settled onto his handsome face. “I did. That’s why I’m standing here.”

“No.” She shook her head, her heart thrashing faster. Did she want to know the answer? There’d be no unhearing Tex’s response. “I mean,” she plunged on, “why didn’t you come for me like we’d planned?”

Understanding washed the color from his jaw and he shifted his weight. Would he tell her the truth? Ravena clasped her hands tightly together, hoping she looked more brave and unaffected than she felt.

“I planned to. But then...” He wiped his hand over his chin. Ravena held her breath. “I realized you deserved far better than me.”

She released the pressure in her lungs in a soft whoosh, feeling just as deflated. He’d decided she deserved better, but he hadn’t bothered to ask if she felt that way too. “I see.”

But she didn’t, not completely. Something had happened that night, between the time they’d finalized their plans to elope and Tate showing up at the farm to say Tex had disappeared.

She considered pressing Tex for more of an explanation, and yet, she couldn’t stomach reopening the old wounds any more than they’d already been. His answer wasn’t as satisfying as she’d hoped...but it didn’t hurt as much as she’d feared either. And really, what did it matter in the end?

Tex hadn’t come back for her, which meant she hadn’t made the mistake of leaving her grandfather alone. Those were the realities of the past. But she hated that she’d pinned everything on Tex’s word and had come so close to turning her back on the home she’d loved for the man she’d trusted. A man who’d gone back on his promise to be there for her always and come for her that night. A man who stood before her now, offering to help when she needed it most.

Can I do it, Lord? If Tex stuck around, the past was likely to keep eating at her. But surely she could endure some discomfort over the next few weeks if it made her better able to care for the children—and bring the other four boys to the farm.

“All right.” Ravena stuck out her hand for him to shake. “I accept your offer.”

His hand closed over hers. “You won’t regret it, Ravena,” he said, his gaze unusually serious. “I promise.”

She’d heard those words before. Breaking his hold, she strode toward the house to see how Ginny was coming at starting supper. Everything inside her hoped that Tex would fulfill his promise. Because she wasn’t the only one counting on him this time.

* * *

Tex hobbled toward the porch, the sun’s dying rays a fitting backdrop to how he felt. His body, and particularly his healing wound, protested each step. And he’d only been plowing that field for a couple hours. Outlawing wasn’t exactly a life free of activity, but he hadn’t done hard labor like this in years and every one of his muscles was determined to remind him of that fact.

Opening the screen and then the front door, he entered to the murmur of conversation coming from the back of the house. Mark and Luke had found him in the barn a few minutes earlier, seeing to the horses, and had announced it was time for supper. “And Miss Ravena ain’t partial to latecomers,” Mark warned.

Tex managed to work up a small smile at the memory of the boy’s words as he moved slowly down the hall. Ravena might run the farm with a steady hand, but she was compassionate too. It wasn’t hard to see how much the children loved and respected her. That was something he could easily relate to—she’d always engendered his love and respect as well.

Until you abandoned her.

A tremor of shame and guilt rocked him at the errant thought and stole what little strength he had left. Tex splayed his hand against the wall to hold himself upright. He’d thought he’d suppressed his regret over not coming back for Ravena that night. But being here again and having her ask him earlier about the past was making it harder and harder to ignore.

Laughter floated toward him, beckoning him forward, and away from the painful past. He hadn’t yet eaten in the kitchen with Ravena and the children. Tex gritted his teeth against his despondency, fighting it back with reminders that he was here to help her now. Surely that was something. Pushing away from the wall, he forced himself to walk instead of limp into the kitchen.

All of the children were seated, except for Ginny who assisted Ravena in carrying the dishes to the table. The laughter faded as he stepped through the doorway.

“Smells good,” Tex said, a little louder than necessary. But he was desperate for an escape from the physical and emotional pain battling inside himself. “Then again, it usually does.”

He noticed Ravena’s cheeks flush pink, though she didn’t change her passive expression. “You’re welcome to take a seat after you wash up.” She and Ginny sat at the table.

Crossing to the sink, he lifted the pump and began to wash his hands in the stream of water. “What’s for supper?”

His only response came in the form of a girlish giggle. Tex turned to see Fanny covering her mouth with her hands. The rest of the children were staring down at their empty plates, but they were all fighting smiles.