Читать книгу A Ranger For Christmas - Stella Bagwell - Страница 12
ОглавлениеLater that night in the big family room on Three Rivers Ranch, the Hollisters were enjoying drinks before dinner when Hannah plopped down on the couch next to Vivian.
Eyeing the beseeching grin on her daughter’s pretty face, Vivian said, “Okay, I know that look. What are you wanting? To add something to your Christmas list?”
Hannah wrinkled her pert little nose. “Oh, Mom, I’ve only asked for two things.”
“Only two? A horse and a saddle. You already have both.”
“Yes, but a girl can’t have too many horses or saddles,” her daughter pointed out, then gave her long blond braid a flip over one shoulder. “Anyway, I don’t want anything else on my Christmas list. I wanted to ask if you’d take Nick and me down to Red Bluff this weekend.”
Frowning, Vivian placed her drink on a nearby table, then turned her full attention to Hannah. “Red Bluff? Whatever for?”
Hannah rolled her eyes in droll fashion. “We’ve not been down there to see Aunt Camille in ages. And it’s so warm and pretty there. We want to go riding down the canyon.”
Red Bluff Ranch was another property of the Hollister family. At thirty-five thousand acres, it was only a fraction of the size of Three Rivers, but it was equally important. Located at the bottom of the state, near Dragoon, the climate remained much milder than Three Rivers. Each autumn her oldest brother, Blake, who managed the family ranch, shipped several hundred head of cow/calf pairs to Red Bluff for winter grazing.
“It’s a long drive to Red Bluff and I don’t want to haul two horses that far just for a weekend trip.”
Scooting closer, Hannah grabbed her mother’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “But you wouldn’t have to haul the horses. Matt says Daisy and Dahlia are down there. We can ride them.”
The two paint mares were sisters and perfectly suitable for her daughter and nephew to ride. Which meant she had one less excuse to avoid making the trip. “I’m not sure Camille would want our company.”
“Yes, she would. She told me that she gets lonely down there by herself.”
“If she gets that lonely she’d come home and live with her family,” Vivian muttered, then sighed as she noticed the disapproving look on her daughter’s face. “Okay, I shouldn’t have said that.”
Hannah shook her head. “It wasn’t nice, Mom. You just don’t like it because Aunt Camille wants to live down there instead of up here with all of us. That’s her choice.”
That much was true, Vivian thought. She missed her younger sister. She also thought Camille was making a mistake by running and hiding from her personal problems. But she wasn’t going to discuss those matters. Hannah already knew too much about everyone and everything.
“You’re right and I’m sorry,” Vivian said. “So about this trip that you and Nick have conjured up, what do his parents think about it?”
Before the girl could answer, Nick, who was one year younger than Hannah, suddenly appeared in front of the couch, and from the excited grin on his face, Vivian already had her answer.
“Mom and Dad say it’s okay with them if we go to Red Bluff. Are we going, Aunt Viv?”
Last June, when Blake had married widow Katherine O’Dell, he’d also become an instant father to her son, Nick. Since then, the boy had taken to ranch life like a duck to water and like Hannah, his world revolved around cattle, horses and being a cowboy. The two children were practically inseparable and, remarkable as it seemed, never fussed or fought for any reason.
She studied Nick’s eager face before glancing at her daughter. “Well, I didn’t have anything important planned for this weekend. And if you two have your school studies caught up, I suppose we could make a trip down there.”
“Oh, wow! That’s great, Aunt Viv! Thanks!”
Hannah flung herself at her mother and promptly smothered the side of Vivian’s face with appreciative kisses. “Thank you, Mom! You’re the best!”
“Okay, okay.” Vivian laughed. “The trip is on—as long as you two don’t get into trouble before Saturday morning.”
“Oh, Mom, we’ll be so good you’re going to see halos over our heads.” Hannah gave Nick a conspiring wink. “Right, Nick?”
“Right!”
Vivian glanced over to the fireplace, where Blake and Katherine were sitting close together on a love seat. Apparently the two of them had been watching her exchange with the children. Blake was giving Vivian a thumbs-up sign, while Katherine was showing her approval with a wide smile.
Besides making her daughter and nephew happy, she’d be treating Blake and Katherine to a quiet weekend, something the two of them certainly deserved. As ranch manager of Three Rivers, her brother carried a tremendous load on his shoulders. Frankly, Vivian had been surprised when he’d taken on an even bigger responsibility of a wife and son. But marriage clearly agreed with him. She’d never seen Blake looking so contented and happy.
Yes, two of her brothers were happily married now, Vivian thought wistfully. More than a year ago, Joseph and Tessa were wed in a beautiful ceremony on the front lawn of their ranch, the Bar X. The two were still madly in love and had a baby son, Little Joe, to prove it. Blake and Katherine had been married for several months, yet they continued to look at each other like dreamy-eyed newlyweds.
Vivian was thrilled for her brothers, but seeing the way they adored their wives had her often wondering if a man would ever really look at her that way, as though he would cherish and protect her for all of his life.
“There’s Jazelle. Dinner must be ready,” Hannah announced.
As Hannah bounced up from the couch, Vivian glanced across the room to see the young housekeeper speaking to Maureen. No doubt she was telling her that Reeva had dinner ready to be served.
You cook breakfast before you leave for work?
Sawyer’s question suddenly drifted through Vivian’s mind and she realized he thought of her as a regular woman, one who cooked and cleaned and cared for her own home. What would he think of her once he found out she lived with her family and for all of her thirty-five years she’d had a huge support system around her? That she was helpless or even too privileged?
“Mom? What’s wrong? Aren’t you coming to dinner?”
Hannah’s voice penetrated Vivian’s deep thoughts and she glanced around to see the room had emptied, except for her daughter and nephew, who were waiting impatiently for her to join them.
“Oh. Sorry. I was thinking about something.” Rising from the couch, she slung an arm around each child. “I hope Reeva has cooked up something good tonight. Are you two hungry?”
“I’m starving!” Nick exclaimed. “We’re having barbecue ribs and charro beans!”
“Sounds good,” Vivian replied, even though she doubted she could muster more than four or five bites.
“Reeva says if no one wants ribs they can have menudo,” Hannah chimed in. “That’s what I want. With lots of onions and jalapenos!”
The Mexican soup made with tripe and hominy was touted to cure the worst of hangovers. Maybe that’s what she needed to shock her appetite back to normal, Vivian thought. That, or forget she’d ever laid eyes on Sawyer Whitehorse.
A few minutes later, after everyone around the long dining table began to eat, Maureen clanked her spoon loudly against her wineglass.
“Quiet, everyone!” she called out. “Blake has an important family announcement to share with us tonight.”
“Hallelujah. He’s finally selling that damned one-horn bull,” Chandler, the veterinarian of the family, spoke up. “I’ll never have to doctor him again.”
Sitting next to Vivian, Holt waved his fork through the air. “No. He’s decided the ranch needs another horse barn. One with a therapy pool.”
“Sorry, brothers. You’re wrong on both counts,” Blake said, then slipping an arm around Katherine’s shoulders, he gave her a smile that was both incredibly intimate and loving. “My wife has just learned she’s expecting. The baby should arrive by the Fourth of July. So one way or another, he or she should be a little firecracker.”
Hannah looked at Nick and squealed with delight. “Wow, Nick! You’re going to have a brother or sister! How cool is that?”
The boy’s wide grin said it all. “That’s pretty cool, all right. There will be another little baby in the family to go with Joe. And I won’t be an only child anymore.”
“Better make sure you ask for everything this Christmas, Nick,” Holt advised the boy. “Next Christmas you’ll be sharing with little brother.”
“I won’t mind,” Nick told his uncle. “Having a brother or sister is all I want.”
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted, too. But I’ve quit asking,” Hannah said as she slanted her mother a disappointed glance. “Mom is getting too old to have a baby, anyway.”
Awkward silence suddenly settled over the table and with it a chunk of heavy guilt hit the pit of Vivian’s stomach. She’d made a mess of things when she’d married the wrong man and bore his child. Because of her bad choice in men, Hannah had grown up without a father and no siblings.
“Hannah, don’t be mean to your mother,” Holt scolded. “She’ll give you a brother or sister one day. When the time is right.”
Vivian cut him a grateful look, which only made him grin and shrug.
Down the table, Maureen cleared her throat and lifted her wineglass. “Let’s everyone toast to Blake and Kat and my fourth grandchild. Let’s pray the little firecracker will be healthy and happy.”
Everyone seconded Maureen’s sentiments and as Vivian picked up her long-stemmed glass, she glanced across the table at her brother and sister-in-law.
Blake was smart, she thought wistfully. He’d married a woman who loved him utterly. Whereas she’d chosen a man who’d only been capable of loving himself.
She was swallowing a sip of wine when Holt’s elbow gouged into her rib cage and she turned her head to look at him in question.
“What’s wrong?” he asked under his breath.
“Nothing is wrong,” she whispered back. “Why?”
“You look like you’re going to burst into tears. Aren’t you happy for your brother?”
She stiffened her spine. “Of course, I’m thrilled. I’m just feeling a little sentimental. That’s all.”
“Oh. That’s all, eh?”
“Yes. That’s all,” she said tartly. “Now hush and eat your ribs. Or I’m going to tell everyone you’ve been seeing Miss Holly Goodbody.”
His dark brows shot upward before he leaned his mouth closer to her ear. “Her name isn’t Goodbody. And for your information, I’ve not been seeing Holly.”
“Hmmp. That’s not what I’ve been hearing.”
She turned her attention back on her plate, only to have Holt’s elbow puncturing her ribs once again.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he said. “Except that it’s okay if you want another baby, you know.”
From out of nowhere, a tiny pain of loss and sadness settled over her. “Holt, don’t talk to me about babies. I’m not even married.”
He grinned. “Who said you had to be?”
She rolled her eyes at her brother, then purposely turned her attention back to her plate.
“You’ve been very quiet tonight, Sawyer. Are you unhappy that you took the job at Lake Pleasant?”
Sawyer looked across the small living room to where his grandmother sat in a wooden rocker, patiently stringing polished cedar berries and tiny turquoise and coral beads. Eventually, the string would become a necklace or bracelet to be sold at a tourist shop in Cottonwood. Nashota cared little for money. As long as she had enough for necessities, she was content. But crafting the jewelry made her feel productive and useful, and Sawyer admired her for wanting to remain that way in spite of her advancing years.
“No. I’m not unhappy. Today was very interesting. And I have new things to think about.”
“That’s good. So what do you think about the people you’ll be working with?”
Sawyer leaned forward and placed his empty mug on a small coffee table. After a meal of beef stew, fried bread and apple pie, he was stuffed. “I haven’t met all of them yet. But they seem like a nice group. My partner is a woman. Her name is Vivian, but our supervisor calls her Viv. I think because he’s known her for a long time.”
“And what do you call her?”
He leveled a patient grin at her. “Grandmother, what does that have to do with anything?”
“There are times I’m curious.”
Nashota had never been interested about such things before. Probably because she’d watched him change his dates like a man changed his boots or jeans and could clearly see that Sawyer never intended to have a serious relationship with a woman. So why was she questioning him now? he wondered.
“What’s this? You’re still thinking the Lake Pleasant job is going to bring me good fortune?”
Nashota lowered the string of beads to her lap and looked at him. “There is no thinking about it. The new job is going to bring you good fortune.”
He almost groaned, but managed to hold it back. Nashota took her mystical feelings very seriously and expected him to do the same.
“I’m not going to be digging for gold or silver down there, Grandmother,” he gently reminded her. “I’m basically going to be doing the same job as the one at Dead Horse Ranch. The only good fortune about that is the salary I’m paid.”
She stabbed him with a silent look of disappointment.
Sawyer sighed. “What’s wrong? I’m just telling you the way it is.”
“No. That isn’t the way it is. I’ve taught you that good fortune has nothing to do with money or gold or silver. I expect you to remember the lesson.”
“Well, I don’t really think good fortune has anything to do with Vivian, either.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Time will tell us.”
What was going through that wily mind of hers? Sawyer wondered. It wasn’t like her to have matchmaking thoughts about her only grandchild. Heck, for as far back as he could remember, she’d never so much as suggested to Sawyer that he should find a nice girl, settle down and raise a family. No, she seemed to understand that he wasn’t family man material. Not after his parents’ short, disastrous marriage.
“She has a twelve-year-old daughter.”
“Who?”
“Vivian. My partner. And she’s been divorced for nearly that long. She didn’t say this, but I got the impression he wasn’t much of a husband or father.”
“Maybe she wasn’t much of a wife.”
“You mean like Onida?” Sawyer couldn’t refer to the woman as his mother. Not when she’d chosen to walk away and forget she’d ever had a son.
“Hmmp. Onida was no wife or mother.”
Although Nashota rarely voiced her opinion about anyone, she’d never beat around the bush when it came to Sawyer’s mother, Onida. From what he could remember, she’d not been family material, either. She’d liked to stay on the go and party. Unfortunately, Sawyer had been old enough to remember the squabbles and yelling matches between his parents. And then his father had died and everything had changed.
“Vivian is not that kind of woman. She’s a good ranger.”
Nodding, Nashota put the rocker into a gentle motion. “I’m happy to hear this.”
Sawyer was happy, too. For the next few months, he’d be spending his days with the beautiful woman. To be handed such an opportunity was a gift. Or was it the good fortune his grandmother talked about? Either way, Sawyer planned to make the most of it.
Kat was pregnant. Blake would soon have a baby of his own. Vivian was truly happy for her brother and sister-in-law. But she had to admit, at least to herself, that the news had hit her hard. Especially when her own daughter had dubbed her too old to have a baby. Later last night, after Vivian had retired to her bedroom, she’d changed into a pair of pajamas and stood gazing at herself in the dresser mirror. Was she getting to a point in her life where she needed to forget about having more children? Had she already passed the point of starting over with a man?
The questions had haunted her until she’d finally fallen asleep. Yet even now, with Mort at the front of the room, reminding her and her fellow rangers of the upcoming holiday events to be held in the park, she still couldn’t push away the melancholy mood that had drifted over her.
If it makes you feel any better you look a lot younger.
Had Sawyer actually meant that as a compliment? Or had he only been mouthing platitudes because she was his partner and he wanted to get on her good side?
The ridiculous questions were revolving around in her mind when Sawyer’s hand was suddenly touching her forearm, causing her to very nearly jump off the seat of the plastic chair.
“Vivian, the meeting is over,” he said.
She glanced around to see Mort had left his position behind the wooden podium, while the other rangers were already shuffling out of the conference room.
Her cheeks burning with embarrassment, she jumped to her feet and grabbed her jacket off the back of the chair. “Oh. Sorry, Sawyer. I was thinking about something.”
“Obviously not the park’s Christmas events,” he said drily.
As she shouldered on her jacket, he reached to pull the fabric up and over her shoulders. The gentlemanly gesture shouldn’t have affected her, but just as it had yesterday it rattled her. Having him touch her, even in such an impersonal way, made her acutely aware of his tall, hard body and the utterly masculine scent surrounding him.
“I didn’t miss the important issues,” she said, as she zipped up the front of the hunter green jacket. “Besides, this won’t be my first Christmas at the park.”
“It’s a relief to know you’re on top of things.”
She darted a glance up at him, then wanted to groan at the tempting little grin on his lips.
“You look like you’re perfectly capable of walking without me leading you.”
Chuckling under his breath, he nudged her toward the exit. “Ouch! You’re a regular little cocklebur this morning. Did you have enough coffee at breakfast?”
Actually, she’d tossed and turned for hours last night. Then, sometime after she’d fallen into a fitful sleep, the electricity had apparently blinked on and off to cause the alarm clock to miss the five o’clock buzzer. She’d overslept and barely had time to shower and dress, much less drink a cup of coffee. But she wasn’t going to admit as much to this man. He’d probably remind her that she should’ve made sure to have fresh batteries in the clock for a backup system.
“Not exactly. But I’ll be fine.”
Outside, as the two of them walked to their vehicle, a cool north wind was whipping across the parking lot, while a bank of gray clouds in the western sky suggested there might be rain in store for them. But a tease was most likely all that would come from the clouds. Rain was a rare commodity in this part of the state, and snowfall even more extraordinary. The chance of seeing snowflakes was as far-fetched as the idea of her having another baby. It wasn’t going to happen.
Trying to shove that dismal thought from her head, Vivian jerked a black scarf from the pocket of her jacket and tied it around her neck.
“Have you ever seen a white Christmas, Sawyer?”
“No. Have you?”
“The only time I’ve ever seen snow was during a trip to the San Juan Mountains in Colorado,” she said.
She opened the driver’s door to the SUV and slid behind the steering wheel. Sawyer quickly settled himself in the passenger seat and she started the engine.
As he buckled his seat belt, he said, “I saw snow once. On a trip to Flagstaff. It was melting the moment it hit the ground. So I’ve never seen a pile of the stuff before. Can’t say that I want to.”
She backed out of the parking spot, then pulled onto the asphalt road leading away from headquarters. “I couldn’t live in a northern state. I don’t like to be cold or housed in.”
“I heard once that Onida was in North Dakota.”
Surprised by his out-of-the-blue comment, she glanced at him. “That’s your mother?”
He grimaced. “Onida is the woman who gave birth to me. I wouldn’t categorize her as a mother, though.”
Vivian could understand his reasoning. If her mother had walked away from her and never returned, she’d probably be thinking in those same terms. “Did you try to search for her?”
He shook his head. “Why would I want to find her?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe to show her what she’s missed. To show her the fine young man you’ve grown to be. Even without her help.”
From the corner of her eye Vivian could see him shrug one shoulder, as though the woman’s opinion didn’t matter to him. The idea was a sad one. Nearly as sad as the thought that she’d never have the big family she’d always dreamed about.
“She’s dead, Vivian.”
Her gaze left the road long enough to look in his direction, but all she could see was the back of his head as he stared out the passenger window.
“You mean, literally?”
He looked at her, his expression as bland as if they’d been discussing the weather. Either he held no emotion for the woman, or he was an expert at hiding his true feelings, Vivian decided.
“Years ago, Grandmother was told by a mutual friend that she died in a car accident. But we never bothered to search for her whereabouts. Either way, she’s dead to me.”
Deciding it would be best to let the subject drop, Vivian remained silent as she steered the vehicle into the first campground on their work schedule.
The first three sites were quiet, prompting Sawyer to say, “Everyone must be sleeping late this morning.”
“Not everyone,” Vivian replied as she spotted a young woman with a blond ponytail wearing a pair of short shorts hurrying to the side of the road. Behind her, a small girl was struggling to control a leashed black-and-white dog.
When the woman began waving her arms at them, Sawyer said, “Looks like she wants us to stop.”
Vivian parked in a safe spot out of the way of traffic, but before either of them could depart the vehicle, the woman raced up to Sawyer’s window.
He lowered the glass and she gave him a wide smile.
“Are you two rangers?” she asked.
“That’s right,” Sawyer said. “I’m Ranger Whitehorse and she’s Ranger Hollister. Can we help you with something?”
Even from her vantage point, Vivian could see the young woman was ogling Sawyer as though she’d just stumbled onto the most beautiful thing she’d ever laid eyes on.
“Uh—yes. Maybe you can. We wanted to go on the doggie hike or puppy walk or whatever it’s called. Is it somewhere around here?”
Sawyer looked to Vivian for help. “Sorry,” he said. “I haven’t had a chance to go through all the park projects yet.”
Leaning up in the seat, Vivian said to the woman, “Yes, it’s about a quarter mile north of here. Just follow the road until you see the signs to the hiking trailhead. But you’d better hurry.” She glanced at her wristwatch. “The ranger leading the group will be leaving in fifteen minutes and he’s always prompt.”
“Oh. Okay.” She shot Sawyer another engaging smile. “I don’t suppose you could give us a lift, could you?”
“No. Afraid not,” he said.
“Aww, guess we’ll have to hurry, then. I just hope the other ranger looks like you.”
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Vivian started the SUV and taking the hint, the young woman stepped out of the way.
Once she’d eased into gear and started down the road, Sawyer cleared his throat and turned an amused glance on Vivian.
“Park guests will ask a ranger anything,” he reasoned.
She let out a heavy breath. “I know. Over the years I’ve heard all sorts of things. Some of which I would never repeat.”
“She was a bit ditzy, but pretty,” he commented.
“You ought to be ashamed. She’s probably not a day past twenty.”
“What’s wrong with being young?”
“Nothing.” Except that Vivian had never felt more like an old biddy and she hated the feeling. And she especially hated this self-pity party she’d been having for herself ever since she’d learned Blake and Kat were having a baby.
“Is something wrong with you, Vivian?”
Unwittingly, her foot eased off the gas pedal. “Wrong? What do you mean?”
She glanced over at him and tried to ignore the way her pulse leaped at the sight of his dark profile.
“I’ve only known you for one day. But you’re different from yesterday. A little sad, I think. Am I making you sad, Vivian?”
His words weren’t necessarily intimate or provocative, and yet the way he said them made it feel as though he’d whispered them in her ear. The sensation caused goose bumps to erupt on her arms and she was thankful the long sleeves of her shirt hid them from his sight.
Swallowing, she said, “No. You aren’t making me sad. Or mad. I’m just a little thoughtful this morning. That’s all.”
“Your eyes are dull. Yesterday they were snapping with life. They were much prettier that way.”
Dear God, how did this man see so much about her? Garth had been her husband for two years, but he’d never noticed such little nuances about her eyes or mood or anything else. To know that Sawyer was observing her so closely was unsettling, to say the least.
“Sorry if I seem glum today, Sawyer. It has nothing to do with you.”
Not exactly, she silently corrected. But she could hardly tell him that his young, handsome face and lean sexy body had jolted awake her slumbering senses. No more than she could admit that spending time in his company had reminded her of the many things she’d been missing these past years since her divorce.
“Good,” he said. “I didn’t come here to Lake Pleasant to cause you problems.”
No doubt he’d caused many a woman problems. Most all of them heart related. The very kind of problems she didn’t need.
“I’m going to make sure that you don’t,” she said primly.
He laughed and the sound relieved the tension that had been building ever since they’d left headquarters.
“I told my grandmother that you’re a good woman. So far you’re definitely not making a liar out of me.”
The urge to pull the SUV over to the side of the road and stare at him was so strong, she had to force her hands to remain steady on the steering wheel.
“I suppose you meant that as a compliment,” she stated in a voice that was meant to be casual, but even she could hear a quaver in her words.
“Nothing else.”
She let out a small breath as she steered the vehicle onto a graveled drive that circled an open pavilion. “I can’t believe you mentioned me to her.”
“Why not? You’re my new partner.”
“Yes, but...”
“But what? You don’t like me saying something nice about you?”
“You don’t know that I’m a good woman. You only met me yesterday. That’s not enough time for you to know what kind of person I really am.”
“Mort likes you. That’s good enough for me. Besides, my grandmother has a gift for seeing right into people. I think I inherited some of her gift.”
She arched a brow at him, but said nothing until she parked at the end of the pavilion and looked over at him. “Okay. I shouldn’t ask this, but what are you seeing right now—looking at me?”
“I see a woman who’s sad about something in her life. She’s also annoyed with herself.”
Dear Lord, the man was right on both counts. Which made her wonder what else he could see about her. Not wanting to delve into his first observation, she asked, “Tell me, Mr. Mystic, why am I annoyed with myself?”
A lopsided grin lifted a corner of his lips and in spite of Vivian’s brain commanding her to look away, her gaze went straight to his tempting mouth.
“Because you don’t want to like me, but in spite of yourself, you do. You’ve also been telling yourself you don’t want to kiss me, but we both know that isn’t true.”
Yesterday, his bold remarks would’ve shocked her. But today she was only mildly surprised that he’d voiced such opinions about her. He was a flirt. A very confident one at that. And she needed to always remember that no matter what outrageous words came out of his mouth, he wasn’t serious.
Forcing a playful smile on her face, she said, “I can’t believe you’ve pegged me so perfectly. You really must have your grandmother’s gift.”
He laughed and after a brief moment, the happy sound had her laughing along with him. But when the laughter finally trailed away, she had to fight the urge to drop her face in her hands and weep.
“It’s nice to hear you laugh, Viv.”
With any luck, he wouldn’t notice the soft sigh that escaped her lips. “I’m sorry for being a crab, Sawyer. Truth is, I slept very little last night.”
“I hope you weren’t lying awake worried about working with me,” he said. “We’re going to be great together.”
She smiled at him. “Is that prediction coming from your soothsaying abilities?”
“No. I’m not a soothsayer or anything close to it. My prediction is coming from firsthand experience.”
With women, no doubt, Vivian thought wryly. Then, before she could stop herself, she blurted, “To be honest, Sawyer, you were right. I am a little sad. And I really have no reason to be. Except that last night at the dinner table, my oldest brother and his wife announced that they’re having a baby.”
There. She’d said it. She’d gotten it out, but rather than feeling relieved, she realized she sounded like a petulant child. Or worse. What the heck was wrong with her, anyway?
“And that made you sad? Why?” he asked curiously. “Is he unworthy of being a father?”
She shook her head. “Blake is already an excellent father. He’s a strong, tender and loving man. I can’t think of anyone who deserves to have children more than him.”
His gaze made a thoughtful survey of her face, and Vivian felt as though his brown eyes were kissing her cheeks and lips. The erotic sensation was like nothing she’d ever felt before and she wondered if she was suffering some sort of hormonal imbalance. This wasn’t normal! Nothing about the way she was reacting to Sawyer was remotely close to normal.
“Then the sister-in-law is not of your liking,” he replied. “Is that what worries you?”
“No. Kat is like a sister to me. She’s a wonderful mother and human being. I love her and I’m very happy for the both of them.”
He shook his head as though she’d lost him somewhere along the trail.
“So you’re happy and sad at the same time. That’s what you’re trying to say?”
“Crazy, isn’t it?” she said with a self-deprecating laugh. “I should be all smiles. Instead, I want to burst into tears. Believe me, Sawyer, I don’t normally behave like an emotional female. And starting right now, I’m going to put this all behind me. So let’s get out and look the pavilion over. This is where Mort has scheduled the Christmas bingo party and we need to decide how many tables and chairs we can set up without crowding everyone.”
“We’ll get to work in a minute,” he agreed. “Right now, I want to ask you something.”
Determined to show him she wasn’t a weak-willed sniveling female, she straightened her shoulders. “Okay. What is it? That you want to swap places with another ranger so that you can get the heck away from me?”
Clearly amused by her question, he chuckled. “No. I’m just wondering if this sadness you’re feeling is really envy?”
There he went again, she thought desperately. He was putting his finger right on the sore spot in her heart.
Glancing away from him, she focused on a far distant rise, where a young couple had spent the night in a tent. At the moment they were standing at a portable grill, laughing at their feeble attempts to start a fire. Garth had never done anything outdoors with her, Vivian thought dully. But unfortunately, she’d not discovered he’d been a man averse to getting his hands dirty, until after she’d married him.
“I suppose that is what I’m feeling. You see, I always wanted a big family of my own—just like my parents had. It didn’t turn out that way for me. And sometimes, well—it’s hard to accept that life can be so different from what we plan.”
