Читать книгу His Texas Baby - Stella Bagwell - Страница 9

Liam stared at her as his thoughts whirled at a mind-numbing speed. “Me? You’re saying I’m the father of your baby?”

Pressing a palm against her forehead, she closed her eyes. “I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. I hadn’t planned to. I wanted to wait until after we’d had dinner and …” She opened her eyes and slowly, guardedly searched his face. “What are you thinking?”

He swallowed as he tried to gather his thoughts and form some sort of coherent answer. All day long he’d been telling himself that the likelihood of the baby being his was practically nil. He’d tried to convince himself that after their one-night fling, she’d moved on to someone else, some man that had become a permanent fixture in her life. Yet deep in his gut he’d sensed that she was carrying his child. Now that she’d spoken the fact aloud an odd mixture of emotions was rushing through him, filling him with fear and euphoria.

“I’m thinking—”

His words were interrupted by the sound of footsteps directly behind him, and then a knock on the door.

“Hey, Kitty, you gonna need me tomorrow?”

Glancing over his shoulder, Liam saw Rodrigo, one of the exercise riders that Willard had used for the past few years. The young man was grinning as though he didn’t have a care in the world. And Liam suddenly wondered how it would feel to live each day without a heavy weight of responsibility on his shoulders. But from the time he’d been a very young man in high school, his father had pinned high expectations on him. Ones that Liam was still striving to meet.

Clearing her throat, Kitty said, “I need three ridden in the morning, Rodrigo. Get with Clay. He should still be here in the barn. If not—” She quickly scribbled a phone number on a scrap of paper and carried it over to the jockey. “Call him and he’ll give you the time schedule and instructions.”

Rodrigo thrust out his hand and gave Kitty’s an enthusiastic pump. “Thank you, Kitty. Thank you very much. See in you in the morning, then. Okay?”

Kitty gave him a genuine smile. “I’ll be here,” she promised.

The jockey quickly trotted off and Kitty slowly turned back to Liam.

“I think we should—” The ring of a cell phone inside her purse interrupted her in midsentence. Casting him a rueful glance, she fished out the instrument. “Sorry, Liam. Let me turn this off.”

He waited while she dealt with the phone then quickly took hold of her upper arm. “Let’s get out of here,” he muttered, “before someone else comes along.”

They left the office and walked outside to a parking area used by barn workers, trainers and their employees. Without exchanging any words, Liam helped her into the bucket seat of his plush truck.

It wasn’t until he’d driven away from the racetrack and turned onto the freeway that he felt composed enough to speak.

“I don’t understand this, Kitty. We were together six months ago! Why didn’t you—”

Her expression imploring, she looked at him. “Let’s not discuss this while we’re traveling down the freeway, Liam. I think the issue deserves more attention than that,” she said.

He suddenly realized his hands had a choke hold on the steering wheel and his breaths were coming short and fast. He had to get a grip and face this situation with sensibility, he thought. Losing his cool now would be pointless, along with making him look like a complete ass. A baby did deserve his complete attention. “All right,” he agreed. “We’ll talk over dinner.”

Thankfully, the restaurant Liam had chosen wasn’t that far from the track. In less than fifteen minutes they were inside the small eating place, seated near a window overlooking a courtyard. Darkness had fallen over the city, but foot lamps illuminated a small garden area landscaped with palms and flowering shrubs.

After the waiter left to attend to their orders, Kitty silently stared out the window. As Liam studied the lovely lines of her face, he decided the gray, gloomy weather that had moved in earlier this afternoon matched the sadness in her eyes.

Was that sadness stemming from the loss of her father or the fact that she was unexpectedly having a baby? His baby! Liam didn’t think he’d yet fully comprehended the news she’d just handed him. Yesterday he’d been a widower with nothing more than horses on his mind. Today he was going to be a father!

The idea had put his emotions on a roller-coaster ride. What if something tragic happened to her or their baby? What if something happened to rip his son or daughter away before he ever had the chance to be a father to the child, the same way it had happened seven years ago? Yet even as these fearful questions were rushing through his head, he wanted to shout with pure joy.

“I realize it’s hard for you to understand why I’ve not said anything to you about the baby before now,” she said suddenly. “But I’m not going to apologize. It wasn’t until after Dad died that I learned for sure that I was pregnant. And at that time I had other pressing things to deal with.”

Becoming a parent was a pressing thing. Or didn’t she think so? Liam wondered. He wanted to fling the question at her, but stopped himself short. Losing her father had undoubtedly turned her world upside down and now she had her pregnancy to deal with. She deserved some slack, not upbraiding. Especially from him.

Glancing around, he noticed that he and Kitty were the only two people sitting in the small alcove. The quiet coziness reminded Liam that, except for that one night they’d shared a bed, they’d hardly ever spent time alone together. And yet they were having a baby. He’d have bet the chances of that happening were less than Liam winning the Kentucky Derby.

“You’ve had one shock follow another,” he pointed out.

Her blue eyes were tinged with regret as they scanned his face. “Yes. And now I’ve given you one.” Sighing, she shook her head slightly. “Dad’s heart attack came without warning. He was always so strong and healthy. And then suddenly he was gone and my brother was away and I was faced with making funeral arrangements, watching my father being lowered into the ground and then trying to decide if I could go on with the horses. Not just Desert End horses, but those of our clients’. Without Dad, my whole world was turned upside down and I wasn’t sure I could handle the responsibility of running the farm or handling the finances. And then I found out about the baby and I wasn’t even sure I could handle being a mother.”

Her last words caused Liam to freeze inside. To think that she might have considered terminating the pregnancy chilled him to the bone. He’d already lost one child as it grew in its mother’s womb. To imagine losing a second baby was completely terrifying. He didn’t have to ponder; he already knew he wanted this child. Very much. “You mean—you considered not having the baby?”

The disbelief in his voice must have conveyed his painful thoughts because she grimaced, then once again shook her head.

“I’ve always known I would go through with this pregnancy, if that’s what you mean. But I—” Her gaze suddenly dropped to her lap. “Well, everything fell on me at once. It’s taken a while for me to come to grips and make a plan for my future—a future without Dad at my side.”

She’d had more thrown at her in a matter of days than some people had in a lifetime. Liam could understand her emotions had been thrown in upheaval. And he wasn’t here to vex her with more problems. But he did deserve answers about the baby. His baby! The reality of it continued to stun him. Since he’d lost Felicia and the baby, he’d never been able to muster any serious interest in another woman. As a result, he’d practically given up on having a family of his own. Now, in the blink of an eye, all of that had changed.

He cleared his throat, but his voice came out little more than a hoarse whisper as he spoke. “I’m grateful, Kitty, that you didn’t want to end the pregnancy.”

Her blue eyes flickered with something like relief and the sight surprised Liam. Had she expected him to be angry about her pregnancy? Or, God forbid, not want the baby? He might come across as a real bastard at times, but that was only when he was dealing with inept or uncaring stable hands. Not with the people he loved.

But he didn’t love Kitty. No. He didn’t even know her enough to love her. He liked and admired her. And he was damned attracted to her. But that was a long way from love. Besides, all of his love, his whole heart, had been buried with his wife and child. He didn’t have any left to give this woman.

“You mean you’re not upset about this?” she asked.

Liam had to admit his emotions were running the full gamut right now. Shock, fear, joy and amazement were all tumbling through him, but he could safely say that anger was not among those feelings. How could he be resentful when a child was something he’d once longed for and dreamed about?

Solemnly, he reached across the table and enfolded her hand in his. “Why would I be?”

A dark pink blush swept up her neck and over her face.

“Because that night I assured you everything was okay. And I believed it was. But the protection I was wearing slipped from where it was supposed to be. The doctor assured me that there was only a tiny chance of that ever happening. I guess a tiny chance was working against us that night.”

“Or for us,” he added. “Depending on the way you look at things.”

He was going to have a child! He was going to be a father! With each passing minute the realization was slowly and surely sinking in on him and he was amazed at how comfortable he felt with the idea. Especially when he’d spent the past six years of his life convincing himself that it wasn’t meant for him to have a family.

A wan smile touched Kitty’s lips. “I’m glad you’re not upset. Some guys wouldn’t be so—understanding.”

“I’m not some guy,” he said with distaste, then leveled a pointed look at her. “But to be honest when I first saw you this morning and noticed that you were pregnant, I figured you’d met a man and were on your way to becoming a wife.”

Her lips parted to speak just as the waiter arrived with a cocktail for Liam and a ginger ale for Kitty. After the young man had served the drinks and walked away, she gave him a halfhearted smile. “When would I have time for a man?”

Her comment caused his brows to lift slightly. She might not have spent much intimate time with Liam, but she’d definitely made their evening together count. “You had time for me.”

Curling both hands around her glass, her smile faded as she stared down at the bubbling liquid. “You and I both know that we suffered a lapse of sanity that night. We might be having a child together but we’re not a couple. We never have been.”

Even though every word she’d uttered was the truth, Liam didn’t like the way it sounded. So indifferent and casual, so uncaring. He wasn’t in love with Kitty but he did care about her. Very much. Yet he wasn’t at all sure that she reciprocated his feelings. And that made him feel like a teenager with a hopeless crush. If the situation wasn’t so serious it would almost be laughable. The only females Liam ever mooned over were fillies or mares with the potential to win a six-figure purse. It shouldn’t matter to him if Kitty held any sort of affection for him.

“I guess not,” he agreed. “But the baby has connected us. It will keep us connected for the rest of our lives.”

She sipped her drink then glanced awkwardly away from him. “Yes. I suppose you’re right about that.”

He swiped a hand through his hair, rumpling the rich brown waves. “Me, a father,” he said with dismay. “I’ve got to admit I’d already moved past the notion of having a child in my life. I had decided I wasn’t ever going to be a father.”

She studied him thoughtfully. “You’re still a young man, Liam. It’s hard to imagine you already writing off those aspects of your life.”

He blew out a heavy breath. “Can’t you? I’m sure Will told you about … well, about my family and … what happened.”

Even now, in spite of his efforts to move forward, speaking about Felicia and the baby was like staring into a dark, empty hole. His family had oftentimes accused him of trying to cling to a memory and hang uselessly on to the past. But that wasn’t quite the truth. He’d tried to forget and set his sights on the future. He’d thrown himself into his work and pushed himself to get interested in dating and women. The work had helped keep his mind occupied, but he’d never felt a flicker of attraction toward another woman. Not until Kitty. And even that had been a slow thing that had crept up on him before he’d realized it was even happening. Now that attraction had turned into a baby!

He watched her cloudy gaze drop to the tabletop. “Yes. Dad told me a few years ago about the accident. I never mentioned it to you before because—” She focused her eyes back on his face. “Well, that’s your private business. If you wanted to talk to me about it that was for you to decide. Not me.”

“I rarely talk about it to anyone.”

Her expression solemn, she asked, “So the accident is why you never planned to have a family again?”

“My family was taken from me. I knew I couldn’t replace them.” He shrugged even though he was feeling anything but casual. “Felicia was one of a kind. She understood me and I understood her. We always got along without a hitch and the baby was a dream come true for the both of us. Once they were gone there was nothing left in my life but an empty hole. And I’ve never seen any way to fill it.”

“I see,” she murmured stiffly.

Did she? Most of the time, Liam had difficulty understanding his own feelings about the situation so he doubted she could grasp the state of his heart. But whether she appreciated how that part of his past had affected him didn’t really matter now. This was a new baby. And even though he’d not planned on it, his life was about to change.

“That probably sounds hard to you. If it does, I’m sorry. I’m not really a hard man, Kitty.”

A faint smile touched her lips and Liam was surprised at how much he would like to kiss her, to have that soft sweetness against his mouth, feel her warm breath caress his cheek.

“I’ve not ever thought that about you, Liam. Driven maybe. But not hard.”

He took another sip of his drink and realized the cocktail wasn’t nearly strong enough to slow the whirling thoughts in his head. Normally he was a cool, calculating man, his mind razor sharp. But Kitty and news of the baby had melted the ice water in his veins. Damn it. Right now he was feeling too much. Thinking too much.

“My work is what keeps me going,” he admitted. “Ever since I lost Felicia and the baby I’ve made horses and racing my whole life.”

“Well, you’re definitely making a name for yourself. For the past few years you’ve made plenty of owners and trainers bow down to you.”

He chuckled at her choice of words. “Bow? I didn’t know anyone had ever seen me wearing my crown, I always make a point to leave it locked in the vault at home.”

The smile fighting its way across her face warmed him.

“You hardly need to wear a crown, Liam. Everyone around the West Coast tracks think you’re royalty.”

“Only the West Coast?”

That made her laugh and he realized it was the first joyous sound he’d heard her make today. He also realized how good her laughter made him feel.

“I don’t know why anyone would have that idea about me,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’ve never won a training title at any track in this area. Up until this year I’ve never brought that many horses to California to even vie for one.”

“No. But you have a high win percentage with the amount you do bring,” she pointed out.

The waiter arrived with their salads and once they were alone again, she wasted no time in drenching the pile of greens with black pepper and forking up a piece of romaine lettuce.

Following her example, he dug into his own salad and swallowed several bites before he spoke again. “I’ve brought some of my best out here this spring. I’m hoping to show some of the big owners and trainers that the Diamond D stables can compete on any level.”

She sighed. “I’m hoping just to measure up to Dad’s standards. And that isn’t going to be easy.”

“Nothing about this business is easy.” He settled a soft gaze on her face. “But you shouldn’t worry, Kitty. You’ll do your father proud.”

Kitty looked at him and was suddenly horrified to feel tears glazing her eyes. All day long she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t become emotional tonight while she sat across the dinner table from Liam. But that promise had been impossible to keep. When he spoke of her father it ripped her heart. And when he’d talked about losing his wife and baby, she’d felt deep down hurt. For him and for herself. It was clear to her that he was still suffering and that meant he wasn’t ready to love again. Not her or any woman. Oh, God, why did that crush her so? Why couldn’t she look at him, be near him and feel nothing more than mild affection?

“Well, I’m going to do everything in my power to make him proud,” she said huskily. And to hold on to what was rightfully hers, she could have added. But tonight wasn’t the time to tell Liam about the edict her father had left in his will. Tonight was about the baby and how the two of them were going to deal with becoming parents.

A faint smile touched his lips and Kitty felt her heart flutter like a young girl experiencing her first crush. It was crazy to be reacting to this man in such a way, yet at the same time it was exhilarating. And she suddenly realized that Liam had done something she’d thought impossible. He’d broken through the numbness of her grief and made her feel again, want to live again.

“I have no doubts about that,” he said. “The first time I ever met your father, you were trailing alongside him. I’m sure during all those years you’ve absorbed a wealth of knowledge.”

She certainly had, Kitty thought dourly. She’d learned firsthand knowledge about controlling men and fractious horses. Neither of which she’d learned how to handle entirely.

“I tried,” was all she allowed herself to say.

He ate several bites of salad then said, “So tell me about your health. Are you feeling well? And the baby?”

Glad that he’d given her a couple of easy questions, she nodded. “I had a few bouts of nausea in my second and third month. But that’s past. So far I’m doing fine. And the baby appears to be healthy and growing.”

He looked visibly relieved and she could only wonder what the news of this baby had done to him. Brought up memories too painful to bear? Or was he seeing this child as a second chance for him to be a father? If they were a true couple she wouldn’t be wondering about those things, she would already know. But Kitty doubted they would ever be that close. Close enough for her to see into his heart. The notion saddened her. She’d always wanted to be important to this man and now that she was having his child that need had only intensified.

“I’m glad. Let’s pray everything stays that way,” he said then asked, “When are you due to give birth?”

Yes, he would be praying, she thought. She could already see that he wanted this child and since he’d already lost one baby, he probably wouldn’t relax until this one had safely arrived. And no doubt the loss of that earlier child would only make him want to cling to this one even more.

It terrified her to think he might eventually want to yank their child from her arms and carry it back to his home in New Mexico. As Clayton had hinted, Liam could be ruthless toward his staff if he believed they were neglecting their duties. She didn’t want that merciless determination directed at her or their child. But so far tonight, she’d not picked up on any sign of that, thank God. Because she had no intention of giving up her rights as a mother.

“The first week of July or somewhere near then,” she answered then sighed with resignation. The American Oaks would be running almost at the same time. It was the race that would determine the very fate of her career. She had to win, or at the very least place in the top three. Otherwise, she was in danger of losing everything.

“That’s right in the heart of racing season.”

“You don’t have to remind me. I have Black Dahlia’s nomination fee for the Oaks already paid. I’ll probably go into labor when the bugler calls for post time,” she said with wry humor. “But we’ll see. Whatever happens, Clayton is a very good assistant. I can trust him to handle things while I’m in the hospital.”

She could feel his gaze sliding keenly over her face and she fought the urge to shift uncomfortably in her chair.

“And afterward?” he asked. “What do you plan to do then?”

She tried to swallow another bite of salad but her throat seemed to clamp around the chewed food. “I’ll go home to Desert End for a couple of weeks to recuperate and then I’ll head back to the track with baby and a nanny in tow.”

His face showed little to no expression as he looked at her. “So you don’t plan on quitting your job as a trainer.”

She did her best not to bristle. The man had to ask questions. He couldn’t read her mind in order to know her plans for the future. Still, his remark was a bit sexist and if anyone else but him had asked it, she wouldn’t waste her breath giving them an answer.

“Not hardly. Do you?”

As she watched a deep red blush crawl up his throat, she could see he was annoyed, embarrassed or both.

“Sorry. That wasn’t a good question to ask.”

“Think about it, Liam. I can be a mother and a trainer at the same time. Just like, I hope, you can be a father and a trainer at the same time.” She leaned earnestly forward. “I hardly intend to shove my baby aside and let someone else do the hands-on care. I intend to love and nurture it just as any mother would do. But no matter which one of us is physically caring for the child, we’ll have to have a nanny’s help.”

He reached for his water glass. “I understand that. I—Well, clearly you weren’t expecting a child to enter your life at this stage and neither was I. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want the best for this baby.”

She nodded. “I totally agree.”

“What about Will—did he know about the baby before he died?”

Regret settled on Kitty’s shoulders and she looked at her half-eaten salad rather than meet his probing gaze. “No. A few weeks before his death I wasn’t feeling well. But my cycles have always been irregular, so pregnancy never really crossed my mind. I thought I had some sort of stomach issue caused by stress. By the time I saw the doctor Dad had the heart attack and then it was too late.”

“Hmm. I wonder what he would have thought about the baby.”

She rubbed fingers against the tiny throb behind her forehead. Her father had adored Liam. No doubt he would have been thrilled about the baby. “I think about that a lot, Liam. And you can’t imagine how much I wished he’d known. He—Well, he might have been disappointed that I was bearing a child out of wedlock, but I feel sure he would’ve been excited to be getting a grandchild. He’d pretty much given up on Owen giving him any. And he figured if I had to choose between a man or a horse, I’d always choose the latter.”

The grimace on Liam’s face had Kitty studying him more closely and what she saw fairly took her breath. He’d always been a striking figure of a man, but it seemed as though the past year he’d become even more attractive. Maybe that was because he’d let his hair grow down on his collar, or because he sometimes avoided shaving and the dark brown stubble on his face added to his rough-hewn features. His clothes, at least at Hollywood Park, had become more casual, too. Most of the time, he was dressed in blue jeans, boots and a Levi’s jacket.

Liam Donovan might be considered royalty, but he wasn’t one of those trainers that went around in a suit and tie with every hair in place and did all of his work over the phone. No, he was a hands-on type of guy who wasn’t afraid to get dirty and often did.

“I don’t expect he would have been very proud of me,” he said with a measure of self-contempt. “He was a mentor and I feel as though I let him down.”

His remark had her looking at him with dismay. “You let him down? How do you think I feel? He was my father. I did let him down. In more ways than one.”

He didn’t press her to explain that comment and Kitty was glad. She didn’t want to explain how she’d let her father down by refusing to marry Steve Bowers or how she’d embarrassed him by throwing Roger Grove’s engagement ring back in his face. Over the years, her father had held his own ideas about who she should love and marry and she’d disappointed him by rebelling, by questioning his judgment. But try as she might, neither of those men had been the sort she’d envisioned spending the rest of her life with. As a result, she’d ended both relationships. It was ironic, she supposed, that the only time her father had picked out the right man for her, Liam had refused.

She’d never told Liam that she’d learned of her father’s effort to get him to date her. And she wasn’t about to reveal it to him now. It was all too humiliating. Especially now that she was carrying his child.

Trying to shove those miserable thoughts away, she looked around with relief to see the waiter arriving with their main courses. She needed to eat and escape to her hotel room where she could go to bed and hope the weariness in her body and soul would disappear, at least for a while.

After the waiter had left behind Kitty’s shrimp scampi and Liam’s stuffed crab, he said, “Will understood human nature. He didn’t expect people or his horses to be perfect.”

She picked up her fork. “Dad expected it of me.”

Disbelief appeared on his face in the form of a frown. “I never noticed that whenever I was around the two of you.”

She sighed. Willard Cartwright had been a likable guy with a warm, jovial personality. He’d made friends easily and she doubted he’d died having even one enemy. Unless she counted her mother, Francine. As Willard’s wife, she’d refused to allow him to dominate every aspect of her life and because of that they’d gone through a bitter divorce and an even nastier custody battle over Kitty. With his family members, Willard had been a different man, one who’d loved fiercely, but had also fought to be in control. Now he was still trying to control Kitty from the grave.

She said, “Families always behave differently at home than in public.”

“That’s true,” he agreed. “But I always got the impression that you adored your father.”

“I did adore him. He was wonderful to me and Owen in so many ways. But he was demanding and controlling and because of that we often clashed—sometimes very loudly.” A bittersweet smile suddenly touched her lips. “Still, he was bigger than life and I wanted to be just like him. At least, like the good parts,” she amended. “Now—well, now I just miss him like hell.”

“If I lost my father, I’d be devastated,” he said solemnly.

Kitty had met Liam’s parents, Doyle and Fiona, about two years ago at Sunland Park near El Paso. They’d had a colt running in the Sunland Derby and most of the Donovan family had traveled to West Texas to view the event. Fiona had been breathtakingly beautiful, classy and very approachable. In looks, Doyle had been an older version of Liam, but the elder Donovan had seemed to be a genuinely happy and jovial man, whereas Liam was usually serious and all business. She’d liked his parents and his family. In fact, she’d been envious of their close-knit bond.

“So how are your parents doing? Do they plan to come out to Hollywood anytime during the meet?”

“They’re doing great. And as of now they’re planning on coming for the Big Cap and maybe, later on, the Gold Cup. It depends on what’s going on with their schedule. They say they’re retired, but they’re busier now than they’ve ever been.”

Feeling suddenly pensive, she pushed the food around on her plate. “You were just wondering what my father would have thought of our situation. Now I’m wondering what your family is going to think?”

“Does it matter?”

Her gaze lifted from her plate to settle on his face. “I suppose it shouldn’t. We’re not teenagers. We’re grown adults, financially secure and settled in our careers. If we’re not capable of raising a child, then I don’t know who would be. But …” Looking away from him, she released a wistful sigh. “I’ve got to be honest, Liam. Their opinion of me does matter. After all, this will be their grandchild.”

He reached across the table and touched his fingers to hers. The simple gesture sent a wave of emotions rushing through her. She blinked and swallowed and prayed she could keep her tears in check.

“Believe me, Kitty, my parents will welcome you into the family with open arms.”

A confused frown pulled her brows together. “You mean they’ll welcome the baby with open arms,” she corrected. “He or she will be a part of the Donovan family. Not me.”

A faint smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “The baby is already a Donovan. And so will you be—just as soon as you become my wife.”