Читать книгу Wearing the Rancher's Ring - Stella Bagwell - Страница 9
ОглавлениеEventually, a woman with a little girl entered the ladies’ room and the distraction forced Olivia to dry her tears and attempt to gather her composure.
Leaving the table that way made her look worse than an emotional teenager, she thought, as she pressed a damp paper towel beneath her eyes. But the only other option she’d had was to sit there and let him see a stream of regretful tears rolling down her face. And she wasn’t up to dealing with that sort of humiliation. Going back out there and facing him again was going to be bad enough.
Tossing the paper towel into a trash basket, she smoothed down the skirt of her black dress and with a bracing breath walked out among the diners. As soon as Clancy spotted her approaching the table, he rose to his feet and helped her into her chair.
Once he’d returned to his own seat, she quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, Clancy. I shouldn’t—”
“No, Olivia,” he interrupted. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have said that to you. Not here. Not now. Let’s forget it, shall we?”
While she’d been in the ladies’ room, the waiter had served their meal. One glance at Clancy’s plate told her he’d not yet touched his food. Which made her feel even worse. She’d not only embarrassed the man, she’d starved him on top of it.
“You should’ve started eating without me,” she said. “I wouldn’t have minded.”
“The waiter just brought it. So it’s still hot. No harm done.”
He looked across the table at her and she could see concern in his eyes. The notion that her feelings were more important to him than the meal surprised her and for the first time this evening, she felt herself start to relax.
“I am hungry,” she admitted, then joked, “It takes a lot of energy to have an emotional breakdown.”
To her amazement, he reached across the table and wrapped his hand firmly around hers. His touch was rough and warm and incredibly familiar. But how could that be, she wondered, after so much time had passed and so much had happened?
“And I don’t want you to have another one,” he said gently. “We’ll keep our talk in the present. Deal?”
She gave him a grateful smile, but underneath she was actually terrified. Being with Clancy wasn’t supposed to be affecting her this way. His touch shouldn’t be making her long for more, making her wonder what it would be like to kiss him again, make love to him again.
“It’s a deal,” she agreed, then carefully pulling her hand from his, she picked up her fork and started to eat.
He followed her example and as the two of them began consuming the spicy food, Clancy purposely steered the conversation to Olivia’s job.
“So, are you doing the same type of work here in Carson City that you were doing back in Idaho?”
“Yes. Land management. I worked out of the Shoshone district there. That’s where I started about seven years ago and I liked it. But this move to Carson City brought a small promotion with it. One that I’d worked hard to get.”
“So, what sort of things do you mainly look for when you’re seeing a piece of land for the first time?”
He appeared to be genuinely interested and that was something new for Olivia. The few men she’d dated in the past years never wanted to hear about her work. They mostly thought she just poked around in the dirt and looked at bugs and plants. None of them had understood or cared that nature had a rhyme and reason and her job was to make sure it stayed in balance. But Clancy made a living off the land. He understood.
“The watershed and whether there’s too much or not enough. Then we study the grasses, trees and other vegetation to see what sort of wildlife it’s capable of sustaining. Of course if it’s rangeland for livestock then other things are involved. But you’re a rancher, you already know all about that.”
He nodded and as her gaze swept over him, she wondered, as she had so many times, whether he’d ever married or if he had a special woman in his life now.
“Do you ever work with minerals?”
She asked, “You mean land that’s being mined?”
He nodded and she shook her head. “A little. Why? Is part of the Silver Horn land being mined?”
“No. But I’ve been getting calls from a lease hound. It seems odd to me. These days silver isn’t worth digging out of the ground.”
“Could be his connections are searching for the yellow stuff. Not silver.”
“Well, this is Nevada and I suppose there’s always someone out there who likes to take a gamble on finding a fortune,” he said.
“Yes. Finding it the easy way,” she agreed.
For the next few minutes, Clancy continued to focus their conversation on her job and then he changed it completely by suddenly asking, “What is your brother doing now? Is he still in the military?”
“He’s no longer in the army. But I couldn’t tell you what he’s doing now. The last time I talked with him he was in Oregon, working for a timber company.”
Glancing over at her, he picked up a tortilla and folded it in half. “So you two still aren’t close.”
“No. That will never happen. Todd is like our father. He doesn’t need or want to be close to anyone.”
“And what about your father? Do you ever see him?”
Her gaze fell to the food that was left on her plate. “A couple of years ago he showed up out of the blue. Said he was in the area and thought he should say hello. He didn’t even know that Mom was dead. When she passed, I had tried to locate him, but never had any luck. I honestly think he uses aliases just to keep the bill collectors and bookies off his back.”
“Learning that Arlene was gone must have been a shock for him.”
Shaking her head, she lifted her gaze back to him. “No. You can’t shock a person who doesn’t care, Clancy.”
“I’m sorry, Olivia.”
She gave him a brave smile. “See, I’m pretty much without a family. So I’d rather hear about yours. How are your brothers?”
“They’re all doing well. Evan is a detective for the sheriff’s department now. Rafe is foreman of the Horn and Finn manages our horse division. Bowie has been in the marines for close to seven years now. We thought he was getting out last year, but he re-upped for another stint. I think he’s still trying to decide what he wants to do with himself.”
Finished with her food, she laid her fork aside. “Do any of them have families?”
“Rafe. He married a nurse and has a baby daughter, Colleen. They live in the ranch house, too, so they’ve livened up the place.”
“That’s nice. But I’m surprised to hear that only one of your brothers has gotten married.” Her gaze wandered across his face until their eyes met. “Especially you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“When I thought of you these past years, I always pictured you with a wife and at least two children. What happened?”
He shrugged. “I never found the right person. And you? Do you ever think about trying marriage a second time?”
She hoped her smile didn’t reveal any of the sadness she was feeling. “Mark turned out to be the wrong person for me. But I still hope that someday I’ll find the right man.”
“I have no doubt you’ll find him, Olivia.”
* * *
A half hour later, after they finished dessert and coffee, the two of them left Bonito’s and Clancy headed the truck out of town, toward Olivia’s place.
The night had grown colder and bits of icy precipitation dotted the windshield. Throughout the drive, Olivia sat huddled in her coat, staring pensively ahead.
Spending the evening with him had been hard on her, Clancy decided. He’d not wanted or expected it to, but it had and that bothered him greatly. He’d not asked her to dinner in order to put her emotions through a meat grinder. Actually, if anyone had asked him why he’d invited Olivia to join him this evening, he wouldn’t have been able to give them a sensible answer. Except that seeing her that morning in the Grubstake hadn’t been enough. He’d wanted more time to talk with her, to make certain that the attraction he’d once felt for her was dead and gone.
What a damned fool notion that had been, he thought grimly. All through dinner, he’d hardly been able to keep his eyes off the woman. With a black dress hugging her curves and her dark hair waving upon her shoulders, she’d looked like a sultry vision. Time had matured her face into beautiful curves and angles and shadowed her eyes with smoky sensuality. Now all he could think about was taking her into his arms and making love to her.
When he pulled to a stop in front of her house and shut off the engine, she immediately unsnapped her seat belt and reached for the handbag resting on the floorboard near her feet.
“Thank you for the flowers and the delicious dinner,” she said somewhat stiffly. “It was very nice, Clancy.”
Her proper and polite response made him want to curse out loud. All during their evening, he’d felt her measuring her words, guarding her every reaction to him. The only time he’d seen a genuine emotion out of her was when she’d tearfully ran from the table. And she’d ended up apologizing for even that reaction.
“You’re welcome,” he told her.
He unbuckled his seat belt with the intentions of helping her out of the cab, but she quickly reached across the console and placed a deterring hand upon his forearm.
“There’s no need for you to walk me to the door. I know the way.”
Suddenly it was all too much and before he realized what he was doing, his hands were locked around both her wrists.
“Yes, the trail to your doorstep is easy to find. But do you know your way back into my arms?”
She drew in a sharp breath while her eyes grew wide with disbelief.
“Clancy.”
The moment she whispered his name, his gaze focused on the moist curve of her lips and he suddenly decided he couldn’t wait on her answer. He drew her forward until her upper body was pressed against his and his lips had covered hers.
He half expected her to draw back or try to resist him in some way. But he was wrong. She leaned into him and opened her mouth willingly beneath his, and as he deepened the kiss, his brain went haywire. The only commands it could follow were the urgings of his body telling him to keep kissing her over and over.
His senses were so lost, he didn’t know how much time had passed before one of her hands fluttered against his chest and she eased her lips away from his. The loss of their soft warmth was a shock to his senses and Clancy opened his eyes to see her face was a picture of astonishment.
“Olivia, I—”
Before she could finish, she turned away from him and jerked the door latch. “I’m going in!”
Even though she’d not mentioned him joining her, Clancy practically leaped out of the truck and rounded the cab so that he could help her to the ground.
Once she was standing next to him, he continued to hold on to her elbow. Cold wind whipped across the hood of the truck and spattered them with bits of snow, but Clancy barely felt it. His body still felt like a roaring furnace. “I think we need to talk about this, Olivia.”
“What is there to talk about? Nothing. This is it. I’m not going to go out with you again,” she said flatly.
With his hand still on her arm, he urged her toward the house. “Let’s go inside and get out of this weather.”
Thankfully, she didn’t protest. Instead she turned and made a dash for the house with Clancy following close on her heels. Once they were inside, she stopped in the middle of the living room and began removing her coat. Clancy quickly stepped forward to help her and for a moment, as he lifted the coat from her shoulders, he wondered how it would feel to always be privy to her closeness, to know that each night of their lives she’d be lying by his side, warming his body. Or would he constantly be wondering how soon it would be before she left him again?
“I can make us more coffee if you’d like a cup,” she suggested.
She was still trying to be polite and keep a cool distance between them. The idea was ridiculous and annoyed the heck out of Clancy, especially after she’d kissed him with such feeling.
He handed the coat to her. “Who are you trying to fool, Olivia? Me or yourself?”
She tossed the garment over the arm of the couch, then turned a confused look on him. “What are you talking about?”
He shook his head. “You just kissed me like you wanted to set me on fire. Now you act like we ought to sit down over a cup of coffee and discuss the weather.”
She closed the small space between them and he could see hot color staining her cheeks, but whether it was from anger or embarrassment, he had no way of knowing.
“It might as well be the weather, Clancy. Because that kiss—well, that was a onetime thing. Just chalk it up to old memories and leave it at that.”
Amazed by her response, he asked, “Leave it? Just like that?”
Her lips pressed to a thin line as she glanced away from him. “Why did you invite me out tonight, anyway, Clancy? To test me? Hurt me? Exactly what are you doing?”
Groaning with frustration, he lifted his hat off his head and wiped a hand through his hair. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Olivia. I—” Unsure of how to explain himself, he walked over to the couch and sank onto the edge of the cushion. With his forearms resting across his open knees and his hat dangling from his hands, he looked up at her. “Okay, Olivia, I’m going to be honest. You asked if I was testing you, but it’s really the other way around. I wanted to test myself. Ever since you walked out of my life, I’ve wondered how I would feel if I ever saw you again. Would I hate you or want you, or look at you with total indifference? After seeing you the other morning in the Grubstake, I had to find out.”
He could see her mind spinning as she walked over to the couch and sank down beside him. “And how do you feel?”
Her voice had dropped to a husky murmur and just the sound of it tightened his body with desire.
He blew out a heavy breath. “I think that kiss answers your question and mine.”
She didn’t make any sort of reply. Instead, she closed her eyes and bent her head as though she’d just been handed a prison sentence.
“Oh, Clancy, you can’t be serious.”
“I was serious ten years ago. Now I’m not sure how I feel. All I know is that when I look at you I still want you. And from the way you kissed me, I think you feel the same way.”
Her head jerked up and her gray eyes clashed with his. “And what if I do?” she challenged. “What if there is a flame still between us? That doesn’t mean we should try to fan it!”
“You think ignoring it would be better?”
Her hand curled over his forearm and Clancy felt the heat of her fingers all the way up to his shoulder. It wasn’t right, he thought, that this woman, of all women, had to be the one who lit a fire in him, who made him want and dream and love.
She said, “Look, Clancy, I’ve spent all these years trying to forget what happened between us. And I’ll admit that I agreed to this date tonight because I believed it would convince me that—well, everything we ever felt for each other was gone. That kiss was nice. Very nice. But I don’t want it to happen again. I don’t want to try to stir up old feelings and then—well, have it all end a second time.”
“You say that like you’re certain a second time around for us wouldn’t work,” he said.
“I’m not sure of anything,” she said flatly. “Except that I’ve already had one failed marriage. I don’t want to make any more mistakes.”
“Who said anything about marriage?”
Her spine stiffened and she pulled her hand from his arm.
“No one,” she said coldly. “You don’t have to marry someone to make a mistake with them.”
It was clear to Clancy that he’d said the wrong thing to her, but damn it, she had his head in such a spin he hardly knew what he was doing or saying.
“Olivia, I didn’t mean—maybe saying goodbye would be the right thing for us. But what we had all those years ago was special. I don’t think you’ll deny that. If some of those feelings are still there, we need to see where they might take us. If it turns out that all we have between us is a pile of dead ashes, then we can part knowing that we’re not losing anything.”
Groaning with anguish, she rose from the couch and walked across the room. Pausing in front of the picture window, she said, “And what if we rekindled our romance, Clancy? Where could that possibly lead us?” Glancing over her shoulder at him, she shook her head. “No. You’ll always resent me for leaving you and going to my mother. And—”
Before she could finish, he jumped to his feet and hurried over to her. “Get this straight, Olivia, I never had an issue with you going to help your mother. Dear God, I’m not heartless. She needed you. It’s the fact that you used her as an excuse to end our engagement. And then once she was gone, you chose not to contact me. Instead, you married another man. Why?”
Outrage clamped her jaws tight. “I’m not going to talk with you about that tonight! It’s none of your business. When I married Mark, you and I were already finished.”
“No! You were already finished, Olivia. Like a damned fool I was still hanging on, hoping that once things were resolved with your mother, you’d come to me. You cut me out of your life then and you obviously want to keep me cut out now. I should be able to get that through my head. But for some reason I can’t.”
Bending her head, she instantly twisted her back to him. “I don’t know, Clancy,” she said in a low, hoarse voice. “Maybe someday you’ll see that I’m not your kind. I never was and never will be.”
“If that’s what you think, then I’m wasting my time here. Goodbye, Olivia. I hope you enjoy your new home in Carson City,” he said bitterly, then turned and hurried out of the house before he could say something he might regret for the rest of his life.
* * *
Throughout the next week, the weather turned bitterly cold and Olivia had to deal with a pile of work both inside and outside of the office. Which was a good thing, she told herself, as she rubbed her tired eyes and tried to focus on the notes in front of her. Trudging through the snow and dealing with paperwork helped to keep her mind off the disastrous evening she’d had with Clancy.
The night he’d stormed out of her house it was as if he’d taken every light with him. Now each time she walked into the living room, she envisioned him sitting there on the couch, his hat in his hands, his hair waved across his forehead.
Seven days had passed since that night and by now she’d expected to have put the whole incident behind her. Instead, her thoughts were being consumed more and more with the man.
If some of those feelings are still there, we need to see where they might take us.
This past week his words had returned again and again until she wanted to scream with frustration. So what if she still felt something for the man, or he for her? Nothing would ever evolve from them. He’d more or less proclaimed that marriage wasn’t on his mind. So what was on his mind? Getting her back in bed?
That question had her mind instantly replaying the kiss they’d shared in his truck and the memory was enough to heat her face. She’d kissed him as though they’d never been apart. She’d kissed him as though she’d never stopped loving him. And then, like an idiot, she’d tried to erect a barrier between them and pretend it had been nothing to her. That he was nothing to her.
Oh, Lord, it was no wonder that he’d left angry. And no wonder that after all these days she was still in a miserable state of mind. If she had any kind of courage at all, she’d drive out to the Silver Horn ranch, face him and try to explain herself. But would that solve anything?
“It’s time for me to head home, Liv. Wes has already gone out the door. Are you staying late this evening?”
Beatrice’s voice interrupted her dismal thoughts and Olivia turned away from her desk to see the secretary standing in the open doorway. The woman had already donned her coat and shoulder bag and covered her hair with a black beret.
“I want to finish a few more notes before I leave,” she told the young woman. “Don’t worry. I’ll lock things up.”
“You’ve had a long day,” Beatrice said. “You ought to finish that tomorrow.”
Olivia smiled at her. “I’ll be finished in a few minutes and then I’ll head on home.”
“Well, drive carefully. I glanced outside earlier and it’s snowing again.”
“I’ll be careful and you do the same.”
With a backward wave, Beatrice disappeared and Olivia went back to typing up the notes she’d scribbled down earlier this morning when she and Wes had visited a section of state park land that was losing an inordinate amount of pines to a spreading parasite.
She was finishing the last paragraph when a knock suddenly sounded on the doorjamb. Startled, she whirled her chair around and stared with shock at the man standing in the dimly lit opening.
“Clancy!”
He stepped into the room and Olivia could see his sheepskin jacket and brown Stetson were dusted with snowflakes, while his cheeks were ruddy from being beaten by the freezing wind.
“I met your secretary as she was leaving,” he explained. “She told me I’d find you here working.”
Her mind whirling with questions, she slowly rose to her feet. “What are you doing here?”
His expression suddenly took on a sheepish quality. “I wanted to apologize to you.”
“I don’t understand,” she said, her voice scarcely above a whisper.
He closed the small distance between them and as his hands closed over the top of her shoulders, Olivia’s heart leaped into a wild gallop.
“Neither do I, Livvy. All week long I’ve thought about everything I said to you. And I realized I behaved badly. I asked you out and then started beating you up emotionally. I’m sorry. Very sorry. And I wanted you to know that.”
Suddenly her throat was so thick all she could manage was to choke out his name. And then before she could ponder or stop herself, she flung her arms around his waist and buried her face in the middle of his chest.
“Oh, Clancy, I’m sorry, too.” Tears flooded her eyes and as they spilled onto her cheeks, she didn’t try to stem them. It felt too good to finally quit hiding her feelings, to finally let him see how much the past had hurt her.
