Читать книгу His Texas Baby - Stella Bagwell - Страница 9

The grip she had on the fork loosened and the utensil fell with a loud clatter to her plate as she stared at him in stunned fascination.

“Your wife!” she gasped. “Are you serious?”

A frown furrowed deep lines in his forehead. “You didn’t expect anything less of me, did you?”

Amazed that he was suggesting such a commitment between them, she said, “I expected you to see this whole situation in a sensible way. I didn’t think you’d have this old-fashioned view that a woman expects or wants the father of her child to marry her!”

He leaned back in his chair and fixed her with a meaningful look. “And I expected you to want to do what’s right and best for our child.”

She swallowed as questions and thoughts barreled through her mind. “And you believe that the two of us getting married is the right and best thing?” she asked, her low voice full of dismay.

“Come on, Kitty, surely it crossed your mind that I would suggest marriage.”

Actually, the idea had crossed her mind a time or two, but she’d instantly pushed it aside. Everyone knew that Liam wasn’t the marrying type. He’d even told her father as much. And he didn’t want to marry now. Not really. This was all for the child and no other reason.

“To be honest, the idea did cross my mind, but it passed too quickly to ponder. Everyone, including me, knows that you’re a confirmed bachelor.”

“Wrong. I’m a widower. A widower who’d never planned to marry again.”

She looked away from him and tried to stem the sick feeling swimming in her stomach and spreading up to her chest. Did he have any idea how that statement made her feel? He might as well have come out and bluntly stated the facts. The night they’d made love, he’d never thought about a future with her. She’d suspected it, but hadn’t wanted to admit it.

You knew that when you invited him into your bed, Kitty. Just because he’s saying it out loud and to your face doesn’t make it any more hurtful. So get over it.

“And I’m a single woman, who intends to stay that way—at least, until the baby gets a bit older.”

“Why?”

Jerking her gaze back to his face, she stared wondrously at him. “Because I …” Her voice trailed off as she tried to gather the right words, the best explanation she could possibly give without revealing too much of herself. “Okay, I’ll try to explain, Liam. When most women, including myself, dream of getting married it’s all about romance and love. Convenience or practicality doesn’t figure into things. If I can’t have the sort of marriage I want, I’d rather stay single.”

He shoved out a heavy breath as he carefully placed his fork next to his plate. Apparently, he’d lost his appetite, too, she thought sickly.

“I wish things were different, Kitty. For you and for me. But I’m fairly certain that you’re not a selfish woman. At least, I’ve never seen that side of you before. And once you think about this, you’ll realize that our baby takes priority over our own wants and needs.”

Tears were beginning to burn the back of her eyes and the hunger that had been gnawing earlier at her stomach had now completely vanished. He was right in so many ways. But that didn’t lessen the loss of her dreams and all that she’d ever hoped to have in her life. He was a practical man, not a romantic like her. He was viewing this whole issue with his head, while she was seeing it through her heart.

“I understand that we need to put the baby’s welfare first, Liam. Right now I just don’t see a marriage between us making anything better for this coming child.”

Grimacing, he reached for his cocktail glass and drained the last of its contents. “A child needs two parents,” he said as he placed the empty glass aside. “Parents who live together.”

Not like the Cartwrights, who’d divorced, then fought over their child in a cold courtroom, she thought. From the time Kitty had reached the age of six, she’d lived without a mother. Clearly, Liam was aware that her parents were divorced, but whether he knew she’d been raised solely by her father through all those tender years, she couldn’t say. She’d certainly never discussed such a personal matter with him. But for all she knew, her father could have confided in him.

“I guess you would know more about that than me. You have a big, united family,” she said quietly. “My parents divorced when I was six. And after that my mother was no longer a part of my life.”

A rueful grimace tightened his features. “I’m sorry, Kitty. Will said something to me once about his ex not being much of a mother. But I didn’t ask him to explain the remark. I don’t like people prying into my private life, so I respected your father’s privacy and kept the question to myself.”

She shook her head. “There’s not really much to explain. After my parents divorced Dad won custody of me. Francine went back to Georgia where she was from originally and began another life—without her daughter.”

He studied her face for long moments and Kitty hated the fact that tears were doing their best to form at the back of her eyes. Normally, she could speak about her mother without getting emotional. Over the years, she’d told herself it didn’t matter that her mother had practically forgotten she’d had a daughter. But being pregnant had left her soft and vulnerable, had left her wondering how any mother could simply walk away from her child.

“I see. Well, that ought to make you better understand how a child needs both parents—together,” he said finally.

Her stomach was tying itself into painful knots. “I agree that two parents in a loving home is the ideal setup for a child’s upbringing. But that’s not us. We’re friends. Who—well, just happened to have sex one night.”

She hoped she’d sounded as cool and practical as when he’d talked about never planning to marry again. Not for anything did she want him to know how besotted she was with him and had been for some time now.

He let out a long breath. “That’s true. And now we need to deal with an unexpected situation—in the best way possible.”

And the best way possible was for Kitty to marry a man who didn’t love her? Who didn’t really want to be married? The idea completely wiped away her appetite and she put down her fork, then dabbed a napkin to her lips.

“I’m sorry, Liam, I’m just not up to eating anything else. Would you mind taking me back to the hotel?”

He eyed her with open concern. “Are you feeling ill?”

“No. It’s nothing like that,” she quickly dismissed his question. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day and I don’t have to tell you that I have a lot to think about.”

She could see something like disappointment wash across his face, but he didn’t press her to stay and finish the meal. Instead, he said, “Of course. I’ll get the waiter to bring the check.”

Five minutes later they were back in Liam’s truck, traveling down the freeway to the hotel where she would be living during the Hollywood meet.

As he maneuvered through the heavy traffic, they didn’t speak, and as the silence between them stretched into awkward tension, Kitty felt even worse than she had at the restaurant.

“I’m sorry, Liam,” she said finally. “I’ve ruined your dinner.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. I had plenty to eat.”

“I wasn’t exactly thinking about your stomach.”

The grunt he made had her glancing over at him and she was relieved to see a groove of amusement creasing his cheek. At least he wasn’t thinking she needed to be taken directly to a psychiatrist’s couch for her mood swings.

“Lately I’ve had brothers and sisters having babies right and left. Pregnancy isn’t easy for you ladies or us men.”

He should know, Kitty thought. He’d already dealt with a pregnant wife. Only he didn’t have either wife or child now, she thought sadly. And suddenly she was wondering how far along his wife had been in her pregnancy when she’d been killed. As far as Kitty was now?

The question caused her hand to slip to the growing mound of her stomach. She loved this baby so much. So much.

“That stuff you were saying about our baby needing both parents—I know you’re right. I’m sure I would be a much better person if I’d had a mother around to balance my life.”

He kept his gaze on the traffic. “There’s nothing wrong with the person you are now.”

She sighed as she smoothed the fabric of her dress over her crossed knees. “I would have been different if my mother had stayed in the family. I seriously doubt I would be a racehorse trainer, spending my every waking hour at the barn or track. I’d probably be working at some office job and have a nice, neat boyfriend who wore chinos and loafers and played golf on the weekends.”

“That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“I’d be screaming with boredom,” she admitted, then darted a glance at him. “When I was fourteen my father offered to let me go to Atlanta to live with my mother. He figured by then I was old enough to decide if I wanted something different in my life.”

“Did you go?”

“Only for short visits,” she admitted. “By then the bond with my mother was gone, ruined by the distance between us, I suppose. And horses already ran deep in my blood. I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a successful trainer just like my father.”

A grin lifted one corner of his mouth. “And you are. You’re just much prettier than he was.”

Sad emptiness swept through her and she desperately fought to push it aside. She had to put the past behind her. She had to think ahead. Always ahead to the monumental tasks she was now facing.

“I have yet to prove how successful I am. As a daughter, well, I tried with my mother. But the two of us just never fit together. By the time I was eighteen we’d drifted apart completely.”

“What about now?”

“I rarely ever hear from her. She married a man who had two sons. They’re grown now and she and her husband travel most of the time. Whenever I do talk to her it’s like I’m visiting with a stranger. You know what I mean? Like when a distant relative suddenly calls or shows up and you don’t know them from Adam. But just because they’re located somewhere on your family tree you feel like there should be a connection and then you feel guilty when there’s not one.”

“Yeah. I’ve been there,” he said. “And I don’t want that to happen with our child. She or he is going to know the both of us. When it thinks of its parents, it’s going to think of us as a couple—a united family unit.”

If that could only be true in every sense of the word, Kitty thought. But theirs was hardly a normal relationship built on love and devotion. And it never would be. How could they ever hope to be a united family unit?

“You’re painting a nice, tidy picture, Liam. But you’ve not had time to think this all through. Whenever you do you’ll realize you can’t force something like that.”

He shot her a wry look. “Kitty, I have no intention of forcing you to marry me. You’ll either agree to become my wife or you won’t. It’s that simple.”

Neat and practical with everything black and white. Every particle in Kitty’s heart cringed from the very idea. But this wasn’t about her or her wants anymore, she told herself. There were three people involved in this. The most important being the baby presently growing in her womb.

He turned into the hotel parking lot, but rather than pull up to the front entrance, he found a parking space and cut the engine.

“I’ll walk you to your room,” he said.

She wanted to tell him that she didn’t need an escort. She wanted to remind him of what had happened the last time he’d walked her to her hotel room. But she kept all of that to herself as he skirted around the front of the truck and helped her to the ground.

The night had cooled considerably since they left the training barn. A breeze ruffled the fringe of hair on her forehead and she welcomed it. Being with Liam, having his hand on her arm had heated her whole body. As the doorman opened the glass partition and ushered them inside, she figured her cheeks were flushed a bright pink.

Once they stepped on the elevator, she gave him the floor number. After he punched it and they began to move upward, he stepped closer and studied her face. Beneath the dim glow overhead, his strong features were slightly shadowed and oh, so sexy.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Her gaze landed squarely on his lips and the urge to kiss him clawed at her, forcing her to swallow before she could speak. “Yes. Why do you ask?”

To her surprise his hand lifted and his fingers gently trailed across her forehead. The soft touch caused her breath to pause and she wondered how he would react if she closed the few inches of space between them and pressed her lips to his.

He said, “You look drained.”

She told herself to breathe and relax, but his nearness was making her crazy. She’d always wanted this man. And once she’d learned just how thrilling it was to be in his arms, she couldn’t forget. She wanted more of him. More than he clearly wanted to give.

“A woman doesn’t exactly get a marriage proposal every day.” Especially from a man of his stature, she could have added. A man who turned female heads as soon as he walked into a room.

A smile flickered ever so briefly on his face. “I didn’t stop to think that the thought of having me for a husband was that disturbing. Maybe I should have told you that I don’t snore, I pick up my own socks and I don’t need to control the TV remote.”

Rolling her eyes, she tried to match his teasing mood. Not for anything did she want him to learn that her heart had been invested in him for a long time now. It would only make him feel more obligated, more trapped.

“As if you watch TV,” she scoffed. “I suspect the only time you ever sit down is when you watch the replay of a race or a workout.”

The dimple at the side of his mouth deepened. “See, that’s why you’d never have to worry about having control of the remote.”

It wasn’t the remote that Kitty was concerned about; it was her heart and what this man might do to it if she gave him the chance.

The elevator came to a stomach-lurching stop and she unconsciously reached for Liam’s arm to steady herself. Quickly, he curled an arm around the back of her waist and as they stepped off the elevator she realized that his bracing touch, though unsettling, was a security that she needed.

For weeks now she’d been surrounded by family and friends, yet she’d felt lost and alone. With Liam near, part of that emptiness went away. And though she wouldn’t be loved by him, she’d definitely be taken care of. But was that enough for her? Would it ever be enough?