Читать книгу Raising Boys: Why Boys are Different – and How to Help them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men - Steve Biddulph, Steve Biddulph - Страница 6

Boyhood is transforming; that’s it in a nutshell. If you’ve been in any school gate or online conversations in the past twenty years, you’ll know that things are on the move. We’re learning how to make boyhood a happier place, and that knowledge is saving lives.

The book you hold in your hand had a very interesting effect that echoed around the world – it was as if a million mothers and fathers all at once gave an enormous sigh of relief. (Our boy is normal!) For one thing, the book cut through the endless argument between nature and nurture by saying, ‘It’s both.’ But nurture is the one we can do something about, so let’s get started.

In a world where so many boys struggled, there was a desperate need for a new approach. Raising Boys provided that. It said that if we want boys to grow into truly good men with warm hearts and strong backbones, then we have to understand their specific needs. Just as with girls, specific risk factors go with being an average boy. These range from the everyday to the truly terrible – from not liking school at four, to having three times the risk of dying in their teens (mostly from car accidents, suicide or violence) and nine times the chance of going to jail.1 These are not small things. But if we understand what makes our boys unique, we can love them better and make sure they turn out well.

Today we understand that gender is on a continuum. Knowing a child is a boy or a girl doesn’t tell you anything, necessarily, about what they will be like. But although gender is a line, there are big bumps on that line, and so we can say ‘most’ boys and ‘most’ girls without meaning it has to apply to all. Most boys are slower at learning to talk, and being ready to read or write, than most girls. Most start puberty a year or two later than girls. (Girls’ puberty is over by fourteen, and they have shot up to their full height. Boys’ puberty doesn’t end until they are about seventeen, and their brains don’t fully mature until their twenties.) These things matter if you have a boy to raise, and keep alive.

The differences are not just on the outside. The evidence grows and grows that boys’ chemistry is very different from early in the womb, predisposing most of them to greater muscle mass, more need for movement and activity, an excitement about competition, and a love of concrete ways of learning. Though there are definitely some girls who are like this, and boys who are not. Keep remembering that mantra – most, not all.

Boys’ brains develop more slowly, and their nervous system wires up in a different sequence, and that is a massive thing because it means that in the UK and Australia, they start school far too young, and often hate it because it’s too formal, too much based on sitting still. Good schools for boys are the ones that give them room to move and time to grow.

There are other great changes afoot. Understanding that some boys are gay or transgender and that’s normal and OK has helped millions of parents to be more relaxed and accepting of their own unique boy. In fact, it’s made every boy and girl a lot freer to be themselves. Less homophobia means that all boys can have warm friendships, cry when they are sad, be affectionate, and have much better mental health as a result.

Knowing about the autism spectrum has also brought great relief to millions of parents and kids. We can all relax about being a little bit – or very – different. We are valuing and accepting kids who don’t quite fit the mould.

Of course, there is so much more in this book. The three stages of boyhood. How to keep boys safe. Boys and housework! And the powerful message that men have an equal part to play in raising children. Kids need to know men of every kind – creative, practical, brave, shy, funny, of every different race, sexuality and type. Then boys can base their own masculinity on a broad choice of role models. And girls can see every possible kind of man.

Right now, the world badly needs good men. There are some awful ones needing to be put in their place. Your boy can be one of those who grow up so much better, and help to heal this sad and scary world. Thank you for joining the boy revolution. As the twenty-first century rolls on, it’s badly needed.

Enjoy your boy, love him well, and watch him fly in his own special way.

Steve Biddulph

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