Читать книгу Who Wants To Live Forever? - Steve Wilson - Страница 8
ОглавлениеI stood outside the college wondering whether or not I’d done the correct thing; it had all seemed so worthwhile less than a week earlier when I had signed up for the Local History course that the Adult Education Department had included amongst their offerings for the new term, but now it came to it – well, to say I was having doubts was an understatement of hyperbolic proportions.
I suppose it was the thought of the others on the course that bothered me. I had seen some of them while enrolling, and they all looked so much more, well, scholarly really, than I was. It had come home to me when I was about to leave home an hour or so earlier, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror; what I saw didn’t exactly inspire me, and I almost turned back.
When you don’t see yourself every day — I don’t mean looking in the mirror when you’re having a shave or anything like that, but really seeing yourself — well, you tend to build up an image that doesn’t conform to reality. At least, that was what I did. But as I looked closely at my reflection in the glass, I had to accept that time really had taken its toll. Yes, that really was me looking back at myself: Ethan Hudson, late fifties, recently retired, with thinning brown hair flecked with grey. Or, to be more accurate, thinning grey hair flecked with brown. Still slim, I thought, trying to ignore the paunch that hung over the top of my trousers, obscuring sight of my belt. But I wasn’t kidding anybody. Who on earth would be interested in a body like that? So all I had to go on was personality, and that had taken a back seat ever since the acrimonious divorce two years ago that had destroyed whatever vestiges of confidence I might have had. With my daughter married but now living in Hampshire, and my son away for the next year as a volunteer on a project in Argentina, I was, I suppose, living a lonely existence; with post-work days seeming to last forever, it hadn’t taken a lot of prompting to make me take a look in the Gazette Adult Education Department’s column advertising the new session’s courses.
It was actually my daughter, Julie, who had persuaded me to take this action, during one of our weekly phone calls:
“Hi, Dad, how are you this week?”
“Much the same, much the same.”
“So that means you’re still stuck at home every night, then?”
“Well, love, it isn't that easy. Not at my age…”
“Of course it is, Dad! Especially at your age. You’ve no commitments, nothing to stop you getting out there. I worry about you. It isn't as if I can just pop in and see you every night, is it?”
“Hey, I don’t need looking after to that extent. I’m quite capable of doing something about it myself.”
“Then go on and do it. Why don’t you book on one of those evening classes? It’ll give you something to think about, and you might meet somebody nice there.”
“Oh, so you’re the matchmaker now, are you?”
“We’re just concerned, that’s all.”
“We? So you discuss me with your friends, do you?”
“Very funny, Dad. I was talking with Gary last night and he feels the same as I do. He was even talking about cutting his volunteering trip short and coming back home.”
“Tell your brother he’s not to do that. He’ll regret it forever if he does. I’m really proud of what he’s doing out there, so, next time you speak, tell him he must keep at it.”
“I wish you’d talk to him. Skype is so easy to use.”
“Now, Jules, you know that I’m a bit of a technophobe. I just can’t seem to get the hang of computers, so, much as I’d love to, it just isn't me, I’m afraid.”
“Then why not look for a beginners’ course in computing? That would solve both problems.”
“It just doesn’t sound interesting enough, and if I wasn’t interested I’d stop going.”
“Okay then, why not follow one of your interests? You’re always saying you could do better than those detectives you watch on the TV. There must be something in that area you could enrol on.”
“Oh, I tried, but ‘How to catch a murderer in ten easy lessons’ was all booked up.”
“Ha ha, very funny. You should be on the stage. But, seriously, you know I’m right, don’t you? You love your puzzles, so even if there isn't a course for prospective Inspector Morses, there must be something that will stretch your brain.”
“Okay, you win. I’ll look, I promise.”
“Good. And I know you. Don’t think you can get away with making something up and telling me about it during our phone calls. I’ll expect you to show me some solid proof when I next visit.”
“Will do. When is that again, late November?”
“Yes, that’s right. I’m coming up for a work conference, so Dave won’t be with me. I’m presenting my first advertising campaign, so it’s a big chance for me.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yes. But it’s a lot of pressure.”
“Are all the junior staff involved?”
“No, I’m the only one.”
“That must be really good, then. So let’s get together afterwards, and I promise I’ll have something to tell you about my reintegration into society by then.”
Promise made, I knew I couldn’t let my daughter down. Most of the courses on offer didn’t appeal to me, and I was beginning to think that I’d have to take something I wouldn’t enjoy just to placate Julie when I saw one that caught my attention:
Local History — Learn about life in Lancashire during the last hundred years. Your experienced course presenter, Louise James, will take you on a ten-week journey through the county’s many towns and cities and you will experience life as it was for the inhabitants in those times.
I had lived on the Fylde all my life, yet knew very little about the rest of the county. This course sounded as if it would be interesting and so I decided to enrol. It had taken everything I could muster to venture to the enrolment day, but at first a small amount of self-assurance had returned, and when I saw a few women enrolling on the courses I even began to look forward to this evening with an anticipation I hadn’t felt for over thirty years. Although I wasn’t used to interacting at a social level with the opposite sex, I found the prospect to be far from unattractive.
When I mentioned what I’d done to her, Julie was a little surprised to hear that I’d be studying history. “I hope you’re not the only one on the course,” she joked. I laughed; I was looking forward to the course with a confidence I hadn’t felt in a long time.
But now, standing looking at the imposing college entrance, that confidence dissipated. I might have turned away if I hadn’t remembered the money; granted, a hundred pounds wasn’t a lot to spend on a ten-week course, but I’d paid it and I wasn’t going to let it go that easily. Taking a deep breath, I pushed through the doors and entered the foyer. Nobody was about, but a laminated sign on the noticeboard directed me to follow the purple line to room M6 for “A course in Lancashire history” and I followed the purple footsteps pasted on the floor — intersecting at times with yellow for “Photography” and red for “Life Drawing” — until I came to the designated classroom.
As I opened the door it was like stepping back in time to my first day at senior school. The classroom was big enough for thirty or so pupils, containing five large circular tables and a front teacher’s desk. The two tables towards the rear of the room and the one in the centre all had chairs stacked on top of them, leaving just the two at the front for me to sit at. One of those was empty, the other had half a dozen people already sitting around it, and a dozen eyes focused on me as I entered.
I headed for the far, unoccupied, table, but a woman who looked to be in her thirties rose from her seat and directed me towards the seventh chair around the nearest table. As I sat I took a closer look at the other occupants. The three women, who I judged to be in their thirties, forties and fifties, included two who I had seen at enrolment six days earlier; I noticed now that only one of them wore a wedding ring. The woman who had directed me to my seat hadn’t been there at enrolment — at least, not while I was there — and the other two were a man and woman barely out of their teens.
All seven of us sat there, some of us fidgeting nervously, all of us trying to avoid eye contact, as we wondered what was going to happen next. The three women were to my right, the two youngsters to my left, with the woman who had directed me to my seat almost opposite me. I looked at my watch — two minutes past seven — and unwittingly caught her eye.
“Yes,” she said, “I think it’s about time we started. I had hoped that we might have a few more late enrollers, but it looks like half a dozen is all we’re going to have on the course.” She looked round at the six of us. “I recognise a couple of you from last week, but not all,” she added, looking in my direction as she spoke.
“Just in case any of you have come to the wrong room, this is the Local History course, where we’ll be taking a closer look at some of the events that have taken place across Lancashire over the last hundred years.” She looked to see if anybody had come to the wrong location — again, I noticed her glance more at me than anybody else — and then continued. “Good, it seems we’re all here for the right reasons.”
I looked at her as she began giving us a brief introduction to the topic. She was almost librarian-looking, with short bobbed brown hair and glasses; she reminded me of Donna Reed in the alternate-reality portion of It’s A Wonderful Life, but I soon saw that she portrayed none of the timidity of that character.
“Before we begin,” she said, cutting across my mind-wandering, “I think it would be helpful if we all introduced ourselves and said a little about what we hope to gain during the next few months. I’ll start. I’m Louise James, and, as you’ve gathered, I’ll be teaching this short course and, over the next ten weeks, I hope to introduce you all to some of the more interesting events and characters associated with the county of Lancashire since 1911. Some people think of history in terms of wars and nations, but it is much, much more than that. A single unsolved murder that took place a century ago can still have relevance today…”
There was a sharp gasp from one of the women to my right, but when I instinctively turned to look all three looked deep in concentration on Louise’s words and I wondered if I had imagined it.
“Everybody has a history, something that is personal to each and every one of you, and I want to begin by exploring that. So come on now, it’s your turn, stand up and introduce yourselves to the group. Tell us what you hope to get out of the course.”
I always hated that sort of thing, and I tried to sink down into my chair to become less noticeable, but Louise was looking directly at me and I had no choice. I stood and, in an unsteady voice, I began. “Er, I’m Ethan Hudson, and I’m fifty-nine years old. When I was younger, I hated my name, but now it’s come back into fashion it makes me feel a bit younger.” I could feel sweat beginning to trickle down my temple. That wasn’t what she meant when she said introduce yourself but I felt as if my mouth had been working of its own volition. “Yes, er, I’m divorced, two children, one married and living in the South of England and the other on a sabbatical to South America for a year, so I don’t get to see much of them, unfortunately. I’m retired, but I worked for most of my career as a loss adjuster at a variety of insurance firms across Lancashire. So I’ve travelled about the county, but know very little about it, really. What am I hoping to get from the course? It’s strange in a way. I always hated history when I was at school, but now I’m older I often find myself wondering about the past. Especially as a lot of it is my own past, but you don’t look upon things in the same way when you’re a child, do you? It’s the chance to learn a little about the county I was born in that attracted me when I saw the advert. And that’s about it, I suppose,” I said, hastily sitting down.
“Thank you,” said Louise, and her warm smile suddenly made me feel a lot better about myself. She turned her gaze to my right, to the first of the three women, the one with the wedding ring on. She had short multicoloured hair, a mixture of light and dark brown, and my immediate instinct was to wonder whether or not she dyed it to cover the grey. I judged her to be approaching sixty, but before I could glean any more information she stood and began to speak, in a strong, clear voice.
“My name is Gail Smythe and I’m a fifty-two-year-old housewife. My husband is the national manager of a fast-food franchise, and — as we don’t have children — I travel with him a lot as he goes to the head offices in America several times a year. He doesn’t have any overseas trips planned for the immediate future, but he works long hours and is often late home, so I was looking for something to fill some of my spare time. We’re originally from London — we met at the Isle of Wight festival, as we were both big fans of The Who at the time, and we moved to this area two years ago when the company moved its UK headquarters to Manchester. As I’ve never really thought much about life in the north before, I considered it might be useful to learn something about the area I now live in, and the people who live here. I could also pass the information on, as it might be of use to my husband in his job.”
She sat down, and I wondered if she had been the one who gasped when Louise spoke. Something about what she’d said didn’t quite ring true. I vaguely remembered the Isle of Wight festival as taking place around the time of Woodstock, which I knew was in 1969. I did a quick mental calculation. If Gail had gone to the festival in, say, 1969 or 1970, then she would only have been around eleven or twelve. It was possible, of course, but it just didn’t seem right, but I tried not to be overly judgemental; perhaps I was wrong about the dates and the festival had been in the mid-seventies after all.
The woman next to her, who had short-cut dark reddish-brown hair, rose and began to speak. “And I’m Trish Carson, and it isn’t short for Patricia or anything like that. Trish is the name on my birth certificate. I’m fifty-four, and a happily divorced businesswoman — some of you may have seen me during the working day, for I provide sandwiches for some of the larger employers in Lytham and the surrounding areas.” I glanced across at her, trying not to stare and make it too obvious. Fifty-four? I wouldn’t have thought her to be a day over forty-five. She didn’t notice that I was looking at her, and continued to introduce herself. “Like the others said, I too would like to know a little more about the county I’ve lived in for the last thirty years. I also thought it might be a good way of meeting new friends, as modern life doesn’t give us the same opportunities to socialise as our parents had. It would be interesting to learn how things were fifty and a hundred years ago, so we can see how things have changed, and it might make it easier to determine whether all of those changes have been for the better or not.”
As she sat down, with a slight crimson shade on her face, the third of the trio — a bobbed fair-haired beauty who looked to be in her mid-thirties and dressed as if she were ten years younger than that — stood, ready to tell us her own potted life story. “Let’s get this over, then,” she began, a little nervously. “I’m Deborah Havers-Home,” she said, carefully enunciating each syllable. “It’s spelt the same as the former Prime Minister that some of you will undoubtedly remember. And that’s all I have in common with him. I prefer to be called Debbie rather than my full name, as it sounds rather pretentious. It isn’t; I just wanted to keep my own surname when I married Mr Home. My job is very unglamorous — I’m an accounts clerk at a bakery, as I had to return to work when I left my husband.”
She went to sit down, then hurriedly rose again. “Oh, and in keeping with everyone else, I’m fifty-five years old and I am fascinated by the past, so I thought this was an ideal opportunity to be with like-minded people. I do know the county quite well, for I’ve travelled a lot over the years, but you can always learn something new. And, as…Trish said, an event like this can also be very useful for meeting people. I think it’s very important to have plenty of friends and acquaintances from all walks of life.”
I turned to look in her direction. My guesses were way off the mark tonight. Fifty-five? Surely not. But as I took a closer look, I could see signs around her eyes that she wasn’t quite as young as I’d first thought. I noticed the others glancing across at her too, and wondered whether there might be looks of envy from those of similar age to Debbie.
“Thank you,” said Louise, before turning towards the couple on my left. The youth rose, exuding aggression in his stance. “Mike Ryan. I’m one of the forgotten generation who haven’t been able to find a job thanks to the old establishment figures who make the decisions.” He almost spat the words out, and I could see from his looks that he counted Gail, Trish, Debbie and myself amongst the old establishment figures. With his long hair, sideburns, armless T-shirt and torn jeans he almost seemed to be a throwback from an earlier decade. “So I’ve plenty of time on my hands, and as the unemployed can do the course for a fiver, I decided to let you all have the benefit of my knowledge. I wasn’t expecting to be with so many old people, though,” he added.
There was silence for a second, then the girl alongside him said, “Okay, you’ve had your say. Sit down, Mike.” As he sat I noticed him casting a long and hard look at Gail, and a small smile played on his lips.
Trying to cover up the awkward silence, I said, “And finally, young lady?” I took a good look at her as I spoke, noting her long blonde hair and the too-heavy make-up that she’d applied around her eyes. She was dressed mainly in black, and with just a hint of black lipstick; I imagined she was perhaps an undecided Goth.
The girl paused for a moment, as if considering whether to answer or just get up and leave. Finally, she spoke. “Okay,” she said, remaining seated. “I’m Emma Wilkinson, I’ll be twenty next month, and I work on the tills at Lidl. And I’m only here because Mike told me to come.” She lowered her head, as if embarrassed at her admission; it was abundantly clear that she really didn’t want to be here. Then, as if she’d come to a decision, she added, “I was never very good at school, and I didn’t understand a lot of what the teachers said, so I never really bothered with any of it. I thought this might give me a chance to learn something for once.” Mike laughed, but not in a pleasant way. Emma immediately clammed up and lowered her head once more.
Once more, I tried not to be judgemental, but I found myself thinking that I didn’t like Mike at all. He seemed to exert an unhealthy influence over Emma, who might, given the chance, find this course extremely beneficial, even though the class was full of old people. Perhaps others felt the same, for Louise looked at her watch and said, “Normally we’d have a break around eight o’clock, but, as this is the first night, why don’t we have our tea now? The machines are in the hallway — you’ll have passed them when we came in — and we’ll meet back here in fifteen minutes. Okay?”
We all mumbled our agreement and stood to leave. It was noticeable that Mike and Emma remained behind — Emma half rose, but then looked at Mike and sat down again — while Louise dashed off, doubtless wondering just what she’d let herself in for.
“I’m just going to phone my husband,” said Gail, taking out an outdated mobile. I was a little surprised, as, from the way she had described her circumstances, I would have expected her to have the latest model, complete with all the apps; perhaps she struggled with new technology as much as I did, and a simple ‘call and text’ phone suited her best. I couldn’t even manage that.
“That just leaves the three of us, then,” said Trish. “Come on, let’s get a coffee.”
Debbie picked up her battered old satchel, and I said, “I’m sure we can leave our things here. They’ll be safe enough.”
“It isn’t that, E…Ethan? No, I take this everywhere with me. You see, I’m writing a novel, but I’m a bit embarrassed about anybody seeing it just yet.”
“A novel! Wow, I wish I had the ability to do something like that. You should be proud of it and want to show it off to everybody.”
“Perhaps when it’s finished. It’s all a bit of a jumble at the moment. I’m aiming to complete it before the year ends, so…but until then, I feel at bit…you know.”
“We understand,” said Trish, “and I agree with Ethan. Good on you.” They left the room and I followed along behind them while they chatted like old friends, even though I doubted that they’d ever met before the course began.
I thought about the other class members, and I felt a little bit like an outsider looking in. True, Debbie and Trish had been pleasant enough, but perhaps that was just out of politeness. If they were getting along as well as it appeared they were, would there be any room for me as a third wheel? Nerves began to get the better of me, and I wondered if coming here was the right thing or not. If it hadn’t been for the promise I made Julie, I might have left there and then. As I sipped the hot liquid masquerading as coffee I hoped that I hadn’t made a big mistake.
***
The rest of the evening went much better and I was glad I had decided to persevere. Louise was waiting for us all when we returned, and I noticed she had moved to the front teacher’s desk rather than try and join us at the table as one of the group.
“Tonight I’m just going to give you a bit of background,” she began. “I’ll leave the specifics for the remainder of the programme — nine specific events over nine weeks. What I want to cover this evening, then, is a little about Lancashire in the early part of the twentieth century, when in many towns of the county cotton was king, as the Confederates used to say.”
I scribbled notes while Louise talked; this was what I had signed up for, and I was glad I had decided not to leave during the coffee break. Louise continued with her background on the Lancashire of the last century, and before I knew it it was nine o’clock and time for the class to end.
“So tonight I’ve given you a basic overview of the county, rather than starting the course itself,” she concluded. “As I said before, that is partly because I want to talk about nine specific events in the remaining nine weeks, but I was originally going to do a different sort of introduction today, as a precursor to the first of the nine.”
“Why didn’t you, then,” asked Mike, “instead of making us sit through all that boring rubbish?”
“It wasn’t boring. I enjoyed it,” said Trish, and I could see Gail and Debbie nodding in agreement while Emma sank lower into her chair as if to distance herself from Mike’s attitudinal words.
“I’m sorry you found it boring,” said Louise slowly. “I hope you’ll find the rest of the course more interesting. If there is any more, that is.”
“Why? Won’t you be running any further classes?” I asked. “If it’s something any of us have said, I’m sure it wasn’t meant.” I cast a pointed look to my left as I spoke.
“No, Ethan, it’s nothing like that at all. In fact, I welcome controversy. There’s nothing like a good discussion to get the adrenalin flowing. No, it’s something entirely different. You see, in order for a course to run, a minimum of ten students are required. That’s a rule of the department. Although we only had four of you enrolling last Wednesday, and the other two enrolled by post, I expected that we’d have a few more dropping in tonight to increase the numbers, but that hasn’t happened. That was why I changed tonight’s introduction, as I didn’t want to make a start on the real content of the course if I couldn’t take it to its natural end.”
“So it’s all been for nothing,” I said, realising how disappointed I was that the course was not going to continue; it was quite a turnaround from my feelings an hour and a half earlier.
“Not necessarily,” said Louise. “I’ll submit my report, and I’ll include a recommendation that the course does continue, as we have a good group of different ages and opinions and I think it will be very valuable. Besides, I really do want to tell the nine separate tales, as I think there is something important about them. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that what I intend to cover could be, as they say, a matter of life and death.”
I wanted to ask what she meant by that, but before I had the chance to speak Gail was asking a question. “But if you said it was a department rule…” she began.
“Yes, it is. But rules are flexible at times. At break, I saw that there were many more people on the photography and life-drawing courses—” Mike snorted and muttered, “Perverts,” as she said this “—and,” said Louise, in a slightly louder voice, almost as if she were regretting what she had just said about the group, “I hope that our shortfall won’t be as important when taken into consideration with the extra numbers on those programmes. But, if any of you do know of anyone else who might like to come, please give them the details and get them to phone the department and perhaps that will make a difference as well.”
“How will we know if it’s been cancelled?” asked Debbie.
“Yeah, and if it is, I want me money back,” said an angry-sounding Mike.
“Don’t worry,” said Louise. “If the course doesn’t continue, you’ll be repaid in full. Every last penny,” she added, pointedly avoiding looking at Mike. “You may get a letter through the post before Tuesday telling you it’s cancelled, but if you don’t just turn up as usual and assume the class is going ahead. Hopefully, I’ll see you all next week.”
I walked out of the college in somewhat of a daze, barely aware of anybody else until I heard Trish saying, “Well, that was different.” I turned and saw she was talking to Debbie.
“Yes, it was. What do you think, Ethan?”
“Oh, I suppose I’m a little disappointed now. I wasn’t sure about it all at first, but once the class got going after coffee I was really beginning to enjoy it. I was looking forward to the discussions over the next few weeks, but now that’s all been put in doubt.”
“Do you know anybody else who could come?” asked Trish to both of us, but we both shook our heads. “No, me neither,” she added. “I don’t know about the other three, so let’s hope Louise can come up with someone else.”
“Yes, let’s,” I added. “It might be good if a few younger ones came — perhaps then Mike and Emma might not feel out on a limb. Or even somebody in their thirties, so we’ve a variety of ages and experiences.”
“I know what you mean,” said Debbie. “I suppose it must be quite difficult for them when everybody else is a little bit older.” A little bit? I thought, but I didn’t say anything. “I quite like Emma, but I’m not too sure about Mike. But it’s the first night, so I’m trying not to be too critical. The point is, we need everybody we can get if the course is going to run, and it’s important that it does, so we’ll have to just cross our fingers and hope for the best.”
I nodded, knowing she was right. It was nice to know that Debbie was as keen as I was to keep the group going. We said our goodnights and I walked slowly back home, pondering on an interesting first night.
***
I had barely stepped through the front door when the phone rang. As I answered I heard Julie’s babbling tones coming down the line.
“Well, did you go to class?”
“Yes, I went.”
“And?”
“And it was good. But this might be the only time.”
“Dad! You mustn’t give up that easily.”
“Hold on a second. The course might not run next week as only a few enrolled on it. If they don’t get the numbers, it’ll probably be cancelled.”
“I told you to go for a more popular one.”
“This was the one that interested me. Anyway, there’s a chance it’ll still run.”
“And what about the other students? Are they nice?”
“Oh, a couple seem all right.”
“And would those couple perhaps be women around your age?”
“I suppose they are. I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“Dad! Look, I’ve got to go now, but let me know how it goes. And how you get on with your classmates. Remember, play nicely with them. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Jules,” I said with a smile, and I put the phone down.
