Читать книгу A Father for Her Baby - Sue MacKay - Страница 9

CHAPTER TWO

‘SASHA WILSON, I’VE never forgotten you.’

He sucked cold air through clenched teeth. Unfortunately his mind remained fixed on Sasha.

‘Not for lack of trying, believe me. You’ve hung around in my skull, annoying the hell out of me, reminding me continually of what I destroyed. My one chance of extreme happiness blown out of the water because I couldn’t figure a way to make the future work well for both of us at the same time as looking after Mum and my sisters.’

What had he done to deserve this turn of events? Opening up old wounds had never been on his agenda. Especially Sasha’s hurts. Coming to Takaka had been such a foolish idea, but he’d thought spending four weeks here would be safe. That he’d visit, get his house sorted and on the market then leave, without Sasha factoring into his plans—because she wouldn’t be here.

When Mike had mentioned her name earlier he’d struggled to absorb the shock and warmth that had hit him. But it seemed no preparation could lessen the slam-dunk feeling he’d got when he’d actually seen her. His ability to think straight had vamoosed. He’d been sorely tempted to hold her, kiss her, devour her. The struggle to keep himself together while he’d given her that friendly hug had caused knots in his shoulders and neck muscles.

And then her pregnant belly. That had really put him in his place. He didn’t belong here. Certainly not with Sasha. But, then, that was why he’d come, to get shot of his house and move on with his life. Once and for all.

Sash hadn’t lived here for years, or so he’d been told. If anyone had told him she was working at the local medical centre, however temporarily, he’d have said they needed to see a shrink. Golden Bay was far too small for a personality the size of hers. Always had been. They’d never planned on living here any time in their future. The future he’d deliberately destroyed to set her free.

He didn’t want to think about that baby she carried. But how could he not? His heart slammed his ribs. A little bit of him had died right then. Sasha was pregnant. With another man’s baby. Yeah, well, the point being? Pregnancy usually involved a man and he hadn’t been around for a very long time. Bile soured the back of his throat. She’d got on with her life like he’d told her to, proving how final his words had been.

He’d spoken them but had he understood the true depth of what he’d told her? Hurting her had been unavoidable if he was to make her get on with her life, unhindered by his problems with his family that had suddenly tied him to Nelson and stopped him going away to med school. He’d spent hours trying to come up with a way to break off with her without causing her distress and pain, hoping to leave the door open for later. Of course there’d been no answer other than to say it straight out. Go, get on with your life, leave me to mine. It had hurt him as much as her, but she hadn’t seen that.

Now Sasha had a family of her own. Without him. His loss. His big loss.

Was that what had brought her back here? Family? The baby’s maternal grandparents lived here. The slower-paced, outdoors-orientated lifestyle was perfect for a young child. Sasha had lots of friends here who were probably starting families round about now. Who had she settled down with? Someone local that he knew? Or an outsider who’d fallen under Sasha’s spell? Like he had the very first time he’d set eyes on her as she’d rowed her dinghy into the beach and tossed the anchor at his feet. He’d been young and horny and in lust. Which had quickly turned to young and horny and in love.

Where was her man anyway? Grady scowled. He wouldn’t have let her out alone at this hour, driving in these horrendous conditions. Yeah, but this was Sash. The woman who never listened to anyone’s advice. The girl with enough confidence for a whole team of downhill skiers. That had been one of her attractions. That and her smarts, and her enthusiasm for just about everything—except spiders and mashed spuds.

Never in a month of dry Sundays had he expected to feel so disorientated when he saw her. He’d honestly believed he’d be cool, calm and casual. He’d had an hour to prepare. He’d been sitting at the same table as Mike, listening as the guy had rung around the emergency volunteers, getting them on the road to help Sasha with a road accident.

The only word that had registered in his brain had been ‘Sasha’. Immediately excitement had rolled through him. He was going to see her. For eleven years he’d stayed away, wondering how she fared, if she’d forgiven him, and could they be friends again—and now all he could think was what he’d missed out on. His gut roiled. Sasha, his one true love. Out of reach for ever. And no one to blame except himself.

How could I have been so stupid to think I’d get over her if I tried really hard? Talk about impossible.

Pain bounded around his chest. His head spun so fast it hurt. His gut had crunched down hard, feeling like it held a solid ball of concrete. So much he wanted to know, yet he couldn’t ask her a thing.

‘Ask what?’ came the sharp tone of the woman he wanted to pretend wasn’t within touching distance.

Inside the ambulance he ducked to avoid smashing his head on the overhead cupboards. ‘Nothing,’ he muttered, because he truly couldn’t think what to say. Most things that came to mind would be incendiary. Certainly not conducive to good working relations.

A cupboard door slid shut with a bang. ‘What area of medicine did you specialise in?’

So she knew he’d finally trained as a doctor. She must’ve thought of him occasionally, then. Was that good? Or bad? He told her, ‘I chose general practice. I like the community aspect best.’

‘I get that.’ Sasha surprised him with a smile. A very brief flicker but he’d take it. It melted some of the forced wariness that had settled on his heart the moment he’d seen her head popping up from behind that bank where the truck had crashed. The chill had been about him, not her. A hopeless attempt to shut down any leftover feelings he had for this beautiful, feisty woman.

She’d been a girl-slash-woman when he’d fallen in love with her. Seventeen going on thirty. Unafraid of anything, whether it had been taking her dad’s plane up for a spin, galloping her horse at breakneck speed along the beach, or diving for scallops out in the bay. She had always got her own way by sheer willpower. People had either gone with her or stepped aside to watch with envy her latest escapade. Watching her now, she seemed very much in control.

Voices reached them, and then thankfully men appeared at the entrance to the interior of the ambulance. Jonty was telling them, ‘Go easy with that stretcher, guys. Lucy doesn’t need any more knocks.’

Sasha took the top end and guided the stretcher onto its frame, before deftly clicking all the locks in place. Lucy wasn’t going anywhere she shouldn’t.

Grady moved closer, looking their patient over, fighting to ignore Sasha’s presence as her arm rubbed against his when they both leaned over the stretcher. Heat spilled through him. Heat that woke up parts of his body best left asleep right now. Heat he did not need around Sash. Focus on Lucy. Head wound, right arm at an odd angle, suggesting a fracture, laboured breathing. Sliding a hand under Lucy’s torn blouse, he carefully felt her ribs. No problems there. One point in her favour.

‘The GCS was nine when I first checked Lucy and it hasn’t changed,’ Sasha informed him. ‘She came round twice very briefly earlier and asked about Sam, before losing consciousness again.’

The Glasgow Coma Index. Borderline severe. Not a good sign. Grady’s fingers worked along Lucy’s hairline then over her head. ‘I’m guessing she hit the dashboard when the truck flipped.’

‘The wound above her temple was still bleeding moderately when I reached her.’

He gently lifted the padding at one corner. ‘It’s stopped now.’

‘One thing to be thankful for.’ Sasha’s tone was perfectly reasonable, normal. Totally unaffected by his presence.

Guess she’d long got over him. Which, considering her pregnancy, should be mighty obvious even to his sluggish brain. He must’ve done a good job of telling her to get on with her life without him in it because the results were very clear. Sash was going to become a mother in a few months’ time. She hadn’t done that on her own.

The green-eyed monster lifted its head, roared inside his skull. Who was the lucky bastard? Did he treat her well? Did she love him? Completely and utterly? Passionately? Of course she did. That was the only way Sash did anything. Grady wiped his hands down his jeans, removing a sudden coating of sweat. ‘We need to splint Lucy’s arm.’

He’d spoken more brusquely than he’d intended and received a perfectly arched eyebrow kind of glare for his trouble. ‘Sure.’

It was as easy as that for Sash. Except her fingers had a slight tremble as she handed him the splint. Interesting. And confusing. Talk about mixed messages. Not only were those fingers trembling, they were covered in rings. Was one of them a wedding ring? The silver one on her wedding ring finger had a tiny butterfly etched into the metal. Not a likely wedding ring, even for Sasha.

They worked quickly and efficiently, routine emergency care that neither of them had any difficulty with. Grady asked in as nonchalant a voice as he could manage, ‘Where have you been working? Before Takaka?’ Sasha had been planning on starting her training only weeks after the last time they’d been together. They’d finished high school and had been enjoying their last summer holidays before hitting the adult world.

‘In the emergency department at Christchurch Hospital for a year.’ She gently lowered Lucy’s arm by her side. ‘Now I’m the community nurse around here while the centre’s usual nurse is on maternity leave.’

‘Must be something in the water,’ Grady muttered.

‘Here I’d been thinking it was all to do with loving relationships.’ Suddenly her tone could have slayed rampaging bulls.

A quick glance showed the anger spitting out at him from those beautiful emerald eyes. Anger and something else he couldn’t make out. Hurt? Disappointment? It had come and gone so fast he didn’t have time to work out exactly what that emotion had been.

‘Sash, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound flippant.’ Once he’d have been able to say anything to her and get away with it. That had been before bust-up day. Eleven birthdays and Christmases ago. A doctor’s degree ago. Two broken relationships ago. Relationships he hadn’t cared enough about to make work.

‘My name is Sasha.’ Words as cold as that ice outside fell into the silence.

Not to me you’re not. His heart cracked wide open at her rebuff. He hadn’t set out to be overly friendly by using his pet name for her. But he’d always called her Sash. He hadn’t learned not to. All these years he’d thought about Sash, not Sasha. That was everyone else’s name for her. She used to protest at anyone calling her Sash—except him. Seemed he’d been relegated to the slush heap. His shrug was deliberate and heavy. ‘Sasha.’

The door opened and cold air hit them as Mike and the guys hoisted the second stretcher on board with Mr Donovon strapped down tight.

Their patient roused himself enough to croak out, ‘How’s Lucy?’

‘She’s stable, Sam.’ Sasha held the older guy’s hand for a moment, spoke in a very caring way, nothing like she’d talked to him. ‘I’m glad you’re out of that truck.’

‘You and me both, lass.’

Mike nudged his way between Grady and Sasha. ‘Let’s take a look at you, Sam, before we get on our way.’

‘Are you driving over to Nelson?’ Sasha’s eyes widened. ‘I’ve just come over the hill and it’s not good. Took me a lot longer than normal.’

‘No choice. The rescue helicopter flew to Wellington on an emergency run four hours ago and has been grounded after a wind gust flicked it sideways, causing damage to a rotor,’ Mike explained. ‘Jonty has offered to drive while Rebecca and I keep an eye on these two.’

Rebecca poked her head through from the front, where she’d been having no luck in her attempts to raise the Nelson ED on the radio. ‘I don’t have a lot of confidence driving on ice, whereas Jonty’s had plenty of practice.’

‘You want me to come along?’ Grady asked Mike. ‘I’m happy to help.’ Though it was getting crowded in here.

Mike shook his head as he cut down through the centre of Sam’s trouser leg. ‘No point in all of us missing out on a night’s sleep. Rebecca and I can handle this. Grady, you hitch a ride back with Sasha. She lives on her parents’ property, close by your house.’ Mike really didn’t have a clue about anything.

He saw Sash stiffen for a brief moment. Then she returned to helping Mike, for all the world completely unperturbed by the other doctor’s suggestion. Mike’s idea made perfect sense. She lived very close to his house. He used to be able to get to Sasha’s in under a minute on his motorbike if the road was clear. Bloody lucky he’d never come off on that tight corner by the Wilsons’ gate. ‘Okay with you, Sasha?’ he drawled.

Why did his mind play these games to annoy her when really all he wanted was a bit of peace for the rest of his stay here? He must quit giving the woman a hard time. She hadn’t asked for him to barge back into her life. ‘I can go back with the fire truck if you’d prefer.’

Her mouth tightened, her eyes darkened, and she tugged those small shoulders back hard, automatically pushing that baby bump further out between them. She wouldn’t back down from what she’d been asked to do. But she glared at him as she said, ‘Might as well come with me. I warn you I’m not in a hurry. Too much ice to drive like I’m handling a racing car.’

Now, that was something new. Sash had always driven like she had to win. ‘Works for me.’

‘Let’s go.’ Sasha was blunt. ‘I’m more than ready to be home tucked up in bed for what’s left of the night.’

Air whooshed out of his lungs. Sash and bed. The memories he’d been trying to deny for the last thirty minutes reared up bright and dazzling. Sash—gregarious, generous, sexy, funny. A full-on, crazy, risk-taking kind of girl. An exciting, adventurous lover whose kisses had always left him breathless. And wanting more of her. What he wouldn’t do for one of those now.

Huh? Man, he had a problem, and he was about to hitch a ride with her. He watched her carefully lower to the ground, holding onto the safety rail in case her feet went from under her. So unlike the Sash he knew. But he wanted, needed, to get to know this version.

Mike tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Sorry about dragging you up here, but that’s Golden Bay for us medicos. The isolation means no one can ever totally relax.’

‘No problem,’ he answered mechanically, his eyes still fixed on Sash as she moved away awkwardly, taking each step extra-carefully. Her back ramrod straight, her head high. He knew her chin would be jutting forward, her mouth tight.

Exactly like that last time he’d seen her. On the sand at Pohara Beach below Dad’s house, now his house. She’d turned to walk away from him, the summer wind flattening her burnished gold curls and sandblasting her arms. Her long legs, forever legs, showcased by barely-there shorts, had eaten up the ground as she’d put distance between them.

Those green eyes, big in her fine-featured face, had been fixed on something in the distance at the far end of the beach. Only minutes before they’d been filled with love for him. Love that had rapidly turned to disbelief, and pain, as he’d spewed out his sorry attempt to make her go away so she could have the future she’d already mapped out long before they’d got together. The only kind of future that would suit Sasha. Certainly nothing like the one he’d suddenly faced, brought about by Dad’s death.

If he had a dollar for every time he’d wished his words back over the intervening years he could have retired already. But there’d be no undoing what his mouth had spilled that day. His deliberate attempt to send her on her way had been highly successful. Though he’d been thankful it was done, there’d been a part of him that had wished she’d fought him, made him accept there was no letting go of what bound them together, that theirs was a love that would see them through anything and everything.

Now he had to sit in a vehicle with her for as long as it took to get home. He would not spend the trip remembering her fingers playing over his skin in moments of wild passion. He would not recall how she’d call on her cell phone in the middle of the night and talk dirty till he lost control. Or how she’d climb on the back of his motorbike, slide her arms around his waist and hang on, laughing at the wind in her face. Not. Not. Not.

His heart squeezed painfully. He’d missed Sash so much that even if he could, he didn’t want to go away again without talking to her. Could they bury the elephant between them? These weeks might be his only opportunity. He could put the time to good use and put the real Sasha up against the one in his memory. That might prove interesting. Maybe the biggest disappointment of his life. But then he might finally be able to move on.

‘You going or what?’ Mike asked.

Grady shook his head, concentrated on the here and now. ‘On my way.’

He hadn’t even got the car door shut before Sash turned the key in the ignition. She mightn’t intend driving fast but she wasn’t wasting time hanging around. Glancing his way, she kept her face inscrutable. ‘Ready?’

‘Yes.’ Shrugging back into the corner, he couldn’t stop his gaze wandering over her. His breathing stuttered. She’d grown even more beautiful than he remembered her to be. Her pearly whites were now straight and orderly. The braces she’d hated wearing had done a fantastic job, though he missed the gap between the two front teeth. That had been kind of cute. Sasha’s curls had grown into a long, burnished gold ponytail held firmly in place with a purple clip thing. She still stared directly at everything, everyone. Including him.

And there—in those eyes—he finally recognised something from way back. Those eyes held the same all-seeing, missing-nothing gleam, and they were focused entirely on him. Looking for what?

Then she blinked, turned her head and began backing the vehicle onto the road, before concentrating on taking them down the hill. Her hands were firm on the steering-wheel, her body tilted forward as she peered out the windscreen. She was in control. Nothing new there. But she wasn’t fighting the situation, instead using the gears to go with the conditions outside.

Grady relaxed further back into his seat, clicked his seat belt in place. The vehicle was in capable hands. Unless fate had some ugly plans for them he’d soon be back at his house, warm and comfortable again. And hopefully getting some sleep. Something he seriously doubted was likely to happen.

The only sound was the purr of the engine and the intermittent flick, flick of the wipers. Sasha had never liked silence. But she wasn’t doing anything about filling this one. Grady’s mouth twitched.

Ironic but he wanted to hear noise, her voice, words, anything but this quietness that smothered him.

Her gloved right hand lifted from the steering-wheel and did the gentlest of sweeps across her belly.

His gut squeezed tight. He wanted to place his hand on top of hers, to feel whatever she felt. To be a part of this scene, not an observer. Her gesture had been instinctive, a mother-to-baby touch. Sash was obviously comfortable with being an expectant mum. It suited her.

From what he could see in the dull light from the instrument panel her face had softened, the glint in her eyes quietened, and that chin didn’t point forward. Yes, she was at ease with her situation, if not with him.

The tightening in his gut increased. He wanted to ask about the father of her baby, why she was living back here, how long before she left again, if she was happy. Instead, he looked out the windscreen and went for, ‘How are your parents? Your dad still flying?’

At first it seemed she had no intention of answering. But just when he was about to try again she answered. ‘Dad’s set to retire at the end of the year. He’s getting tired of long-haul flights, finds each one a little harder to recover from than the last. But he doesn’t want to go back on the domestic route. Says that’s for the up-and-coming pilots to sharpen their teeth on.’

‘I’ve never understood how pilots manage all those hours in the air, their bodies not really coping with all the time-zone changes. It can’t be good in the long run.’ Yet he remembered Ian Wilson always having abundant energy. Working their avocado and citrus orchards when he was at home, going fishing, flying his plane, taking his family away for hiking weekends. He’d never stopped. His daughter had the same genes.

‘You haven’t seen Dad for a while. He’s looking older. And he doesn’t move as fast any more.’ Sadness laced her statement. ‘He’s only sixty-three, for goodness’ sake. He shouldn’t be slowing down.’

‘Are you worried about it? Enough to suggest he see a doctor?’

‘No, it’s life catching up, I think.’ She changed gear to reduce speed for a sharp bend. ‘Jackson’s working in Hong Kong so they catch up whenever Dad flies that way.’

So Dr Jackson Wilson, Sasha’s older brother, now lived halfway round the world. No surprise. The guy had been in a hurry to leave the bay the moment he’d finished high school. Guess he hadn’t stopped when he’d reached Auckland either. ‘What does your mother think about Ian retiring?’

‘She’s the reason he’s not stopping as soon as he’d like. I think she’s afraid he’ll take over her orchard and leave her with little to do.’

‘Hardly surprising. It’s been her baby for years.’

Again Sash went all quiet on him. This time the silence hung heavily between them as she concentrated on negotiating the final hairpin bend, her eyes focused straight ahead, her lips pressed hard together. He sensed the tension in her thighs, arms and the rest of her compact body. Because of the road conditions? Or the fact he’d used the baby word?

He broke the silence. ‘When I went for a walk yesterday I noticed the orchard’s been expanded. There’s a lot of work there for anyone to cope with.’ If Ian was sixty-three then his wife had to be a similar age. Time to relax a bit, surely?

It took a few minutes but finally she answered so quietly he had to strain to hear her. ‘Mum tries, and I help when I can.’

‘Is that wise in your condition? Orchard work’s quite heavy.’ Seemed his runaway tongue had no problem with talking. Then his head jerked forward as the car skated to an abrupt halt.

‘By the time you’ve walked home you might’ve learned to keep your unwanted opinions to yourself.’ Sasha stared out the windscreen, not even dignifying him with a glare.

‘I’m sorry. Again.’ He waited. He had no intention of getting out into the night and waiting for the unlikely event of another vehicle coming along.

Might try and learn to keep your trap shut while you’re waiting. Because up until now it’s done nothing but get you further than ever offside with Sasha. If that was possible.

Something akin to fear slithered under his skin. What if he never got to laugh with Sasha again? Never saw her eyes light up into that brilliant summer green that hit him right in the heart? Could he still go and knock on her door and say hi?

She wouldn’t need that from him. Those bases would be covered with the father of her baby. Nausea rolled up Grady’s throat. He hadn’t been able to do any of those things for years. Long, lonely years when he’d looked for her in every woman he dated.

Suddenly he really, truly, understood how coming back to Golden Bay had little to do with working on his house. He could’ve paid a carpenter to do that. No, this mad idea had been all about Sasha and their past.

But it had to be friendship he was looking for.

Nope. Not at all. But it was all he’d get.

But first he needed a ride home.

He did the one thing he was very good at, had been doing for years. He waited.