Читать книгу Heart Of Courage - Sue MacKay - Страница 13

CHAPTER FOUR

‘MARRY YOU?’ BUT... ‘I can’t.’ But... Sophie spluttered water over her front. They didn’t know each other. There was certainly no love between them. But...

Cooper looked startled. ‘Can’t? You’re not already married?’

Sophie shoved awkwardly to her feet as hurt lanced her. ‘How dare you? You think I’d have had sex with you if I was married? Even in the circumstances you believe I’d be unfaithful? Thanks a million, buster.’ She was shouting and couldn’t care less that people on the other side of the grove were staring. Cooper had handed her the biggest insult he could find. Then her stomach tightened, sending pains shooting in all directions. ‘Ah.’ She wrapped her arms around her belly and held her breath. This hurt, big time.

‘You okay?’ Cooper had risen to his feet too. ‘Sophie, talk to me.’

Breathe. One. Two. Three. Another Braxton Hicks contraction. Fingers crossed. She wasn’t ready for the real deal. Way too soon. The pain in her belly softened, backed off. But not the hurt Cooper had inflicted. She snapped her head up and glared at him. ‘No, I’m not okay.’

‘Easy.’

‘That’s all you ever say when things get heated. Easy. I’m telling you I am not going easy on you. Not after that bombshell you just delivered.’

‘Which one?’ His hands gripped his hips. Under his T-shirt his chest was rising and falling rapidly, like he’d run a marathon. But his gaze softened as it settled on her belly.

He was seriously disrupting all her carefully laid plans. No wonder she hadn’t wanted him in on the pregnancy until after the birth. ‘Both.’

‘Tell me why we can’t...’ he flicked fingers in the air ‘...get married. It makes a lot of sense. We’re having a child and she deserves a family to grow up in.’

‘She’ll have one. Mummy in one house, Daddy in another.’ That sounded awful, but not as awful as Mummy and Daddy screaming that they hated each other and their daughter was the only reason they lived under the same roof. ‘That’s the way it’s going to be. No argument.’ Her lungs expelled air so fast her head spun.

Go away, Cooper.

‘I don’t get any say in this?’ Cooper’s voice was deceptively calm; that chest still moving too quickly being the giveaway to his real emotions.

Shaking her head at him, she said, ‘About getting married, no.’

Why did that tug at her heart? Going solo wasn’t how she’d ever envisioned raising a child, but that didn’t mean she’d grab the first offer that came along. Sexy hunk making the offer or not. Sex in hard boots or not. Which made it difficult not to give in to Cooper when he turned those winning smiles on her. She fell for them every time, but so far, thank goodness, she hadn’t made any major mistakes since he’d turned up on her patch yesterday.

‘So we agree to live in the same city at least?’ He ground out the question.

‘We haven’t agreed to anything yet,’ she snapped back. Where had the usual calm, happy Sophie gone? ‘I’m going home to Auckland. You say you might be stopping there, or you might be going back overseas with the army. Where would you want me living if you choose to do that, huh? I’m not following you around military bases.’ As if.

Calm down, girl. This is not the way to solve the differences between us.

What was the right way? Seemed they got on just fine if they kept off the subject of their child, but the moment anything to do with her and her future arose they were at loggerheads. ‘Cooper...’ She tried for a reconciliatory tone. It wasn’t easy. ‘Thank you for asking me but I will not do this for our child’s sake. That’s no way to start a marriage. I am open to discussions on where I live and how to raise our daughter.’

How come he was suddenly talking marriage? Alistair had warned her in an offhand way about his friend’s reputation of love ’em and leave ’em. Would he be faithful when there was no love between them? And, seriously, why should he be? Another reason to stick to her guns. ‘Why get hitched at all?’ she asked.

Uncertainty flickered through his eyes briefly and then he was in control again. ‘It’s the right thing to do.’

Oh, no, it’s not. Believe me.

‘No one gets married because they’re having a baby any more.’

‘Maybe they should. I’m thinking about our child here, and how it’s going to affect her, living in a single-parent family.’

‘It’s not uncommon these days. Not by a long shot.’ If only she’d lived with one parent and visited the other she might be making a better job of her own life. Following through on his comment, she said, ‘You don’t really want to be married. Why should you? It would cramp your style.’ When his mouth tightened she continued. ‘We’re all but strangers to each other. The worst possible grounds for settling down together, don’t you think?’

He barked a laugh. ‘To think the first time I propose I’m having to justify myself.’ His fingers whitened as his grip tightened. There’d an interesting line of bruises on his hips later. ‘What would make you reconsider your decision?’

‘Nothing.’ When he stared at her as though she’d hurt him deeply she relented. ‘It’s not about you. I was the only reason my parents married and I’ve paid for it all my life.’

The hurt dulled a little. ‘That’s sad.’

‘It was downright cruel.’ She bit on her bottom lip to prevent any more unnecessary words spilling out. She also held her breath in an attempt to hold back the tears that threatened. She never cried about her childhood. Never. The back of her hand came away from her face wet. Maybe it was time she did. Oh, sure. That would solve a whole heap of problems.

‘It doesn’t have to be like that between us and our girl.’

A sledgehammer might work better. ‘Cooper. Listen to me. You haven’t thought this through. Getting married will cramp your lifestyle so much you’ll soon become frustrated and angry and want out. Then who pays? Our daughter for one.’

And me for another.

Her mouth dropped open.

Why would I care? It’s not as though I love him. I mightn’t have been able to forget him but that’s because I’m carrying his child. I do not, could not love him.

‘Sophie? You okay?’ The man totally wrecking her day stood in front of her, concern plastered all over his face.

Blink. ‘Yes.’ Blink. No.

Sure, he’s hot and gorgeous and even fun to be around when he’s not talking about our futures, but live with him as his wife? Not likely, sunshine.

‘You’ve gone pale.’ He was studying her thoroughly. When her hand automatically rubbed her stomach his eyes dropped to watch. ‘You’re not having another pain?’

She shook her head. ‘Let’s go back to base. I’m tired.’

Annoyance replaced his concern, but he didn’t argue, just began packing up their picnic. ‘Fine.’

Being tired was quite normal these days for Sophie. But being bemused by the thought Cooper might mean something to her was new. How could he after so little time together? It didn’t make sense but, then, none of this did. Admittedly she’d feel a little less irresponsible if she could believe she had some feelings for him. Getting pregnant by a complete stranger did not sit well when she knew how much pain an unwanted pregnancy caused those involved. Justifying it by acknowledging she might’ve felt something for him that night would lighten the guilt. Sometimes she wondered what she was going to say when her daughter asked about her father. Hardly going to build confidence in her when her mother told her it had been a brief encounter of the sexual kind that had carried no other meaning than to satisfy an urge brought on by a bomb exploding metres from them.

But if Cooper hung around and became a part of his girl’s life then no explanations would be necessary. Would they?

* * *

The silence was thick enough to cut as Cooper drove back to the base. He was stunned at his offer of marriage. Where had that come from? Getting married would be totally wrong. It went against everything he believed in. He’d never stay in a relationship for long, even one involving a marriage certificate. He was his father’s son in that respect. Unfair. True. Dad had never left his wife, just all the women that had come afterwards. Mum had opted to leave them—by tying a noose around her neck and hanging herself from the garage rafter.

He shivered as the hated memory slapped him. Dad’s hoarse shout coming from the garage. Mandy, don’t leave me. Was that why his dad never settled for long? He’d often wondered but had never asked. Too much hurt to be raised if he did.

Yet none of that explained why the moment Sophie had turned him down he’d hurt bad. Really bad. No one had ever turned him down for anything quite so abruptly, and his proposal had been serious, a handing over of part of himself. Her reply had been a hot lance spearing him. He hadn’t planned on asking her, hadn’t given it much thought except to toss the idea aside as ludicrous. Still, the words had spilled out. Gratitude should be his response to Sophie’s answer. It wasn’t. ‘Now what?’

‘We swap contact details.’

He hadn’t realised he’d spoken out loud. ‘You know we’re on the same military flight out of here on Monday?’

‘I thought you were going tomorrow.’ Was that dread in her voice?

Please, no. He didn’t want her keeping him at a distance. ‘List changed my arrangements.’

‘You’re telling me you didn’t have any say in the matter? You’re in different armies.’

‘He can be bossy at times.’ Now was not the time to tell Sophie that List was concerned about her, and it especially was not the moment to be saying he agreed. That Braxton Hicks contraction had been sharp and hard, had turned her face white and her eyes wary. He wanted to be with her on the flight in case she had more or, worse, went into early labour. He did not want other men on that plane delivering their baby.

Sophie huffed something like a strangled laugh. ‘You’re not telling me anything new.’ Then she gasped. ‘He’s not done that so I’ve got a doctor on hand? He’s been nagging at me to stay here until after the birth.’

Bang on, Sophie girl. ‘You got it.’ But not all of it. He’d already figured that List was interfering, pushing them together as much as possible.

‘Fingers crossed I won’t be needing you. I’m sorry if Alistair has put you out.’

He wasn’t exactly up to speed on delivering babies so couldn’t argue with Sophie on that one. ‘I prefer the arrangements anyway. No stopping in Sydney on that flight, just straight through to Whenuapai. Home sweet home.’ Five days late meant less time getting his house sorted before taking up the temporary position at Auckland Hospital he’d signed up for while sorting out what he was really going to do.

‘Have you got your own place?’ she asked wistfully.

‘A house in Parnell. My dad house-sat for me this trip.’ And supposedly met the next great love of his life while there. Cooper’s teeth slid back and forth, grinding hard. When was Dad going to learn that none of the women he thought he’d fallen in love with were right for him?

‘I’ve got to make appointments to look at apartments to rent as soon as I get home.’ She nibbled at a fingernail. ‘I’ve never cared too much about where I lived before.’

But apparently now she did. That spoke volumes about her determination to do things right for her baby. ‘Where will you go until you find somewhere suitable?’ He reached across and gently tugged her hand away from her mouth. ‘Don’t do that. You’ll regret it in the morning.’ Her nails were always immaculate, resplendent in shockingly bright shades that she’d changed twice in the time he’d been here. He preferred the red to yesterday’s orange.

Sophie turned her head to stare out at the passing scenery. ‘I could go to my parents’.’

Her lack of enthusiasm for that idea dripped off each word. Who could blame her? After her brief revelation about her childhood he certainly couldn’t. ‘They’ll welcome you?’

‘I guess.’ Then she straightened up in her seat and turned to face him. ‘Of course they will. It’d only be a temporary arrangement.’

An idea was slowly creeping into his mind. An idea that needed thinking through, required looking at from all angles before he spilled it out to Sophie. He wasn’t going to blurt it out like he’d done with that marriage suggestion. Once was stupid, twice was really dumb.

But... ‘You could stay with me. My house is big enough that we wouldn’t be tripping over each other,’ he blurted.

Damn it, Sophie. What have you done to me? I go and say the craziest things without any consideration to the consequences when I’m around you. I’ve never acted so impulsively in my life. Not since I was eight and told Dad’s live-in girlfriend number two that I loved her and that I wanted her to stay with us for ever. That she could be my mother if she wanted.

Again silence reigned. Sophie hadn’t answered and seemed to be intent on the passing scenery, dry and boring as it was. Might be for the best. Like his marriage offer—if she didn’t say yes to moving in with him then he didn’t have to worry about anything. Didn’t have to consider that they’d be sharing his space, which wouldn’t be straightforward given his reaction to her whenever they were together. She was easily the most tantalising woman he’d known. Even now his blood heated and they weren’t exactly cosy with each other. His groin had been aching since arriving yesterday, and that had started before he’d set eyes on her. Anticipation had a lot to answer for. Yeah, he still wanted her, needed to make love with her again. Maybe then he’d get past this annoying niggle.

Because that’s what she was to him. A persistent itch. To think he’d invited her to stay with him.

Sophie’s carrying my baby.

Which gave him responsibilities, if nothing else. He’d stepped up and offered some solutions for the future, and she wasn’t barrelling him over with her acceptances. Still, he had to help her in every way possible, whether she liked it or not. There were a lot of things he could do to make life easier for her as she settled into becoming a mother. Whether he liked it or not.

He’d spent his adult life playing the field with women, but he’d never been a brute or deliberately hurtful, and now he would not walk away from Sophie. Her point about a loveless marriage was valid, and in some ways he was thankful for her turning him down. It was all for the best. He wasn’t the kind of guy who’d be able to live like a monk for the rest of his life, and if Sophie kept him at arm’s length it could get tricky. It was doubtful that Sophie would want to stay clear of men either, but he doubted he’d be her first pick. She’d been hot for him that night in Bamiyan, had pretty much thrown herself at him. No denying he’d been ready and waiting to catch her, though. But here in Darwin she’d been a lot more circumspect around him.

Cooper pulled up outside the barracks and hauled on the handbrake. ‘You’ve gone awfully quiet. You okay?’

‘You keep knocking me sideways. First marriage, now the offer of staying with you. I never expected any of that. Thank you. Please don’t think I’m ungrateful. I just happen to be a pig-headed woman who puts her independence before anything else. Except my baby, something I’m only just realising.’ She finally smiled at him.

The warmth went straight to his heart, and any problems he might’ve thought up about sharing his home with her dissolved. ‘I wouldn’t take that away from you. I start at the hospital in a few days and won’t be around the house very much anyway.’

Sophie shook her head at him. ‘I intend finding my own place. Your home would always be yours. I wouldn’t be able to change things or spread out all over the show as I’m exceptionally good at doing.’ There was that smile again. ‘Definitely not a tidy creature, me.’

‘Don’t write my suggestion off so quickly. You’ve got a few days before we fly out of here. Think about it.’ Next he’d be begging. Did he want her living with him so badly? No. But the idea of her in a poky flat in some rank suburb was equally unbearable. She’d be comfortable in his place. He’d be able to get to know her and most likely get over the things about her that were bugging him. Living under the same roof wouldn’t only show the good aspects of her character but the not-so-good ones, the things he’d struggle to put up with day in, day out. Likewise for Sophie about him.

‘Cooper, you’re warring with yourself, so how can I take what you say as the right thing to do? You may be trying to persuade me your way is right but you’re not sure about it. It’s there in your eyes every time you try to convince me you’ve got the perfect solution.’

Already she could read him. He found her a smile. ‘Can you see that I don’t give up easily when it’s important to me?’

‘Saw that seven months ago, pal.’ She was laughing at him.

Cooper reached to draw her into his arms and held her against his chest where she fitted perfectly. His breath hitched at the back of his throat and for a moment he couldn’t utter a word, so he just enjoyed the moment. What would she do if he kissed her? It would be a risk to find out. He didn’t want her rejecting him completely. Not when they were having a baby.

Finally he managed, ‘Crazy woman. I’m starting to really like you.’ Liking her was okay. Anything stronger wouldn’t work, but as that was as implausible as flying to Saturn he was safe.

‘Now, there’s a novel idea,’ she quipped as she snuggled closer.

He swallowed hard and lowered his chin to the top of her head, breathed deep to absorb the scent of sunscreen and flowers, and relaxed against her. Felt her breasts rising and falling softly, not hard points pressing against him like last time he’d held her. Her short breaths against his shirt, her hands on his chest, everything about her made him feel complete. She took away some of the doubts that had been niggling him since he’d first seen that baby bump. Whatever the difficulties ahead, they’d manage, would sort out how to go about raising a child between them in less-than-perfect circumstances. He wasn’t worried on that score. He also wasn’t giving up trying to convince her to move into his house. Not yet. Though he should be. Because becoming a father still didn’t sit easily with him. And having a woman on his patch permanently had him in a hot sweat of the worst kind. Yet—this was Sophie. The one woman he’d never forgotten; remembered her body as hot satin in his hands that night that had led to this situation.

Sophie pulled back, smoothed her already smooth shirt over her breasts. Then she locked her eyes on him and drew in a deep breath. ‘I’ve got something to show you. Can you wait here?’ It must be important, going by the way she held herself.

‘Of course.’ Glad of the distraction, he switched the ignition off and got out to open her door. Leaning back against the car, he watched her walk slowly into the building. Exhaustion tugged her shoulders downward and made her head droop. What was so important that she had to show him tonight? His mind came up blank, so he stopped trying to work it out and waited for her to return.

Then she was back, handing him a large envelope. ‘This is yours to keep. If you want,’ she added with uncertainty.

Which only intrigued him more. ‘What is it?’

‘Take a look. I kept a copy for you.’

He opened the tab and shook the contents out into his hand. One sheet of heavy paper. A photo. No, a scan. His mouth dried. His heart went into overdrive, sending his blood thudding around his body. His hand shook as he held the picture out to study. ‘Our baby?’ he croaked.

Sophie stepped closer. ‘Yes. Look, there are her legs, and one arm. Isn’t that amazing?’

He was incapable of speech. His chin jerked downward once, abruptly. Wow. His daughter. Amazing didn’t begin to describe the overwhelming love for this tiny being flattening him. It filled his heart. It would be easier to chop his arm off than to walk away now. He was a goner. Over a baby. A baby he hadn’t met yet. Who’d have thought?

‘Gorgeous, huh?’ An arm slid around his waist. Sophie. She must feel exactly as he did. Smitten.

He blinked as tears threatened to spill down his face. ‘Yeah. Gorgeous.’ And still downright terrifying. And so not what he’d wanted for his life, but he would not, could not give up now.

‘Stop fighting it.’ Sophie grinned up at him before stretching to place a soft kiss on his mouth. ‘Goodnight, Cooper. Sleep well.’ Then she walked inside, closing the door behind her.

He wasn’t going to sleep. Not tonight. Staring at the scan, he shook his head at the enormity of what had befallen him. Yesterday he’d thought it’d take a long time to accept his upcoming fatherhood. He’d never factored in the love, the instant need to protect, the expectations of watching her grow up that were gripping him. He hadn’t had a clue. Not one.

Sliding into the car, Cooper drove slowly across to the accommodation block he was staying in, barely taking his eyes off that photo long enough to see where he was going.

Sleep well, Sophie had said. Not likely. He was going to put the scan back in the envelope and store it safely in his bag, then he’d go for a run. Pound the road and try to settle the beating in his chest and find some reason for all the turmoil going on in his head.