Читать книгу The Courage to Be Yourself - Sue Patton Thoele - Страница 34

We all know people who play victim roles, people who go around sighing: “Poor me!” “If only they had. . .” “Whatever you want (sigh).” “I don't care (sigh).” “It's not important how I feel (sigh).” We learn these roles. We see our mothers and grandmothers manipulating others with them. But victims actually feel powerless and perceive themselves to be ruled by others' actions and judgments. However, the victim role is incredibly controlling because it evokes guilt.

People who play the victim role were often victimized in childhood, when they were helpless. As adults, they still feel powerless in their world. A perpetual victim never has to take responsibility for her or his own life because everything that happens is obviously and always someone else's fault. The victim personifies an emotionally dependent person because she's a captive of her reactions rather than the captain of her actions. Grown-up victims fill their lives with impossible “shoulds” and “have-tos,” by which they dwell on their failures and beat themselves up continuously over their believed ineffectualness.