Читать книгу 'Can I Borrow the Car?' How to Partner With Your Teen for Safe Driving - Susan Boone's Tordella - Страница 5

Here is a summary of the basic safety habits to instill in your teens, and communication tips to preserve your relationship.

I. Communicate clearly and respectfully. Lay out expectations about safe driving habits you expect them to learn and use for life. Use the safe drivers contract (see appendix and at www.raisingable.com) as a guide. Be prepared to enforce agreements in the contract in a kind, firm, friendly and consistent manner. When and if agreements are broken, you will have agreed upon consequences in advance, agreements which are reasonable, related and respectful. (Credit to Jane Nelsen, Ph.D.) Keep the lines of communication open by regularly sharing information about defensive driving, accidents – especially those involving teen drivers – and by modeling safe driving habits.

II. Assume the role of a coach from the sidelines who wants your teen to succeed by a relationship based on mutual respect. Ask questions, notice progress and when the teen follows safe driving habits, and express gratitude. Say, “I feel safer when you follow the speed limit.” “Thank you for not ‘squeezing the juice’ on the orange light, and stopping instead of going through the intersection.” You want them to win, so cheer them on, and gently admonish them when they temporarily forget to use safe driving habits. Another word for this is encouragement, and noticing them doing what you want more of.

III. Make the time. Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Coaching a new driver takes time. Take a positive attitude toward this opportunity before they soar toward independence and hopefully leave home. Ideally, both parents will read this guide, even if they don’t live together, so you’re literally on the same page. Even if you disagree with some aspects, this guide provides a starting point to create a united front.

IV. Manage your emotions. It’s easy to feel out-of-control and to strain the relationship when a new teen driver is behind the wheel. I propose that you make a plan, and to be aware of normal and reasonable teen behavior so you can better manage your emotions. Knowing what to expect and having a plan to respond in a calm, kind, firm and consistent manner will make the experience more enjoyable for all. If you can’t get to enjoyable, strive for tolerable. When you have a plan ready, you can take action before getting mad. Anticipate that teens are not perfect and they might need to have access to a car temporarily suspended in order to remember that driving is a privilege, and safe driving habits must be taken seriously. Be willing to say during a lesson, “It seems like you’re not paying attention. Do we need to quit for today and come out again tomorrow?”

Noah, now 28, remembers a driving lesson when I observed him repeatedly ignoring safe driving habits. I calmly said, “Noah, pull over. I don’t feel safe. I’m going to drive us home. You can try again tomorrow.” This is called Act, don’t yak. (Credit to Dr. Sam Goldstein, Ph.D. – yes he holds both degrees.) The key is to take action before getting mad, and to be kind, firm and consistent.

V. Follow safe driving habits. The following nine practices provide a foundation of safe driving for all ages. It’s important to communicate them firmly and respectfully, and follow through with your own example. These habits are applicable for new as well as experienced drivers.

1. Eliminate and minimize distractions. This is the number one cause of all accidents for drivers of all ages. Prohibit texting, cell phone use, and fiddling with music devices and navigational tools. Turn off cell phones or have a passenger handle all calls. Do not call teen drivers when you know they are driving. Set up an agreement in advance to leave a message and have them call back later. Silence the ring and beep of text messages, which are more insidious than phone calls. Set up the music and GPS before starting the car, and pull over and stop to make changes. Ignore the phone.

2. Teach anticipation. Encourage teen drivers to prepare for upcoming hazards, traffic lights, lane changes, exits, stop signs, pedestrian crosswalks and parking lots, and to anticipate how weather and traffic impact driving conditions. Teach them to understand the mentality of other drivers, to identify dangerous drivers, and to give dangerous and crazy drivers a wide berth. Anticipation is a big part of defensive driving and judgment. New drivers are deficient in anticipation. It can only be learned through experience and coaching. Anticipation is also known as defensive driving. It can prevent many accidents.

3. Follow the speed limit or drive slightly under it. Exceeding the speed limit is a common cause of teen accidents because it shortens the response time and increases the danger because of lack of experience. Do not tolerate teen drivers who speed. Agree in advance that if a teen gets a speeding ticket, driving privileges will immediately be limited for a specified time. If it happens again, curtail driving privileges for twice as long. This is a related, respected and reasonable consequence that they will know about in advance. Do not impose it as a punishment. Say it in a firm and friendly way that makes them accountable. “Remember what we agreed? If you got a speeding ticket, you will not be able to drive for X amount of time.” If restricting their driving is inconvenient for parents, then prohibit use of the car for social and entertainment purposes. Obeying the speed limit could save their lives. Speed kills.

4. Know how to use the anti-lock braking system (ABS) and practice using it in an empty parking lot. Determine if a vehicle has ABS by reading the vehicle’s manual. If it does, practice an emergency stop by pressing down hard on the brakes. Do not pump anti-lock brakes. Anti-lock brakes launch into an instantaneous stream of mini-pumps to stop the car quickly. Practicing using the ABS in a parking lot will make you and new drivers familiar with how to use anti-lock brakes and be prepared in case of emergency.

5. What’s happening behind the vehicle? Ask the teen driver regularly, “Who’s behind you?” This teaches new drivers to be aware of other cars, to drive defensively and to get in the habit of checking the mirrors. One of the most dangerous car maneuvers is backing up. To demonstrate the danger of backing up, go to an empty parking lot or driveway with your teen behind the wheel. You sit on the ground a foot or two behind the parked vehicle. Call to them, “Can you see me in your mirrors?” The answer will be “No” until you are quite far behind the car. Gradually move back until they can see you sitting on the ground. Take the time to do this simple demonstration, because experiencing it is more persuasive than talking about it.

6. When stopped, be able to see the tires of the vehicle ahead. This easy technique leaves extra space between your car and the vehicle ahead at stop lights and stop signs and in bumper-to-bumper traffic. This safe driving habit has saved me from countless rear-end collisions because the extra space provides a buffer in case a driver starts up too fast or is distracted. Being able to see the tires of the vehicle ahead allows a driver to pull around a vehicle if needed without backing up.

7. Require teens to contribute financially toward driving lessons, gas, maintenance, purchase and/or insurance. Make it clear they will share in paying the cost of the deductible and/or repairs. Negotiate the amount according to your family’s financial situation. Teens will respect the privilege more when they contribute to the expense. Do not allow them full access to a vehicle, because this substantially increases the risk and cost of insurance. Statistics bear this out, particularly for males. For the safest situation, YOU own and control access to the car. Remember, driving is a privilege.

8. Let them correct your driving. Secretly celebrate when a teen driver catches you ignoring safe driving habits. “Mom, you can’t see the wheels of the car ahead!” Such a correction demonstrates that you’ve successfully installed safe driving habits into their hard drive. They have internalized what you have taught them and show a high degree of interest in making sure you follow the guidelines. Congratulations! Be a good sport, accept the correction, and use it as a teaching moment. It could prevent an accident and save a life. Accepting their correction shows a positive parent-teen connection – essential to keeping teens safe.

9. Follow the 3-second rule. See below for a description of how to use it. Use the 3-second rule to keep ample distance between your vehicle and the vehicle ahead. This safe driving habit has saved me from dozens of accidents, prevented tailgating, and settled countless disagreements with family members who are tailgating. New drivers can benefit from allowing more distance because of their lack of anticipation. I feel anxious when any driver is following too closely, especially the driver of a car in which I’m a passenger. The 3-second rule is a neutral method to determine if you’re following too closely to the next vehicle, especially on an interstate or highway.