Читать книгу His Best Friend's Baby - Susan Carlisle - Страница 7

WHAT AM I doing here? Phoebe Taylor asked herself for the hundredth time, pulling her light coat closer. She could no longer get it to meet in the middle. Bowing her head against a gust of Melbourne, Australia, wind, she walked on. It would rain soon.

She looked at the name on the street sign. Morris Lane. This was the correct place. Phoebe didn’t even have to check the paper in her hand that was shoved into her pocket. She had it memorized. She’d read it often during the past few weeks.

When had she turned into such a pathetic and needy person?

It had happened slowly, over the last eight months as her middle had expanded. She’d always heard that a baby changed you. She’d had no idea how true those words were until it had happened to her. She was even more fearful of the changes she faced in the weeks ahead. The fact she’d be handling them all on her own, had no one to rely on, frightened her.

She started down the cobblestone street lined with town houses. Joshua had written that if she needed anything she could contact Ryan Matthews. But who was she to him? An old army buddy’s wife. People said those types of things all the time but few meant them. But she had no one else to turn to. There were teachers she worked with, but they all had their own lives, husbands and children. They didn’t have time to hold her hand. There were plenty of acquaintances but none that she would call on. She’d take this chance because Joshua had said to. And this was Joshua’s baby.

But would this guy Ryan help her? Be there for her during the delivery afterwards? Take Joshua’s place at the birthing suite? Yeah, right. She didn’t see any man agreeing to that job. Who took on someone else’s widow and unborn child? She could never ask that of him. Would she want to? She didn’t know this man outside of Joshua saying he was an upstanding mate.

When the walls of reality had started closing in on her and panic had arrived, she’d been unable to think of where to turn. Joshua’s letter had called to her. Seemed to offer her salvation. Phoebe inhaled and released a breath. She’d come this far. She wouldn’t turn back now. What was the worst Ryan Matthews could do? Send her away? Act like he’d never heard of her?

What she was sure of was she didn’t want to feel alone anymore. She wanted someone to lean on. Be near a person who had a connection to Joshua. Hear a story or two that she could tell her son or daughter about their father. Joshua and Ryan had been brothers in arms. Been there for each other. Joshua had assured her in his last letter seven months ago that if she needed anything, anything, Ryan was the person to find. Desperate, she was going to his house to see if that was true.

Phoebe located the house number. It was painted above the door in black against the white frame of the Victorian house. The car traveling down the street drew her attention for a second. She pulled the paper out and looked at the address again, then at the entrance once more. Studying the steps to the door, she hesitated. Now she was stalling.

What was she going to say to this guy?

She’d been rehearsing her speech for days and still didn’t know if she could get it out. On the tram coming across town she’d practiced again but couldn’t seem to get it right. Everything she’d planned made her sound crazy. Maybe she was. But she had to say something, give some explanation as to why she’d turned up on his doorstep.

Hi, I’m Phoebe Taylor. You were a friend of my husband’s. He said if I ever needed anything to come see you. So here I am.

That should get his attention. She placed a hand on her protruding middle and chuckled dryly. His first thought will probably be I’m here to accuse him of being the father.

The wind gusted again as she mounted the steps. There were no potted plants lining them, like most of the other houses. Holding the handrail, she all but pulled her way up to the stoop. Could she get any bigger? Her midwife Sophia had assured her she could, and would.

After catching her breath, Phoebe knocked on the door. She waited. Thankfully, the small alcove afforded her some shelter from the wind.

When there was no answer, she rapped again. Seconds went by and still no one came. She refused to go back home without speaking to Ryan. It had taken her months to muster the courage to come in the first place. It was getting late, surely he’d be home soon.

To the right side of the door was a small wooden bench. She’d just wait for a while to see if he showed up. Bracing a hand against the wall, she eased herself down. She chuckled humorously at the picture she must make. Like a beach ball sitting on top of a flowerpot.

She needed to rest anyway. Everything fatigued her these days. Trying to keep up with twenty grade fivers wore her out but she loved her job. At least her students kept her mind off the fact that she was having a baby soon. Alone.

Phoebe never made a habit of feeling sorry for herself, had prided herself on being strong, facing life head-on. She’d always managed to sound encouraging and supportive when Joshua had prepared to leave on tour again and again. When they’d married, she’d been aware of what she was getting into. So why was the idea of having this baby alone making her come emotionally undone?

Pulling her coat tighter and leaning her head into the corner of the veranda, she closed her eyes. She’d just rest a few minutes.

It was just after dark when Ryan Matthews pulled his sporty compact car into his usual parking spot along the street. It had been drizzling during his entire drive from the hospital. Street lamps lit the area. The trees cast shadows along the sidewalk and even across the steps leading to homes.

He’d had a long day that had involved more than one baby delivery and one of those a tough one. Nothing had seemed to go as planned. Not one but two of the babies had been breech. Regardless, the babies had joined the world kicking and screaming. He was grateful. All the other difficulties seemed to disappear the second he heard a healthy cry. He’d take welcoming a life over dealing with death any day.

Stepping out of the car, he reached behind the driver’s seat and grabbed his duffel bag stuffed with his street clothes. Too exhausted to change, he still wore his hospital uniform. As much as he loved his job, thirty-six hours straight was plenty. He was looking forward to a hot shower, bed and the next day off. It would be his first chance in over two weeks to spend time in his workshop. A half-finished chair, along with a table he’d promised to repair for a friend, waited. He wanted to think of nothing and just enjoy the process of creating something with his hands.

Duffel in hand, a wad of dirty uniforms under his arm, he climbed the steps. The light remained on over his door as he’d left it. Halfway up the steps he halted. There was an obviously pregnant woman asleep on his porch. He saw pregnant women regularly in his job as a midwife at Melbourne Victoria Hospital’s maternity unit. Today more than he’d wanted to. As if he didn’t have a full load at the hospital, they were now showing up on his doorstep.

By the blue tint of the woman’s lips and the way she was huddled into a ball, she’d been there for some time. Why was she out in the cold? She should be taking better care of herself, especially at this stage in her pregnancy. Her arms rested on her protruding middle. She wore a fashionable knit cap that covered the top of her head. Strawberry-blond hair twisted around her face and across her shoulders. With the rain and the temperature dropping, she must be uncomfortable.

Taking a resigned breath, Ryan moved farther up the steps. As he reached the top the mysterious woman roused and her eyes popped open. They were large and a dark sable brown with flecks of gold. He’d never seen more mesmerizing or sad ones in his life.

His first instinct was to protect her. He faltered. That wasn’t a feeling he experienced often. He made it his practice not to become involved with anyone. Not to care too deeply. He tamped the feeling down. Being tired was all there was to it. “Can I help you?”

The woman slowly straightened. She tugged the not-heavy-enough-for-the-weather coat closer as she stared at him.

When she didn’t answer right away he asked in a weary voice, “Do you need help?”

“Are you Ryan Matthews?” Her soft Aussie accent carried in the evening air.

His eyes widened and he stepped back half a pace, stopping before tumbling. Did he know her? She was such a tiny thing she couldn’t be more than a girl. Something about her looked familiar. Could he have seen her in the waiting room sometime?

Ryan glanced at her middle again. He’d always made it a practice to use birth control. Plus, this female was far too young for him. She must be seeking medical help.

“Yes.”

“I’m Phoebe Taylor.”

Was that supposed to mean something to him? He squinted, studying her face in the dim light. “Have we met before?”

“I should go.” She reached out to touch the wall as if she planned to use it as support in order to stand. When she did, a slip of paper fluttered to the stoop.

Ryan picked it up. In blue pen was written his name, address and phone number. Had she been given it at the clinic?

He glared at her. “Where did you get this?”

“I think I had better go.” She made a movement toward the steps. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“I don’t know for sure what I wanted. I need to go.” Her words came out high-pitched and shaky.

He put out a hand as if she were a skittish animal he was trying to reassure. “Think of the baby.” That must be what this was all about.

Her eyes widened, taking on a hysterical look. She jerked away from him. “I’ve done nothing but think of this baby. I have to go. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come.” She sniffled. “I don’t know …” another louder sniffle “… what I was thinking. You don’t know me.” Her head went into her hands and she started to cry in earnest. “I’ll go. This is …” she sucked in air “… too embarrassing. You must think I’m mad.”

He began to think she was. Who acted this way?

She struggled to stand. Ryan took her elbow and helped her.

“I’ve never done anything … like this before. I need to go.”

Ryan could only make out a few of her garbled words through her weeping. He glanced around. If she continued to carry on like this his neighbors would be calling the law.

She shivered. What had she said her name was? Phoebe?

“You need to calm down. Being so upset isn’t good for the baby. It’s getting cold out and dark. Come in. Let your jacket dry.” He needed to get her off the street so he could figure out what this was all about. This wasn’t what he had planned for his evening.

“No, I’ve already embarrassed myself enough. I think I’d better go.”

Thankfully the crying had stopped but it had left her eyes large and luminous.

She looked up at him with those eyes laced with something close to pain, and said in a low voice, “You knew my husband.”

“Your husband?”

“Joshua Taylor.”

Ryan cringed. Air quit moving to his lungs. JT was part of his past. The piece of his life he had put behind him. Ryan hadn’t heard JT’s name in seven months. Not since he’d had word that he had been killed when his convoy had been bombed.

Why was his wife here? Ryan didn’t want to think of the war, or JT. He’d moved on.

They had been buddies while they’d been in Iraq. Ryan had been devastated when he’d heard JT had been killed. He’d been one more in a long list of men Ryan had cared about, shared his life with, had considered family. Now that was gone, all gone. He wasn’t going to let himself feel that pain ever again. When he’d left the service he’d promised himself never to let anyone matter that much. He wasn’t dragging those ugly memories up for anyone’s wife, not even JT’s.

Ryan had known there was a wife, had even seen her picture fixed to Joshua’s CHU or containerized housing unit room. That had been over five years ago, before he’d left the service. This was his friend’s widow?

He studied her. Yes, she did bear a resemblance to the young, bright-faced girl in the pictures. Except that spark of life that had fascinated him back then had left her eyes.

“You need to come in and get warm, then I’ll see you get home.” He used his midwife-telling-the-mother-to-push voice.

She made a couple of soft sniffling sounds but said no more.

Ryan unlocked the door. Pushing it back, he offered her space to enter before him. She accepted the invitation. She stopped in the middle of the room as if unsure what to do next. He turned on the light and dropped his bag and dirty clothes in the usual spot on top of all the other dirty clothes lying next to the door.

For the first time, he noted what sparse living conditions he maintained. He had a sofa, a chair, a TV that sat on a wooden crate and was rarely turned on. Not a single picture hung on the walls. He didn’t care about any of that. It wasn’t important. All he was interested in was bringing babies safely into the world and the saws in his workshop.

“Have a seat. I’ll get you some tea,” he said in a gruff voice.

Bracing on the arm of the sofa, she lowered herself to the cushion. She pulled the knit cap from her head and her hair fell around her shoulders.

Ryan watched, stunned by the sight. The urge to touch those glowing tresses caught him by surprise. His fingers tingled to test the texture, to see if it was as soft and silky as it looked.

Her gaze lifted, meeting his. Her cheekbones were high and a touch of pink from the cold made the fairness of her skin more noticeable. Her chin trembled. The sudden fear that she might start crying again went through him. He cleared his throat. “I’ll get you that tea.”

Phoebe watched as the rather stoic American man walked out of the room. Why had he looked at her that way? Where was all that compassion and caring that Joshua had written about in his letter? Ryan obviously wanted her gone as soon as possible. He wasn’t at all what she’d expected. Nothing like Joshua had described him. She shivered, the cold and damp seeping through her jacket. What had she been thinking? This wasn’t the warm and welcoming guy that Joshua had said he would be. He hadn’t even reacted to her mentioning Joshua.

He was tall, extremely tall. He ducked slightly to go through the doorway. Joshua had been five feet eleven. Ryan Matthews was far taller, with shoulders that went with that height.

Though he was an attractive man with high cheekbones and a straight nose, his eyes held a melancholy gaze. As if he’d seen things and had had to do things he never wanted to remember, much less talk about.

A few minutes later Ryan handed her a mug with a teabag string hanging over the side. He hadn’t even bothered to ask her what she wanted to drink. Did he treat everybody he met with such disinterest?

“I’m a coffee drinker myself. An associate left the tea here or I wouldn’t have had it.”

She bet it was a female friend. He struck her as the type of man who had women around him all the time. “You are an American.”

“Yes.”

“Joshua never said that you weren’t Australian.”

He took a seat in the lone chair in the room. “I guess he didn’t notice after a while.”

She looked around. Whatever women he brought here didn’t stay around long. His place showed nothing of the feminine touch. In fact, it was only just a step above unlivable. If she had to guess, there was nothing but a bed and a carton for a table in the bedroom.

Phoebe watched him drink the coffee, the smell of which wafted her way as she took a sip of her tea.

Quiet minutes later he asked, “How long were you on my doorstep?’

“I don’t know. I left home around four.”

“It’s after seven now.” His tone was incredulous. “You’ve been waiting that long?”

“I fell asleep.”

The tension left his face. “That’s pretty easy to do in your condition.”

“I can’t seem to make it without a nap after teaching all day.”

“Teaching?”

“I teach at Fillmore Primary School. Grade Five.”

He seemed as if he was trying to remember something. “That’s right. JT said you were going to school to be a teacher.”

At the mention of Joshua they both looked away.

He spoke more to his coffee cup than to her. “I was sorry to hear about Joshua.”

“Me, too.” He and Joshua were supposed to have been best buddies and that was all he had to say. This guy was so distant he acted as if he’d barely known Joshua. She wouldn’t be getting any help or friendship from him.

He looked at her then as if he was unsure about what he might have heard. “Is there something you need from me?”

Phoebe flinched at his directness. Not anymore. She needed to look elsewhere. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected from him but this wasn’t it. Joshua’s letter had assured her that Ryan Matthews would do anything to help her but this man’s attitude indicated he wasn’t interested in getting involved.

“To tell you the truth, I’m not sure. You were a friend of Joshua’s and I just thought …”

“And what did you think? Do you need money?”

“Mr. Matthews, I don’t need your money. I have a good job and Joshua’s widow and orphans’ pension.”

“Then I can’t imagine what I can do for you, unless you need someone to deliver your baby?”

“Why would I come to you for that?”

“Because I’m a midwife.”

“I thought he said you were a medic.”

“I was in the army but now I work as a midwife. I still don’t understand why you’re here. If you need someone to deliver your baby you need to come to the Prenatal Clinic during office hours.”

“I already have one. Sophia Toulson.”

His brows drew together. “She’s leaving soon. Did she send you here?”

She lowered her head.

Had he heard her say, “I just needed a friend, I guess.” A friend?

He couldn’t believe that statement. What kind of person showed up at a stranger’s house, asking them to be their friend? Surely she had family and friends in town. Why would she come looking for him now? After all this time. She said she didn’t need money so what did she want from him?

“Where’s the father of the baby?”

Phoebe sat straighter and looked him directly in the eyes. “Joshua is the father of the baby.”

“When …?”

“When he was last home on leave. I wrote to him about the baby but he was …” she swallowed hard “… gone by then.” She placed the cup in the crack between the cushions, unable to bend down far enough to put it on the floor. Pushing herself to a standing position, she said, “I think I’d better go.”

He glanced out the window. The rain had picked up and the wind was blowing stronger. He huffed as he unfolded from the chair. “I’ll drive you home.”

“That’s not necessary. I can catch the tram.”

“Yeah, but you’ll get wet getting there and from it to your house. I’ll drive you. Where’s home?”

Despite his tough exterior, she liked his voice. It was slow, deep and rich. Maybe a Texan or Georgian drawl. “I live in Box Hill.”

“That’s out toward Ferntree Gully, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

He sounded resigned to driving her instead of being helpful. This Ryan Matthews didn’t seem to care one way or another. Had Joshua gotten him wrong or had Ryan changed?

“If you insist.”

“I do.” He was already heading toward the door.

“Then thank you.”

This trip to see Ryan had been a mistake on a number of levels. But she had learned one thing. She was definitely alone in the world.

Forty-five minutes later, Ryan pulled onto a tree-lined street with California bungalow-style houses. The lights glowing in the homes screamed warmth, caring and permanency, all the things that he didn’t have in his life, didn’t want or deserve.

Since they’d left his place Phoebe hadn’t tried to make conversation. She’d only spoken when giving him directions. He was no closer than he’d been earlier to knowing what she wanted.

“Next left,” she said in a monotone.

He turned there she indicated.

“Last house on the right. The one with the veranda light on.”

Ryan pulled his car to the curb. He looked at her house. It appeared well cared-for. A rosebush grew abundantly in the front yard. An archway indicated the main door. The only light shining was the one over it.

“Is anyone expecting you?”

“No.”

“You live by yourself?”

“Yes. Did you think I lived with my parents?”

“I just thought since Joshua was gone and you were having a baby, someone would be nearby. Especially as close as you’re obviously getting to the due date.”

“No, there’s no one. My parents were killed in an auto accident the year before I married. My only brother had moved to England two years before that. We were never really close. There is a pretty large age difference between us.” The words were matter-of-fact but she sounded lost.

“Surely someone from Joshua’s family is planning to help out?”

“No.”

“Really? Why not?”

“If you must know, they didn’t want him to marry me. They had someone else picked out. Now that he’s gone, they want nothing more to do with me.”

“That must have been hard to hear.”

“Yeah. It hurt.” Her tone said she still was having a hard time dealing with that knowledge. He couldn’t imagine someone not wanting to have anything to do with their grandchild.

“Not even the baby?”

She placed her hand on her belly. “Not even the baby. They told me it would be too hard to look at him or her and know Joshua wasn’t here.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” Ryan’s hands tightened on the steering wheel.

“No. That isn’t something that I would kid about.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I. But I just think of it as their loss. If that’s the way they feel, then it wouldn’t ever be healthy for the baby to be around them. We’ll be better off without them.”

Ryan looked at the house one more time. By its appearance, the baby would be well cared for and loved. “I’ll see you to the door.”

“That’s not necessary.” She opened the car door.

He climbed out and hurried around the automobile. She’d started to her feet. He held out a hand. After a second she accepted it. His larger one swallowed her smaller one. Hers was soft and smooth, very feminine. So very different from his. A few seconds later she seemed to gather strength. She removed her hand from his and stood taller.

“Come on, I’ll see you to the door.” Even to his own ears it sounded as if he was ready to get rid of her.

“I’ll be fine. You’ve already helped enough by driving me home.” She started up the walk lined with flowers and stopped, then looked back at him. “I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

Ryan waited to see if she would turn around again, but she didn’t. When the light went out on the porch he pulled away from the curb.

Phoebe closed the door behind her with a soft click. Through the small window she saw the lights of Ryan’s car as he drove off.

What had she expected? That he would immediately say, “I’ll take care of you, I’ll be there for you”? She moved through the house without turning any lights on. She knew where every piece of furniture and every lamp was located. With the exception of the few times that Joshua had been home during their marriage, no one had lived with her. Nothing was ever moved unless she did it.

Their marriage had consisted mostly of them living apart. They had met when she was eighteen and fresh out of school. The tall, dark man dressed in a uniform had taken her breath away. Joshua had made it clear what it would be like, being married to a serviceman, and she had been willing to take on that life. She was strong and could deal with it.

It hurt terribly that his parents had said they wouldn’t be around to help her with the baby. He or she needed grandparents in their life. With her parents gone they were the only ones. She’d been devastated when she’d received the letter stating they would not be coming around. They had sent some money. Phoebe had thought about returning it but had decided to start a fund at the bank for the baby instead. Not knowing their grandchild would be their loss.

For her the baby was about having a small part of Joshua still in her life. Her hope was that Joshua’s parents might change their minds. Either way, right now she was on her own. Not a feeling she enjoyed. In a moment of weakness she’d gone to Ryan’s house, but she didn’t plan to let him know how bone deep the hurt was that Joshua’s parents wanted nothing to do with her. How lonely she was for someone who’d known and loved Joshua.

She turned on the lamp beside her bed and glanced at the picture of her and Joshua smiling. They’d been married eight years but had spent maybe a year together in total. That had been a week or two here, or a month there. They had always laughed that their marriage was like being on vacation instead of the day in, day out experience of living together. Even their jobs had been vastly different. Joshua had found his place in the service more than with her. She’d found contentment in teaching. It had given her the normalcy and stability that being married to a husband who popped in and out hadn’t.

Each time Joshua had come home it had been like the first heart-pounding, whirlwind and all-consuming first love that had soon died out and become the regular thud of everyday life. They’d had to relearn each other and getting in the groove had seemed harder to achieve. As they’d grown older they’d both seemed to pull away. She’d had her set life and routine and Joshua had invaded it when he’d returned.

Removing her clothes, she laid them over a chair and pulled her pj’s out of the chest of drawers. She groaned. The large T-shirt reminded her of a tent that she and Joshua had camped in just after they’d married. The shirt was huge and still she almost filled it.

Pulling it over her head, she rubbed her belly. The baby had been a complete surprise. She’d given up on ever having children. She and Joshua had decided not to have them since he hadn’t been home often enough. She wasn’t sure whether or not she’d cared when they’d married or if she’d believed he would leave the army and come home to stay. The idea of having a family had been pushed far into the future. It had become easier just not to consider it. So when she’d come up pregnant it had been a shock.

Her fingers went to her middle, then to her eye, pushing the moisture away. She’d grown up with the dream of having a family one day. Now she was starting a family but with half of it missing.

She pulled the covers back on the bed and climbed in between the cool sheets. Bringing the blanket up around her, she turned on her side, stuffing an extra pillow between the mattress and her tummy. The baby kicked. She laid her hand over the area, feeling the tiny heel that pushed against her side.

The last time Joshua had been home they’d even talked of separating. They’d spent so little time together she’d felt like she hadn’t even known her husband anymore. She not only carried Joshua’s baby but the guilt that he’d died believing she no longer cared. Friendship had been there but not the intense love that she should have had for a husband.