Читать книгу Highland Doc's Christmas Rescue / Festive Fling With The Single Dad - Susan Carlisle - Страница 15
CHAPTER FOUR
ОглавлениеCASS’S HAND SHOOK as she wrapped it around the handle of the glass door of the canine therapy center the next afternoon. She had said she’d keep her appointment and she would. But she wasn’t looking forward to it.
The thought of having anything to do with a dog made her want to break down and cry. The pain of losing Rufus was still too raw. It might be silly for a grown professional woman to feel this way, but she didn’t care. Rufus was gone. Some part of her clung to the irrational hope he would be waiting with his tail wagging when she returned home. No other dog could replace him.
She would do what she had to, then hurry to her room for a good cry.
When she jerked the door open the young man sitting behind the desk started. This was the same high-ceilinged room with the rough board walls where she and Lyle had brought the puppy a couple of nights before. He’d said it used to be the stables and she could now see that. The other night all that’d filled her mind was that she had a dog in her arms.
“Can I help you?” the man at the desk asked.
“I’m Cass Bellow. I’m a resident at the clinic.”
He looked down as if checking a list, then back at her. “Oh, yes, we’ve been expecting you.” As he got to his feet he added, “Come with me. Margaret assists with the canine therapy program. She’s back here.”
Cass forced her feet to move and followed him down a hall. It wasn’t the same one Lyle and Esme had led her down to the examination room the other night. The man pushed through a swing door. Cass entered a room furnished with easy chairs.
A dark-haired woman was down on her heels next to a woman seated in an easy chair holding a small black dog of no pedigree. Cass recognized the woman in the chair from the dinner table at the clinic. Lyle had introduced them, but Cass didn’t remember her name. Shame pricked her. She hadn’t even tried.
“Margaret, this is Cass Bellow,” the man announced.
The dark-haired woman looked at them, stood and came toward Cass with one hand outstretched. She smiled. “It’s great to finally meet you.”
Was that her subtle way of reprimanding her for not showing up for her earlier appointments? The temptation to run grew.
“I help Esme with the canine therapy here at Heatherglen,” Margaret continued.
The man quietly left the way they had come in.
Staring at the small dog that was enjoying the woman’s gentle pats, Cass’s chest tightened. She wasn’t ready for this. She had no interest in doing anything with a dog.
Margaret was saying, “I thought you might like to meet Muffin. He’s a sweet little dog. He’ll be your companion during your stay. Let me get him and you can get acquainted.” She stepped through a side door.
Cass stood, knees shaking, in the middle of the room, looking everywhere but at the other woman. She didn’t want any responsibility for a dog for the next month. Especially one named Muffin. Her breathing became shallow. Her mouth turned dry. She shifted from one foot to the other. The need to leave intensified. This was too much. A meltdown was building if she didn’t get out of there. She wasn’t ready, might not ever be. What if she became too attached to the ridiculous Muffin? She would be leaving soon. All this pain would be there again.
Without thought Cass bolted for the door and up the hall to the front room. She had to get out of there. Ignoring the man behind the desk calling her name, she shoved the door open and stumbled into the cold air. Sucking in a deep breath, she kept going, heading toward the castle. By way of a side door she’d found yesterday, she slipped inside unnoticed.
Instead of going to her room, where someone would surely look for her, she headed for the conservatory. While exploring she’d also found an alcove hidden behind some large palm plants and banana trees with only a small sofa. There she could lick her wounds in private.
Relief washed through her when she found the floral fabric-covered settee empty. She sat, pulling her legs up under her and wrapping the coat Lyle had loaned her tighter. When would the pain go away?
She had no idea how long she had been sitting there staring off into space when she heard, “Cass?”
Lyle.
She stiffened. How had he found her? It didn’t matter. She had no intention of explaining herself. Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? “Go away.”
He just stood there.
Finally, she murmured, “How did you know where to find me?”
“I saw you come in here. When I had a call from the center I knew where to look.”
Great. She’d believed she’d made her escape. Her focus remained on the green spots showing in the snow that was melting outside. “So now you’re riding to the rescue.”
Lyle came to sit beside her. “I’d just like to help. Be a friend. I was told you looked upset.”
Maybe if she ignored him he would go away. Instead of him taking the hint to leave, he settled further back into the cushions, his big body almost touching hers. They remained like that for a while, neither saying anything.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Cass stared at the dust motes dancing in the sunbeam streaming through the glass.
“Not until I know you’re okay.” He stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles.
She huffed. “Let me assure you I’m not going to harm myself.”
“I didn’t think that but it’s good to hear.”
He settled back as though he was content to stay the rest of the day. As the silence between them grew so did her temper. She hissed, “What do I have to say to get you to leave?”
For a moment she thought he was ignoring her. When he did reply, concern laced his voice. “I’d like to understand why you’re determined to have no part in our canine therapy program, especially since you work with a dog all the time.”
Could she tell him? Would he understand? Was that the only way to get him to leave her alone? If he knew, maybe he would see to it she didn’t have to go to canine therapy.
She opened her mouth to tell him about Rufus but the words stuck in her throat. If she said it out loud, then it would make it true. She didn’t want that. Couldn’t live with that. She closed her eyes tight. Maybe if she said it really fast she could get it out. “Rufus, my partner, died. Now I don’t know if I can be around a dog all the time.”
The moisture she had been banking for days seeped out of her closed eyelids. She took a deep breath in an effort to stop the sob welling in her throat but it didn’t work. Instead she doubled over in agony. As she tried to catch her breath Lyle ran his large hand across her back in a comforting stroke.
Then he cupped her shoulder and pulled her against his chest. She buried her face in his shirt, her fingers clutching his sides. All the emotions she had held in check since the day that wall had collapsed flowed freely. The pain deep within her consumed her. Rufus was gone. Life as she’d known it had gone with him.
Lyle held her close, rubbing her shoulders and back. “Let it all out,” he whispered.
Cass did. All the raw feelings she’d held in check for weeks flowed, leaving her nothing but a heaving shell. She couldn’t stop the pain, fear and sorrow from escaping.
Lyle continued holding her and murmuring soft reassuring words while she clung to him.
She had no idea how much time had passed when she woke with a start. Disorientated, she still had a sense of safety. Slowly it dawned on her she was still in Lyle’s arms.
Embarrassment flooded her. Placing her palms on his chest, she pushed into a sitting position. Yet one of his hands remained on her back.
“I’m so sorry for that ugly scene,” she heard herself saying. “I don’t know why I fell apart like that. It isn’t like me.”
“I’d imagine it was because you needed to. You’ve been under a tremendous strain.” He shifted, putting his hands on his thighs.
She missed the reassuring weight immediately. Lyle was right, there was a lot of stress and emotion involved in her profession. She should be able to handle it. But where Rufus was concerned she was lost. Cass wiped at his sweater. “I’ve made a mess of your clothes.”
“I don’t mind. I’m glad I was here to help.” He sounded as if he meant it.
“So part of your job description is to have patients cry all over you?” Cass managed a weak smile.
He looked at her tenderly. “Not all patients. I have to say you’re a special case.”
Warmth gradually replaced the coldness running through her. Lyle was a nice man saying all the right things. For an instant she wished he wasn’t a doctor speaking to a patient.
“I knew about you losing your dog, it was in your file. But I had no idea that going to canine therapy would be so difficult for you. You’ve had a tough time physically and…” he paused “…emotionally. Flora, Esme and I didn’t recognize that. I’m sorry. Would you like to talk about what happened? I’m a good listener.” His words were encouraging, not demanding.
Cass shook her head, both in response and to clear it.
He waited a few moments then asked, “When did you learn the details of what happened?”
“I realized the wall was falling but I had no idea…” She swallowed. Her throat was tight and dry. Inhaling, she fought through the final pang of denial. “I didn’t find out Rufus didn’t make it until I woke up in the hospital. When I asked about him, one of the nurses had to ask around for the information.”
Lyle put his arm around her shoulders again and gave her a supportive squeeze. “I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened like that.”
Cass continued to look at the windowsill. It was such a large one. Almost big enough to use as a seat. “No matter when I was told, or how, it wouldn’t have made…the terrible truth any easier to hear.”
“Maybe not, but at the very least the news should have been given to you in a sensitive manner.” He sounded irritated on her behalf. “Will you tell me about your dog?”
She didn’t want to, but he deserved to know why she’d just sobbed herself into an exhausted sleep all over him. “Rufus was more than my dog. He was my partner and best friend.”
And her longest relationship. He been there more than once when a relationship with a man had ended. Those guys had either been intimidated by a woman who handled such an emotionally demanding job, or they didn’t like her leaving for weeks at a time on the spur of the moment. For a couple of them her relationship with Rufus had been a bone of contention. They’d wanted all her attention and hadn’t understood the uncanny connection between her and her canine partner. Now she had physical scars that they might find offensive, too.
Jim, the latest and the man she’d believed was The One, had felt her job was too risky. It had been nice to have someone worry over her at first, but it had soon started to feel restrictive. Despite their breakup he’d been kind enough to call her while she’d been in the hospital, but it had soon turned into a conversation that was more about him telling her I told you so than about his real concern for her. There had been no sympathy on his part for Rufus. She’d thought at one time they might have a chance at a real life together. Sadly, she’d really cared for Jim but there was no hope of that after their conversation.
Lyle removed his arm. She wanted it back. It was comforting. “How long was this dog your partner?”
“Four years. He was two when I got him. We spent the first eight weeks in training. He was born in Germany. Most good rescue dogs are. The Germans are known for breeding them to be work dogs. In fact, most of his commands I gave in German.” It felt better, and was easier, to talk about Rufus than she’d imagined.
“Interesting.” Lyle waited.
She looked at him. His expectant expression suggested he was truly interested in what she was saying. Yet she couldn’t imagine him actually caring.
“How did you train together?”
“Are you really interested?” What if he was just asking to keep her talking as part of her “therapy”? None of the men she had known before him had cared one way or another. Why would he be any different?
“Aye. I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.” His voice carried concern. It had been so long since she’d heard that in a man’s voice, it struck a deep chord within her.
“I had to do a written test and have a physical. Then I had to have a home visit so the powers-that-be knew I could care for a working dog. An animal like Rufus can cost as much as ten thousand American dollars so handlers are vetted closely. That kind of money can’t be wasted. Rufus had to have a physical as well, and learn obedience basics and detection, especially body odor recognition. It was pretty intense for both of us.”
“A powerful bonding experience for you both.”
Cass’s chest tightened from the memories. They had indeed bonded. She had loved the dog, heart and soul. At least Lyle seemed to understand. “Though he was only four, he was getting old for a working dog. Rufus was going to have to retire soon. I had already put in the paperwork to take him after he was done.”
“Going to canine therapy was almost like punishment for you. You should have said something.” His distress was evident in his voice.
She looked away in horror. “And embarrass myself, like I did a few minutes ago?”
Lyle took hold of her hand. His was large, secure…comforting. “You haven’t embarrassed yourself. It’s okay to be human.”
“Yeah, but blubbering all over you is a bit too human.”
He leaned closer until his shoulder touched hers. “I didn’t mind. I’m just sorry I kept pushing you into canine therapy.”
“I figured you’d seen it in my file.” She winced at how pitiful she sounded.
“Yeah, but that didn’t mean I understood how close you were.”
Great. He probably thought she had really gone off her rocker. “I don’t know if I can handle being around a dog right now. I’ll be leaving here in a few weeks and I, uh, just can’t risk becoming attached to another one.” What she wasn’t telling him about was the heavy guilt she carried over the fact that Rufus had sacrificed himself to save her life. If he hadn’t barked, she would have never looked up to see the wall starting to fall. Or that he’d jumped and pushed her out of the way. It had been a split second between her life and Rufus’s death.
“I understand completely,” Lyle said sincerely. “Would you consider an alternative kind of therapy, if we can come up with one? Maybe just helping out at the canine clinic. Not having a specific dog assigned to you.”
She was doubtful it would work but she could try. At least he was trying to work with her. Somehow she had to get past this grief, rebuild her life emotionally and move on. Yet her heart protested with a fresh pang even as she said with caution, “That might work.”
“If it doesn’t, then we’ll try something else.” His sincere tone and expression convinced her he would at least listen if she complained. Lyle’s comfort was the first she’d had since Rufus had died. She was going to hang onto it.
He let her hand go and shifted away. “Do you feel up to a bite to eat?”
“I don’t want to go to the dining room.”
“It’s too late for that.” He tilted his head toward the glass.
Cass was shocked to find it was dark. How long had they been sitting there? “I’m so sorry. I made you miss dinner.”
“Not a problem. Mrs. Renwick will have left me something in the kitchen. Let’s go see what we can find.”
“I think I’ll just go up to my room.” She wanted to get away. Regain her composure.
“Nonsense. You must be hungry, and I could use the company while I eat.”
She had kept Lyle from his hot meal. She owed him. “Okay, I can do that.”
“Not the most excited acceptance I’ve been given to a dinner invitation, but I’ll take it.” He stood.
Cass liked his sense of humor. He seemed to take life as it came without too much angst. She lacked that ability. Her way of meeting life’s challenges now consisted of worry, fear of failure and the guilty conviction she hadn’t done enough to make a difference. She wanted to save everyone, give them what her family had received. The chances of achieving that desire were slim to none, but still it was her goal. Now she was just a mass of nerves, help to no one. Not even herself. Squaring her shoulders, she said, “I’ll try to do better in the future.”
He offered his hand. “That’s what I like to hear. That old tough Cass. You had me worried there for a while.”
Lyle still thought she was tough? She would have thought he would have seen her as the opposite after the last few hours. She took his hand just long enough to get to her feet. “How’s that?”
He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I don’t handle crying females well.”
“I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” She couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Hey, I’m glad I was here to help. Now, let’s go and get some dinner.” He started toward the hall and she joined him.
Lyle led the way to the kitchen. His heart went out to Cass. She was distraught over the loss of her dog. He knew well the empty hole loss could leave in your life. He had felt it intensely when Freya had left him. When he’d told Cass that he didn’t handle women crying well, he hadn’t been kidding. All he’d done was hold her.
The fact that he’d liked having her cry on his shoulder was a bit unnerving. What had begun as a professional obligation to check on a resident in crisis had ended in a very personal act of compassionate empathy. Was he drawn to her because he could sense her private suffering? Whatever it was, Cass held some sort of spell over him. One he didn’t mind being captivated by.
Cass followed him quietly to the kitchen, seeming fine with doing so. They walked through the now silent dining room to the swing door beside the fireplace. He held it open for her as they entered the large commercial-style kitchen.
“Have a seat at the table.” There was a small wooden one next to two corner windows in the large room. “I’ll see what I can find in the fridge.”
Her chair scraped over the tile floor as she took a seat.
Opening one of the doors of the very large fridge, Lyle announced with deliberate cheer, “Ah, we have roast beef and vegetable soup. How does a sandwich and a bowl of hot soup sound?”
“That’s fine.”
He glanced over his shoulder. “Again, I was looking for a little more enthusiasm.”
A fake smile contorted her lips as she swung a fist overhead. “Great!”
He grinned. “That’s more like it.”
“Can I help?”
“Sure.” He started pulling bowls and a platter off the shelves. When Cass reached him he handed her a few of them. She carried them to the table. Lyle followed with the rest. “You unwrap the containers while I get plates and things together.” He searched cabinets and drawers for what they needed, making a couple of trips to the table to put everything down. She was halfway through removing the plastic wrap from the bowls when he said, “Now I’ll warm up the soup if you’ll make the sandwiches.”
“All right.”
He pushed the uncut loaf towards her. “I’d like two thick slices.”
“Noted.” She picked up a bread knife and start cutting.
Lyle ladled soup from its storage container into a saucepan and turned on the stove. As he stirred, he watched Cass work.
Standing, she placed two slices of bread on a plate and buttered them. That done, she unwrapped the rest of the containers. Next she cut slices of roast beef, laying them on the bread. She finished with condiments and lettuce.
Cass’s movements were concise and efficient. She had a no-nonsense way about her. Her blonde hair swung over her cheek and she pushed it back with impatience as if she had no time for things to get in her way. She cleaned up as she went. He got the distinct impression she took responsibility for herself and expected others to do the same for themselves. It must have been a rare event for her to let someone witness her raw emotions. Strangely, he was honored he had been the one there for her.
Lyle carried the steaming saucepan to the table and poured the soup into the bowls he’d found earlier, then returned the pan to the stove.
As he came to take his seat at the table Cass inhaled deeply. “That smells wonderful.”
He grinned. “I can take credit for it being hot but not for how it smells.”
She returned his smile and his heart made an extra thump. He filled the two tall glasses with milk. “Those sandwiches look good.”
“I can take credit for how they look but not how they taste.” Cass was trying to mimic his accent.
They both laughed as they settled onto their chairs.
She gave him a shy glance. “I don’t do Scottish well, do I?”
“I’m going with it needs work.” He looked at her over his sandwich just before he took a large bite. He appreciated the sparkle in her eyes that had replaced the earlier dull sadness.
They ate in silence for a few minutes before Cass let her spoon rest against the side of the bowl. “Do you know how the woman we helped is doing?”
He nodded. “I spoke to her doctor this morning. They kept her in overnight for observation, but she seems to be fine.”
Cass lifted a spoonful of soup to her mouth. “I’m glad to hear it. How about the man?”
“He’ll come in next week to have his stitches removed.” Lyle took another bite of his sandwich.
“You really are a jack-of-all-trades, aren’t you?” She appeared fascinated.
He rather liked that idea. In fact, he liked her. It had been too long since he’d let himself be drawn to a woman. It would be short-lived, of course, as Cass would be returning to the States soon, but why couldn’t he enjoy her company while she was here? It would certainly make his Christmas more interesting. “I wouldn’t exactly say that I’m Santa, spreading cheer, but I try to help out where I can.”
They finished eating and Lyle started cleaning the table. “Even with my special powers I’d better do the washing-up if I don’t want to get on the wrong side of Ms. Renwick.”
“I’ll help,” Cass said in such a firm tone he didn’t dare argue.
Together they covered the food and returned it to the refrigerator. His hand brushed hers as she handed him a bowl and he saw color bloom in her cheeks. Despite her tough exterior, her face couldn’t conceal her attraction to him. Her gaze met his before she quickly returned to the table to pick up their plates.
Instead of joining him again, she went to the sink and turned on the water. Now she was trying to hide from him. With that in mind, he did his best as he finished clearing away to give Cass space while she washed up. He was aware enough of her to realize she was trying to avoid more contact between them. Was she attracted to him? Was she noticing his every move, as he did hers?
Cass turned toward him, her hip resting against the counter. “Didn’t you say that Ms. Renwick leaves food for you?”
“She does, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t particular about how her kitchen is kept.” Lyle stacked the bowls in the cabinet.
“So, if I’m not careful I’ll end up on her wrong side?” Cass hung a dishcloth back just as it had been when they’d come into the kitchen.
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much, she’s really a softy at heart.”
Despite his assurance, they stood at the door and gave the kitchen one last look before they exited the room.
“I don’t think we’ve left anything out of place,” Cass said as the door swung closed behind them. “My mother is just as particular about her kitchen.”
“I’m sure Ms. Renwick will be pleased.” That was the first time she’d revealed a personal detail without being asked. He was delighted she had begun to open up.
Cass led the way through the dining room and continued into the hall, where she stopped and turned. Her eyes flickered up to meet his gaze then down to the floor just as quickly. “Thanks for supper…and for, you know…” she glanced up at him in a self-conscious manner “…a while ago. My…uh, meltdown.”
She looked so apologetic he crammed his hands into his pockets to keep himself from hugging her. “Not a problem.”
“I’ll give the canine therapy another try.” There was determination in her words.
“And I’ll speak to Flora and Margaret and see if they can work something out so you won’t have to work with one particular dog.”
Cass gave him an earnest look. “I’ll do what I can to make that work. I really do appreciate you letting me cry on your shoulder.”
To his complete astonishment, Cass placed a hand on his shoulder, came up on her toes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
Pleasure zipped through him. When he saw Cass’s shocked face seconds later with its charming pink cheeks he was mesmerized. This tough woman appeared flustered. Her eyes had gone wide in surprise before she blinked a couple of times and looked away. She shook slightly and he feared she might fall. Lyle reached for her.
Cass stood close enough that he could smell the fresh scent of her hair.
“I’m sorry,” Cass murmured.
Lyle lowered his head to hear her words, bringing his lips closer to hers. He watched them, the soft full pads that looked so delicious.
“That was inappropriate. I shouldn’t have done that.” Cass glanced at him then away.
“I’m not,” he said quietly. “I rather liked it.”
Her eyelids fluttered closed, then her gaze met his. They stood there watching each other for precious moments. The tip of her tongue made a flicker of an appearance. Lyle wanted a taste, just a small one, of that glossy moistness on her bottom lip. He lowered his head and placed his mouth over hers. Cass remained still in his hands. Lyle took the kiss deeper.
Cass returned it for a second before she slipped out of his hands and whispered, “Goodnight.”
Lyle watched her walk away. Disappointment filled him. Everything in him wished he could stop her without frightening her. He wanted more than a chaste meeting of lips. It hadn’t been nearly enough. He sought a full, no-holding-back kiss from Cass. There was an attraction between them he wanted to explore. It had been a long time since he’d experienced such a driving need to kiss a woman breathless.