Читать книгу The Wife He Chose - Susan Fox P. - Страница 9

COLLEEN awoke alone in a dim, cool bedroom. A light blanket covered her from chin to ankle. Her head was pounding and the ringing in her ears made her feel nauseous.

And then it all came back to her. Little Amy and Beau, so beautiful. At last she could see them, was inches from touching them, kissing their sweet cheeks and hugging them to her heart.

But then the fright in Beau’s face and the horrid words, She killed my mommy and hurt me an’ Amy.

Colleen rolled painfully to her side and curled up stiffly against the agony.

…and hurt me an’ Amy.

The words beat at her brain and pummeled her heart. She’d not harmed a hair on either child. Ever. She couldn’t fathom the accusation, but the look in Beau’s eyes as he’d said it was utterly sincere. Beau believed it completely. And from the look on Cade’s face, he’d believed it, too. Oh, God!

Suddenly she felt profoundly and urgently sick. She wrestled weakly with the blanket and got free. Making her way to the private bath was a larger challenge. She couldn’t find her cane, she was almost too weak and uncoordinated to walk, but she was desperate not to be sick before she could make her way from one piece of furniture to another and reach the bathroom.

The door to the hall opened, but she was so focused on getting to the bathroom in time that she was only marginally aware of it. She gasped when big hands closed around her waist and Cade’s big body pressed against hers. He had her in the bathroom in an instant, sitting her carefully on the edge of the bathtub before he flipped on the light.

“Are you sick?”

His big voice was low and gruff, but he lifted the lid and seat of the commode to accommodate her.

Her panted, “Yes—please leave,” was slurred.

“The doctor’s on his way,” he told her and she felt his big hand settle gently on her shoulder. “Forget about me and get it over with.”

Her desperate, “No—leave!” was all she could get out before she was violently ill.

Through every mortifying moment, Cade Chalmers steadied her. Until the sickness was gone and she was limp with cold tears running down her cheeks.

Shame burned over her body and made her skin feel on fire. A cool wet washcloth moved gently and competently over her face. She was too weak and demoralized to resist as Cade helped her to the sink and guided her through a brief routine with a new toothbrush he’d loaded with gel toothpaste.

When she’d recovered and finished freshening up, the quiet consideration Cade had demonstrated—the persistently gentle way he’d taken care of her—made an impression that went so deep in her soul that her heart ached.

The most painful and trying times of her life, especially after the accident, she’d endured alone. The solitary circumstances of her life meant that once she was released from the hospital, she’d truly been on her own. She had neighbors and friends who sometimes ran errands and looked in on her, but never anyone who stayed and took care of her. Never anyone to relieve the loneliness and despair of long, gray days and painful, restless nights.

After what Beau had said, Cade must loathe the very sight of her. It said something admirable about his character that he was capable of treating her humanely, even though he must despise her.

She could barely stand and leaned heavily against the counter by the sink, her hands braced on the smooth surface.

“I never hurt them, Cade,” she got out, unable to stop the tears, though she did her best to keep the sobs quiet.

“Something’s wrong here,” he growled. “Let’s get you back to bed and we’ll figure it out later.”

He eased her away from the counter and leaned close so he could keep his arm around her waist and gently grip her left arm to support most of her weight.

“I caught you when you fainted and carried you in here, but will I hurt you if I pick you up now?”

“I can walk.”

He stopped them both. “That’s no answer.”

And then he released her arm and bent down to carefully pick her up. The sound of distress she made caused him to hesitate, as if he was afraid he’d hurt her.

“Let me walk. Please.”

But Cade must have decided that picking her up could be done without hurting her because he lifted her into his arms and held her securely against him. She looked up into his face to discern the reason for his calm kindnesses, but his expression was solemn and hard, though his dark eyes were surprisingly gentle.

His gaze shifted from hers and he started for the bedroom and the bed. He set her on the edge of the mattress, then reached behind her to get the blanket that was bunched and twisted.

“Go ahead and lie back.”

Colleen shook her head. “I’d like to sit up.”

Cade showed a trace of impatience as he straightened.

Her soft, “I’m fine now,” was a lie, but she was ashamed to let him treat her with such care when it was probably the last thing he might want to do.

He opened the blanket and wrapped it warmly around her. Then he moved away from the bed to drag a nearby wing chair closer. Without asking, he bundled her onto it. Colleen sank back, grateful for the cocooning feel of the big chair.

Cade straightened, but his dark gaze never left hers. Colleen flinched from his scrutiny.

“I’m sorry for the trouble. I’ll be fine in a while, then I can be on my way.”

His big voice was terse. “Just like that? Just leave?”

She looked at him warily, confused by his curtness. “I have no explanation for what Beau said. I don’t even know how I can defend myself. And he was so…afraid of me.” She glanced away and gripped the blanket to keep from crying. Her heart was breaking and she was too weary and wrung out to begin to make sense of it all.

“Soon as the doctor looks you over, Esmerelda will get you something to eat, then I’ll talk to Beau while you rest. You can have this room.”

Colleen shook her head. “I’ll stay at that motel back toward town.”

“Let’s see what the boy has to say first.”

She looked up at him. “I’d rather go before your talk. I can’t wait around hoping, only to have it go even more wrong later.”

“If you’re innocent, why would it go wrong?” His eyes had narrowed on her. He suspected her and it surprised her to realize he was trying to hold back judgment.

“I am innocent, but my word is already tarnished because Beau clearly believed what he said. It would be wrong for you to not take it seriously. It may not be possible to prove or disprove anything tonight. And because you can’t, it’s not responsible of either of us for me to stay around. You have my home address if someone needs to question me.”

“Even if everything checks out with the doctor, you’re in no shape to drive.”

And his mention of the doctor—again—made her feel worse. “Please call the doctor and cancel this. It’s not necessary.”

“Too late.”

Colleen shook her head, and tried not to flinch at the pain that caused her. “Then I’ll pay for it. This is a lot of fuss for nothing. I’m sorry you’ve gone to so much haste.”

She cut herself off, appalled at using the wrong word, then got out the right one. “ Trouble. Sorry for your trouble.”

Now she was emotional again. And exhausted and heartsick and scared. “I should have stayed in San Antonio and left things alone. They’ve been through so much, especially Beau. He shouldn’t have had to go through this, too.”

She paused and struggled to get control, desperate to hide the fact that she was heartbroken. “They looked beautiful and happy.” She looked up at him bravely. “You’ve done a good job with them and I’m very glad. Relieved.” Her voice broke on the word.

Cade stared. Colleen was distraught and clearly devastated. Instinct told him she was incapable of harming anyone, especially the kids. He already suspected why Beau had said what he had, but he needed to be certain.

Moment by moment, Colleen James was becoming more genuine to him. She was nothing like her selfish sister. In his experience with females, Colleen was a novelty. Simple, uncomplicated. And utterly in love with those kids. He suddenly realized that she was the kind of woman who would sacrifice herself for their well-being and happiness if need be, and Cade Chalmers found women like that irresistible.

The faint chime that carried down the hall in this wing of the house told him the doctor had arrived, so he started out of the room.

Colleen submitted to Dr. Amado’s brief examination. She knew she’d overdone it that day and the doctor gently chided her for it, though he pronounced her well enough, and readily agreed that her fainting spell was likely the result of being overtired then sustaining an emotional shock. She wasn’t comfortable discussing the reason for the shock with him and he didn’t press her.

He was kind and took his time, asking about her injuries and the types of physical therapy she’d done, then reminiscing about a couple of the surgeons she’d had. Somewhere along the line it occurred to her that he was stretching out the exam which, by itself, would have taken almost no time.

Just when she was trying to find a way to let him know she suspected him of doing just that, he smiled at her as if he’d read her mind.

“Cade wanted me to keep you busy in here for a while, but it’s been pleasant talking to you, Colleen. You’re lucky you’re doing so well, though it might not seem that way to you right now. Take care of yourself and keep up with the therapy. One day, this will all be in the past.” He leaned forward to touch her shoulder. “And she’ll live happily ever after.”

The small bit of whimsy made her force a small smile because that was the expected reaction. But she had little confidence in happily-ever-after, and today had only confirmed her pessimism.

“How much do I owe you, Doctor?”

“Cade already took care of it, and you’ll waste valuable energy arguing with him about it.” He gave her a stern look. “And you shouldn’t drive anywhere until at least tomorrow, after you’ve rested up. San Antonio is a long way off when you don’t feel well. As you probably discovered today. Go ahead and have a nap before supper. I’ll tell Cade to wake you in a couple hours.”

With that, he stood up from the chair he’d dragged over by hers and bid her a pleasant goodbye before he returned the chair to its place, got his medical bag and left the bedroom.

Once she was alone, Colleen made her way carefully to the hall door. San Antonio was indeed too far for her to drive now, but the motel she’d passed earlier that day was probably no more than five miles away. As soon as she found her cane and handbag, she’d be on her way.

Whatever Cade thought he could learn from Beau, Colleen knew nothing would solve Beau’s fear of her quickly. It was better for the boy and better for them all if she just gave up and got out. Hadn’t she known all along that this had been a wild risk, that it could go wrong?

Though she’d never imagined anyone but Cade Chalmers would be the cause of a new disaster, she shouldn’t have come here. As long as she hadn’t known for sure that she would never see the children again, she’d been able to have hope. Now she had nothing.

Cade watched Beau run out to join his sister on the back patio. He was on his trike in a flash, then pumped the pedals eagerly to race around the edges of the paving stones that formed the open-air patio that was closed in on three sides by the house.

Amy sat in the center of the patio beneath a leafy trellis in a patch of shade with a stack of oversize plastic blocks. She burst into a wide smile as she watched her brother pedal around on his “racetrack.”

The “man-to-man” talk he’d had with Beau cleared things up, but Cade felt fresh disappointment in his brother. Craig had told Beau that his Aunt Colleen had killed his mother and because Sharon’s death had devastated their little family, it meant that Colleen had also hurt Beau and Amy.

“Daddy said she hurt me and Amy most,” Beau had told him. And Craig had apparently told the boy that frequently. It would have been a lie shocking enough to forever silence the boy’s worried questions about Colleen after the wreck, and its repetition had also worked to put a fear of her in the kid. Colleen hadn’t deserved that.

Craig hadn’t been in his right mind when he’d lied to Beau. He’d become irrational about everything and tried to drown his bitterness in liquor, only to end up drowned himself.

The pain of his brother’s death a month ago was still a shock, still fresh and raw and agonizing. His pain was compounded by the fact that Craig had lied to him about Colleen from the first, then had deliberately damaged her in Beau’s eyes. The injustice of it stunned him.

His part in his brother’s lie made him feel sick. He’d easily believed Craig’s story about Colleen’s wishes after her sister’s death, so he’d not bothered to find out the truth for himself. He hadn’t known enough about her to question it. He’d based his opinion of her on his opinion of Sharon.

And even he had resented that Colleen had become such a frequent refuge for Sharon. It shamed him to realize that they’d left her lying in a hospital for months, severely injured and grieving her sister, with no family left to console or care for her. He and Craig had virtually abandoned her, and the remorse he felt for that pressed heavily on his conscience.

At least he’d done something to turn things around today. Finally. After he’d gotten answers from Beau, he’d explained to the boy that his daddy was wrong, the wreck had been an accident caused by someone else. And because Colleen hadn’t hurt their mother, she wasn’t at fault for the hurt to him and Amy.

As usual, he wasn’t certain he’d explained things well enough to the boy. Beau wouldn’t turn four for another few months, and though he was very bright, he was still a little boy.

He’d finally sent Beau out to play with the gentle encouragement to think about his aunt and see what he could remember about her.

After every one of Sharon’s frequent trips to San Antonio with the kids, Beau had come home full of happy stories about the things they’d done with Colleen, so the boy couldn’t have forgotten those. Those times, Cade had listened to Beau with only half an ear, more interested in the kid than in the aunt. But today changed all that. If Beau could remember, the problem would be solved.

He heard Doc Amado come down the hall outside his office. Cade turned from the patio doors, relieved to see the doctor’s calm smile, and eager to hear whatever doctor/patient privilege didn’t prohibit.

Colleen got her handbag and checkbook from the sofa, then found her cane on the table in the entry hall. By the time she stepped out of the house, her tired body felt as if she’d been beaten.

She saw the car that must belong to Dr. Amado, and carefully managed to walk to her rental. Once she opened the door and got in to put her seatbelt on, she was weary beyond belief.

Summoning strength from somewhere, she started the car and put it into gear to head down the long gravel drive to the highway. Because she was overtired, the ride to the motel seemed even more harrowing and exhausting than the trip from San Antonio, and it seemed to take forever to get there.

She was grateful when the desk clerk helped her carry her overnight case into the ground-floor motel room he’d rented to her. Once she dug out a tip and handed it over, she didn’t have enough energy to even undress. As soon as the clerk stepped into the hall and closed the door, she dragged down the coverlet and crawled painfully into bed.

Cade stood by impatiently as he waited for the desk clerk to unlock the door to Colleen’s room. They’d tried pounding on the door twice, but there’d been no response and Cade pictured one grim scenario after another.

Colleen had slipped out of the house and he hadn’t noticed until he’d gone to her room almost two hours later to look in on her. When Dr. Amado left his office to start back to town, Cade had gone out to be with the kids, never thinking Colleen wouldn’t be resting as the doctor had ordered.

The doctor had probably figured the same thing, and hadn’t realized the significance of her missing rental car. He might have assumed Cade had someone move it to the garage.

At last the door was open and the light was on. Colleen lay on the bed only partially covered, but still in her clothes. Her athletic shoes were still on her small feet, as if she’d either been too weary or too insensible to take them off. He could see from where he stood just inside the door with the clerk that she was breathing normally. He handed the clerk a large bill to both thank him and get rid of him.

“Thank you, Mr. Chalmers. You think she’s okay? Does she need an ambulance?”

“I don’t think so, Ronnie.” He glanced at the kid. “I’ll take it from here, thanks.”

The clerk got the message and left. Cade looked over at Colleen and walked to the bed.

One strip of Velcro on her shoes had pulled loose and was now stuck to the edge of the light blanket beneath the coverlet. The mussed bedding was evidence that Colleen might have been restless with pain, but too exhausted to fully wake up.

He reached down for the small sneakered foot that had got Velcroed to the blanket. He peeled open the other shoe tabs and took the shoe off. The other shoe came off just as quickly and he tossed both aside before he bent over her to straighten the covers.

It struck him that she slept like the kids, when they ran out of steam before a nap and fell instantly asleep wherever they were, still in their play clothes. The similarity made him feel tender toward her.

He remembered her look of confusion before she’d pulled out her checkbook and offered to write him a deposit check for a professional evaluation of her. She’d been as guileless as a child and clearly oblivious to his question about money. Instinct told him she hadn’t faked a second of it. He was still taken aback by that, but it fit with the way she suddenly reminded him of the kids.

Cade didn’t know how she should lie to minimize her discomfort, so he didn’t dare move her. She was now half on her left side, half on her stomach, and maybe she had some comfort in that position because she didn’t so much as twitch. Just like Beau and Amy when they were heavily asleep.

He hated to leave her alone here, but he had no right to take her back to the ranch when she desperately needed rest. His gaze caught on the car rental key next to the lamp on the bed table. He found a sheet of motel stationery in a drawer and scrawled a note that he propped up on the counter by the sink in the bathroom.

Cade took a last look at Colleen and decided she was sleeping naturally. Since she seemed to be all right, he couldn’t justify lingering. He had to get back to the kids so Esmerelda could go to a family wedding shower. The nanny wouldn’t be home tonight until long after the kids’ bedtime.

And though he was aware he’d trespassed on Colleen’s privacy, it made him uneasy to leave her. At least he’d solved the problem of her starting for San Antonio in the morning before he could get back here to talk to her. And that didn’t make him uneasy at all.

Muscle spasms brought Colleen awake that next morning. The battle was always to get out of bed and walk off the pain before the spasms worsened. If not for the pain, she might have lain in bed hours longer because waking up meant she had to face another hard, disappointing day.

Remembering what had happened with little Beau made this day stretch impossibly long before her. How many more difficult, joyless days could she face? So far they’d been a test of endurance as she’d slowly worked toward her goal.

But now the goal that had drawn her on when she was most discouraged and hurting, had been lost. She had to find a way to move forward without it, to fix something else in her mind that held the promise of home or belonging.

The world was a lonely, unloving place. She was a lonely woman with no one to love and no purpose beyond herself. Surely there was some way to connect, someone or some cause to pour herself into. But she was no good to anyone like this and it might be a long time before she was recovered enough to have anything of value to offer others.

Perhaps she’d take a few college classes in the fall. The trucking company whose driver was responsible for the crash had made a very substantial settlement offer to avoid going to court. She hadn’t accepted it yet, since she wanted to be certain it was enough to cover ongoing medical care. And she wasn’t yet certain of the level of permanent disability she’d have to cope with, or whether she’d need more education to do another job.

She’d worked as a bookkeeper, but so far, she hadn’t been released to go back to the office. And she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to do the job now. Recovering her math skills had been frustratingly slow because of her head injury. She couldn’t even reconcile her checkbook yet and sometimes she despaired of ever again making consistent sense of complicated math calculations.

It made her worry that she’d fail the college courses. Her confidence was shaky and she was still too fragile to face the challenge of retraining for a new job or learning something new.

Colleen leaned heavily on her cane and braced her weaker right hand against the wall, then along the desk and armoire as she walked painfully up and down the room to stop the spasms and reclaim some semblance of supple movement before she tried to undress and take a shower.

When she at last was able to walk into the bathroom, she caught sight of the note propped up beside the sink.

She instantly recognized the handwriting she’d never seen before only because it so clearly indicated the forceful personality of the man who’d written it.

I’ll return your keys at breakfast. Cade.

The peculiar sensation that went through her sent a tingle over her skin. Cade Chalmers had been in her room and she’d never known it. He’d come after her and taken something of hers hostage to enforce his will.

Colleen stared at the note. The sheer novelty of Cade’s minor pursuit was dangerous for someone like her. She’d moved in and out of the lives of most of the people around her all her life and was accustomed to the indifference of those who neither objected to her presence nor seemed particularly bothered by her absence. She was not a woman who tried to be noticed, either by her entrances or her exits or in her daily life, and she was too unremarkable to believe that would ever change, though she sometimes fantasized that it might.

Sharon had attracted all the attention there was to be had for the James sisters, and lackluster Colleen had existed at the edge of her sister’s beauty and sparkling personality without a single resentment or second thought.

Not that she hadn’t wished that, just once, someone would notice her and single her out for the attention Sharon received as naturally as air and sunshine.

Cade’s intention to keep her from leaving and this note were hardly a fulfillment of that silly, secret wish, but it was a nice surprise to have a small taste of what it might be like.

Suddenly annoyed with herself, Colleen set the note aside. It was more likely that she’d angered him by slipping away from the ranch. He was too domineering and probably too controlling to tolerate a nobody like her sidestepping his wishes.

And nothing could have happened to explain or resolve Beau’s feelings toward her this soon. It was even possible that Cade would have her investigated for child abuse. His taking her car keys had to be the result of his decision to either start the wheels in motion for that or to officially issue a stern edict to her in person that would forever forbid her access to Beau and Amy.

Suddenly so disheartened and depressed that she could barely move, Colleen had to force herself to shower and dress to prepare for a new disaster.