Читать книгу A Million Little Things - Susan Mallery, Susan Mallery - Страница 10

Chapter Four

“Do you think he’s warm enough?” Jen asked her mother as she pushed the stroller along the boardwalk. It was sixty-eight degrees, which wasn’t cold, but they were at the beach and there was a cool breeze off the ocean. She had on a light hoodie, but her mom was only in three-quarter sleeves.

“He’s fine.”

“I don’t know.”

Jen hesitated, then decided they were close enough to the carousel that she could wait to check on Jack. It wasn’t as if he was crying or anything.

There weren’t a lot of people hanging out at the Pacific Ocean Park, otherwise known as the POP. A few mothers out with their young children. A handful of businesspeople taking a late lunch. Most everyone else was busy with their lives. Midday walks at the beach were a luxury—one she should be grateful for.

Jen had read an article that said a spirit of gratitude could help with anxiety. At this point she was ready to try nearly anything. She was exhausted from checking on Jack a dozen times a night. Not that he woke up—she was the one springing out of bed to make sure the reason there was no noise from the baby monitor wasn’t that he’d stopped breathing.

She was tired of the vague feeling of impending disaster—a sensation that frequently blossomed into a full-blown panic attack. She hated the sense of being unable to catch her breath or knowing she was spiraling out of control and that in a very short period of time, she was going to lose it completely. So if gratitude would help, she was all-in.

Lulu trotted along at Pam’s side. The little dog had on a T-shirt that proclaimed her Queen of Everything. In Lulu’s case, that was probably true.

“You gave her a bath this week, right?” Jen asked, knowing Jack would want to play with the dog after he rode the carousel.

“I did because she gets a bath every week. You need to stop asking me that.” Pam’s tone was annoyed.

“I’m just checking.”

“Monitoring. You’re monitoring.” Her mother shook her head. “I can’t wait for you to have another baby.”

A second child? Jen felt her chest tighten. “Why would you say that?” How on earth could she manage? She was barely hanging on with Jack. There weren’t enough hours in the day. She couldn’t do it, couldn’t worry twice as much. She would explode—or maybe just shrivel up like an old, dead bug.

“You wouldn’t have time to ask if I’d bathed Lulu.” Her mother offered a sympathetic smile. “You need to get out of your head more, Jen. Everything’s fine. You’re suffering for nothing.”

“That’s harsh.”

“I don’t mean it to be. I wish you could believe me.”

About Jack, Jen thought resentfully. That was what her mother meant. Pam wished Jen would stop worrying about her son not talking. Like that was going to happen. There was something wrong with Jack and everyone’s lack of belief didn’t change the truth.

“You worried, too,” she said, knowing she sounded resentful. “All the time. Dad was forever calling you on it.”

Her mother smiled. “I did worry, but you take things too far.”

“I don’t.”

“If you say so. On another topic, I saw Zoe a couple of days ago.”

The unexpected statement had Jen blinking at her mother. “My friend Zoe?”

“That’s the one. She came to a class at Mischief in Motion, and then we had lunch. She’s so sweet. I can’t believe she locked herself in the attic. That had to be terrifying.”

“What are you talking about?” Jen asked.

“Zoe accidently got stuck in her attic. The door’s sticky and slammed shut. I would have freaked out, that’s for sure. She didn’t tell you?”

“Um, no, she didn’t mention it.”

Jen wanted to ask when this had happened and why she didn’t know about it. Except she knew the answer to the second question. She didn’t know because she and Zoe weren’t talking very much anymore. Certainly not on the phone. They rarely went out together. Zoe still dropped by most Thursdays, but her last visit hadn’t gone very well.

Guilt pressed down on her. Yet one more thing she was supposed to fix. Just not today, she told herself.

“So, Mom, where are you and your girlfriends going next?” she asked brightly, hoping for a change of topic.

“We’re doing a long weekend in Phoenix in a few weeks, then my cruise in June.”

“Where’s the cruise?”

Pam sighed softly, making Jen wonder how many times she’d already asked that same question. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested, she told herself. She was busy. She couldn’t be expected to remember every detail of her mother’s life.

“Northern Europe,” Pam told her. “We start in Copenhagen and spend two days in St. Petersburg. There’s a day trip to Moscow.”

“That will be interesting.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Jen glanced down at Lulu and felt another stab of guilt. No doubt she should offer to take the dog while her mother was gone. Lulu was comfortable in the house and relatively well behaved. Only it was one more thing that Jen didn’t have time for. Plus the dog would go to the bathroom out in the yard and then Jen would have to clean it up. There were germs to consider and it was all so exhausting.

They reached the carousel. Pam put Lulu in her large tote while Jen got Jack out of his stroller. Her son clapped when he saw the wooden horses circling round and round. He pointed.

“The blue one,” she said. “I remember.” The blue horse was her son’s favorite.

They purchased tickets and waited for the carousel to stop. Once they reached the blue horse, Jen set Jack on the painted saddle and carefully strapped him into place. She stood on one side while Pam took the other. A minute or so later, the carousel began moving. Jack laughed and waved his arms.

“How is Kirk?” her mother asked.

“Good. Okay. I wish he hadn’t joined the LAPD, but it’s done now.”

“What about his partner? Is he improving with time?”

“I wish.” Jen grimaced. “Lucas is a character, and not in a good way. He’s got to be fifty and his latest girlfriend is twenty-two. Whatever do they talk about?”

Pam raised her eyebrows. “I doubt they’re talking.”

“Oh, Mom.”

“Don’t ‘Oh, Mom’ me. I’m not kidding. Lucas and Kirk have stressful jobs. People deal with stress in different ways. That’s his. Or are you concerned about something else?”

“He’s a cowboy. I worry he’s going to get Kirk into a bad situation. Or a dangerous one.”

“I thought he was a good detective.”

“He is. He’s well respected. Kirk was really happy when they were assigned together. I just think he’s a bad influence. All those women. Kirk’s married.”

“You think Lucas will try to influence Kirk into—” She glanced at Jack. “You think he’s pushing Kirk to have an a-f-f-a-i-r?” She spelled the last word.

“I don’t know. I hope not.”

“Kirk wouldn’t do that.”

“Not every guy is as great as Dad.”

“Is Kirk giving you reason to think he would do that?”

Jen wished she hadn’t started down this path. “Not exactly. It’s just, he’s busy and I’m busy. We have Jack. Things are different now.”

Her mother turned to face her. “Jen, are you and Kirk having regular sex?”

“Mom!” Jen glanced around, but they were pretty much by themselves on their side of the carousel. “We can’t talk about that here.”

“Why not? This is important. You can’t let life and work and the baby come between you and your husband. Women show love through words and actions. Men are different. For a lot of them, sex is an expression of love. In a marriage, sex is bigger than a man having needs. Of course he does, but without lovemaking, there’s often no way for him to demonstrate how he cares. You both need a strong, vigorous sex life.”

“Stop, I beg you. I don’t want to have this conversation with my mother.”

“You’d better be having it with someone.” Pam looked at her. “This is serious.”

“I know.”

“Your father and I always had a great sex life.”

Jen squeezed her eyes shut. “Stop. You have to stop. No one wants to know this. I can’t handle thinking about my parents’ sex life.”

“Fine, but just know this. Sex is an important part of any successful marriage. Don’t forget that. Kirk sure hasn’t.”

“Fine. You’re right. I get it. Can we please talk about something else?”

Her mother hesitated, then nodded. “I have a new client at MWF. I like her a lot.”

“That’s nice. What kind of business does she have?”

Pam talked about a nail salon, but Jen was only half listening. Part of her was still weirded out, thinking about her parents doing it. But the rest of her was more concerned about what her mother had said about men and sex. She and Kirk weren’t doing it much at all. Between his job and Jack and her being tired all the time, they’d fallen out of the habit. To be honest, she didn’t even miss it. But what about Kirk? What did he think?

Damn Lucas, she thought. Damn him and all those young women. She knew he was giving her husband ideas. She just knew it. If she didn’t want to lose her husband to some young bimbo, she was going to have to do something. The question was what.

* * *

Four o’clock on Wednesday afternoon, Zoe sat in the shade of her patio and stared at her backyard. She’d always imagined the space with raised plant beds—the kind that would allow her to grow fruits and vegetables. But she had no idea where to place them or how to install them. She supposed she could ask some gardener person, but it seemed like the kind of project she should do herself.

Her phone rang. She glanced at the number and didn’t recognize it.

“Hello?”

“Zoe? It’s Steven Eiland, Jen’s brother.”

The information took a second to fall into place. Steven was also Pam’s son. Zoe had met him several times, including Jen’s wedding, where Zoe had been the maid of honor and Steven had been the best man.

“Oh, hi,” she said. “What’s up?”

“I was talking to my mom and she mentioned you’d bought a house. Congratulations on that.”

“Thank you.” Why on earth would Pam be talking to Steven about her and her house? Before she could ask, he answered the question.

“She told me your attic stairs are sticking and thought I might be able to help with that. I’m actually in the neighborhood. Mind if I stop by and take a look?”

The unexpected request caught her by surprise. She hesitated before saying, “Uh, sure. That would be nice. Thank you.”

“Great. I have the address. See you in ten.”

“Okay. I’ll be here.”

She hung up. That was odd—sweet of Pam, but strange. Still, Steven worked in the family plumbing business. No doubt he’d been raised to be handy. If nothing else, he could explain how big the job was going to be and what she should expect to pay when she hired a handyman. At least that way she wouldn’t have to worry about being screwed by someone.

She scrambled to her feet and called for Mason. Her cat was lying in the sun and didn’t bother so much as flicking an ear in her direction.

“I know you heard me,” she told him. “Let me be clear. I won’t be letting you in the house fifteen seconds from now.”

The tip of his tail curled slightly. She had a feeling that was feline for “No one believes that. Least of all me.” Sadly, he was probably right.

Zoe went into the house and wondered what she should do to get ready. The stairs were where they always were and it wasn’t as if she kept a bunch of stuff in the small hallway. Steven would have clear access to the attic.

She knew Pam was behind his offer to help. Talk about a sweet mom-thing to do. Jen was so lucky to have Pam in her life. Zoe allowed herself a couple of minutes of missing her mother, before hearing a knock at the front door.

She opened the door, prepared to greet Steven. After all, she’d known him for years. He was her best friend’s brother. She knew Steven was a couple of years younger than Jen, worked in the family business and that he always had a different woman on his arm. Beyond that, she didn’t know much of anything about him.

Now, as she looked into his blue eyes, she realized that what she’d apparently forgotten was how good-looking he was. Had he always been so tall? So muscled? Had his smile always been so sexy?

“Hey, Zoe. How’s it going?”

She was aware of the sunlight kissing the top of his head and way he filled her until-this-moment-perfectly-big-enough doorway. He had on jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. She was in ratty cutoffs and an oversize T-shirt that might or might not have stains. Dear God, she hadn’t even bothered to comb her hair! Or shower!

“Um, good,” she said as she stepped back to let him into the house. She’d always been on the short side and next to him, she felt positively dainty. As he moved past her, she caught a whiff of something yummy—like soap and pine and man. Her stomach clenched, her heart rate increased and she had the strangest need to start babbling.

She was saved from the latter by a very loud meow emanating from the back of the house. Steven glanced in that direction.

“Someone’s unhappy.”

“It’s Mason. Let me go let him in.”

She headed for the kitchen and reached for the screen door on the slider. Mason looked up at her and meowed again, his tone implying he’d been trapped outside for days.

“You’re not as charming as you think,” she told the cat.

He sauntered in and headed directly for Steven. Most men she knew didn’t like cats. Chad had always avoided Mason as much as possible and had complained about the ever-present cat hair. By contrast, Steven held out his fingers to be sniffed. When Mason rubbed the side of his face against Steven’s hand, Steven scooped him up and held him close.

“Hey, big guy,” he said, offering chin scratches. “How are things in the cat world?”

“You like cats?”

Steven smiled. “I like all animals, but cats have that cool factor. Dogs are all about the pack. Cats make you earn it.”

“And Lulu?” she asked, her voice teasing.

Steven shuddered. “I don’t know what to make of her. It’s not the weird spots and wild hair I mind so much as the wardrobe. My mom spends way too much time planning what that dog’s going to wear.” He set Mason on the floor. “I’ll admit it. I’m a guy who doesn’t get dog fashion.”

“A forgivable flaw.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He nodded toward the hallway. “Want to show me the problem stairs?”

“Right this way.”

She started to get the step stool so she could pull them down, but he waved her away. “I can reach.”

He drew down the stairs, and then pushed them up in place. After doing that a couple of times, he ran his hands along the edges.

“The wood is warped,” he told her. “Probably from age and a couple of our wet winters. When wood swells, it doesn’t always go back to its original shape when it dries out. A little sanding should take care of the problem. I can do it for you, if you’d like.”

“Really? That’s all it is?”

She was aware of them standing close together in the narrow hallway and did her best to keep from nervous babbling. And failed. “I’m so happy to hear that. Did your mom mention I got trapped in the attic when the stairs slammed shut? I didn’t have my cell phone with me and kept thinking I was going to die up there and Mason would eat my liver. I would end up being one of those sad stories you read about on the internet.” She made air quotes. “Single woman dead for eight months before anyone noticed.”

Steven pushed the stairs back up into place before he turned to her. “Single? I thought you were involved. With that guy you were always with. What was his name?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Chad. We broke up a few months ago.” No way she was going to mention the stupid sex. It was one thing to confess all to Pam, but that wasn’t the sort of thing one admitted to a guy like Steven.

“You still dealing?” he asked.

The question surprised her. “No. It was my idea. I realized I’d wasted way too much time on him.”

“Good.”

A single word, but there was something in the way he said it. Or maybe it was how close they were standing or how tall he was. Zoe was once again reminded of her lack of Lulu-like fashion and possibly uncombed hair.

“I can fix the stairs,” he told her. “Go back to my place and get a sander. It won’t take long.” He smiled. “Or we could go grab a drink and I could get my sander another time.”

Her bare toes curled just the tiniest amount. “A drink would be nice. Give me five minutes to change.”

She darted around him and headed for her bedroom. Once the door was closed, she allowed herself a three-second victory dance, then ripped off her shirt and shorts.

She stared at the choices in her closet. Since working at home, she hadn’t had to worry about what to wear. She mostly wore jeans or shorts with a T-shirt. She didn’t want to put on any of her sensible teaching clothes, which left her eyeing her date dresses.

“Not a date,” she whispered. “But still nice.”

She settled on a red short-sleeved dress with a flattering V-neck. The style was simple—a modified A-line that followed the curves of her body. The color was deep and good for her. She slipped it on, then raced into her bathroom.

She applied mascara, blush and lip gloss, then brushed out her hair. She had a natural wave to her dark hair. Most of the time she fought it, but right now she didn’t have time. She added a little volumizing spray, then went back into the bedroom where she put on hoop earrings and slipped into four-inch taupe heels.

She walked back into the living room and found Steven on the sofa with Mason. The cat was stretched out, kneading a pillow while Steven rubbed his face. Both males looked at her. Mason gave her that slow I-love-you blink while Steven quickly rose to his feet. His eyes widened slightly.

“You look great.”

“Thank you.”

“That was fast.”

“I didn’t do that much.”

He motioned to the door. She picked up her bag and led the way, carefully locking the door behind her.

“Olives okay?” he asked.

“Sounds perfect.”

Olives was a martini bar near the business district in town. While tourists sometimes wandered in, the place was mostly frequented by locals. Zoe hadn’t been in ages. Back in the day, she and Jen had often gone there for drinks and to talk.

Steven parked his Mercedes SUV and walked around to her side to open her door. The polite gesture surprised her until she reminded herself that not every guy was Chad, and wasn’t that nice to know.

Once inside, they found a small corner table. Their server came over. Zoe ordered a lemon drop while Steven chose a vodka martini.

“You didn’t say shaken, not stirred,” she said when their server left.

“Bond and I are different kinds of guys.” He leaned forward and smiled at her. “What are you up to these days? Last I heard, you were teaching at the same school as Jen, but you left.”

“I did. I’d been working part-time as a manual writer. They offered me a full-time position after a particularly difficult week of teaching, so I said yes.”

Which was all true, if not the complete truth. She’d also quit her teaching job on the foolish assumption that she and Chad were going to be married and starting a family. Working from home would have given her time to be a stepmom to his kids. But none of that had come to pass and she was living her post-Chad life now.

“What’s the best part about what you do?” he asked.

“Good question.” She thought for a second. “That I help people. Most consumers never read the instructions, but a few do and every now and then someone really needs to understand how to work an appliance or troubleshoot it. When they do, I’m going to help them.” She smiled. “Some of my work is for medical equipment manufactures. I’m guessing those people really do read the whole manual.”

He leaned toward her and lowered his voice. “You do realize that no man is going to read the manual.”

She laughed. “I’m very aware of your gender’s many flaws.”

“Hey, that’s not a flaw. We’re born with intuitive knowledge.”

“Is that what we’re calling it?”

Their server returned with their drinks and the small plate of bruschetta they’d ordered.

“What’s the part you like least?” Steven asked.

“I’m by myself all the time. I didn’t realize how much I would miss people, but I do. I want to wander down the hall and talk to a coworker. When I was a teacher, I felt like all I did was talk to people, but now, there’s no one.” She sipped her drink. “Mason can be very charming, but he’s not much of a conversationalist.”

“I got that vibe from him. He’s the strong, silent type of cat.”

She smiled. “He’ll appreciate that you got that.”

“Any regrets on leaving teaching?”

She had plenty of regrets but they were mostly about Chad. “There are things I miss, but I’m not sure I want to go back. I like my job—I just wish it were different.” She looked at him. “What about you? Do you like what you do? You’re in the family business, so I’m not sure you could leave, but still.”

“I’d always known I was the heir apparent and I was okay with that. I just didn’t expect to have to take over so soon.”

Right. Because his dad had died. “I’m sorry.”

“Me, too. I miss Dad every day. He was a great guy. For a while I wasn’t sure I could do it—run the company like he did. Then I figured out I wasn’t supposed to. That I had to run it like me. Either we made it or we didn’t.”

“You made it.”

His dark gaze settled on her face. “You can’t know that.”

“I kind of can.” She held up one finger. “Jen would have mentioned if you were destroying the company.” A second finger went up. “You don’t strike me as the kind of man who would let himself fail. Not with something so important. It’s more than your family’s business. The company has what—a couple dozen employees? You certainly weren’t going to put all those people out of work.”

He looked both proud and a tiny bit uncomfortable. “Yeah, well, things are moving in the right direction.”

“Your dad would be proud of you.”

“That’s what my mom tells me.” His expression turned serious. “When he died, it was a shock for all of us. I wasn’t surprised by that, but I didn’t expect his passing to change me as much as it did. I guess I’d taken him for granted.”

“It’s a kid thing,” she pointed out. “We assume they’re always going to be there for us.”

He nodded. “When I was little, I was happy that my parents were so connected. They were a unit. There was no playing one against the other. As a teenager, I was embarrassed by how close they were. It wasn’t cool. But later, it was the best. How they loved each other. Jen, Brandon and I worried that Mom wouldn’t be able to go on, but she’s pulled it all together.”

“She has. Pam is amazing.”

“If I agree, you have to promise not to tell her.”

Zoe laughed. “Because she can’t have too much power?”

“You know it.”

“I will keep your secret, but you owe me.”

“Will fixing the stairs make us even?”

“It will.” She lightly touched his arm. “I really appreciate you helping out with that. I have to tell you, when I got locked in the attic, I totally freaked out.”

“Sure. Who wouldn’t?”

He was nice, she thought happily. Honorable. When his family had needed him, he’d stepped up—even though he’d been suffering himself.

“Handyman skills and you like cats,” she said, her voice teasing. “Why isn’t there a Mrs. Steven Eiland waiting for you somewhere?”

He sipped his drink. “Charming answer or real answer?”

“Real answer.”

“I was pretty popular in high school and college.”

“Ah. Why have one when you can have them all?”

“Pretty much. It got to the point where Mom wouldn’t let me bring a girl home. She didn’t want to start to like her only to have us break up in a week or two.”

“You lasted a week? That is so impressive.”

“You’re mocking me. Here I am, baring my soul, and you’re making fun of me.”

“I am.” She fluttered her eyelashes. “Deal with it.”

He chuckled. “My folks kept bugging me to settle down. Or at least go out with someone for a month, but I never saw the point. Then my dad died and everything changed. At first I didn’t have time to date the way I had, but when things calmed down at work, I found I didn’t want to. I want what my parents had. The kind of love that lasts.”

He looked at his mostly untouched drink. “Sorry about that emotional dump. I want to blame the vodka, but I haven’t had enough. Either you’re really easy to talk to or I’m turning into a woman.”

“Do I get to pick?”

“Sure.”

“You’re not turning into a woman.”

“I’m glad,” he told her.

“Me, too.”

For a second they simply stared at each other. Zoe found herself wanting to scoot her chair closer to his. She certainly wanted to keep talking to him. He was nice, kind, funny and he had a heart. Oh, yeah, there was the really sexy thing, too. Talk about the perfect guy. Was it possible her luck had changed?

“I’m having a—”

“Would you like to—”

They spoke at the same time. “You go,” Steven said.

“I’m having a barbecue this Sunday. A few friends, nothing too formal. Want to come?”

“I would.” He smiled. “I was going to ask if you wanted to stretch drinks into dinner.”

She smiled back. “I would.”

They stared at each other. She felt the tension crackling between them—something she hadn’t experienced in what felt like forever.

“I should probably warn you that I also invited your mom to the barbecue, along with my dad.”

“Parents. Interesting. I can handle it if you can.”

“I’m up for the challenge.”