Читать книгу A Christmas Bride - Susan Mallery, Susan Mallery - Страница 10

CHAPTER THREE

CAMERON FELT DESIRE rising up inside him, threatening to overwhelm him. Reminding himself that his friendship with Rina was more important than any single night didn’t seem to be working. While some might say taking things to the next level made sense, he knew better. If he and Rina were friends, he would never lose her. To do more was to risk what they had and he couldn’t imagine his life, or his daughter’s, without her.

Carefully, he drew back. His resolve nearly crumbled when he saw the passion in her blue eyes and realized her mouth was swollen with his kisses. She was all lush curves and temptation. He could see her breasts rising and falling with every breath and, for a second, he didn’t think he was strong enough to hold back. Then he reminded himself what was at stake and he managed to contain himself.

“Sorry about that,” he said lightly. “I guess I got carried away.”

He hoped that was enough. That she would accept the words and everything could go back to the way it was before. Wishful thinking, he realized when she spoke.

“I kissed you,” she told him.

He nodded.

“You kissed me back.”

Another nod.

“Cameron, I want more than what we have.”

She laid him bare with her words. But what would happen later, to him and his daughter, if she tired of them and walked away? That had been difficult enough for him to go through once. He couldn’t risk Kaitlyn, as well.

He drew in a breath. “I like what we have, Rina. We’re friends. Good friends. I don’t want that to change.”

The passion in her eyes bled away, replaced by despair. “Thanks but no thanks?” she asked, her voice low. Tears glistened before she looked down. “Let me guess. I’m not your type.”

“You are. It’s not that I don’t want you, I do. I just want our friendship more. If we started dating then everything would get complicated.”

“Dating?” Her voice rose. “Dating? Is that what you think this is about? I’m in love with you, you idiot. I’m here nearly every night, sharing dinner with you, laughing with you, talking about our days. I’m crazy about Kaitlyn. I’m doing everything I can to show you that I’m exactly who you need, who you should love and want and you think I’m interested in a date?”

He couldn’t have been more surprised if she’d taken out a baseball bat and hit him on the head. Love? He couldn’t begin to figure out what that meant.

Rina stepped back. In a matter of seconds, she was shrugging into her coat and had her purse in hand. And then she was gone. He was left standing in the middle of his living room, not sure what had happened, but knowing it was bad.

Noah raised her head and looked at him questioningly.

“I haven’t got a clue,” he told the dog. “Not a clue.”

Rina spent most of the weekend working with the holiday adoption committee. She was grateful to be running from meeting to meeting, helping write up descriptions and speaking with prospective owners. Being busy kept her from thinking and not thinking was much easier than feeling the burning emptiness. But come Monday morning, life would get much more complicated.

Her weekday started as they always did, with her going over to Cameron’s house to get Kaitlyn ready for school. She almost cancelled, but didn’t want to disappoint Kaitlyn. Shortly after Cameron and Kaitlyn had moved to town, Kaitlyn had put in an appearance in Rina’s grooming salon. She’d thought the girl was charming and Kaitlyn had asked to spend time there...which had led to the official sitting job from Cameron. But Rina rarely thought of it as a job. Kaitlyn had become so much more to her than her boss’s daughter.

Still, Rina wasn’t looking forward to seeing the man who had rejected her and trampled her dreams with one carefully worded statement.

She let herself into the house, as usual. The smell of coffee filled the warm and welcoming home. After hanging her jacket on the coat hanger by the door and dropping her backpack on the table in the foyer, she squared her shoulders, drew in a breath and walked into the kitchen.

Cameron was already there. He was freshly showered, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. His gaze was steady, if a little wary, his eyes the perfect color of green.

She wanted to run. Facing him after what she’d said would take more than she had in her. Only she refused to be rejected and be a coward.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come this morning,” he said.

“We have an agreement.”

“I know, it’s just...”

She poured herself a cup of coffee. At least her hands weren’t shaking. “It’s what you said,” she told him. “We’re friends.”

Somehow she would figure out a way to make that okay.

“You’re not going to disappear?”

“No.”

His body relaxed. “Okay. Good. We can get back to where we were, Rina. I know we can.”

Then he was more sure than she was. But she would try. Because of his daughter. Because she wasn’t the kind of person to run from trouble. And because friendship was better than nothing.

“I have a spelling test on Friday,” Kaitlyn said with a sigh later that afternoon. “My computer checks my spelling for me. Why do I have to learn words myself?”

Rina wiped down the grooming table. She’d already finished her last client and was ready to leave. She’d spent most of Monday trying to act normally, all the while avoiding Cameron. A challenging prospect considering her salon was in the middle of his veterinary practice.

“It’s important to be able to spell,” Rina said, unable to think of a good reason and hoping Kaitlyn didn’t ask for one.

The eight-year-old studied her. “Are you sad?”

“No. I’m fine. A little tired. I was busy with adoption-event planning all weekend.”

“Maybe you need a boyfriend.”

Rina did her best not to wince. “Maybe.”

“You can find one on the computer. Daddy’s looking for a girlfriend there. He told me. He was in a chat room yesterday. I told him I wanted you to be his girlfriend, but he said that was out of the question. I never understand when he says that. I didn’t ask a question.” She continued talking but Rina couldn’t hear her over the fury creating a buzz in her ears. Of all the low-life, rat-fink, weasel things to do. Cameron had said they should stay friends and then he’d gone off to some chat room?

She’d been calm. She’d been rational. She’d told herself that if he didn’t want her romantically, that was his right and she would have to get over it. She’d taped her shattered heart back together and had shown up that morning because it was the right thing to do and he’d been in some damn chat room?

“Kaitlyn, will you excuse me for a minute?”

The girl nodded.

“I’ll be right back and then I’ll take you home.”

Rina marched out of her salon. A quick glance at the clock told her that unless there was an emergency, Cameron would be in his office, updating patient records. She walked down the short hall, turned left, then stepped into his office and closed the door behind her.

He glanced up and gave her a smile. She knew that smile, knew everything about his face, the way he walked and how vulnerable he looked when he was tired. She understood his moods, had cared for him when he’d had the flu, had even groomed his dog. She’d loved him and his daughter, offering all she had, including her heart. He’d rejected her and then had gone online looking for love?

“I don’t think so,” she snapped.

The smile faded and wariness invaded his gaze. “What are we talking about?”

They both spoke in low voices. The practice was in an old house and the walls were thin. While Rina wanted to scream, she didn’t want everyone hearing every detail of what could be a very humiliating conversation.

“You went online, looking for a girlfriend?”

He tensed. “Kaitlyn told you.”

“Of course she told me. She tells me everything. She loves me.”

The reality of what she’d just said slammed into her and she had to clutch the bookcase to stay standing. The affection she felt for Kaitlyn went both ways. They needed each other. How was she supposed to fight against that?

“I’m aware of her feelings,” Cameron admitted. “What happened Friday got me thinking about a lot of things. I realized that I haven’t been fair to either of you. I’ve let things go along as they were, without making sure everyone understood the rules.”

By everyone he meant her. Her strength returned and she straightened. And glared.

“So you thought you’d help both of us by looking for a relationship on the computer?” she demanded.

“I thought if I started seeing someone—” He cleared his throat. “—in that way, Kaitlyn would become less attached to you.”

She got the truth then. It cut through her cleanly, a sharp blade against her soft heart.

She’d told herself he wasn’t ready. That he had suffered through a horrible divorce, after his wife had simply walked away from him and their newborn child. She’d convinced herself that he was wary of relationships and love and that given time he would see they were perfect together. She’d thought that Let’s stay friends had meant not now, maybe later. Instead he’d been telling her no.

It wasn’t that Cameron didn’t want to be with anyone, it was that he didn’t want to be with her.

Rina’s eyes burned, but she refused to cry. Not here, not in front of her coworkers and Cameron and most especially not in front of Kaitlyn. Hope and love and dreams battled with cold, hard reality. As much as she wanted to ignore the truth, she couldn’t. Not anymore.

“You’re wrong,” she said slowly. “About finding someone else. I have been there for you all this time. I know you like me and the way you kissed me proves...” She drew in a breath. “But you don’t want to go there. Fine. We won’t. I told you that I loved you and the first thing you did was try to go out with someone else.”

She linked her hands together in front of her waist and thought about what it would be like once he stopped looking and started dating. Of being at his house in the evening, taking care of his child, knowing he was out with someone else. She couldn’t do it.

“I’m leaving.”

He stood. “Leaving? Where are you going? What do you mean?”

She wasn’t sure, but as she stood there, the answer came to her. “After the first of the year, I’ll be moving my business out of here. You’ll need to find someone else to take care of Kaitlyn. I want there to be a gradual transition so she’s not upset, but you need someone else for daycare.”

“You’re cutting us out of your life? You said you wouldn’t do that. I thought you cared about us.”

“You’re wrong. I didn’t care. I don’t care. I love you both.” She stared into his eyes. “That’s a whole lot more than caring.”

“Then stay.”

“No. You don’t get to have it both ways. I’ve spent a year waiting for you to realize I was the one. That’s enough time wasted.”

With that she turned and left. Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she wasn’t sure how long she could keep from crying. The sense of emptiness and loss nearly brought her to her knees. But behind the pain and fear and need to turn back and say, “Yes, fine, half a life is good enough for me,” was the belief that she’d made the right decision.

It hurt now. It more than hurt. But with time and a little determination, she would recover. And, she thought, a little help from Fool’s Gold wouldn’t hurt either.